Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[JoeBloggs]

This is a very personal question but if anyone on here is in this position and wouldn't mind to answer... Has anyone got past the age of being able to have kids, and never had them due to being undecided? Like has time just passed by for you, and now it's too late, and if so how do you feel? Have you felt regret?

It's one thing that sticks in my head, getting past the age of being able to have kids and not having them only to have such regrets later in life. I also worry that a partner may decide to remarry/move on to someone who can give them kids if they were to change their mind once you were no longer able to

I am still of 'childbearing' age however I would much rather regret NOT having kids than regret having them and be stuck in a life I hate.

If you have worries of a partner leaving you to have kids then you need to have a very frank and honest conversation about what you both want out of life.

If you are not 100% sure on kids, don't do it. You can't return them. I only know a few people with kids, and honestly while they love their kids there is no question that it is hard and they have all warned me not to!

 

[MavisBeacon]

As a related aside, it's one of my very few gripes with Mr Beacon that he won't get a vasectomy even though he is adamant he doesn't want children.

 

[fishyfishfish]

As a related aside, it's one of my very few gripes with Mr Beacon that he won't get a vasectomy even though he is adamant he doesn't want children.

SAAAAAME (with Mr. FFF, not Mr. B!!)

 

[just_stir_it_una]

If you are not 100% sure on kids, don't do it. You can't return them.

This If you get a dog or a cat, you can “return” them somehow, give them away or put up for adoption. You can do this in a safe and ethical way! You can never ever “return” children for obvious reasons. It’s honestly the biggest commitment you can make in this life.

 

[JoeBloggs]

SAAAAAME (with Mr. FFF, not Mr. B!!)

Mr Bloggs too!

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

It does make me wonder why men don't get vasectomies even though they've said they don't want kids! The cynical side of me thinks they still want their option open (even though they are reversible as far as I'm aware)
Or they're just scaredy-cats and are adverse to the procedure.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My partner has two adult kids in their twenties (both lovely) but had a vasectomy after the second was born. In any previous relationships I've either been on the pill or used condoms but now in my early 40s (partner is in his 50s) the pill was getting trickier even though I'm still at risk of pregnancy (still having regular periods etc)

The RELIEF of knowing I'm never in danger of getting pregnant is absolutely bloody fantastic!

 

[Jane Porcupine]

It does make me wonder why men don't get vasectomies even though they've said they don't want kids! The cynical side of me thinks they still want their option open (even though they are reversible as far as I'm aware)
Or they're just scaredy-cats and are adverse to the procedure.

My husband is afraid that they will cut the wrong thing and he won't be able to get it up after. Sorry to be crude. I do think that's what worries a lot of men!

 

[MavisBeacon]

Mr B specially said he was worried his balls would explode

 

[Louby@21]

This is a very personal question but if anyone on here is in this position and wouldn't mind to answer... Has anyone got past the age of being able to have kids, and never had them due to being undecided? Like has time just passed by for you, and now it's too late, and if so how do you feel? Have you felt regret?

It's one thing that sticks in my head, getting past the age of being able to have kids and not having them only to have such regrets later in life. I also worry that a partner may decide to remarry/move on to someone who can give them kids if they were to change their mind once you were no longer able to

I’m 45 so not far off the end of my repro life if not already there though I’m still having regular periods.

I have no regrets. I’m different to some others on here as I don’t dislike children my career is related to them and their families. However I do not want my own. We have a lovely life and when I see how my friends/family/clients etc struggle and how stressful life is with children it’s reinforces the decision for me. Those cute/wholesome/life affirming blahhhh moments aren’t enough for me to cope with a lifetime of hassle.

 

[GBNI]

As a related aside, it's one of my very few gripes with Mr Beacon that he won't get a vasectomy even though he is adamant he doesn't want children.

Alongside this, doctors don't question men on their decision to have a vasectomy as muchas they do a woman who wants to be sterilised (raise your hand if your doctor has refused to even consider sterilisation)

 

[JodieGreen123]

It does make me wonder why men don't get vasectomies even though they've said they don't want kids! The cynical side of me thinks they still want their option open (even though they are reversible as far as I'm aware)
Or they're just scaredy-cats and are adverse to the procedure.

Mr G is worried about having to jizz in the cup to test it’s worked!

 

[fishyfishfish]

Mr G is worried about having to jizz in the cup to test it’s worked!

Blokes eh! Mr FFF thinks it will be too painful…try having a coil inserted hun.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Blokes eh! Mr FFF thinks it will be too painful…try having a coil inserted hun.

Try having the strings of your coil go awol up in your womb and having to have it fished out

 

[ScotsWildCat]

This is a very personal question but if anyone on here is in this position and wouldn't mind to answer... Has anyone got past the age of being able to have kids, and never had them due to being undecided? Like has time just passed by for you, and now it's too late, and if so how do you feel? Have you felt regret?

