Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[orangehead]

Honestly!! We had chores to do, helped with cooking and cleaning, went outside with our friends, bike rides, trips to the local nature reserve, puzzles, TV, drawing, video games, listen to CDs, playing Pokemon cards. Aside from chores, nearly all of my weekend was away from my parents making my own fun - Mum and Dad would be working, relaxing, sunbathing in the garden, watching sports (on the only TV in the house!). WHY do you need to constantly entertain your kids??

Remember daring to say you're bored to your parents and they'd "find you something to do" like clean the gutters I honestly don't know if kids even do chores nowadays?? I feel like I never hear about it from parents?

I learnt my lesson very quickly not to tell grown ups I was bored because I wouldn’t be whisked off to Alton towers, I’d be given a task

 

[whoareyouu]

Besides, are holidays mandatory or something now? When I was a kid, if we couldn't afford it, we didn't go anywhere. I didn't even get on a plane until high school, let alone being abroad every summer. I know some things are more financially accessible compared to the 90s and 00s but why do parents assume that kids leaving school during term time is petition worthy? If you can't afford it, don't bloody do it. A holiday abroad isn't a necessity, it's a luxury. I wish all of us could afford that kind of a break but we can't, along with many other things. If going to Spain or France or Greece or Turkey or wherever every summer is non-negotiable for you, then you make sure your finances allow that, or you don't have kids. I am childfree and I still can't afford some of the holidays these families are going on, it doesn't mean I am going to make it everyone else's problem to make it possible for me. What even.

Exactly those

I learnt my lesson very quickly not to tell grown ups I was bored because I wouldn’t be whisked off to Alton towers, I’d be given a task

Eeeee i had forgotten about that! You never ever said you were bored haha.

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

Remember daring to say you're bored to your parents and they'd "find you something to do" like clean the gutters I honestly don't know if kids even do chores nowadays?? I feel like I never hear about it from parents?

"Only boring people get bored"
Days out were an occasional treat for us - single parent family - and would often just be a trip into the next town over.

 

[Sheeeet]

In the school holidays between 1973 and 1995 there was a whole TV programme dedicated to helping kids amuse themselves!

 

[JoeBloggs]

Has anyone seen the new Orlando advert focused on adults having a good time no child insight and I really respect that.

 

[soph30]

I’m going to write a list like this about my cat and see if anyone gives a duck

 

[orangehead]

I’m going to write a list like this about my cat and see if anyone gives a duck

I really don’t think people should be giving out all this info about their children. Partially because children deserve privacy the same as adults do and partially because I think it’s dangerous.

I shouldn’t be able to go on someone’s social media and see what their kid looks like, their name, their grans name, their favourite food and colour, their hobby, their favourite sweets, where in the house their bedroom is, that they love peppa pig, what they eat at McDonald’s etc. I could go to them and say hi Theo, mummy and grandma Sheila asked me to pick you up and take you for a cheeseburger at McDonald’s and a kitkat because they’ve had to take your dog Henry to the vet but we’ll have you home in your bluey pajamas watching peppa pig as soon as possible ok? And the kid will just come with me because how would I know everything about them and their house and family and favourite food and everything if I didn’t know mummy? ‍

 

[GlitteryKitten]

I really don’t think people should be giving out all this info about their children. Partially because children deserve privacy the same as adults do and partially because I think it’s dangerous.

I shouldn’t be able to go on someone’s social media and see what their kid looks like, their name, their grans name, their favourite food and colour, their hobby, their favourite sweets, where in the house their bedroom is, that they love peppa pig, what they eat at McDonald’s etc. I could go to them and say hi Theo, mummy and grandma Sheila asked me to pick you up and take you for a cheeseburger at McDonald’s and a kitkat because they’ve had to take your dog Henry to the vet but we’ll have you home in your bluey pajamas watching peppa pig as soon as possible ok? And the kid will just come with me because how would I know everything about them and their house and family and favourite food and everything if I didn’t know mummy? ‍

This! I've seen some parents make a "x's first day at school" poster, which includes SO many details about their child!

 

[Smca53]

I’m going to write a list like this about my cat and see if anyone gives a duck

“Pretending you are a dog and eating straight from the bowl”

🫠 cute…

 

[whoareyouu]

I really don’t think people should be giving out all this info about their children. Partially because children deserve privacy the same as adults do and partially because I think it’s dangerous.

