Carrie Hope Fletcher #45 He's behind you! (For evermore)

[Hurrem]

.... honestly, that's just off the top of my head.

I appreciate the effort and I personally think he is vile because of the SA and generally as a person. But let's stop painting him as a monster when Carrie is concerned. She is a manipulative witch, a bully that treats her partners like tit and expects them to keep bending over backwards to please her as if she's the best thing that ever happened to them. She slid into his DMs (they might have changed story but that was how it started) because she knew he was a sure thing. He's clearly into her (he's not that good of an actor) and she is not but is using him because she known he's most likely an incel that has never touched a woman before her.

Yeah he's tit and he deserves to be alone but she's not a poor victim being manipulated by a mastermind like some people try to imply. She's a witch, nothing more and nothing less and if you ask me she should also be alone. She's not deserving to have someone around her because she just mistreats men. She should do a lot of work on herself in order to become worthy to have a partner. I've always thought first you have to be happy, satisfied with your life and at peace in order to have a healthy and happy relationship. Not push all your frustration on someone else and be a user (sound familiar, Carrie??).

Gonna close with a quote from a Russian writer because Carrie needs to hear this. She's a spoiled brat stuck at the worst age possible (teenage years) because she can't get over herself.
An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person's main task in life - becoming a better person.

 

[leabytottle]

Just thinking, most bespoke rings take at least 6 weeks to make. That’s not including the design process with the groom or bride choosing the ring. So at 3 months, he’d already designed and got the wheels in motions.

 

[immamouse]

Someone posted that story she put about their love languages, she really does do the opposite of Joel's love languages huh. He is mostly words of affirmation but on that live there were SO many put-downs, sarcastic jokes made at his expense - those things tend to hurt more when you're a words of affirmation person. And as someone else mentioned, the quality time being high up there as well, except she's always on her phone or distracted. She's really making it easy to tell she's not invested!

 

[mushkala]

Someone posted that story she put about their love languages, she really does do the opposite of Joel's love languages huh. He is mostly words of affirmation but on that live there were SO many put-downs, sarcastic jokes made at his expense - those things tend to hurt more when you're a words of affirmation person. And as someone else mentioned, the quality time being high up there as well, except she's always on her phone or distracted. She's really making it easy to tell she's not invested!

She couldn't even be bothered to spend time on a day off with him doing a favor because she went "if you're already helping out I'd rather stay at home." She does not care about spending time with him at all. Seems like the only love language she supplies well is gifting, and that's because she has an entire house littered with #gifted crap that she needs to get rid of. Like, does she publicly sing his praises (words of affirmation) the way he does for her? No. She sat as far away as possible from him in that Insta live when they told the engagement story, so physical touch is out

 

[Gisela]

Again, which is why people don't tend to ask for their in-law's PERMISSION these days. And instead they ask for their BLESSING. Two totally different things because we've moved on with the times.

Is there such a big difference between the two? What if the parents don't give their blessing?

I find your position very extreme. No, a man doesn't see a woman as a property if he talks to her father (or her parents before proposing). It is a nice thing to do. Of course this is only done when the parents are close, you wouldn't involve your partner's parents (or father) if they had a tit relationship because it would be none of their business.

I'm genuinely curious: are you also against engagement rings as a feminist? Since they're a way for a man to show a woman belongs to him.

I just don't see what's supposed to be nice about it to be honest. I'd be really taken aback if my partner discussed something so fundamental with my parents first. I don't mean marriage in general, I know most couples talk about that before getting engaged (as they should), just telling them things are getting real and the engagement is actually happening soon. My engagement being discussed without me, between my parents and my partner, rubs me the wrong way. Wouldn't it be even nicer to tell them about the engagement together? I just genuinely don't get what's nice about discussing my engagement with my parents without me, before proposing to me, so they can be all excited about it without me?

I'm not against engagement rings at all because they're a lovely reminder of the engagement. They might have stood for ownership back in the days, but now it's a thing most people are really excited about and it has gained a new meaning. I can't really wrap my head around the new meaning of asking for the parent's permission/blessing. My feminism only goes as far as thinking both should be able to have one if they want to. Some men might not want one, some men might want to have one, but if the man wants to have one too, he should get one too.