It's one thing that sticks in my head, getting past the age of being able to have kids and not having them only to have such regrets later in life. I also worry that a partner may decide to remarry/move on to someone who can give them kids if they were to change their mind once you were no longer able to

...have gotten to the age of 51 and don't regret not having kids...was just never that bothered about having one of my own...ex parter had a kid already so was a kind of step-mum every fortnight for 9 years lol...been with current partner 14 years, he's the same age, no kids either and we don't live together...it suits us...love my nieces and nephew, have a cat and work in the care sector so that's about the extent of my maternal instincts!

 

[prozacprincess]

This is a very personal question but if anyone on here is in this position and wouldn't mind to answer... Has anyone got past the age of being able to have kids, and never had them due to being undecided? Like has time just passed by for you, and now it's too late, and if so how do you feel? Have you felt regret?

It's one thing that sticks in my head, getting past the age of being able to have kids and not having them only to have such regrets later in life. I also worry that a partner may decide to remarry/move on to someone who can give them kids if they were to change their mind once you were no longer able to

I’m 50 and menopausal. No regrets whatsoever, just immense relief that other people finally realise I was serious about not wanting children. My husband never wanted children either. I have been pregnant twice (my husband appears to have some sort of super sperm that can get through anything ) , after my second abortion he reluctantly agreed to a vasectomy. I must admit I had no sympathy for his discomfort afterwards, in fact it was all I could do not to laugh

 

[Catfan2]

I do have children (now in their twenties) and to be honest I don’t think either of them will have children. My daughter in particular said ‘I’m not having any, this world is fucked’. You can’t disagree with that! Parenting gets worse as each year passes, I’ve worked with children in the past in a school environment, and each September’s intake would be worse than the last - not listening, no respect, sense of entitlement etc. If you choose to have children, look after them properly and don’t use the iPad as a babysitter!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I do have children (now in their twenties) and to be honest I don’t think either of them will have children. My daughter in particular said ‘I’m not having any, this world is fucked’. You can’t disagree with that! Parenting gets worse as each year passes, I’ve worked with children in the past in a school environment, and each September’s intake would be worse than the last - not listening, no respect, sense of entitlement etc. If you choose to have children, look after them properly and don’t use the iPad as a babysitter!

While I do think I would be a good mum and would take on the role if it happened, beside not wanting the cost, the lack of sleep etc. My main reasons are the worry of having a disabled child and the fact the world is a very depressing place to bring life into. Life is hard, and I do not see it getting any better and I would hate to be responsible for forcing someone else into it.

 

[orangehead]

I do have children (now in their twenties) and to be honest I don’t think either of them will have children. My daughter in particular said ‘I’m not having any, this world is fucked’. You can’t disagree with that! Parenting gets worse as each year passes, I’ve worked with children in the past in a school environment, and each September’s intake would be worse than the last - not listening, no respect, sense of entitlement etc. If you choose to have children, look after them properly and don’t use the iPad as a babysitter!

My cousin is struggling with her children behaviour, one is on the verge of being kicked out of school, she spoke to some kind of specialist and one of the things they said was no phone/tablets because the kids are too little and she wasn’t sure what to do because it’s the only way she gets peace from them/is able to clean. But yesterday she sent me a thread from Reddit where a woman was a few days into not allowing her children their tablets and she said while the first couple of days were hard their behaviour had improved so much. So my cousin is going to try it.

My sister in laws relative has a 14 year old who is an actual devil child and my sister in law says it’s because of his tablet/phone/xbox which he’s had since he was little . If he doesn’t want to go to school because he wants to stay home and watch YouTube he will threaten/hit his mum until she doesn’t make him go, he trashes the house, steals, will do stuff like cook the all the pizzas and garlic bread that had been bought for the family dinner for his lunch while everyone else is at school/work. I don’t know how much of that can be explained by the devices because I don’t know the science but maybe no tablets for children will be the next campaign because I’ve seen there is one for no smartphones until a certain a

 

[ricemittens]

My cousin is struggling with her children behaviour, one is on the verge of being kicked out of school, she spoke to some kind of specialist and one of the things they said was no phone/tablets because the kids are too little and she wasn’t sure what to do because it’s the only way she gets peace from them/is able to clean. But yesterday she sent me a thread from Reddit where a woman was a few days into not allowing her children their tablets and she said while the first couple of days were hard their behaviour had improved so much. So my cousin is going to try it.

My sister in laws relative has a 14 year old who is an actual devil child and my sister in law says it’s because of his tablet/phone/xbox which he’s had since he was little . If he doesn’t want to go to school because he wants to stay home and watch YouTube he will threaten/hit his mum until she doesn’t make him go, he trashes the house, steals, will do stuff like cook the all the pizzas and garlic bread that had been bought for the family dinner for his lunch while everyone else is at school/work. I don’t know how much of that can be explained by the devices because I don’t know the science but maybe no tablets for children will be the next campaign because I’ve seen there is one for no smartphones until a certain a

I don’t know the exact ins and outs of it but I know a child like this, he’s probably around 15 and is allowed to run riot, he rarely goes to school and if he does it’s a short day, shows up late and leaves when he feels like it. Constantly swearing and screaming at parents, only eats junk food, always watching violent videos etc. He allegedly set fire to a disused building last year but there is no recourse.