Pundertaker
Chatty Member
In that pic, he looks like someone shoved Grandma's dentures into Joe 
LolitaBlah
VIP Member
LolitaBlah
VIP Member
HAPPY NEW YEAR NIMBOBS TATTLERS!!! 🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩First new thread of the year! and what a year!! We went from thread 16 to 35 with A LOT of new members!! yoohoo!
As for our favorite Nimbecile, she had quite the year too:
- she isn't an influencer anymore, she is a (read with the most pretentious accent you could do please) "content creator"
- veganism is not her thing anymore
- still not over Dreamy Joe (duh!!), while mister perfect is still banging Anna Banana
- she is still trying to convince the world that she is as fun and wild and crazy as Anna Banana but who, is, she, kidding!!
- Her hair is fried and wild...
- She had Covid because her vaccine "has expired" and it was a total mess
- She bought a house that looks more like a shed... which turned out to be the reality of it.. she didn't spend more than 10 consecutive days in this new house
- And the event of the year, the introduction of the one and only, the biggest man spreader, the wildest Trump supporter, the man with the biggest ego and tiniest.. brain.. Forky!! also known as Dick Van Fork, also known as Bradley Simmonds, Fitness prodigy and God's gift to the thin-blond-rich females of instagram! The is-he-isn't-he dating 1-million-followers-Niomi-Smart! The man that eats sushi with a fork and spells potato.. potatoe. For people who need a visual:
That's our year recap guys!! Might I remind you that we have a NiomiMoodScale that you can use to describe your feelings in this thread?
Title thread by @strawb
Please vote on the poll...
Oh moooooooon!!
bolimepipi
VIP Member
she found him in bed with a piece of toast and peanut butter
peanutbuttercupp11
Chatty Member
So awkward that she deleted every trace of him from her social media now they're back together
Mr.Mistoffelees
Chatty Member
I'm finally feeling sympathetic towards Niomi after years! My (now ex) boyfriend blindsided me and broke up with me. Everything was good, it wasn't a Niomi and Joe situation, there were no signs, he also said he doesn't love me anymore. Sorry for the off-topic guys, I'm hurting so much, this thread has been my safe haven for a long time and I'm coming here for any advice you have. I'm so devastated.
sitkx
VIP Member
Beautiful Tattlers, since it's December 1st at last, I'm gonna resume my VLOGMAS programming.
This is for my dreamy Tattle friends who enjoy reminiscing!
We're gonna have to use our time machines and transport to better days, AKA December 2019 (the final Joemas
).
For context, this is when they got engaged and were moving to India in January.
Be warned, 2019 Niomi is extra smug
- No daily Vlogmas. She says there's too much going on, too much "admin stuff" (lol) and "house stuff", so she will be combining days into one vlog
- This is followed by her saying, "today is really chilled, I got no plans". What the fuck happened to all that admin stuff then? Why not do it, if you have no plans for the day??
- With trembling hands, she tells us she had a "big night out" and went to sleep at 4:30am
So naturally, what do you do after a big night out? You drag poor old Fredward to the same fucking vegan cafe that you drag him to every single time.
(Pictured: Freddie, after Joe begs him to meet Niomi for lunch)
- "So I'm a bit tired, not feeling 100%", she says proudly. Stay home then?
- We are BLESSED with one of her ugliest sunglasses to date. Who does she look like? (wrong answers only)
- "So I'm here with FreddyYyYyyy", she sing-songs, "we've come to our FAVE cafe, for our FAVE smoothies". Meanwhile, Freddie, at his fave cafe with his fave smoothie:
(Pictured: the face of someone who issaying "kill me now" really happy).
- At home, she says she's been on her phone browsing instagram because "Sundays are for resting", unless of course Joe is in town, in which case "I always plan loads".
(Pictured: Joey, when he is woken up at 5AM on a Sunday to go on a 30km run).
- She says she gets "cabin fever" and needs to get out of the house, even though it's raining. Imagine being so dull that you can't spend absolutely any time with your own thoughts.
- "I must lose umbrellas licherally every monf or something, story of my life". She's so quirky and disorganized, you guys! Isn't it just soOoOo cute?
- She says with a smug smile, "Who remembers last year, when Freddie came and bought the Christmas tree with me? It was SO FUN".
(Pictured: Freddie on Dec.1, 2018, seeing if he can maybe make his escape while she is not looking)
- "Bless him, Fred put it all up for me...cause Joe was in India again!" Now ladies, don't forget to find yourself a man for the holiday season -- who else will put up your Christmas tree? Surely not you! After all, we are just weakwomen females. Oh moon!
- She finally reveals that Joe is in India for 5 weeks, and will return mid-December. Same thing happened last year and "Freddy basically took his place"
- Pahhhfect dinner (lol) to conclude the coziest Sunday, doesn't it just look scrumptious:
- She pretends to be watching "Seven Worlds, One Planet" with David Attenborough, probably because that's something Kate Middleton would be watching. She says she will watch another episode of the Crown after this. Sure, Jan. This is somebody who's been "watching" the first 10 minutes of Succession for like 3 weeks now.
