Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[Louby@21]

I'm new to these threads so apologies if it's already been discussed. Has working with kids made anyone even more sure in their childfree choice? It definitely did for me

I love working with kids have for 25 years professionally, of all ages. To be honest I’ve seen how hard work parenting is through work for a variety of reasons

But I also have seen that growing up with nieces and nephews then my friends whose lives are often stressful because of all what comes along with children that they sometimes are a shadow of themselves. It really made me think and luckily my partner is happy to not follow that path too. We are 45 now. We have a nice uncomplicated life bar the other life stresses like work, aging parents and so on.

 

[crabupatree]

Have to say I agree with the subject of the article - haven't read all so can't comment further as its because its behind a paywall

Meet the defiant generation of women who refuse to have children

Yes, I am missing out on an undeniable joy, but there is plenty to be said for life without children: I'll have time to travel, invest in friendships, hobbies and work. I'll be a loving aunt and godmother.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Mamacita]

Have to say I agree with the subject of the article - haven't read all so can't comment further as its because its behind a paywall

Meet the defiant generation of women who refuse to have children

Yes, I am missing out on an undeniable joy, but there is plenty to be said for life without children: I'll have time to travel, invest in friendships, hobbies and work. I'll be a loving aunt and godmother.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I will just never understand the selfish argument for having children. There's nothing selfish about realising your heart is not in it and not bringing a child to this world despite not really wanting it.

That being said, if someone gave me a million quid I'd consider having a child, as I do like the idea but not at a cost of working full time just so every single penny can be spent on childcare and having absolutely zero time to myself cause I have to work full time

 

[orangehead]

Have to say I agree with the subject of the article - haven't read all so can't comment further as its because its behind a paywall

Meet the defiant generation of women who refuse to have children

Yes, I am missing out on an undeniable joy, but there is plenty to be said for life without children: I'll have time to travel, invest in friendships, hobbies and work. I'll be a loving aunt and godmother.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I agree too! I wouldn’t have a kid for a billion, never mind a million!

 

[hytuhh]

A lot of people's arguments for having kids is "who's gonna look after you when you're older" which I find quite hilarious given how many people are shoved into nursing homes. It's often the baby boomer generation who put forward this argument as well, while refusing to care for their elderly parents and saying that they'd never have them live with them

 

[pinkmug]

If I had any doubts about my decision, seeing my best friend dealing with a bew baby would have fixed it right away. It's a difficult phase for even the most willing mothers but seeing someone struggle like this, on the verge of giving up and inside all day with a baby that cries non stop breaks my heart, because she's just done with it. I hope her mood improves as the kid grows up but I secretly feel sorry for the rest of her life, because her husband wanted the child more than she did, and at what point in the collapse of reason would that lead to this, I don't know. The man won't carry the fetus, give birth, deal with massive body and hormone changes nor will hebe expected to stay home for at least 6 months caring for a baby on top of still emotionally contributing to their relationship and home. She doesn't have thirty full minutes to herself during the entire day. And in the evenings she wants to spend some time with her guy, so she can't slam the door and leave, and is probably too tired cor anything. The cycle continues.

I've watched this woman go through years of arduous medical school at a top university, and internships with so many on-call nights that she was borderline halucinating, yet she was never this downtrodden or unhappy. Truly and sincerely, sod that.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I hate this you’re right or wrong argument with kids. We thankfully live in an age where women can choose whether or not to have a child and not just be permanently pregnant until the menopause.
Reading some of the awful stories of child abuse and killings makes you realise that some people really shouldn’t have children at all but somehow these monsters are missed out of the argument and it’s only us who make a choice for a number of reasons not to have them and suddenly it’s selfish and self centred. Just live and let live, if you want them and have the means to look after them then fill your boots but if you don’t want them then that’s fine too. It really is a first world problem.

 

[ToxicPony]

I hate that in that article she STILL has to clarify 'but I'll be a great auntie and godmother!'

No. If I wanted to spend a load of time with kids I'd have my own. Noone expects a man to dedicate time to kids that aren't even their own? I'm fed up of having to still interact and pretend to be excited to be around children I have no interest in because the idea of a woman not liking kids full stop would make them a complete monster.

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

I hate that in that article she STILL has to clarify 'but I'll be a great auntie and godmother!'

No. If I wanted to spend a load of time with kids I'd have my own. Noone expects a man to dedicate time to kids that aren't even their own? I'm fed up of having to still interact and pretend to be excited to be around children I have no interest in because the idea of a woman not liking kids full stop would make them a complete monster.

ME TOO. I'm probably like a broken record with it, but I've mentioned my MiL was constantly sharing pics of my husband's brother's kid as if just because I'm a woman I should be interested and start cooing. Never once has she sent me a cat meme or a cat funny, which I'd be all over like a rash because I bloody love cats (and she knows that!!) Nope, always the bloody kid.

 

[Popcornshovel]

ME TOO. I'm probably like a broken record with it, but I've mentioned my MiL was constantly sharing pics of my husband's brother's kid as if just because I'm a woman I should be interested and start cooing. Never once has she sent me a cat meme or a cat funny, which I'd be all over like a rash because I bloody love cats (and she knows that!!) Nope, always the bloody kid.

Whenever we're with my husbands family and there's a cousin with a new baby, my MIL is always saying to me 'oooo give him to Popcorn, she wants a baby cuddle'.

