I've just been reading a thread on another forum started by a woman who clearly gets no joy from being a parent. Many other posters agreed how hard it is, some going as far to suggest they don't really like their kids,and how they don't feel happiness, joy etc. Another poster said she is a strong believer that life should be about making your kids happy, not yourself. I think that's really sad, surely you need happy parents to make happy children?
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Absolutely - 100%! My mother was miserable all throughout my childhood and it really impacted on my mental health.
Some people just have kids because it's what society expects of them. My in-laws told us on several occasions that they were disappointed we didn't have children (we certainly aren't - the world is a mess!).
I've been married for a few years now with no intention of having kids . I do not understand why people have them.
Today we had a lie in, then went for a long 7 mile walk in the countryside with the dog, came home, husband watched a bit of TV whilst I pottered and made food, had a glass of red wine together, now settled down watching a movie with wine.
We have this week off work so plan to go to the gym tomorrow then the theatre in the evening, Tuesday a national trust property, Wednesday shopping and Thursday catching up with friends in the evening.
I doubt we could do any of this with toddlers/kids.
Last weekend we had to entertain a 4 and 13 year old lovely kids but utterly dull. You can't talk about adult stuff, you've gotta be careful not to swear and then my friend had to get back to sort out their school bags and uniforms.
I think a lot of people think about having babies and that's it and not thinking about them becoming toddlers, teenagers, their own person. It's all about their needs and having this Instagram lifestyle where they can show off their baby or moan endlessly about how difficult motherhood is.
Today we had a lie in, then went for a long 7 mile walk in the countryside with the dog, came home, husband watched a bit of TV whilst I pottered and made food, had a glass of red wine together, now settled down watching a movie with wine.
We have this week off work so plan to go to the gym tomorrow then the theatre in the evening, Tuesday a national trust property, Wednesday shopping and Thursday catching up with friends in the evening.
I doubt we could do any of this with toddlers/kids.
Last weekend we had to entertain a 4 and 13 year old lovely kids but utterly dull. You can't talk about adult stuff, you've gotta be careful not to swear and then my friend had to get back to sort out their school bags and uniforms.
I think a lot of people think about having babies and that's it and not thinking about them becoming toddlers, teenagers, their own person. It's all about their needs and having this Instagram lifestyle where they can show off their baby or moan endlessly about how difficult motherhood is.
I spent the weekend with my auntie and urgh, she loves to belittle the idea of being CFBC. It’s sooo annoying!!! Ever since I was a child I have spoken about not wanting children and now I’m in my 30s that hasn’t changed. Yet she said on more than one occasion over the weekend that it would ‘change once I meet the right guy’ ….. infuriating 
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Next time you could say ‘well the right person for me is someone who also doesn’t want kids..’I spent the weekend with my auntie and urgh, she loves to belittle the idea of being CFBC. It’s sooo annoying!!! Ever since I was a child I have spoken about not wanting children and now I’m in my 30s that hasn’t changed. Yet she said on more than one occasion over the weekend that it would ‘change once I meet the right guy’ ….. infuriating
I feel like women get the "waiting for the right person" thing for the same reason we get asked what our partners would think abour sterilisation - misogyny. And the idea that womens ultimate goal in life should be a baby maker.
We should say we have a kid for special treatment in the workplace 
This has always baffled me because I really can't imagine a man making me change my mind if that makes sense? Like, my fiance is brilliant with kids and would 100% make a fantastic Dad - but I still don't want kids with him? Or anyone. It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine what would make me want children at all to be honest, but I really don't think it would be 'the right man.' My Mum used to say this to me when I was younger but she absolutely adores my fiance so has shut up with that line now and instead has just started saying 'you can't just live to work' (when I've pointed out how having kids would impact my career and I don't want that). As if living to run about after a child is the norm, or desirable at all, when I don't like spending much time around children but I do enjoy my job? Make it make sense!I spent the weekend with my auntie and urgh, she loves to belittle the idea of being CFBC. It’s sooo annoying!!! Ever since I was a child I have spoken about not wanting children and now I’m in my 30s that hasn’t changed. Yet she said on more than one occasion over the weekend that it would ‘change once I meet the right guy’ ….. infuriating
Ugh yes I hate the whole ‘you’ll meet the right man and change your mind’ bs. My partner is the right man because he doesn’t want kids
When guys talk about how they want kids/how many they want etc it gives me the ick big time
When guys talk about how they want kids/how many they want etc it gives me the ick big time
I matched with someone on bumble this morning whose profile said he didn’t want kids 
But now he’s unmatched me 
But now he’s unmatched me My sister has just announced she's pregnant with baby number 2. I told my mum she's got her 2 grandkids now, no need to expect me to pop one out 
I actually always thought this and was so against having kids but met a guy and he just hit me like a train and all I could think about was how I wanted to have his babies. First time I'd ever considered kids and we'd never even had that conversation.
Unfortunately, it didn't last and I'm back to thinking that would be an awful idea with every guy I've met since.
Wonder what he's doing now...
