Carrie Hope Fletcher #40 Engaged already, what a sham. Have a word #FletcherFam!

[jolene4745]

This whole thing makes me so upset. I’m here as a Carrie fan, not a hater. She has to get out of this relationship! He’s going to destroy her. He’s a manipulative, controlling, love bombing, SA supporting CREEP. It fills me with so much concern that the rest of the Fletcher Fam, Scott etc aren’t saying anything!? Im wondering if he asked Carrie’s dads permission.. did he actually agree to this!? This is just so scary. How is she not seeing this. I think she assumes the only people who use Tattle and the likes are against her, but it’s abundantly clear that the vast majority of us in here are airing genuine CONCERN for her. Please, if you read here Carrie, look after yourself and get out x

What really got me was Scott gave Joel advice about what type of engagement ring she wanted, why? Their relationship is toxic so why help him with an engagement ring?!

 

[kev1974]

I am torn between feeling sorry for her, if putting her arrival into the airport on Insta was all his idea, where are the boundaries, when does she get some privacy? On the other hand the cynical side of me is not sure I trust that it wasn't a joint idea to insta that, I still think they could have prearranged that, if their joint hunger to be instafamous is strong enough.

 

[GrilledCheese]

It does seem like Joel is pushing things more than Carrie. One example is the joint Instagram account they have. It was created by Joel. He followed it first, and then Carrie a while later. He's forcing this

 

[rosieposie87]

The thing is, from that blog post someone posted where Carrie spoke about her gossip threads - she seemed to have a surprisingly reasonable take on them. That while yes, it involves taking all of her very worst traits and hyper focusing on them, that it’s all mostly valid (if harsh) discussions.

I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking of the current direction of these threads though. Not ever, in her decade plus as an internet figure, have this many people gathered to discuss her. I don’t even think during the Alex Day debacle did her threads move this fast. Not to mention the amount of new users/fans who’ve been driven here in the past few months.

Plus I feel like the vibe on here used to involve a bit more back and forth and varying opinions. Like some of us liked Oliver, some of us didn’t. Sometimes people would defend Carrie over certain things, others would disagree etc. But it’s become completely united now in our mutual discomfort and dislike of Joel’s behaviour. Literally no one ever defends him or tries to play devils advocate. And a lot of us on here extended good will and hopeful expectations towards him at the start. That alone speaks volumes imo.

 

[AvaKnight]

Right. I am (broadly speaking) up to date on....this *gestures at the C&J shitshow*

I mean, I could go ON given all the absolute tit that has happened over the past few weeks, but I don't think I could cover things as eloquently as many fellow Tattlers. But I do want to say two things (probably not as concisely as I should....)

1) Those SA messages (absolute credit to you, @LilytheSunflower - I really hope I have the right handle - you handled yourself beautifully given a really challenging subject, especially with Joel managing to be a special kind of absolute bellend. I am so bloody sorry for what you experienced, both personally and because of Joel). To me, in those messages, Joel shows who he is. What's the saying, 'when people show you who they are, believe them'? Well, Carrie, there's your future husband. Unable to listen to sense, reason, showing himself to be entirely incapable of supporting SA and SH survivors. Reading those messages, I was absolutely disgusted but not at all surprised - but the idea he can support and excuse the behaviour of such despicable people is truly upsetting. As I know will be the case for so many of us here, I experienced SA and SH, unfortunately at the hands of a family member. I was told to my face I was a liar. That pain has stayed with me; years of counselling has helped and continues to help - but the idea such an odious man with such heinous opinions is someone Carrie wants to legally attach herself to is honestly sickening. I'm not expressing myself well; a combination of anger and jet lag. Men like him are the reason I keep my story locked in a very small box, away from questioning and away from judgement.

2) I have been married a long time. I am very, very lucky. We knew early on, had been friends, and there isn't a day that goes by I don't feel grateful for the partnership I have. If I could ever give any kind of advice to anyone - but, really, what I mean is if I could give any advice to Carrie right now....people will tell you marriage is hard. That every day is a challenge. But actually - marriage can be easy. But ONLY when you are married to the right person. Engagement, wedding? It's nothing. The wedding especially; it's one day. You have to know that you are going into something that will hopefully last for your lifetime. I'm going to be celebrating close to 2 decades in a few years; but it barely feels like it. Because we chose each other then, and continue to choose each other now. Not because of a fairytale or a wish to tick a box by a certain point. It's your life and you only get one, do you ever want to look back and think 'tit, I made the wrong choice?'

Lastly - where is the bleeping joy?! I remember being recently engaged and felt like I was on cloud sodding nine - I haven't seen anything even close to that from Carrie? I'm conscious that photos and even videos only offer a very small snapshot of life, but even so. She looked so resigned when she saw him at the airport; if its like that now, how does she expect it to be ten, fifteen, twenty years down the line? It's really, really sad.

 

[Pazc]

What really got me was Scott gave Joel advice about what type of engagement ring she wanted, why? Their relationship is toxic so why help him with an engagement ring?!