I shouldn’t be able to go on someone’s social media and see what their kid looks like, their name, their grans name, their favourite food and colour, their hobby, their favourite sweets, where in the house their bedroom is, that they love peppa pig, what they eat at McDonald’s etc. I could go to them and say hi Theo, mummy and grandma Sheila asked me to pick you up and take you for a cheeseburger at McDonald’s and a kitkat because they’ve had to take your dog Henry to the vet but we’ll have you home in your bluey pajamas watching peppa pig as soon as possible ok? And the kid will just come with me because how would I know everything about them and their house and family and favourite food and everything if I didn’t know mummy? ‍

This is an insanely good point.

 

[ElectricDreams]

I really don’t think people should be giving out all this info about their children. Partially because children deserve privacy the same as adults do and partially because I think it’s dangerous.

I shouldn’t be able to go on someone’s social media and see what their kid looks like, their name, their grans name, their favourite food and colour, their hobby, their favourite sweets, where in the house their bedroom is, that they love peppa pig, what they eat at McDonald’s etc. I could go to them and say hi Theo, mummy and grandma Sheila asked me to pick you up and take you for a cheeseburger at McDonald’s and a kitkat because they’ve had to take your dog Henry to the vet but we’ll have you home in your bluey pajamas watching peppa pig as soon as possible ok? And the kid will just come with me because how would I know everything about them and their house and family and favourite food and everything if I didn’t know mummy? ‍

I got to the point with some Facebook friends I hadn't seen for years that I was starting to recognise their kids when I was out and about before I recognised them... That's when I decided I needed a FB clear out.

 

[KeriRhys]

I’m going to write a list like this about my cat and see if anyone gives a duck

Why is it so passive aggressive??

 

[ElectricDreams]

There's an interesting thread on Mumsnet asking why people have had children. Lots of accidents, someone who had one out of curiosity and another who had one because she had severe anxiety/autism/MH issues and struggled to cope with work so became a SAHM. I find the last one quite shocking if I'm honest! Lots of people use that as a reason to not have kids...

 

[orangehead]

There's an interesting thread on Mumsnet asking why people have had children. Lots of accidents, someone who had one out of curiosity and another who had one because she had severe anxiety/autism/MH issues and struggled to cope with work so became a SAHM. I find the last one quite shocking if I'm honest! Lots of people use that as a reason to not have kids...

Last time they did that thread someone said she had kids because she was sick of working and wanted time off, someone said so she would never be lonely and someone said because she wanted someone to love her because no one had ever loved her.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

There's an interesting thread on Mumsnet asking why people have had children. Lots of accidents, someone who had one out of curiosity and another who had one because she had severe anxiety/autism/MH issues and struggled to cope with work so became a SAHM. I find the last one quite shocking if I'm honest! Lots of people use that as a reason to not have kids...

So entirely selfish reasons then. And we are the ones called selfish!

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

There's an interesting thread on Mumsnet asking why people have had children. Lots of accidents, someone who had one out of curiosity and another who had one because she had severe anxiety/autism/MH issues and struggled to cope with work so became a SAHM. I find the last one quite shocking if I'm honest! Lots of people use that as a reason to not have kids...

This goes back to my post the other day around one of the exact reasons why I'm NOT having kids... plus of course it's so much fun growing up in a household with a mentally ill parent! Also, how many of those 'accidents' are genuine I'm not sure, there's usually always a story behind it - like the girl I know who has two kids and has Crohn's disease and 'didn't realise' even after the first one that her digestive issues might stop her pill from working - no tit Sherlock! (pun intended)

 

[Hot_Rock]

I always felt deep down that kids weren't for me, for as long as I can remember. But I think I always thought perhaps I'd suddenly get that maternal drive as I got to a certain age, as it doesn't seem like the "right" way to feel about having kids according to society. I'm mid-30's now and I just don't have it. I've been with my partner for a long time and he isn't overly bothered either. But I still feel like I'm wrong somehow, and that I shouldn't feel this way? Lots of my friends are having kids now so I suppose that can make it challenging too.

