Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[MagpieTree]

I had a discussion recently and said I would rather regret not having children, than regret having them.

I'm only in my 30s, but if I get older and suddenly decide I do want kids, then I can always look into adoption/fostering or live a child free life with some regret.

If I have kids and hate it, then I've got 18 years of raising a child to do, whether I want to or not. Those kids will undoubtedly pick up on my regret and resentment, which really isn't fair.

 

[ricemittens]

I had a discussion recently and said I would rather regret not having children, than regret having them.

I'm only in my 30s, but if I get older and suddenly decide I do want kids, then I can always look into adoption/fostering or live a child free life with some regret.

If I have kids and hate it, then I've got 18 years of raising a child to do, whether I want to or not. Those kids will undoubtedly pick up on my regret and resentment, which really isn't fair.

In agreement with what you’ve said. I used to work with a chap who as soon as his youngest son was at university, he and his wife sold their house and moved abroad

 

[ElectricDreams]

There's no guarantee your kids will leave at 18 though, especially these days. Due to financial circumstances I lived with my parents waaaaaaayyyy longer than this. Plus if your child has a disability, you can't just throw them out. My friend's brother is disabled and living with his elderly parents at the age of 40, he'll never be able to live independently.

 

[queenamber]

I was in a packed restaurant last night waiting for a table and in walked a family with about 6 kids, half of them toddler age. The kids were running wild, running up and down the restaurant corridors (where waiters were walking with heavy plates and hot food!) and the parents were just encouraging them and throwing them on their shoulders getting them even more hyper. I didn't know who to be more annoyed by, the kids or the stupid parents for reproducing 6 times and not implementing any discipline

 

[ElectricDreams]

I was in a packed restaurant last night waiting for a table and in walked a family with about 6 kids, half of them toddler age. The kids were running wild, running up and down the restaurant corridors (where waiters were walking with heavy plates and hot food!) and the parents were just encouraging them and throwing them on their shoulders getting them even more hyper. I didn't know who to be more annoyed by, the kids or the stupid parents for reproducing 6 times and not implementing any discipline

Always the parents for me. Kids and their behaviour are always a product of their parents ability to discipline. I really don't know where it all went wrong. It's my generation that seem to have messed up their kids... What was so bad about our parents parenting styles that makes people not want to parent in the same way?!

 

[susan1375]

My mum ran a church playgroup for years - it was £1 a session, parents had to volunteer to do one session per term, milk and snacks provided. Carers allowed to say no and gently discipline kids if they misbehaved/ hurt each other. Opening times 9-12pm on the dot. Playgroup was sold by the church. Became playcare. Open 8am - 6pm parents often late and didn’t care it spoilt the carers evenings as they were paying £24 per day. They got breakfast and tea, homework done in groups , carers not allowed to say no as the parents paid their wages. My mum left with I’ll health within 6 months. Parents didn’t do anything with their kids and when they were with them wanted to be the Disney adult, fun etc.

 

[Popcornshovel]

My mum ran a church playgroup for years - it was £1 a session, parents had to volunteer to do one session per term, milk and snacks provided. Carers allowed to say no and gently discipline kids if they misbehaved/ hurt each other. Opening times 9-12pm on the dot. Playgroup was sold by the church. Became playcare. Open 8am - 6pm parents often late and didn’t care it spoilt the carers evenings as they were paying £24 per day. They got breakfast and tea, homework done in groups , carers not allowed to say no as the parents paid their wages. My mum left with I’ll health within 6 months. Parents didn’t do anything with their kids and when they were with them wanted to be the Disney adult, fun etc.

My mum did the after school shift at a playcare thing, and it was really clear in terms and conditions that the kids would only be given a small snack. Loads of parents kicked off about their kids being hungry at home in the evening... My mum was forever explaining that they only got given a snack and not a full meal. I think once she even said 'yes you do still need to actually feed your child when they're back with you for the evening'.

 

[ElectricDreams]

My mum did the after school shift at a playcare thing, and it was really clear in terms and conditions that the kids would only be given a small snack. Loads of parents kicked off about their kids being hungry at home in the evening... My mum was forever explaining that they only got given a snack and not a full meal. I think once she even said 'yes you do still need to actually feed your child when they're back with you for the evening'.

Both stories sound very familiar to me and are part of the reason why I got out of childcare altogether!

 

[orangehead]

Both stories sound very familiar to me and are part of the reason why I got out of childcare altogether!

I like kids but I couldn’t work with them because of their parents. In the last few days on social media/forums I’ve seen people saying teachers/schools should;

brush kids teeth in the morning so they learn how to do it
Teach kids to tie shoelaces and do it for them until they can
Zip kids coats up if they haven’t done it
Stop kids using their phones at school
Remind kids to drink

I’ve also seen parents using words like ‘confront’ and ‘storming’ when talking about going to speak to teachers and of course the standard ‘my X wouldn’t do that’ when they’ve been told off or given detention.

Alternatively I’ve seen teachers posting for advice after being hit, having a chair thrown at them and being sexually assaulted by a child.

Between the actually bad kids, the parents, the shot pay and the workload, I’m genuinely surprised there are actually any teachers left. I believe if there was a big recruitment push by a huge company/industry who basically said ‘hey teachers, you have the skills we need, come here’, they would all leave, because I also see a lot of posts like ‘I’m a teacher and what to leave teaching completely but what can I do?’.