No, I don't want to cuddle the babies of my husbands relatives! MIL never gets my husband to cuddle a baby.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Saw a big tweet thread this morning with some right wing conspiracy theorist’s ideas for increasing birth rates and one was to increase scare tactics by warning women about “unplanned childlessness” which is now apparently a worse problem than unplanned pregnancy, and all women want children apparently so childfreedom or “planned childlessness” don’t exist. Gave me a chuckle, they’re getting desperate

 

[tootootoot]

God forbid a woman find her purpose in something other than child rearing!

 

[LaBlonde]

I hate that in that article she STILL has to clarify 'but I'll be a great auntie and godmother!'

No. If I wanted to spend a load of time with kids I'd have my own. Noone expects a man to dedicate time to kids that aren't even their own? I'm fed up of having to still interact and pretend to be excited to be around children I have no interest in because the idea of a woman not liking kids full stop would make them a complete monster.

i find the “but i love being an auntie!” stuff really gets to me and i don’t know why. it’s almost like the woman has to clarify but i still have maternal feelings SOMEWHERE! to make it all more palatable. like you say, a man wouldn’t have to clarify but i love being an UNCLE but women have to keep assuring everyone that we actually still like kids really even if we’re not having our own. it makes me

 

[peachesandcreamz]

God forbid a woman find her purpose in something other than child rearing!

I also really hate the idea that you have to find a "purpose" really!! The same as how you should be doing a job you love - I don't love work! It's okay to just be getting through each day, doing small things that make you happy, spend time with loved ones, take trips to new places.

There's just so much pressure on everyone (and especially women) to somehow do everything.

 

[orangehead]

i find the “but i love being an auntie!” stuff really gets to me and i don’t know why. it’s almost like the woman has to clarify but i still have maternal feelings SOMEWHERE! to make it all more palatable. like you say, a man wouldn’t have to clarify but i love being an UNCLE but women have to keep assuring everyone that we actually still like kids really even if we’re not having our own. it makes me

Yeah, I don’t ‘love’ being an aunt, I am one and it’s fine, but if I wasn’t that would be fine too.
---

I also really hate the idea that you have to find a "purpose" really!! The same as how you should be doing a job you love - I don't love work! It's okay to just be getting through each day, doing small things that make you happy, spend time with loved ones, take trips to new places.

There's just so much pressure on everyone (and especially women) to somehow do everything.

I agree, my purpose in life is to be happy and I think that should be everyone’s. That purpose could then be having children, pets, your career, your hobby, your family, travel, education, whatever but if you’re happy then that’s all that matters.

 

[tootootoot]

I also really hate the idea that you have to find a "purpose" really!! The same as how you should be doing a job you love - I don't love work! It's okay to just be getting through each day, doing small things that make you happy, spend time with loved ones, take trips to new places.

There's just so much pressure on everyone (and especially women) to somehow do everything.

Very true, I posted and thought the same myself

 

[pinkmug]

I also really hate the idea that you have to find a "purpose" really!! The same as how you should be doing a job you love - I don't love work! It's okay to just be getting through each day, doing small things that make you happy, spend time with loved ones, take trips to new places.

There's just so much pressure on everyone (and especially women) to somehow do everything.

Thank you, this was nice to read from someone else too. I've said this on these threads before but it's like the childfree life has to come with compensation. We need to have fun, full, adventurous lives, many nieces and nephews that we love and spoil, travels abroad to exotic places, wild social lives with upscale places to spend our money at...

I fit in none of these categories. I lead a small life. I have a job that pays the bills, I spend time with friends and my parents, I try to keep a decent relationship with my sibling, I work on myself and my mental health issues, I try to go to the dentist on time, I read, I play video games, I visit museums, I laugh at memes and watch the same three series for the 10th time, I save money for holidays and try to enjoy myself. I just want to exist in my own lane and not make effort to make my life admirable or enviable for anyone. I am already very lucky to live the life I live.

I have much to be grateful for, without the "fun" I'm supposed to have. I am able bodied, (somewhat) sane and mostly healthy. I am literate and educated, I've traveled to a few countries, I have a home and a family and people I love who love me and tolerate me when I'm miserable. I can afford treating myself here and there. I get tired from crowds and I like staying home. It's okay with me that I am not in Thailand one week and Lapland the next, but sometimes it feels like we are expected to make up for the lack of parenthood either with loving and spoiling nieces/nephews/friends' kids, or by doing everything a parent can't easily do.

It's wonderful if one wants to do all that but just getting on with your day should be enough too.

 

[Jane Porcupine]

i find the “but i love being an auntie!” stuff really gets to me and i don’t know why. it’s almost like the woman has to clarify but i still have maternal feelings SOMEWHERE! to make it all more palatable. like you say, a man wouldn’t have to clarify but i love being an UNCLE but women have to keep assuring everyone that we actually still like kids really even if we’re not having our own. it makes me

This, but also having pets. It's like you HAVE to be caring for something to prove you're not a monster.

The job thing is really annoying too. My husband's sister is one of those who only ever wanted to be a mum and can't understand a different point of view. It's better now, but in the early years she'd always open a conversation with me with 'how's work?'. I'm not at all career minded and had never given that impression but it was literally like she couldn't think of ANYTHING else to talk to me about.

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

I find it so annoying that childfree people seem to have to caveat that with ‘but I love kids!’…I have to say I actually feel quite uncomfortable around children, especially toddlers…the noise, the running round, the pointless games…and not so much now but when I was younger I didn’t much like being an auntie either!

There is also absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a quiet life and not having to justify your choices!

 

[prozacprincess]

I have two nephews but I don’t consider myself an Auntie. I’ve never even bothered to go over to meet them and the oldest is 14 I simply don’t like children and I’m comfortable with that.