niomi smart : Most liked Posts

“ I feel proud to be one of the OG’s”
You were literally just Marcus butler’s girlfriend

Also the use of the word Tribe is problematic and something that non-indigenous people really need to stop appropriating. But I bet if I mentioned this in a comment on the post I’d just be called a Shadow rather than someone she is sooo “appreciate “of” for having “an insightful back and forth conversation”
P.S a conversation is by nature “back and forth” Dimbobs

Joe Woodward… Jamie White.. JW.. do we think she ordered the wedding stationary and monogrammed bathrobes and wants to repurpose for her new man?

OFF TOPIC BUT FEELING PROUD!!



I have been sponsoring Nadia, blue shirt, since April 30th. She got the 1st job she applied for with the local council housing department. She didn't have the driving licence they required but, because of her fluent English/ Ukrainian/ Russian, they created a new role for her in the resettlement dept. A 6 month contract was immediately converted to 12!!

It is a pure delight to have her here. She LOVES Cassie and Cassie loves her too. She knows all the neighbours and they keep an eye when I'm not around.

We cook together. She can now make frangipane tart/ Victoria sponge cake/ no bake lemon cheesecake/roast tomato and goat's cheese tart/ chicken taleggio.She had a go with cake decorating too- not as scary as she thought.

If I'm away she waters the garden. When she's late or busy I bring her home from work.We eat out together after a long dog walk on the Norfolk coast.She really enjoys fish n chips!!

She joined one of our local gyms. I got her a bike for her birthdsy so she whizzes out and about with a friend her age being hosted nearby.

She's an accomplished painter so my friends and I got an easel/ paint sets and canvases for her.

She has a 3 year visa and she knows she has a home here as long as she wants.

Manifested this

Jesus bloody wept

Let’s be honest, Niomi is carrying this new thread very well ‍

Nitfey said:

Wait....he READS?

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Forky trying to read:



Forky unable to get it done:



Forky cheering himself up again:

I definitely agree that the 'age milestones' are nothing to be afraid of.
30 I was in London working 14 hr days, totally a 'city' person. In a relationship( not married) buying a house.
34 took up squash and started to meet all sorts of different people- playing at night in leagues. Everything changed- I wanted out.
Amicable split.
36 in Borneo.5 hr working day Learnt to sail, jungle running( hashing) loads of voluntary squash coaching.Had the time to talk to all sorts of people and finally got a grip on world economics and politics- felt like I'd been living in a box before this tbh.

40s 1st Olympic distance triathlon in Sabah- people from all over the world- wonderful experience.
41 heli hiking in NZ on a glacier- met a great bunch of people over 4 weeks.

50s working in Dubai. Learnt to play golf- on sand- great training and lots of interesting people from all over the world.Got my MSc.
Also got my flute for my 50th- a life long dream. Had lessons from a brilliant American woman.Playing the flute is my magic place.

60s Saudi Arabia setting up 7 vocational colleges from scratch- for women Met one of the women- a journalist- placed under house arrest for daring to drive a car! She's a bookaholic like me so could hardly get in her front doorTravelled the kingdom - with no head covering ( my silver hair rendered me harmless)-finding out what women wanted- not the wealthy ones with wasta (power/connections)and money but the everyday Arabic woman wanting to make an interesting life AND secure good education for their children.Humbling and inspiring at the same time.

62 Kazakhstan. Tiny village, Kulsary, setting up a remote learning centre for female teachers to access resources to teach English. 1st time I'd worked where I had none of the local language. My assistant, Aigerim, spoke Russian, Kazach and fluent English (21)and was a diamond. AGE is the most important social placement in their culture so EVERYONE asks you that question straight away. Oldest gets all the respect!!Lovely jubbly for meAbsolutely wonderful experience to be there.

63 mum had her stroke so more learning neuro plasticity/ neuro physio. As a result of our situation, I've finally put down roots here and it's been a revelation. Learning to ask for help and accepting it. Learning to make a garden, a massive part of my life now. Getting a dog- never saw that coming and so many great friends because of Cassie.

70-voluntary work to get people into jobs- from 20 to 72!

So, the milestones keep coming- my advice is just to embrace them!

I think the middle one is my favorite look

When you try so hard to be good and do good, you also accept the fact that not everyone will fully agree with you. It’s not about doing whatever you want and expecting people to follow on your terms.

Everyone is allowed to do mistakes, but when you screwed up, you should feel lucky to be advised by followers who care enough to tell you what’s wrong. And when they take time to make constructive criticisms and feedbacks, the least you can do is considering them as an opportunity to improve and do better, instead of whining and feeling attacked by those who contradict you.

sydneybarrett said:

Nearly died but still gotta do the flamingo!!🦩🦩

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I'm just waiting for her to say "In a way, I'm thankful this happened to us...."