(Pictured: Niomi trying to figure out what episode she's watching because she's been paying such close attention and definitely not browsing Instagram the whole time)
- She concludes the vlog by very smugly telling the viewers she'll be spending all day tomorrow getting ready for The Fashion Awards:
End of Vlogmas # 1
Stay tuned for the Fashion Awards girlies
This is for my dreamy Tattle friends who enjoy reminiscing!
We're gonna have to use our time machines and transport to better days, AKA December 2019 (the final Joemas
).For context, this is when they got engaged and were moving to India in January.
Be warned, 2019 Niomi is extra smug - No daily Vlogmas. She says there's too much going on, too much "admin stuff" (lol) and "house stuff", so she will be combining days into one vlog
- This is followed by her saying, "today is really chilled, I got no plans". What the fuck happened to all that admin stuff then? Why not do it, if you have no plans for the day??
- With trembling hands, she tells us she had a "big night out" and went to sleep at 4:30am
So naturally, what do you do after a big night out? You drag poor old Fredward to the same fucking vegan cafe that you drag him to every single time.
(Pictured: Freddie, after Joe begs him to meet Niomi for lunch)
- "So I'm a bit tired, not feeling 100%", she says proudly. Stay home then?
- We are BLESSED with one of her ugliest sunglasses to date. Who does she look like? (wrong answers only)
- "So I'm here with FreddyYyYyyy", she sing-songs, "we've come to our FAVE cafe, for our FAVE smoothies". Meanwhile, Freddie, at his fave cafe with his fave smoothie:
(Pictured: the face of someone who is
- At home, she says she's been on her phone browsing instagram because "Sundays are for resting", unless of course Joe is in town, in which case "I always plan loads".
(Pictured: Joey, when he is woken up at 5AM on a Sunday to go on a 30km run).
- She says she gets "cabin fever" and needs to get out of the house, even though it's raining. Imagine being so dull that you can't spend absolutely any time with your own thoughts.
- "I must lose umbrellas licherally every monf or something, story of my life". She's so quirky and disorganized, you guys! Isn't it just soOoOo cute?
- She says with a smug smile, "Who remembers last year, when Freddie came and bought the Christmas tree with me? It was SO FUN".
(Pictured: Freddie on Dec.1, 2018, seeing if he can maybe make his escape while she is not looking)
- "Bless him, Fred put it all up for me...cause Joe was in India again!" Now ladies, don't forget to find yourself a man for the holiday season -- who else will put up your Christmas tree? Surely not you! After all, we are just weak
- She finally reveals that Joe is in India for 5 weeks, and will return mid-December. Same thing happened last year and "Freddy basically took his place"
- Pahhhfect dinner (lol) to conclude the coziest Sunday, doesn't it just look scrumptious:
- She pretends to be watching "Seven Worlds, One Planet" with David Attenborough, probably because that's something Kate Middleton would be watching. She says she will watch another episode of the Crown after this. Sure, Jan. This is somebody who's been "watching" the first 10 minutes of Succession for like 3 weeks now.
(Pictured: Niomi trying to figure out what episode she's watching because she's been paying such close attention and definitely not browsing Instagram the whole time)
- She concludes the vlog by very smugly telling the viewers she'll be spending all day tomorrow getting ready for The Fashion Awards:
End of Vlogmas # 1
Stay tuned for the Fashion Awards girlies
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imsorryabtthisacct
Well-known member
Nothing will replace "onwards and upwards but not woodwards" or "where did joey goey" in my heart.Agree, can ve reserve the next thread title?
mitzy4ever
Member
I've deleted her comment and made some adjustments.
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Did you ever think you’d come onto tattle life and head straight to niomi smarts thread....
fucking 2020
fucking 2020
lottiekarotti
Well-known member
This is so funny to me, what kind of influencer is she
Oh god here we go.
What an odd engagement. At his parents house which looks like the inside of a National trust property with your family awkwardly standing around. Is it just me or does the whole thing look really awkward?
And they’ve only been together a year. What a rushed decision considering she’s had a broken engagement 2 and a half years ago.
What an odd engagement. At his parents house which looks like the inside of a National trust property with your family awkwardly standing around. Is it just me or does the whole thing look really awkward?
And they’ve only been together a year. What a rushed decision considering she’s had a broken engagement 2 and a half years ago.
Lovemeabitoftea
Active member
Good grief. Her narcissism knows no bounds.
triesherbest
Chatty Member
...
oh fuck off
mostly_mozart
Member
It’s a v weird podcast
The story of how they met is not cute
He asked her ‘if she was open to love?’ and she replied ‘no’ to which he replied ‘can I challenge you on that?’ and she responds ‘yes’.
So basically the whole relationship began with him disrespecting her boundaries
The story of how they met is not cute
He asked her ‘if she was open to love?’ and she replied ‘no’ to which he replied ‘can I challenge you on that?’ and she responds ‘yes’.
So basically the whole relationship began with him disrespecting her boundaries