So we are totally rejecting the fact that he insists she is. My presumption is he knows a lot more about their situation and what went on between them than we do and if he says she is also a victim in this story then I’m taking that at face value.
I'm sorry Bessie, but this in itself is not so subtle victim blaming. You are insinuating that he did something to lead her on and thus in some sense its his fault that she went batshit crazy obsessed over him and stalked him. You mention in an earlier post that every character in the show, RG included admits he encouraged her. But you frame that in black and white without any nuance. Nobody teaches you how to deal with a stalker, especially one who is obviously broken and vulnerable, who you feel compassion for but are also scared of, especially when you don't want to trigger them into even more dangerous behaviour, so instead you placate them, not realising that will just encourage them in their delusions. He obviously felt sorry for her, still does, knows that she has been hurt in her past and doesn't want to see her hurt again, but he also wants to tell his story. This is a conflict victims often feel, especially when their abuser is family or someone they cared about or have compassion for. They feel responsible for their well-being, for protecting them, even as they want to speak out and get justice for themselves. Many abusers groom their victims to feel sorry for them and to blame themselves to keep them silent and protect themselves and it can be a real mindfuck for victims.
My interpretation of him saying she is also a victim in this story is that she is a victim of her own past, that something tragic happened to her that damaged her psychologically and emotionally and makes her a victim of her own damaged mental health, and thus she acts out in this way. But even if he did lead her on, he didn't deserve what she did to him, and she alone is responsible for her choices and her behaviour. She's faced legal repercussions for stalking before, she may not be able to control herself, but she knows what she was doing is wrong.
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I think you have effectively pointed out why I feel so unsettled by RG! I’m 36 and maybe like, 15 years ago there was this real discourse about ‘nice guys’ who were basically not-nice guys who pretended to be nice, until we wouldn’t sleep with them and then they would be like ‘why don’t you want to sleep with me? I’m such a *nice guy*. Fucks sake you owe me’ and have a misogynistic tantrum. I dunno if I’m old, jaded and massively projecting but all the way through Baby Reindeer my ‘nice guy’ radar was telling me ‘don’t trust him’ about RG. I think you nailed it - RG is saying ‘it’s ok that I’m making this show because I’m so *self-reflective* and so *empathetic* - look, I behaved badly too!’. But he’s only showing us the bad behaviour he wants us to see, that he’s comfortable to admit to. No one else in the show gets that luxury. It could be argued that they don’t deserve it but he is making some very serious criminal allegations about several people - even if they’d murdered him and it had gone to court they’d be entitled to a defence and to have their say. By doing it via a world wide streaming platform, it removes that option for them. Even those who haven’t actually done anything wrong (Teri, his dad) get the most personal parts of their life laid bare. Maybe they were ok with that, I don’t know. But the only one it benefits is RG’s quest for fame and money. I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel that empathetic to me and that is why I feel unsettled by him.
Sadly the nice guy phenomenon is very much in existence today.
