Childfree by Choice #2

[QueenBeeofProsecco]

I got married in June and my mum is absolutely desperate to know when I'll be having a baby. The thing is, she knows I can't stand children and would literally be a horrendous mother I'm far too selfish to have a child and my husband and I would rather save the money we would spend on children for ourselves. I have a younger brother who wants children so I'm not depriving her of grandchildren but the way she goes on, I'm like the devil incarnate

 

[Satisfying Click]

My mum still hasn't accepted my decision. Talking about other people's children and the joy they bring hasn't worked. Recently, she casually asked when we were planning to sell our flat for 'something bigger.' I explained for the nth time that it's the perfect size for two people, we don't need a bigger mortgage, ta.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Every day I am amazed that people still want to bring children into this world. I have colleagues that are talking about starting families in the next couple of years. Are they oblivious or just blinkered?

 

[JulesO]

That sad alot of parents are pushing so much for their adult children to have kids. My parents never did that, but i think they already could see i was a hopeless case and not suited to have kids anyway lol. Poor kids, that would get a mom like me. At least my brother had 3, so they have enough grandkids. I have 3 dogs, thats better.

I did babysit sometimes for my brother when his kids were small and when other people see me with kids, they always say how good i am with them and are surprised i don´t want them. I can do arts and crafts, even give music lessons, so yeah i can entertain kids. But i can only stand them for a couple of hours lol. Wouldnt want to have them around me every day.

 

[discokebab]

Every day I am amazed that people still want to bring children into this world. I have colleagues that are talking about starting families in the next couple of years. Are they oblivious or just blinkered?

I know a couple of people who regularly share things on social media about climate change, political unrest at home and abroad etc and seem deeply troubled by it. They share their worries about the future but their response has been to actively have children.
I genuinely do not understand it, and sometimes I think I might be broken.

Someone once tried to argue with me that women had children throughout the Plague and WWII so I was being selfish to not bother just because climate change and rising far right sentiment. It took me a while to pull my jaw up from the floor.

 

[mcfeez]

My MIL remains unconvinced by our plans to not have children. She asks and asks and asks me constantly, but she has started now on my husband (her son obviously) and the questions she's asking him are different. Basically she thinks I've warped his mind into not having children.

Even worse - my SIL, MIL's daughter, is very up front about wanting children so I keep reminding her of that. But once while she was drunk she admitted she "didn't count" that as much as SIL is gay therefore she'll be using a sperm donor or potentially her partner will be the "biological mother" therefore MIL will potentially not be genetically related to the baby. She's not a nice woman so I wasn't too surprised she said that but still horrible to hear.

 

[Chilledcappucino]

I've just found this thread and am so glad I've found my people . I've never had any inclination to have children and I made this clear from first meeting my partner. He already had 3 (now grown up) kids, so that wasn't a problem. They live a long way away, which is a relief to be honest, especially now their babies are arriving!
He has lots of fond memories of holidays with his grandparents and is hurt that I've said that I really don’t want to be a part of that. The thought of having to look after a small child for longer than 20 minutes horrifies me.
There may be trouble ahead, so I'm happy that this thread is here for refuge!

 

[Taetae95]

Another reason to add to the list!

 

[Satisfying Click]

Chessie, midwives ask about contraception because they know how easy it is for someone to conceive post-partum and can't gauge whether your partner is a pushy hole who wants to get their end away as soon as possible.

Cringy Instagram couples are cringe

 

[Mamacita]

Another reason to add to the list!

The oversharing is too much for me. Surely you can have a conversation about a taboo topic without describing your sex life in detail

 

[Pixipoppy]

Everyone I know who has young kids/babies is bloody miserable. Just WHYYY would I want to do that to myself. Fair enough sometimes I’m miserable too but I’d rather feel like tit and be able to lay on my sofa all day eating chocolate and watching trash TV than have to run around after a grubby toddler and hear “old McDonald” 72 times in a row.

