niomi smart : Most liked Posts

missmina said:

All these beauty treatments and money and somehow her hair still looks like total shit

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It's the Larry King curse
---


The Daily Mail got the memo

Ooh, salty Donkey! Come through!

Niomi Smart: my bum is out, my trip was free, why's everyone so mean to me?

WhippedCreamAndSprinkles said:

Joe recently followed this anti-Trump account.I wonder if she and Joe also had differing political opinions. I can definitely picture Niomi as being a Trump supporter. She is absolutely that kind of person. People speculated she and her family are Torys? I believe she puts on a front for social media to please the people but it’s not really how she feels. Supporting black lives and refugees etc.
She’s all about being white and rich with no empathy or care in the world about anybody elseView attachment 243176

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Sorry but absolutely no way is Niomi a Trump nut. Just because she might vote Tory, doesn’t mean she’s so far right that she supports that orange loon. Her family, if they vote Tory, are the kind that would do so for their own economic benefit. Like many do in the U.K. Not because she has nasty ideas about race. I have never got the impression that she is racist to any degree. She can’t help being white and wealthy and yes, she does seem a bit ignorant in her privilege on occasion but she has shed tears about homelessness and volunteered for numerous charities, including abroad. She clearly is conscientious about matters, perhaps not to an extensive degree but she has never ever struck me as a Trump supporter.

Joe just strikes me as someone who might be more interested in politics than Niomi. That’s it. That’s the tea. Not that Niomi is a Trump fan. WTF?

Can’t argue with that

Hello everyone and happy December 2nd!
I'm back with VLOGMAS, and today we are teleporting back to The Fashion Awards of 2019 ~
(This vlog is 20 freaking minutes long, so bear with me here)




- "I woke up later than I should've, at 7, and just been faffing around the house for an hour...and it's now... *checks phone* ...8!"

(Niomi calculating 7 plus 1)

- In just 2 minutes we get to experience the full range of Niomi's vocabulary (timestamps 03:20-05:36) "beuchiful day", "such a beuchiful salon", "beauchiful couture dresses, they're all made so beauchifully", "these two beauchiful shoes here", "they're all absolutely beauchiful".
The beautiful shoes in question:

Just to remind you, this is 2019 and not 2007.

- For the newbies on this thread, here she shows off the ring that Joe bought her at an antique shop that she's been spotted wearing a few days ago (while also posting sappy Instagram stories with a depressing song about him):



- Niomi explains that she left the hairstylist booking for the freaking red carpet to the very last minute, so she had to find a completely random stylist on some app the night before (#AD? #Sponsored? #gifted? Who knows)


- I’m being petty, but has anyone ever noticed how when she's talking, she constantly has to stop and swallow really hard, then tsk?? It makes my skin crawl (02:20, 07:41, 09:10, 09:51, 10:25).

(Pictured: me, listening to her gulping every two minutes)

- She lists like 50 beauty treatments that she had done in preparation for the red carpet, then says very self-importantly, "But I didn't have a facial — didn't have time. Would've been nice, but didn't have time". Remember how the DAY BEFORE THIS she had a whole free day, but "didn't have time" for a facial because she's very busy and important


- Hairstylist listening to Niomi talk for licherally the entire time she's doing her hair:
(For this activity, we will play Spot The Difference!)



(Pictured: hairstylist telepathically sending SOS signals to the makeup artist)

Meanwhile, Niomi (bragging about Joe, probably):

Her monologue, according to me: “Yeah Joey is just, like, SO dreamy. Absolutely pahhhfect. Look at this beauchiful ring he bought me at the antique shop, it’s just done so beauchifully, it will go beauchifully with my dress tonight. I’m going to the fashion awards, did you know? Anyway, Joey is just licherally so pahfect, he’s quite dreamy, isn’t he…I’m not a yewchewba though, if you’re wondering. People licherally think I’m an influencer, but I’m licherally not. By the way, are you in the market for a new mop by any chance? —“

“—and Joey is in India right now, which is just so beauchiful and absolutely dreamy. It’s licherally pahfect, but I’ll have to remember to hide the peanut butters when he comes back. Did I mention that he’s quite close with the royal family? It’s quite dreamy—“

“—so then my best friend Charlotte introduced us. I call her Bridget Jones, isn’t it licherally a pahfect name for her? You know, I woke up quite late yesterday, at around 5AM, which is just so unlike me! I did plan to go on a 35km run, but I was listening to my body and only did a 32km run…it was quite dreamy though. I came home and had a Feel New tea, which is licherally so pahfect, but it was quite filling, so I skipped breakfast, lunch, and dinner—“

(Pictured: Niomi realizing that her Saturn return is scheduled for 2020)

- After the hair and makeup, Niomi humblebrags that Joey has already sent her not one, but two bouquets of flowers and some money for sticky toffee pudding, and that he will be returning on the 12th.
(Pictured: Joey watching from India, knowing damn well he's not returning on the 12th)

- We get a brief foreshadow of 2020/2021 below, and she finally sets off to the event.


