Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[whoareyouu]

I’m just going to come out and say it because I don’t feel I can speak to anyone IRL about it as I have friends who are going through IVF etc but unfortunately found out I’m pregnant. That was Friday. I had booked a termination within an hour of finding out. It is not for me. I feel like a foreign entity is invading my body and I can’t wait for all of this to be over with.

This has further cemented the fact that I do not want children.

I don’t feel bad for what I’m doing at all.

 

[pinkmug]

I also really hate the idea that you have to find a "purpose" really!! The same as how you should be doing a job you love - I don't love work! It's okay to just be getting through each day, doing small things that make you happy, spend time with loved ones, take trips to new places.

There's just so much pressure on everyone (and especially women) to somehow do everything.

Thank you, this was nice to read from someone else too. I've said this on these threads before but it's like the childfree life has to come with compensation. We need to have fun, full, adventurous lives, many nieces and nephews that we love and spoil, travels abroad to exotic places, wild social lives with upscale places to spend our money at...

I fit in none of these categories. I lead a small life. I have a job that pays the bills, I spend time with friends and my parents, I try to keep a decent relationship with my sibling, I work on myself and my mental health issues, I try to go to the dentist on time, I read, I play video games, I visit museums, I laugh at memes and watch the same three series for the 10th time, I save money for holidays and try to enjoy myself. I just want to exist in my own lane and not make effort to make my life admirable or enviable for anyone. I am already very lucky to live the life I live.

I have much to be grateful for, without the "fun" I'm supposed to have. I am able bodied, (somewhat) sane and mostly healthy. I am literate and educated, I've traveled to a few countries, I have a home and a family and people I love who love me and tolerate me when I'm miserable. I can afford treating myself here and there. I get tired from crowds and I like staying home. It's okay with me that I am not in Thailand one week and Lapland the next, but sometimes it feels like we are expected to make up for the lack of parenthood either with loving and spoiling nieces/nephews/friends' kids, or by doing everything a parent can't easily do.

It's wonderful if one wants to do all that but just getting on with your day should be enough too.

 

[prozacprincess]

I finally opened my restaurant fully this weekend, and I’ve already had to ask a family with unruly children to leave. We are not really aimed at children to start with, and the parents were all huffy about the menu not offering ‘kids food’ whatever that may be. Then they proceeded to tell their kids to go and play outside in our courtyard. The courtyard isn’t actually in use yet for dining, apart from the odd smoker and hardy dog owners, but I’ve spent a long time and a fair amount of cash creating this beautiful Mediterranean type space with planting and lights. The little bastards were out there pulling up my plants !! I informed the parents of their behaviour and suggested politely that the children might want to be told to sit down inside. Instead of apologising for their kids vandalism they kicked off at me. I stood there while the Dad ranted at me and when he realised he was getting no reaction he stopped. I just smiled and asked him if he was finished. Then told him to take his family and leave my restaurant and to please not return.

I’m waiting for a bad review on trip advisor or something but I don’t care.

 

[Amoo]

I have just come across someone’s page on Instagram who is kicking off because thru couldn’t get treatment for IVF on the NHS because they have a living child.

Honestly the entitlement.

This may be a highly controversial view but I don't think that IVF should be available on the NHS at all. There are many people, particularly women, suffering from issues which really affect their daily lives, for which the NHS refuse to do anything because of funding. Why is the desire, the choice, to have a child seen as more worthy than actual debilitating conditions?

 

[prozacprincess]

Hope you did one of them replies saying your kids were vandalising and that's why you where asked to leave. Or just ignore it that would make them more pissed and reply to the good ones x

I replied with a photo of my trashed planters and the cost of replacing the plants … they deleted their review an hour later

 

[queenamber]

I can't really word this in a polite or kind way so I'm just going to say it: The news about Kate Middleton is horrible but I bloody wish people would stop with the "and she's a young mother!" Yes, it's awful for her children but for the one millionth time, child-free lives are not disposable or less-than! I also rarely hear that reaction when it's a man/father who has been diagnosed with an illness.

Even in sickness and health we're conditioned to believe that mother's lives are more important than child-free ones.

 

[Pariszai]

Already seen one of those mothers day posts which includes 'people who chose not to be mothers'.

I do not need celebration or sympathy on a day that has nothing to do with me. Might as well say happy birthday to everyone on earth every day or happy father's day to children who aren't old enough to reproduce

 

[Satisfying Click]

Iris Apfel has died at 102, I didn't know she hadn't had children, but I was cheered when I read about her thoughts on this, and maintaining a sense of wonder in your life

 

[ChastityDingle]

Had to listen to someone at work slagging off a colleague who’s early 20s for having no responsibilities ‘ I mean she’s not even got kids ‘she was one of these mummy martyr types and I really wanted to say oh no one held a gun to your head and make you have two kids . I love winding these type up by just mentioning my pet every time they mention their offspring cause I’m sure they have as little interest in her as I do in their kids .

A colleague made a snide remark to me one time, in front of others. along the lines of 'easily known you're not up half the night with a baby'. I said 'you made your choices and I made mine'.