But I mean, I'm not British. So maybe it seems normal to British people. I don't like the tradition of the father walking his daughter down the aisle either (why is it the father and not the mother?). But in my culture, asking the parents is just a horribly outdated thing only very conservative people would do. It fits Joel, but it doesn't seem to fit her image.

 

[jyu]

Is there such a big difference between the two? What if the parents don't give their blessing?



I just don't see what's supposed to be nice about it to be honest. I'd be really taken aback if my partner discussed something so fundamental with my parents first. I don't mean marriage in general, I know most couples talk about that before getting engaged (as they should), just telling them things are getting real and the engagement is actually happening soon. My engagement being discussed without me, between my parents and my partner, rubs me the wrong way. Wouldn't it be even nicer to tell them about the engagement together? I just genuinely don't get what's nice about discussing my engagement with my parents without me, before proposing to me, so they can be all excited about it without me?

I'm not against engagement rings at all because they're a lovely reminder of the engagement. They might have stood for ownership back in the days, but now it's a thing most people are really excited about and it has gained a new meaning. I can't really wrap my head around the new meaning of asking for the parent's permission/blessing. My feminism only goes as far as thinking both should be able to have one if they want to. Some men might not want one, some men might want to have one, but if the man wants to have one too, he should get one too.

But I mean, I'm not British. So maybe it seems normal to British people. I don't like the tradition of the father walking his daughter down the aisle either (why is it the father and not the mother?). But in my culture, asking the parents is just a horribly outdated thing only very conservative people would do. It fits Joel, but it doesn't seem to fit her image.

i might be wrong but i was under the impression that the “asking for permission/blessing” conversation also included the person being asked. i see it more of a heads up and less of a request. but i’m not british either so not sure how it really goes

 

[Otterley]

I’ve always seen the “asking for permission” as more the future partner in law (in this case Joel) asking if they are good enough for the prospective proposee (Carrie).
My fiancé spoke with my mum and said “I am going to ask Otterley to marry me on X day, would you be ok with that?” He didn’t ask for my hand but knew that I have a strong relationship with my mum and she would know my heart fully.

 

[lostinmusicals]

I'm British. My OH never asked my dad for permission or his blessing. I never told.him I didn't want him to, but he knew because he knows me. He knows I don't care for patriarchal traditions and I have my own agency. My mistakes are my own to make - therefore if my parents thought marrying my OH was a bad idea they'd tell me, but it isn't my dad's (or anyone else's) decision to make.

 

[Loopybird69]

I find the whole name thing amusing. Most of my friends did this when they married. They worked damn hard to get to where they are in their careers to change their name. Me? My maiden name and married name are the same so I couldn’t give a toss

 

[MortalFool9]

At the end of the day, feminism is about choice, is it not? As long as no one's being forced into anything and the practice of asking the parents blessing remains simply a tradition, the feminist choice is whatever the woman chooses to do. I consider myself no less feminist for asking my husband to talk to my parents and having my dad walk me down the ailse, because I made that decision for myself. But then again, I'm from the UK so it's more common here!

 

[WilmaSays]

When it comes to asking permission/blessing (or whatever you call it) it just depends on family so are really into it some are not. My dad would say no to anyone who asks just because he is against asking and believes it is only my choice.
Edit : my dad would also say if they are asking they don't know me well enough

When it comes to the name... I am in a similar situation. I have worked for my name to mean something in my filed so would not want to give that up. But I am thinking of changing it privately just so any future kids could have one surname (and I would have the same one). It is a difficult decision so I hope that was always her plan and not something he wants/pushed for. From what she is saying it is her decision.

 

[Joly Lemon]

I wanted my fiancé to speak to my dad before we got engaged. Like others have mentioned, it was more of a “this is what I want to do, what do you think” kinda thing. I’m a traditionalist so I liked the thought of my fiancé speaking to my dad, but I saw it more of a way for my fiancé to say that he wanted to be part of our family.