We got that information from Joel though and he's an unreliable narrator. Maybe he went to Scott and said "do you think she would like this design" and he said "that's pretty". Maybe Joel didn't even mention it as a thing he was planning to do this soon. We have no idea

Or maybe Scott knew there was no talking him out of it and at least wanted her to have something she'd like. And ultimately it's not Scott's responsibility to reject Joel's proposal for her

 

[Elinie]

It scares me how much we joke/predict stuff and it comes true. I don't know if it's because he's scrolling through here looking for ideas. Or because so many women on here have been in similar situations with men and recognise the patterns in behaviour.

Makes me so sad that so many of you have had to go through this shite.

It is because the way emotional abusers and manipulators operate is textbook. They all seem to follow the same prescribed script. And so far we don't know whether Joel is abusive (I'd say we do know he's manipulative, I mean, just the way he's pushing their relationship online is him making it harder for Carrie to leave if she wanted). But we do know he's following the typical steps so far. The huge gestures, the fast declarations of love, the rushed commitment, the ingratiating himself into her relationships, her work, the guilting and moping when she went to do something on her own, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Most of the posts on here now are coming from a place of genuine concern, and I'd hope Carrie would struggle to brush all of them off as meanie haters.

Her only options then are:
1) Many people on this thread have had toxic past relationships and are projecting this onto her perfect relationship because of their own trauma. In which case, surely you'd have to ask yourself - what about the way we're portraying our actually healthy relationship is triggering this, if it's not a reflection of reality?

Or
2) Joel's behaviour reminds many people on this thread of a traumatic relationship they've been in/around and are giving her the warnings they wish they'd paid attention to before things got worse.

And I think you put this really well. Carrie already posted something about "people projecting onto her relationship". So it sounds like she's already rationalised other people's concerns away with that logic. And, true, that will be part of it, what we see in other people depends on what we've experienced ourselves. But like you said, even if it's just a lot of people projecting that this relationship is toxic because it reminds them of their own experiences, surely she must still ask herself what that means. Every person in a damaging relationship thinks their partner might check all the boxes for an abuser, but in their case it's different, they have true love. Her comment on having something "a lot of people want but few find" makes me think she's explaining the worrying start of her relationship away with that kind of typical reasoning. Yes, he's too intense on paper and this is technically loveboming and that would be worrying in general, but we just have that special kind of relationship that few people understand, so it's different.

As much as we also talked about how odd her relationship with Oliver seemed, that never drew this level of concern from people.

 

[pineapplesandcheese]

It does seem like Joel is pushing things more than Carrie. One example is the joint Instagram account they have. It was created by Joel. He followed it first, and then Carrie a while later. He's forcing this

Yeah, and he announced that they were together first and then subtly announced that they were engaged with the balloon story

 

[AvaKnight]

We got that information from Joel though and he's an unreliable narrator. Maybe he went to Scott and said "do you think she would like this design" and he said "that's pretty". Maybe Joel didn't even mention it as a thing he was planning to do this soon. We have no idea

Or maybe Scott knew there was no talking him out of it and at least wanted her to have something she'd like. And ultimately it's not Scott's responsibility to reject Joel's proposal for her

Really good point, that we are only getting this information through the lens of Joel. We don't even know if Scott knew he was giving advice on an engagement ring, for all we know Joel just said a ring for her birthday - even easier to get around as the stone is emerald (nothing wrong with that, just that diamonds are the more expected engagement stone).

Also, speaking slightly in defence of Scott, I would find it nigh on impossible to say no to the partner of a good friend if they were asking for help/advice, even if I wasn't supportive of the relationship. My priority would be long term support of my friend - and I think Scott is probably playing the long game.

 

[allthemyths]

Yeah, and he announced that they were together first and then subtly announced that they were engaged with the balloon story

Kind of convinced that he’s also been the one on here who stated “that fellow looked like a man!” back in May. Before somebody knew for sure that Carrie was dating somebody new. Coincidence? I think not.

 

[jolene4745]

We got that information from Joel though and he's an unreliable narrator. Maybe he went to Scott and said "do you think she would like this design" and he said "that's pretty". Maybe Joel didn't even mention it as a thing he was planning to do this soon. We have no idea

Or maybe Scott knew there was no talking him out of it and at least wanted her to have something she'd like. And ultimately it's not Scott's responsibility to reject Joel's proposal for her

True, no hate against Scott, I actually quite like Scott just saying it seems weird and bizarre. But Carrie and Joel’s whole relationship is, it’s so toxic it’s unhinged.

Really good point, that we are only getting this information through the lens of Joel. We don't even know if Scott knew he was giving advice on an engagement ring, for all we know Joel just said a ring for her birthday - even easier to get around as the stone is emerald (nothing wrong with that, just that diamonds are the more expected engagement stone).

Also, speaking slightly in defence of Scott, I would find it nigh on impossible to say no to the partner of a good friend if they were asking for help/advice, even if I wasn't supportive of the relationship. My priority would be long term support of my friend - and I think Scott is probably playing the long game.

True, we all know Joel is a narcissistic person so. This entire thing is just so unhinged and bizarre. And quite frankly sad, it’s just sad and concerning to see.

