What annoys me, and I’m probably going to get shot for this, is this idea that a child free persons spare time is not as valuable as someone who has chosen to have children.
Apparently it's because we spend all our weekends relaxing on cloud nine and diving into pools filled with £20 notes from our disposable income, like Scrooge McDuck. (Of course though that's all just a pathetic attempt to fill up our time and cover up the gnawing hollowness of our childless wombs, sad half women that we are.)What annoys me, and I’m probably going to get shot for this, is this idea that a child free persons spare time is not as valuable as someone who has chosen to have children.
This post reminded me of when a woman I worked with asked if I had kids (fine) I said no and she asked why (not fine) and I said I didn't want them, she said oh I used to be like that, all I cared about was handbags and hot holidays until I had my kids. I don't use a handbag and I don't go abroad for holidays... my other colleague at the time had 2 kids, pregnant with anthers and went on two foreign holidays a year and had LOTS of designer handbags, all with their own matching pair of designer shoes!Apparently it's because we spend all our weekends relaxing on cloud nine and diving into pools filled with £20 notes from our disposable income, like Scrooge McDuck. (Of course though that's all just a pathetic attempt to fill up our time and cover up the gnawing hollowness of our childless wombs, sad half women that we are.)
Seriously though, completely agree, and it pecks my head in. It really stems from this subconscious (or even openly expressed) idea that if you don't have children you have oodles of free time and the free time AND booked up time you do have is simply not as valuable as their time. Argh.
What is it with people who think that not having kids makes you miserable?When someone wades in (usually a guy) reminding me that I better get a move on since I am turning into a dessicated, geriatric husk by hour, or someone at work pointedly talks about how awful it must be not to have kids and / or makes a sad concern noise (usually a woman) when I say I don't have any children
This is slightly off topic so I'll put in a spoiler but also useful considerations for those of us who are childfree going into the future:I'm childfree by choice too, always have been.
One thing that really upsets me is people asking 'but who will look after you when you're old?!'.
First it's a rude question and having a child does not guarantee they'd want to or have to do that - they might have moved to Australia or completely fallen out with you or simply not want to - the possibilities are endless. Having a child in the hope they'll look after you would be SO SELFISH.
Second, thanks for the reminder as yes I'm worried enough about that at the back of my mind to be honest. There are so many horror stories of awful nursing homes and home carers taking advantage of frail old people or neglecting/abusing them. I have friends sorting out care for their own elderly parents now, and without them being their voice and sorting out issues, the elderly parents would be really suffering. When me and my husband are old it'll just be us as we have no siblings or extended family. I'm just hoping we eventually make younger friends or have kind neighbours who'll check in on us, and when one of us dies then the other hopefully won't be far behind!
This is why I struggle a bit with the terms used for people (but mainly women …) who don’t have kids. I am not ‘childless’ - I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything. I understand that term needs to exist as there may be women who do feel a loss in not having kids, and they may be in a situation where they haven’t been able to make that choice not to have kids. But I don’t like that term being used across all women who do’t have kids, for the reason stated above.What is it with people who think that not having kids makes you miserable?
I sincerely do not understand how having more money, more time and a stress free life is considered worse.
Yeah I don’t get it…. The most miserable people I know have kids. They’re the ones who always seem low key depressed and resentful of their life choices tbh.What is it with people who think that not having kids makes you miserable?
I sincerely do not understand how having more money, more time and a stress free life is considered worse.
This is something that a lot of women refuse to acknowledge. Instead your hear "I thought that he would change" or " I knew that he didn't want the baby but I thought that he would be more responsible".I've seen so many friends have kids with shady useless men then moan but really they used him as a sperm donor and then it all goes wrong.
I genuinely cannot understand how anyone in a two parent household working full time has anywhere near adequate time to look after a child. I have a mix of working from home and being on site and even on my WFH days it's basically: cook dinner, fuss pets, do a little tidying, catch up on social stuff and before I know it I consider it's time for my husband and I to get into bed for a massage, telly, cuddle or a shag.The thing that annoys me about the ‘time’ thing as well is it’s not like people who have no kids always have endless time…yeah some do, and that’s great. For me to have time for a child I would have to either massively reduce my work hours or literally change job (my industry loses a lot of women when they become mothers because it’s very intense and not really that compatible with having children, it’s a well documented phenomenon) I know so many parents who are always moaning about how they don’t have time or have no money since they have kids and it always makes me think why is it so bad now to just accept that maybe you don’t have the time or the money to afford a child? I don’t really have much sympathy because its something you should consider before you have a baby IMO. I would rather not have any kids than be one of these part time parents who constantly ships their kids off to family members or childcare. I just don’t see the point in having a child that you don’t actually want to raise, kids aren’t toys.
Couldn't agree more.The thing that annoys me about the ‘time’ thing as well is it’s not like people who have no kids always have endless time…yeah some do, and that’s great. For me to have time for a child I would have to either massively reduce my work hours or literally change job (my industry loses a lot of women when they become mothers because it’s very intense and not really that compatible with having children, it’s a well documented phenomenon) I know so many parents who are always moaning about how they don’t have time or have no money since they have kids and it always makes me think why is it so bad now to just accept that maybe you don’t have the time or the money to afford a child? I don’t really have much sympathy because its something you should consider before you have a baby IMO. I would rather not have any kids than be one of these part time parents who constantly ships their kids off to family members or childcare. I just don’t see the point in having a child that you don’t actually want to raise, kids aren’t toys.
It doesn’t show much respect for the kids either. Kids aren’t playthings who are unaware of the world - a kid totally, totally knows when they aren’t completely loved and wanted by a parent and you will never convince me that people who choose to have kids with total arseholes just because they want a kid aren’t selfish. And before anyone jumps down my throat I know it’s not so black-and-white and sometimes people don’t have the choice not to have a child but what I‘m thinking of here is people of any gender who push, force or coerce their partner into having a child when they know that their partner doesn’t really want one. It’s desperately unfair on the kids who become well aware of the resentment they’ve caused (through absolutely no fault of their own) and it does awful things to them mentally.What angers me is that my friends chose the wrong men simply because they needed a child and felt entitled. They don't respect their partners. All you hear is them slagging them off yet they chose to have a baby with them. But apparently they're not responsible for making such a dire decision
I absolutely 100% agree. You're just stating the obvious but you're not allowed to say it.It doesn’t show much respect for the kids either. Kids aren’t playthings who are unaware of the world - a kid totally, totally knows when they aren’t completely loved and wanted by a parent and you will never convince me that people who choose to have kids with total arseholes just because they want a kid aren’t selfish. And before anyone jumps down my throat I know it’s not so black-and-white and sometimes people don’t have the choice not to have a child but what I‘m thinking of here is people of any gender who push, force or coerce their partner into having a child when they know that their partner doesn’t really want one. It’s desperately unfair on the kids who become well aware of the resentment they’ve caused (through absolutely no fault of their own) and it does awful things to them mentally.