 

[newtoyou]

Metro have a thread on bring childfree today. Granted I haven’t read the article but the thread kind of annoys me because it feels like women still have to clarify that they like children.

Apart from kids in my family (who I love), I don’t like kids. There, I said it! They’re loud, messy, dirty and snotty. And don’t get me started on the high pitched screaming and tantrums

 

[judgejohndeed]

Metro have a thread on bring childfree today. Granted I haven’t read the article but the thread kind of annoys me because it feels like women still have to clarify that they like children.

Apart from kids in my family (who I love), I don’t like kids. There, I said it! They’re loud, messy, dirty and snotty. And don’t get me started on the high pitched screaming and tantrums

I really hate the way this is worded. ‘Baby shortage’ ‘keep the population stable’ it’s just horribly pressurising isn’t it? As if having babies is ‘work’ that women ‘need’ to do or ‘owe’ to society. Ick.

 

[Taetae95]

It's funny that the country/govt make life so difficult with everything from house prices, wages, the environment etc and then act shocked when people don't want kids...

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Just popping in to add my two-pence worth. Kids are overrated. I have three. You’re welcome.

You know when you order a meal- and it ain’t great- but you keep eating in the hope that it might magically improve. I did that with kids.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It's funny that the country/govt make life so difficult with everything from house prices, wages, the environment etc and then act shocked when people don't want kids...

Agreed, I would say there are quite a lot of people out there are child free through circumstance and not because they dont want kids. If you dont have a support network but want to or need to work it can drastically become unaffordable. So many companies offer the bare minimum with maternity/paternity pay. Childcare costs are eye watering. More space in your home requires a more expensive house. Its not rocket science that some people just cant see how theyd manage.

Just popping in to add my two-pence worth. Kids are overrated. I have three. You’re welcome.

Also, agreed

 

[dressagediva]

I'm childfree by choice too, always have been.

One thing that really upsets me is people asking 'but who will look after you when you're old?!'.

First it's a rude question and having a child does not guarantee they'd want to or have to do that - they might have moved to Australia or completely fallen out with you or simply not want to - the possibilities are endless. Having a child in the hope they'll look after you would be SO SELFISH.

Second, thanks for the reminder as yes I'm worried enough about that at the back of my mind to be honest. There are so many horror stories of awful nursing homes and home carers taking advantage of frail old people or neglecting/abusing them. I have friends sorting out care for their own elderly parents now, and without them being their voice and sorting out issues, the elderly parents would be really suffering. When me and my husband are old it'll just be us as we have no siblings or extended family. I'm just hoping we eventually make younger friends or have kind neighbours who'll check in on us, and when one of us dies then the other hopefully won't be far behind!

 

[The212]

Just popping in to add my two-pence worth. Kids are overrated. I have three. You’re welcome.

You know when you order a meal- and it ain’t great- but you keep eating in the hope that it might magically improve. I did that with kids.

I’m a parent too but for me i can’t stand other people’s kids I dread kids parties and going to parks and get annoyed if me and my partner are out for dinner (alone) and we end up sitting near people with kids.

I also feel awkward holding other peoples babies yet I’m pregnant with my second ( I know you’re all thinking why on earth is she having a baby if she feels this way). While I love being a mum, yes I actually do , I can also see why so many of you don’t want them and I would never ask someone why they don’t want kids.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I come from a culture where traditionally, elderly parents move in with their children daughters. The sons carry on as usual. The boomers in my family are getting worried that their Gen X/Y kids aren't so hot on the idea anymore.

Once my nieces and nephews are old enough to understand, I'll put it to them that whoever checks in on me when I'm older, will inherit everything, just to give them some motivation

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

The looking after parents thing is also skewed imo as generations have moved on.

Years ago there was usually one non worker in the household and people retired or were able to retire sooner.

These days we've to work until we're in our late 60s. By the time we're able to look after our parents theyl be long gone or we'l be unable to do the caring due to our own health.

So its a moot point imo.