- This vlog was a freaking drag and a bore, and so I just leave you with this:


(Pictured: Niomi clearly hating being compared to Severus Snape)
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Y'all, I'm already getting tired of watching her vlogs...

Me, talking to myself after I agreed to do all her vlogmas videos:


Anyway, good night

OT here to make you feel better about your own lives
Guys im going through the worst break up of my life. I feel like I just lost my own Dreamy Joe. I'm almost 30 but I don't have money to burn like Niomi so I can't even do what I want with my life and start over. My heart feels like it was ripped out of my chest yesterday morning when it happened. It's so raw right now. I haven't stopped crying for the last 24 hours.
I'm also about to be fired because my boss thinks I'm underperforming. I have no savings because I burned through them all in the last year living in London since I was working underpaid jobs, I'm still underpaid at the moment (30k) it's barely enough to get by when my rent is 900 a month- in a house share...
I've left London for Easter and come back to my family up north- we're not made of money but my mum has been so supportive, I was really scared to tell her all of this because I've always been the child they don't have to worry about, but she was just happy to see me and that I opened up to her.
I don't know why I'm telling a bunch of strangers on the Internet this. I think I see a bit of myself in niomi in terms of her mental state, I'm a mess. But she has the means to literally pay for help, go anywhere in the world, buy property, distract herself, and I can't. I just feel helpless, depressed and alone.

Niomi #5: it’s smoothie bowl weather but they’re not together, feel new tea was the end of Joe’s tether

Someone said that we gonna see his little fork soon (with her showing so much skin) and here we are.
I hate how close our predictions are.

What an awful day to have eyes.

just caught up on the last thread and wow i didn't expect to get as frustrated by niomi as i did this time lol. i haven't re-read what i've written below so if it sounds off/rambly/totally wrong, feel free to reach out and teach me!

without trying to sound holier-than-thou or preachy, i cannot stand the surface-level liberal feminist rhetoric that many affluent, white influencers such as niomi attempt to shield their wrongdoings with. 99% of the time, their actions feed straight into the capitalist, patriarchal system and neglect to make any meaningful change to a society that systemically upholds white supremacy and misogyny. as we know, niomi's 'career' fuels the exploitation of countless women via fast fashion, etc., as well as through her inability to use her platform as a way to draw attention towards important social issues. she's happy to use women of colour for her smartskin campaign, capitalising on their image but refusing to amplify their voices through being her so-called 'smart skin muses'. it's all about what they can do for her, not what she can do for them.

it is only when women like niomi feel personally offended or annoyed by (mostly valid) backlash that they arm themselves with their one inequality (being a woman) and conveniently fail to acknowledge their countless social and economic privileges. i am not discounting the negative experiences that are universal to all women but she cannot see past this and realise that others have it far worse than her. moreover, (and some of you might disagree with this) i loathe the idea that all women MUST support ALL women no matter what. to me, it feels that i have to erase someone's identity bar the fact that they are a woman. we exist beyond this signifier; we are multi-faceted and are people, not caricatures. in my opinion, to practice feminism is to a) view all people's experiences through an intersectional lens, b) recognise the overlapping relationships between numerous identities, social/political structures and struggles, and c) actively dismantle oppressive systems that continually harm the most vulnerable in our societies. on the path to liberation, we can at least hold each other accountable, no?

niomi, do better and understand that not every woman has to agree with you purely because you are also a woman. consider the fact that your ignorance is both tone-deaf and dangerous. quit victimising yourself and see the bigger picture beyond the ones you post on your instagram. you could have a far better influence if you really tried. oh wait, sorry... #notaninfluencer

Dears shadows of the dark, 2023 wasn't an easy year for us on this thread. It went from ugly to uglier to shitty to OMFG what did I just see! Let's review last year in numbers:
- 18 threads
- more than 18200 comments
- 16 youtube videos
- 1 new boyfriend
- 1 new engagement
- 1 new personality transplant
- 1 lost best friend
- 1 visa overstay (or 2?)
- 1 failed business (smart skin)
- 1 failed podcast
- Mamma Bahhhhli
- Pahhhfectly happyyyy
and... Kundalini, IV drips, crystals, rice growing, talking to trees, trees talking back, cocoa ceremonies, lingerie parties, feathers, Lordon's penis, Lordon's penis worshipping, shadows of the Dark.... it's never ending.