 

[talkinghead]

i hate how much she looks like she’s acting in this photo. her expression reminds me exactly of my sister who’s a narcissist and who has a completely fake persona for everyone else except my parents and our siblings. She’s pretending this is perfect because she cannot live being alone because narcissists NEED constant attention.

Honestly, she looks manic. As much as Carrie has said and done things I don’t agree with, I wish someone would step in and save her from this.

EDIT: i just wanted to add, she honestly looks a bit frightened

 

[YTZeleb23]

The fact that it's so public (and he has fans/her fans gushing over it) makes it even harder to stomach.

But I feel like the more Carrie sees, the more she'll push back because she's out to prove "haters" wrong or whatever.

 

[jolene4745]

i hate how much she looks like she’s acting in this photo. her expression reminds me exactly of my sister who’s a narcissist and who has a completely fake persona for everyone else except my parents and our siblings. She’s pretending this is perfect because she cannot live being alone because narcissists NEED constant attention.

Honestly, she looks manic. As much as Carrie has said and done things I don’t agree with, I wish someone would step in and save her from this.

EDIT: i just wanted to add, she honestly looks a bit frightened

She has acted manic since the breakup, but it’s just gotten worse and worse and now it’s a literal unhinged shitshow. Carrie, please get out.

 

[Velocinaptor2]

I have it on good authority that they’ve both been so quiet because Joel had another tattoo appointment this morning

Long time lurker, had to finally post because HOLY tit…

 

[Neycroo]

Right. I am (broadly speaking) up to date on....this *gestures at the C&J shitshow*

I mean, I could go ON given all the absolute tit that has happened over the past few weeks, but I don't think I could cover things as eloquently as many fellow Tattlers. But I do want to say two things (probably not as concisely as I should....)

1) Those SA messages (absolute credit to you, @LilytheSunflower - I really hope I have the right handle - you handled yourself beautifully given a really challenging subject, especially with Joel managing to be a special kind of absolute bellend. I am so bloody sorry for what you experienced, both personally and because of Joel). To me, in those messages, Joel shows who he is. What's the saying, 'when people show you who they are, believe them'? Well, Carrie, there's your future husband. Unable to listen to sense, reason, showing himself to be entirely incapable of supporting SA and SH survivors. Reading those messages, I was absolutely disgusted but not at all surprised - but the idea he can support and excuse the behaviour of such despicable people is truly upsetting. As I know will be the case for so many of us here, I experienced SA and SH, unfortunately at the hands of a family member. I was told to my face I was a liar. That pain has stayed with me; years of counselling has helped and continues to help - but the idea such an odious man with such heinous opinions is someone Carrie wants to legally attach herself to is honestly sickening. I'm not expressing myself well; a combination of anger and jet lag. Men like him are the reason I keep my story locked in a very small box, away from questioning and away from judgement.

2) I have been married a long time. I am very, very lucky. We knew early on, had been friends, and there isn't a day that goes by I don't feel grateful for the partnership I have. If I could ever give any kind of advice to anyone - but, really, what I mean is if I could give any advice to Carrie right now....people will tell you marriage is hard. That every day is a challenge. But actually - marriage can be easy. But ONLY when you are married to the right person. Engagement, wedding? It's nothing. The wedding especially; it's one day. You have to know that you are going into something that will hopefully last for your lifetime. I'm going to be celebrating close to 2 decades in a few years; but it barely feels like it. Because we chose each other then, and continue to choose each other now. Not because of a fairytale or a wish to tick a box by a certain point. It's your life and you only get one, do you ever want to look back and think 'tit, I made the wrong choice?'

Lastly - where is the bleeping joy?! I remember being recently engaged and felt like I was on cloud sodding nine - I haven't seen anything even close to that from Carrie? I'm conscious that photos and even videos only offer a very small snapshot of life, but even so. She looked so resigned when she saw him at the airport; if its like that now, how does she expect it to be ten, fifteen, twenty years down the line? It's really, really sad.

I agree, I see no real love from Carrie, zero chemistry, I would be holding my new fiance's hand over the table at our engagement dinner not my mobile. She literally has more chemistry with Scott.
I think she seemed the happiest with Pete in photos, as a couple. With Joel everything seems forced, not a genuine loving smile from her. I really don't think this is what she imagined feeling like being newly engaged.

 

[Poothe]

A public proposal, choreographed and directed by Joel, in a theatre with invited audience, and with a professional photographer present to capture the moment - it was impossible for her to say no, or I love you but not yet, or anything other than yes. I feel really sad for her. If she could be brave enough to walk away, there would be 100% support from this page, I have no doubt.

 

[Neycroo]

She has acted manic since the breakup, but it’s just gotten worse and worse and now it’s a literal unhinged shitshow. Carrie, please get out.

How long a manic episode can last with bipolar?

 

[Inkdeath]

Joel is like what I imagine it must be like dating Carrie... Exhausting. But I am surprised that Joel for his proposal didn't even outdo the tangled date Alex Day had done for Carrie before he turned out to be a knob

 

[allthemyths]

Well, that is an interesting first reaction to coming home to your new fiancé who, in your absence, talked about literally nothing but you. Wow.

She obviously wishes herself far, away.