We had discussed marriage and I knew that he was saving for a ring and knew he would try and surprise me with the proposal. Like Carrie, I had kind of worked out that my fiancé was up to something because he was acting differently and then booked a table for a posh meal whilst we were in holiday. But I let it go, I knew my fiancé had planned things to surprise me so I wasn’t going to spoil it and I went along with it. It turned out that we didn’t have a posh meal booked and I then actually thought he wasn’t proposing. He ended up completely surprising me by setting up a room full of my favourite things surrounded by candles and playing one of our fave songs. Our family were all hiding in the next room and all came in and surprised me once I’d said yes…could have been awkward if it went the other way, but everyone knew that I would say yes. My point is, my fiancé knew everything I wanted and valued. He worked so hard behind the scenes to make it special but we’ve lived together for 4 years and know each other inside out

 

[LoopyLu32]

is it just me or does anyone else think Carrie writes some of the questions to her own Insta Q&As? So many of them feel like they were written by the same person, in the same tone etc

 

[Suzesnooze]

I doubt he asked for her parent’s permission. He’d obviously met them more than once, so he probably just told them he was going to propose and invited them to the family party afterwards. What does it matter ? Also people on here telling us that we shouldn’t feel sorry for Joel. That’s moderating and against the rules. We’re all entitled to our OWN opinion we don’t need yours forced on us

 

[Must42]

She couldn't even be bothered to spend time on a day off with him doing a favor because she went "if you're already helping out I'd rather stay at home." She does not care about spending time with him at all. Seems like the only love language she supplies well is gifting, and that's because she has an entire house littered with #gifted crap that she needs to get rid of. Like, does she publicly sing his praises (words of affirmation) the way he does for her? No. She sat as far away as possible from him in that Insta live when they told the engagement story, so physical touch is out

To be fair he didn’t invite her to do the thing on the day off with her. He invented something he was supposed to be doing so that when the theatre cafe folk offered her the fake filming thing she’d think “well if Joel is busy, then I might as well do it”.

 

[larin_ree]

I’ve always seen the “asking for permission” as more the future partner in law (in this case Joel) asking if they are good enough for the prospective proposee (Carrie).
My fiancé spoke with my mum and said “I am going to ask Otterley to marry me on X day, would you be ok with that?” He didn’t ask for my hand but knew that I have a strong relationship with my mum and she would know my heart fully.

Definitely agree with this. I've told my partner I'd like him to ask for the blessing of both of our sets of parents when he plans to propose. It used to be a permission/property thing but now I just think it's a nice thing to do to get the blessing to merge your families. Obviously if you're not close with your families this wouldn't be relevant but I like the idea of having the blessing from both sides to join the family. It doesn't need to be an anti-feminist decision depending on the intentions behind it

 

[wordzalad]

i might be wrong but i was under the impression that the “asking for permission/blessing” conversation also included the person being asked. i see it more of a heads up and less of a request. but i’m not british either so not sure how it really goes

That’s kinda what it is, like “hey I’m going to propose to X.” If me and my BF got married, I wouldn’t really want him to ask my parents because Id like to be able to surprise my family by telling them.

I dunno where it comes from now that I think about it, I first heard of it in a movie that, i think, was set in the US. I think it’s just an old traditional thing that’s stuck around in certain places kinda like taking the mans name or something.

 

[trishy]

I thought it was very telling that in the Q&A she said something along the lines of remembering she was engaged when she looked down at her ring and feeling happy. I think that sums it up really - it's the symbolism of having a ring to wear and being able to show other people she's engaged. It's not that she catches herself laughing along with Joel and thinking wow this is the man I get to marry. It has literally nothing to do with him, he's just the generic fiancé.

In some ways I think it's sad she doesn't try and find female role models who haven't settled down with the first man who'd have them and see them living a varied and exciting life, but then I remember she's not a female ally

 

[Mark81]

That’s the thing, she’s acting like she’s the first person in the world to ever have ‘two names’—a professional and a legal one—when it’s quite a common thing, isn’t it??

Also this answer made me laugh because it goes to show Joel doesn’t value gifts at all and yet they both made a whole circus out of the ‘twelve days of Joel’
View attachment 1750289

That's basically confirms how performative and codependent their relationship is with words or affirmation at the top. Only 27% quality time, you have to combine that with physical touch to make being together only just above affirmation

 

[Sping]

When it suddenly hits you that you've made a massive mistake.