The last thing we have heard of her was that she is back to being 12 years old and she is making a vision board for 2024. So I thought why not make one for us too? So ladies and gentlemen, here is our pahfect vision board for Nimbobs 2024:




Happy new year to all of you my friends , you are one of the best communities on this site. We went through break ups, losing pets, losing jobs, having new jobs, weddings, babies and more together! You guys are the only reason I still come to this thread.

Thread title by Nimbobs herself!!! (Thank you @julixx!)
And I'm still blaming all of this on Joey Oh moon!

Amazing. They have a WALLPAPER of books in their study, but not ACTUAL books. This is so consistent with everything we know about her & I'm rolling

Sprottish said:

Anyone clock creepy Lordons hair looming over the camera top right at the end? Gun to your head Niomi?

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what the actual fuck, I can’t even understand what position he’s in to loom into the frame like that??? This screenshot feels like a summary of their entire relationship dynamic…hopefully that’s someone else’s hair, but I can’t think of a single other person she still hangs out with

This is how I imagine him getting into the frame

frooshh said:

Jamie is definitely bitter. He hasn't liked her recent post

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He's journalling through gritted teeth "my fiancee Niomi Smart has not served me today. Instead she was watching others serve at Wimbledon. Reflecting on this from a new perspective by trying again to do a handstand. Even upside down I could not see how my fiancée's feminine energy could be serving her in the masculine city of London, even while she wears our ring. Cleared my empty schedule, and drank a coffee alone to realign my spiritual energies."

I’m drunk and new here but it’s giving …. 🤌

New video begins with some good ole bodychecking

Then, "despite the rain", they follow their morning routine and go to the beach while scootin in the best protective equipment there is: their skins
'
But Nims is not like the other girls, so she has a "morning ritual" before she gets on the bike: looking at a temple through a hole in the wall and "thanking Bahhhli for having me"

Then they hop on the bike and make their way to the beach. You can see all others in front of them wearing full on jackets and rain ponchos, while Nims wears her little teabag size bikini

We get an indie movie style romance shot

She says "no matter the weather in Bahhhli, we are always greeted by the happiest warmest faces" and inserts a clip of a frowning dog

She then of course records a cafe employee without his permission and inserts that into her video

She feels "it's important to show the reality of some parts of Bahhhli, like it's not the cleanest". Thanks for the insightful analysis of the socioeconomic divide and your own personal contribution to gentrification


She says "there's definitely parts of Changuu where there's litter on the beaches" and inserts a clip of herself. Take that as you will


Then they order their coconuts and she journals "yesterday was beautiful."


She randomly inserts words on the screen throughout the video



Wonderful shot of goosebumps because she wore a tiny bikini on a cold and stormy day to the beach


Then they go to a gym, which they visit "religiously" for about "2-3 hours a day", which sounds totally healthy and not at all concerning or orthorexic. It also shows, of course, what busy and productive lives they both lead.


Tattle drinking game: drink every time you see Nim's butt on social media. Winner is the person who survives the alcohol poisoning.
She says they sit in the sauna for 20-30 mins.


Followed by a "delicious lunch" and she'll "maybe read [her] book", emphasis on the maybe. I believe the books are more of an accessory that she carries around to place strategically on tables for other patrons to see and think "wow, she sure is smart!"


Then it's finally time to work! "The ethos here is working more efficiently in less time". That should not be hard, if work is responding to three sponsorship emails? I'm sorry but literally what is work for her? What does she do? She doesn't post on youtube, she does an ad on instagram here and there..WHAT is work??????? She pretends to work for 4.5 hours.


Smoothie bowl weather


Then she visits a "sacred healing tree" and "sits underneath her". She prays, meditates, asks the tree questions. "She's never felt this connection to nature in this way before".


Then she goes back and stares at the rice paddies, more accurately the Balinese people laboriously working on said paddies. Ahhh, nothing better than answering some emails and then watching other people break their backs on a rice field below...



Then after enjoying the fruits of other people's labor, she gets in bed by 9:30 and that's her day in Bahhhli.

ALERT ALERT Lovely people I saw Joe with a new woman today
5pm West London, can confirm details in private message
I saw Joe arm in arm (his over her shoulder, hers around his waist) with a brunette 5'7" woman walking down the street
they seemed flirty and his voice is great, he seemed to be disagreeing with her about something.
some goss to kick off your 2021 !!

Sorry, are we living in the 50s? There's plenty to criticize about Niomi but women are allowed to talk about their periods! I'm sure mature men aren't bothered by them either.