I don’t think I would be able to cope with having children while my mother is still alive. She would absolutely try to brainwash them into her backwards way of thinking and I would never be able to cope if she won out. She gives the occasional hint that she wants grandchildren but it’s typically after speaking with her best friend who is a grandmother several times over. I happen to know her best friend because I was good friends with her daughter and used to spend most weekends in her home. She is a great parent and I’m certain an equally great grandparent. If I were her child, I would not have the same reservations I currently hold. The sad truth is, I rather wait and see what sort of inheritance I get and whether it will be enough to cover sitters and the childcare that most people can rely on their family for.
Oh yes you defo meet the right man or you become the right age to all of a sudden want children. No I don’t want to join the I have kids but actually hate them / they’ve ruined my life club.
I have good friends with children who have confined in me that maybe they wish they shouldn’t have!
My MIL told me only to have a child if that’s all I wanted and for no other reason - otherwise you regret it.
I have good friends with children who have confined in me that maybe they wish they shouldn’t have!
My MIL told me only to have a child if that’s all I wanted and for no other reason - otherwise you regret it.
My mother actually wanted me to have one only. I love kids, I love their innocence, funny things they do and say, the love they give back when they are younger it's unconditional, for me there's no better feeling in the world. My kids are my life and I would have had 6 if my body allowed me. I have 3, don't get me wrong as my son hits his teen years he's becoming more of a handful but he always was at the same time he's such a funny, intelligent young man. My girls are amazing, so loving and it's like I said unconditional.
But, it's a lifestyle choice. My older brother is like me wanted loads of kids, his wife stopped at 2, she really doesn't like kids but had them because of my brother. I feel sorry for their kids because she often announces to her 8 and 10 year old although I love you, I didnt necessarily want the life I have now, part of it I think was that she had 7 siblings herself. My younger sister doesn't want kids. Never judged anyone, their choice. However, I hate the judgement, judgement for having kids, having too many kids (if they are well looked after who cares) or having no kids. It's your choice.
But, it's a lifestyle choice. My older brother is like me wanted loads of kids, his wife stopped at 2, she really doesn't like kids but had them because of my brother. I feel sorry for their kids because she often announces to her 8 and 10 year old although I love you, I didnt necessarily want the life I have now, part of it I think was that she had 7 siblings herself. My younger sister doesn't want kids. Never judged anyone, their choice. However, I hate the judgement, judgement for having kids, having too many kids (if they are well looked after who cares) or having no kids. It's your choice.
Do you what is strange too ... When someone gets pregnant, they hear a tirade of "oh, enjoy your social life now" "better travel when you can!" "oh you'll never sleep again" "can't remember when I last had sex" endlessly.
And then, when a person says they don't want to have children ... all they hear is all the supposed joys they'll be missing out on?! Seems like the genius idea here would be to congratulate the pregnant women and couples and tell them all the nice parts of parenting they have to look forward to! The exact things you are using to try and "sell" the idea of making babies to people who don't want them.
And then, when a person says they don't want to have children ... all they hear is all the supposed joys they'll be missing out on?! Seems like the genius idea here would be to congratulate the pregnant women and couples and tell them all the nice parts of parenting they have to look forward to! The exact things you are using to try and "sell" the idea of making babies to people who don't want them.
I get where you are coming from here. A big part of why I dont have any is I know we would totally be on our own as we have no-one who could ever help us out now and again, and we have missed out on a lot. Having a kid is the biggest responsibility there is, and you have to be all in, you know, and there would be no one to help out, ever, if that makes sense, so its just too much. I would probably feel differently if I had lived enough but there you go.
That’s part of the reason why me and my husband don’t want kids, both our families live a long way away. I mean I wouldn’t in a million years expect them to have looked after any we might have had full time (no shade to anyone that does but both sets of parents of ours are elderly/have health issues), but I can imagine not even having any one who could pop in for a couple of hours to give you a break would be hard.
So I’m probably a bit of an imposter on this thread cos I have two kids but hear me out. I’m totally guilty of being a parent because that’s what society dictates and guilty of wanting the Kodak moments but the reality is parenting is not for me. I think I’m the only person I know who couldn’t wait to go back to work after maternity leave and be “me” again. I look at my kid free friends with their lie ins and leisurely weekends and evenings and I could cry. I totally mourn for and grieve my child free life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. They will want for nothing and I would be heartbroken if anything happened to them. But, and this is a big but, if I could turn back the clock and make the choice to be child free would I? 100% without a shadow of doubt.
let my story be a warning if anyone feels themselves being coerced into having kids. Stand your ground!
let my story be a warning if anyone feels themselves being coerced into having kids. Stand your ground!
Gawd, multiple hand-wringing articles in the Guardian recently about how millenials aren't having babies because they can't afford it. I'm sure that's true in some cases but I would love to see a proper study done on falling birthrates in the UK and other parts of the world where that's happening - everyone seems to think that the only possible reason could be the high cost of housing and childcare etc, but couldn't it equally be that people are weighing it up and deciding on balance that it's just not something they're interested in doing? I'm in my 40s and probably 2/3 of my friends don't have kids and pretty much every single one of them is childfree by choice and made that choice a looong time ago.
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