Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[orangehead]

Jesus, how bleeping boring and self obsessed do people become when they have kids? Just had a text from a friend who I haven’t spoken to in ages. No how are you, what’s going on with you? The entire text was about her little darling who I have met once. It was a random completely out of the blue text. I was a bit miffed but replied politely saying “that’s nice. What are you up to this week?” Thinking oh maybe she wants to meet up for a drink and to catch up (completely forgetting it’s half term)

Dear God.

“It’s half term so I’m so busy with (her kid) we’re doing this on Thursday, Friday we are going to the farm, the weekend we’re going to blah blah blah”

Full run down of her weeks activities that I could not give two shits about.

Then I randomly get another standalone text later that afternoon.

“Currently waiting at the park and Ride with (kids name)”

Like….. Are you bleeping well?!

Why do I give a duck about that? Honestly, am baffled. How am I meant to respond to that? WHY would I possibly care about that? Why did she think that was interesting to tell me? Am I expected to reply to that?!

Honestly, it’s like you exchange your brain for your kid at birth. It’s embarrassing how socially inept and narcissistic people become when they have kids. Not everyone cares about the inane details of motherhood!

One thing I’ve noticed a lot with mothers (it’s never, ever happened with a father, they hardly ever mention the kids when I ask these questions) is you ask them something like how are you? Did you have a nice weekend? or similar and they talk about their children and don’t even mention themselves at all.

So I don’t mean oh yeah I had a nice weekend but the kids were ill Sunday so that wasn’t great or I’m ok but a bit tired because the baby isn’t sleeping well. I mean they tell me all about how their child is or what their child did all weekend and don’t mention one word about themselves, as if they don’t exist or matter at all. It’s half annoying because you can’t really have a proper conversation and it’s half really sad that they don’t mention themselves at all.

 

[Smca53]

One thing I’ve noticed a lot with mothers (it’s never, ever happened with a father, they hardly ever mention the kids when I ask these questions) is you ask them something like how are you? Did you have a nice weekend? or similar and they talk about their children and don’t even mention themselves at all.

So I don’t mean oh yeah I had a nice weekend but the kids were ill Sunday so that wasn’t great or I’m ok but a bit tired because the baby isn’t sleeping well. I mean they tell me all about how their child is or what their child did all weekend and don’t mention one word about themselves, as if they don’t exist or matter at all. It’s half annoying because you can’t really have a proper conversation and it’s half really sad that they don’t mention themselves at all.

They generally don’t do anything outside of their kids which is why they have nothing else to say yet another reason why I’m not about that life

 

[FlipFlop0706]

One thing I’ve noticed a lot with mothers (it’s never, ever happened with a father, they hardly ever mention the kids when I ask these questions) is you ask them something like how are you? Did you have a nice weekend? or similar and they talk about their children and don’t even mention themselves at all.

So I don’t mean oh yeah I had a nice weekend but the kids were ill Sunday so that wasn’t great or I’m ok but a bit tired because the baby isn’t sleeping well. I mean they tell me all about how their child is or what their child did all weekend and don’t mention one word about themselves, as if they don’t exist or matter at all. It’s half annoying because you can’t really have a proper conversation and it’s half really sad that they don’t mention themselves at all.

Mummy martyrs are what I call them. God forbid you have any identity outside of being a mother. I don’t know whether it’s to compete with other mothers as to who is the most hard done by mummy or whether it is simply that you completely lose your own identity when you become a mum which is as you say very sad really.

As you say, men don’t respond like that.

 

[susan1375]

One thing I’ve noticed a lot with mothers (it’s never, ever happened with a father, they hardly ever mention the kids when I ask these questions) is you ask them something like how are you? Did you have a nice weekend? or similar and they talk about their children and don’t even mention themselves at all.

So I don’t mean oh yeah I had a nice weekend but the kids were ill Sunday so that wasn’t great or I’m ok but a bit tired because the baby isn’t sleeping well. I mean they tell me all about how their child is or what their child did all weekend and don’t mention one word about themselves, as if they don’t exist or matter at all. It’s half annoying because you can’t really have a proper conversation and it’s half really sad that they don’t mention themselves at all.

I go to a lot of hospital / dental appointments and every female consultant, nurse etc has had to tell me about their kids. The men have a filter and remain professional - I don’t know or care if any of them have kids!
I don’t go to school reunions as all the women can talk about is how many kids/ grand kids they have got.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Mummy martyrs are what I call them. God forbid you have any identity outside of being a mother. I don’t know whether it’s to compete with other mothers as to who is the most hard done by mummy or whether it is simply that you completely lose your own identity when you become a mum which is as you say very sad really.

As you say, men don’t respond like that.

Ugh mummy martyrs are the worst… constantly whinging on about their kids and how hard it is, and that’s without them thinking that you need to know every intimate detail about what pregnancy and childbirth does to your body. Conveniently forgetting the fact once again that it’s a CHOICE they made!