I had quite a difficult upbringing- one parent with alcohol issues, parentification from the other one-and all that comes with that. It's only now I'm starting to try and unpack everything that I went through as a child that I shouldn't have. I'm guessing having to manage everyone's emotions growing up made me feel that's my purpose and I went into a healthcare career. For years I have worked with very complex clients of all ages-just trying to give so much of myself so they have the best care. I have enjoyed lots of it of course, I am good with people (children included), and I think I am a kind and caring person. But so much of my light and energy has been drained over the years. I'm utterly exhausted. I feel I have always had to look after others in some capacity in my life, even when I was the one who should have been looked after. I feel all I have ever really known is chronic stress and trauma. I'm not sure if I have anything left at this point to give a child.

I had a very traumatic health experience a couple of years ago and basically I've been told I have a fair chance of developing a progressive disorder. The attitude from a lot of healthcare staff and people around me just seemed to be "well you can still have children". I remember thinking that really isn't what I was worried about when I was told the news. Am I allowed, for once in my bleeping life, just to think of myself? That I'm a person with emotions who is going through something horrendous, not just a future incubator? And ok maybe I can carry a pregnancy..what happens after that? What if I deteriorate in a few years and can't look after the child safely anymore? Who cares I suppose, as long as I have done my womanly duty. And I'm of course not saying that you can't have a child if you have issues like this, but it would be something that would be a worry for me personally.

Sorry for the rant. I'm feeling a bit all over the place at the moment. But I feel this thread would have an understanding of what I'm saying!

 

[hytuhh]

I just saw this Tiktok and I am just…

 

[Don't Drink the Kool Aid]

I just saw this Tiktok and I am just…

Or - and here's a really wild, out-of-the-box idea - you could turn up on time for your appointment you miserable entitled bint! I bet that pharmacy are bloody delighted she's never intending to come back. What an absolute madam

 

[pinkmug]

I always felt deep down that kids weren't for me, for as long as I can remember. But I think I always thought perhaps I'd suddenly get that maternal drive as I got to a certain age, as it doesn't seem like the "right" way to feel about having kids according to society. I'm mid-30's now and I just don't have it. I've been with my partner for a long time and he isn't overly bothered either. But I still feel like I'm wrong somehow, and that I shouldn't feel this way? Lots of my friends are having kids now so I suppose that can make it challenging too.

I had quite a difficult upbringing- one parent with alcohol issues, parentification from the other one-and all that comes with that. It's only now I'm starting to try and unpack everything that I went through as a child that I shouldn't have. I'm guessing having to manage everyone's emotions growing up made me feel that's my purpose and I went into a healthcare career. For years I have worked with very complex clients of all ages-just trying to give so much of myself so they have the best care. I have enjoyed lots of it of course, I am good with people (children included), and I think I am a kind and caring person. But so much of my light and energy has been drained over the years. I'm utterly exhausted. I feel I have always had to look after others in some capacity in my life, even when I was the one who should have been looked after. I feel all I have ever really known is chronic stress and trauma. I'm not sure if I have anything left at this point to give a child.

I had a very traumatic health experience a couple of years ago and basically I've been told I have a fair chance of developing a progressive disorder. The attitude from a lot of healthcare staff and people around me just seemed to be "well you can still have children". I remember thinking that really isn't what I was worried about when I was told the news. Am I allowed, for once in my bleeping life, just to think of myself? That I'm a person with emotions who is going through something horrendous, not just a future incubator? And ok maybe I can carry a pregnancy..what happens after that? What if I deteriorate in a few years and can't look after the child safely anymore? Who cares I suppose, as long as I have done my womanly duty. And I'm of course not saying that you can't have a child if you have issues like this, but it would be something that would be a worry for me personally.

Sorry for the rant. I'm feeling a bit all over the place at the moment. But I feel this thread would have an understanding of what I'm saying!

I'm sorry for your health troubles, I hope you're feeling better now.

Not on topic entirely but I'd recommend reading/listening Gabor Maté's material, he has been working with people who have experienced trauma for many years and I have found his words on being true to ourselves very compassionate and mind altering. You are definitely allowed to think of yourself and care about yourself. Your body is your most primary home, you don't owe it to anybody else, be it a partner or a baby. Best wishes xx