 

[ElectricDreams]

Just saw this on Facebook

 

[mdizzl3]

Why would anyone go into teaching? Like genuinely why. I’ve heard from various teachers how it is getting more difficult and the behaviour and SEN levels are getting worse every year. Kids literally out of control.

I don’t know what happened to parenting but it seems that if you’re not constantly with your kids and doing fun child-specific activities, it is now child abuse and will cause them “trauma”. I’m 30 and in my day it was normal to be home alone for periods, hang out outside Topshop or get the train to Camden on a weekend, get public transport, parents generally had no idea what was going on in school apart from at parent’s evening, they didn’t “supervise homework”. Also in the country I’m originally from it’s considered normal for a 4+ year old to sit through theatres/ballets/operas, there’s always children sitting quietly at various high-end cultural events! Nowadays young people can’t seem to handle anything, difficulty, boredom, disappointment….

Parenting today seems like a double full-time job - isn’t there a stat that SAHMs in the 70s spent less hours with their kids than working mums today? Crazy. No thanks I could be a 70s dad though!
---
Oh and how’s this for contraception - one of my work colleagues was telling me how his 1yo climbed onto the kitchen table and smashed 2 glass pendant lamps together

 

[ScotsWildCat]

I like kids but I couldn’t work with them because of their parents. In the last few days on social media/forums I’ve seen people saying teachers/schools should;

brush kids teeth in the morning so they learn how to do it
Teach kids to tie shoelaces and do it for them until they can
Zip kids coats up if they haven’t done it
Stop kids using their phones at school
Remind kids to drink

I’ve also seen parents using words like ‘confront’ and ‘storming’ when talking about going to speak to teachers and of course the standard ‘my X wouldn’t do that’ when they’ve been told off or given detention.

Alternatively I’ve seen teachers posting for advice after being hit, having a chair thrown at them and being sexually assaulted by a child.

Between the actually bad kids, the parents, the shot pay and the workload, I’m genuinely surprised there are actually any teachers left. I believe if there was a big recruitment push by a huge company/industry who basically said ‘hey teachers, you have the skills we need, come here’, they would all leave, because I also see a lot of posts like ‘I’m a teacher and what to leave teaching completely but what can I do?’.

...my sister is a teacher, primary and everything you've written here has happened in her school and more...also as funding short a lot of kids with SEN kept in a class now too...she loves her job, is the kind of teacher you'd want your kids to have, but she is scunnered by it...

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

Yeah I imagine teaching is a bloody hard job but the education system is also a reason I don’t really want kids (among many!)
The education system is suffering due to poor govt decisions and child literacy etc is falling and in general schooling doesn’t seem the same as when I was younger.
call me a cynic but I don’t really see it getting better any time soon

 

[malibu skies]

Yeah I imagine teaching is a bloody hard job but the education system is also a reason I don’t really want kids (among many!)
The education system is suffering due to poor govt decisions and child literacy etc is falling and in general schooling doesn’t seem the same as when I was younger.
call me a cynic but I don’t really see it getting better any time soon

Same - I’m the last person who should be home schooling, but I also wouldn’t even want to send my a cat into a school these days with all the behaviour issues and lack of funding etc

 

[Pariszai]

I was a secondary school teacher in the UK and hated dealing with the parents more than anything. Some kids were absolutely horrendous but it was always our fault in the parents eyes. Becoming one of those people alone was enough to put me off having kids.

I've since moved to teaching in various private schools in Asia, and although you get a rich snob now and again, the majority are beautiful to teach.

Still wouldn't have kids though!

 

[Millais]

My friend is a TA for 5/6 year olds - she spends her days changing nappies and helping them transfer their lunches from plate to face. 6 year olds unable to use a toilet or feed themselves!

 

[Smca53]

Ew, an influencer/WAG I follow posted a video she obviously thought was cute - her toddler in a luxury beauty products store, picking up one of the (not cheap!) products on a lower shelf and shoving it right in her mouth remind me to avoid products on lower shelves from now on…! And why would you show off your kid doing that, vile, just discipline them and don’t film it

 

[Tangent Tiger]

I had a funny dream recently where I had kids and they were overwhelming, so I packed them up to take them to the kids hotel to get a break.

Then I realised kids hotels don't exist and woke up.

 

[orangehead]

I had a funny dream recently where I had kids and they were overwhelming, so I packed them up to take them to the kids hotel to get a break.

Then I realised kids hotels don't exist and woke up.

You should go on dragons den with that idea

 

[Starlight_100]

I volunteer at a School every week and today my lunch break was disturbed by a member of staff who is on Maternity leave bringing her baby in. The baby kept screaming at the top of his lungs while she talked loudly over it if she was talking while the baby screamed. Some other staff kept fussing over the baby and the mum was looking longingly at me and 2 other staff members waiting for us to do the same. I didn't. I also didn't appreciate that she decided to discuss her babies bowel movements while we all ate. I prefer children age 2 and above. The age group I volunteer with are 3-7 years old and I love that age, much better than young babies. Funny thing was is a member of staff walked in and the mum says to her "Doesn't he make you want one " and pointed to her baby and the member of staff replied with "No, he puts me off actually "