 

[queenamber]

I am sick to the back teeth of parents complaining about the cost of childcare and how they should be getting more hours free.

If I was going to build a swimming pool in my garden I'd consider the running costs before I started digging a hole. Why don't people consider the costs before having children!? If you're trusting a stranger to look after your kids they deserve to be properly paid!

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I am sick to the back teeth of parents complaining about the cost of childcare and how they should be getting more hours free.

If I was going to build a swimming pool in my garden I'd consider the running costs before I started digging a hole. Why don't people consider the costs before having children!? If you're trusting a stranger to look after your kids they deserve to be properly paid!

I got banned from mumsnet for my thread about this

 

[queenamber]

I got banned from mumsnet for my thread about this

I just got called a "despicable person" on IG for saying it

 

[The Devils Arse]

I'm a terrible person. When chuggers try and catch your eye, "no thanks"

But it's for children!!

"I don't like children, I much prefer cats"

That usually stops them in their tracks.

DINK, (And proud)
---
I'm a terrible person. When chuggers try and catch your eye, "no thanks"

But it's for children!!

"I don't like children, I much prefer cats"

That usually stops them in their tracks.

DINK, (And proud)

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I'm a terrible person. When chuggers try and catch your eye, "no thanks"

But it's for children!!

"I don't like children, I much prefer cats"

That usually stops them in their tracks.

DINK, (And proud)
---
I'm a terrible person. When chuggers try and catch your eye, "no thanks"

But it's for children!!

"I don't like children, I much prefer cats"

That usually stops them in their tracks.

DINK, (And proud)

Yep. Only charity I give to is the cats (and my own three cost me a bloody fortune each month!)

I guess I’m a SINK and going to stay that way

 

[Popcornshovel]

Jesus, how bleeping boring and self obsessed do people become when they have kids? Just had a text from a friend who I haven’t spoken to in ages. No how are you, what’s going on with you? The entire text was about her little darling who I have met once. It was a random completely out of the blue text. I was a bit miffed but replied politely saying “that’s nice. What are you up to this week?” Thinking oh maybe she wants to meet up for a drink and to catch up (completely forgetting it’s half term)

Dear God.

“It’s half term so I’m so busy with (her kid) we’re doing this on Thursday, Friday we are going to the farm, the weekend we’re going to blah blah blah”

Full run down of her weeks activities that I could not give two shits about.

Then I randomly get another standalone text later that afternoon.

“Currently waiting at the park and Ride with (kids name)”

Like….. Are you bleeping well?!

Why do I give a duck about that? Honestly, am baffled. How am I meant to respond to that? WHY would I possibly care about that? Why did she think that was interesting to tell me? Am I expected to reply to that?!

Honestly, it’s like you exchange your brain for your kid at birth. It’s embarrassing how socially inept and narcissistic people become when they have kids. Not everyone cares about the inane details of motherhood!

She's using the chat thread with you as her own personal diary by the sounds of it! Talk about naval gazing.

 

[orangehead]

Mummy martyrs are what I call them. God forbid you have any identity outside of being a mother. I don’t know whether it’s to compete with other mothers as to who is the most hard done by mummy or whether it is simply that you completely lose your own identity when you become a mum which is as you say very sad really.

As you say, men don’t respond like that.

I wouldn’t even care if they told me about their life in the context of being a mother because I do always ask how the kids are as well when I’m talking to a parent, but they entirely erase themselves from their own lives.

So, they don’t say ‘I had a great weekend I took Emily to ballet and she learnt how to do a pirouette and then I took her to McDonald’s’ they literally say ‘Emily learnt to do a pirouette and she used up so much energy she had two cheeseburgers’.

Great, and how was YOUR weekend? I don’t know if it’s because their kids are their everything, they’re martyrs or motherhood has made them feel they’re no longer a person in their own right but it’s annoying you can’t have a conversation and whichever reason it’s they do it, it’s also sad.

 

[Mamacita]

Another thing about photos is I hate when people put photos of their baby's feet on social media they think it's cute but I hate feet so much and the fact that it's baby feet doesn't make a difference, why can't people understand, it's simple

Cats paws- cute
Baby feet- not paws, still feet

 

[whoareyouu]

People in the office are twisting because their parents won’t look after their young children for a whole week whilst they go for a week in the sun.

How entitled can you get. You chose to have them.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I am sick to the back teeth of parents complaining about the cost of childcare and how they should be getting more hours free.

If I was going to build a swimming pool in my garden I'd consider the running costs before I started digging a hole. Why don't people consider the costs before having children!? If you're trusting a stranger to look after your kids they deserve to be properly paid!