 

[Princesst]

I saw someone on a Facebook group showing various heart shaped food from supermarkets she had bought saying these were perfect for your kids so they don’t “feel left out” ? Left out of what?! Why does everything always HAVE to involve them it’s so weird. Most kids wouldn’t even care about Valentine’s Day

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Happy to oblige as I’ve shared them on another thread… the bigger black one is my girl I just lost

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I've just come out of Lidl and am afraid to report that I've turned into a snappy old lady (at 44)
Two kids (about 7 and 8 so old enough to know better) were kicking 2 footballs down an aisle and almost knocked over an elderly lady with a walking stick.
She looked too scared to say anything, I usually don't but I'm having a bad day and snapped at them "It's not a playground!" with an evil look.
They looked wary of me (especially when they encountered me at the next checkout) but not wary enough to stop them doing it again.

The lady thanked me and said that she's afraid to say anything to kids these days in case their parents snap the head off her.
If the parents (both of whom were there) had tried it with me today, they would have got an earful!

When did that become okay? To take footballs into a supermarket and just kick them around the place?

 

[ricemittens]

I went to a corporate event yesterday, this will be a working group on a project for the next 18 months, the first time we’ve all met. We did the usual intro of who you are, your daily job role, your project role and an interesting fact. One woman’s interesting fact was ‘I’m a mum’

 

[Satisfying Click]

"Mate, I don't give a fuck."

Kidding, both responses above are great suggestions

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Jesus, how fucking boring and self obsessed do people become when they have kids? Just had a text from a friend who I haven’t spoken to in ages. No how are you, what’s going on with you? The entire text was about her little darling who I have met once. It was a random completely out of the blue text. I was a bit miffed but replied politely saying “that’s nice. What are you up to this week?” Thinking oh maybe she wants to meet up for a drink and to catch up (completely forgetting it’s half term)

Dear God.

“It’s half term so I’m so busy with (her kid) we’re doing this on Thursday, Friday we are going to the farm, the weekend we’re going to blah blah blah”

Full run down of her weeks activities that I could not give two shits about.

Then I randomly get another standalone text later that afternoon.

“Currently waiting at the park and Ride with (kids name)”

Like….. Are you fucking well?!

Why do I give a fuck about that? Honestly, am baffled. How am I meant to respond to that? WHY would I possibly care about that? Why did she think that was interesting to tell me? Am I expected to reply to that?!

Honestly, it’s like you exchange your brain for your kid at birth. It’s embarrassing how socially inept and narcissistic people become when they have kids. Not everyone cares about the inane details of motherhood!

 

[ToxicPony]

I hate that in that article she STILL has to clarify 'but I'll be a great auntie and godmother!'

No. If I wanted to spend a load of time with kids I'd have my own. Noone expects a man to dedicate time to kids that aren't even their own? I'm fed up of having to still interact and pretend to be excited to be around children I have no interest in because the idea of a woman not liking kids full stop would make them a complete monster.

 

[newaroundhere123]

A comedian I follow posted asking people not to bring their kids to his live shows. I thought this was really interesting in the comments!

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a friend and I were recently at a cocktail night at a restaurant, it was around 9.30pm and he was telling me about a first date he'd had recently and how the guy had tried it on with him etc... not graphic but saucy I guess, the woman at the next table who we hadn't even noticed until that point leant over and was like 'your conversation is inappropriate, we have children here' I looked over and they had two little kids there, like under 5-ish. I'm like, LADY, having your KIDS here is what's inappropriate not our conversation, she just huffed and carried on necking her multiple cocktails. MUCH parenting

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

Was just noseying at a new dog cafe opening in my city and saw this on their rules - love it

Supervise children at all times. If you have a problem telling your child off, we wont.

 

[fishyfishfish]

Have to get this out there. Friend of mine had a kid last year. They have a five year old ragdoll cat who needs brushing daily. The cat is covered in dreadlocks/matted fur which I know because she told me and said they just don’t have time to look after her and brush her daily any more.
the more I think about it the more I want to tell her to get her shit together and look after the cat or give it up. Imagine just saying “yeah I abuse my first born now there’s another baby in the house”. That’s pretty close to what’s happening here…

 

[starsandsky]

Afternoon all,

New poster here I have really enjoyed reading all the posts. I'm 31 and also childfree. Great to know I'm not the only one as literally everyone arounds me seems to be pregnant!

I have enjoyed reading all of your reasons. A lot of mine stems from my own troubled childhood. One parent was an alcoholic and the other was depressed, leading to unemployment and a generally horrific childhood experience for me. I'm not looking for sympathy in any way as I'm sure some of you have had the same experiences. Both of my parents were emotionally immature also. One in particular (probably due to the home circumstances) was incredibly highly strung and flew off the handle on a daily basis for no reason. They were ok in other ways and probably looked fine from the outside but I never felt loved or cared for. We also didn't have a lot of money which didn't help. Again I'm not looking for sympathy (!!!!) but on reflection it has taught me how some people are just not meant for parenting. And that is ok!!! But don't have children if you're not prepared to actually parent them properly!!!!

As a result of it all I'm introverted with an avoidant attachment personality. I probably seem quite bubbly etc but I have a very low social battery and simply don't think I would ever have the energy for the DRUDGERY of most of the day to day parent stuff. I don't hate children but I quite simply couldn't be bothered with it all. It's been liberating to know now that in my adult life I can just focus on ME! Knowing that I don't have to fritter my well-earned money away on things like childcare and spend it on me/ my partner/ our house is actually unbelievable having grown up with no money.

Have a good day!