Oh I know. It pisses me right off. Child free people are literally punished financially by choosing to do the responsible thing by (god forbid!) thinking about the implications of having kids before actually having them! I looked into it recently just for fun and financially I would be better off if I popped a kid out. I could work a mere 16 hours, get universal credit to top up my income along with getting child benefit/working tax credit etc and free child care. Sounds bleeping fantastic, much better than slaving my balls off every day actually financially contributing to society.

 

[Louby@21]

Yes but you aren’t bringing people into the world that can look after us all when we are old. That’s what society really needs.
Us childfree people are just so damn selfish choosing not to bring children into this shitshow of a world….

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Oh I know. It pisses me right off. Child free people are literally punished financially by choosing to do the responsible thing by (god forbid!) thinking about the implications of having kids before actually having them! I looked into it recently just for fun and financially I would be better off if I popped a kid out. I could work a mere 16 hours, get universal credit to top up my income along with getting child benefit/working tax credit etc and free child care. Sounds bleeping fantastic, much better than slaving my balls off every day actually financially contributing to society.

Off the back of this. Just come off Facebook community groups with two separate people asking:

“My granddaughter has just come out of care and has found out she’s having a baby boy. Does anyone have any boys clothes or baby items they could donate?”

“I’m due a baby in a few weeks and don’t have a cot or anything I need. Does anyone have……”

Having kids is now clearly a lifestyle choice. Why the duck would you get pregnant if you cannot afford the very basics? Sorry to be blunt but you are choosing to have these kids knowing full well before they are even born that you cannot provide for them. What are you going to do when they are born and you can’t afford milk/nappies/ warm clothing? Beg for that off Facebook? What pisses me off is no one ever dares to say “erm, maybe you should have considered that before you got knocked up?” Then again, you’ll probably get the chavs saying “oh my god, she was on the pill accidents happen!”. Even if accidents do happen, you take the bleeping morning after pill.

What cracks me up even more is these people then get sniffy when they are offered stuff and are like “do you have a matching car seat?” SO YOU CAN AFFORD A bleeping CAR!

 

[Popcornshovel]

Off the back of this. Just come off Facebook community groups with two separate people asking:

“My granddaughter has just come out of care and has found out she’s having a baby boy. Does anyone have any boys clothes or baby items they could donate?”

“I’m due a baby in a few weeks and don’t have a cot or anything I need. Does anyone have……”

Having kids is now clearly a lifestyle choice. Why the duck would you get pregnant if you cannot afford the very basics? Sorry to be blunt but you are choosing to have these kids knowing full well before they are even born that you cannot provide for them. What are you going to do when they are born and you can’t afford milk/nappies/ warm clothing? Beg for that off Facebook? What pisses me off is no one ever dares to say “erm, maybe you should have considered that before you got knocked up?” Then again, you’ll probably get the chavs saying “oh my god, she was on the pill accidents happen!”. Even if accidents do happen, you take the bleeping morning after pill.

What cracks me up even more is these people then get sniffy when they are offered stuff and are like “do you have a matching car seat?” SO YOU CAN AFFORD A bleeping CAR!

Totally agree. We live in a country with (often) free and easy access to various types of contraception, plus schools have to teach sex education. How people get themselves pregnant while not having the means to pay for a baby is just beyond me.

 

[bananabutter]

Off the back of this. Just come off Facebook community groups with two separate people asking:

“My granddaughter has just come out of care and has found out she’s having a baby boy. Does anyone have any boys clothes or baby items they could donate?”

“I’m due a baby in a few weeks and don’t have a cot or anything I need. Does anyone have……”

Having kids is now clearly a lifestyle choice. Why the duck would you get pregnant if you cannot afford the very basics? Sorry to be blunt but you are choosing to have these kids knowing full well before they are even born that you cannot provide for them. What are you going to do when they are born and you can’t afford milk/nappies/ warm clothing? Beg for that off Facebook? What pisses me off is no one ever dares to say “erm, maybe you should have considered that before you got knocked up?” Then again, you’ll probably get the chavs saying “oh my god, she was on the pill accidents happen!”. Even if accidents do happen, you take the bleeping morning after pill.

What cracks me up even more is these people then get sniffy when they are offered stuff and are like “do you have a matching car seat?” SO YOU CAN AFFORD A bleeping CAR!

I’ve said it for years it’s incredible the amount of women who “accidentally get pregnant on the pill”, but you never hear of anyone getting pregnant with the implant which has the same efficacy rate…. I’m sure it has nothing at all to do with human intervention…

 

[HoGi]

I’ve said it for years it’s incredible the amount of women who “accidentally get pregnant on the pill”, but you never hear of anyone getting pregnant with the implant which has the same efficacy rate…. I’m sure it has nothing at all to do with human intervention…

My hairdresser got pregnant on the pill. On further discussion it turns out she rarely took it at the same time, regularly missed days and had had diarrhoea and vomiting but not taken any extra precautions (on this note the tf wants sex when they have D&V?!?!) I told her I'm surprised she only has 1 kid