Also I must be a terrible person cause I have no compassion for them, at first I found the whole thing hilarious (two dumbass influencers getting lost in the jungle, you could make a movie out of it) but now the story just pisses me off for so many reasons.

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I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HAD A PHOTO TAKEN WITH THE RESCUE TEAM WTF! Why would it cross their minds to ask for a photo after all that!!!!!!

I thought they were being dumb as fuck the other day when they went on a dangerous climb in running shoes to get some pics for the gram but this takes the biscuit.

WTF was Niomi (and Brad) doing taking videos on her phone instead of saving her battery?

This is the personification of Brits abroad. Fucking idiots

A buddy of mine died last Tues aged 34 of Covid complications. We weren't super close but it hit me hard. A life is a life. He had no preexisting issues. He went to work, came home, spent time with his kids, did nothing unnecessary, wore a mask.

Then you get this utter cunt. The gall of her.

WHAT. So she does have Covid? F**king hell, yet she carried on as normal after Paris and went to the charity event and a few other places? Arghhhhhhhh. Hate her. I hope she hasn't killed anyone. Released on the 10th means she was infectious when she was out and about last week

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your new thread! Sorry for the delay, I litecherally had the longest day at work and just got home!!
Thank you to everyone who collaborated for the thread title, most of all @Lionsden and @Nitfey, it’s just pawfect.

Special mention to the other contender, also by the fabulous @Nitfey : Niomi Smart #31: Niomoi's three dimensions: dumb, dumber and dumbest

So, it's time for the recap but first:
Disclaimer 1: Stinky pimp porky forky and Dick Van Fork are the same person. You know who, get it done!
Disclaimer 2: if you’re eating skip it. It’s vomit inducing.


The recap of the Paris thread also known as: douche and douchette sniffing da baguette!
( Nimbobs and Forky, the romcom, episode 1)

• Dick Van Fork and Nimbitch la Fourchette have graced us with their royal presence for the weekend in Paris, one of the most multicultural cities in the world, the city where you go as a wanna be posh couple lovers to live your instagrammable booty call WE for your first intimate love escapade. Vomit.
• They obviously wore berets (because, people in paris only wear that otherwise you’re not in Paris) with an interesting combination of leopard printed coats, sweatpants, converses, corsets and scrappy heels. vomit
• Nimbitch found the one and only vegan bakery in the whole city… vomit.
• They went to the Louvre, at 5:30pm when it closes at 6:30 and they visited… the Lisa and the Mona… vomit.
• They saw some crowns of Kings and queens of France and now they want them for Christmas… vomit
• They went to a night show of half naked « females » and our favorite vegan Dimbobs had a very very intresting-100%-non-vegan dinner. Vomit.
• They took photos in front of notre Dame and it made Porky the Forky think of his childhood favorite Disney Movie. Vomit.
• They took photos in front of the Eiffel tour, and bam instagram. Photos in Place Vendome and bam instagram. In front of la seine for forky and Bam.. you guessed it… instafuckinggram.. vomit
• They ate a BROCHE. vomit
• Forky ate snails with a fork and then forked with fourchette. Yes that’s a whole sentence that makes a lot of sense. Vomit.
• They obviously stayed at Soho house, GASP.
• After spending 48 hours in Paris, Dick Van Fork became a tourist guide and his tip is to walk a lot when in Paris.. like waw Forky.. MIND BLOWN.

No masks were worn in this trip. As France (and Europe) is bracing itself for an awful covid and flue season, it pains me to see such idiots acting as if there is no pandemic going on right now in the world.


Oh moon!

Ramster93 said:

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Time to lift the leg and show Joe what he's not missing

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We all know Dimbobs is not excited for the future ahead as she has no future ahead, let's face it. Vacuous selling abound and she's definitely feeling like a spinster right about now.

(Note I think there's no max age where one can get married, I just love the fact that she probably does and has "failed" in her eyes.)

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I mean, come on. She's invented a David Willis to comment on her open blouse photo. So unbelievably sad.

The people who follow her are 10 year old girls. Not mature women or guys who want to follow sexy girls. Because, simply said, she's not sexy/appealing whatsoever.

Watch the first 2 minutes of this video:



You can see that she talks about making a porridge and then Joe's like "don't we add tahini to a stir fry?" To me, this implies he's never tried it. Then she says "it's your fave, isn't it?" as if she always makes it for him The fact that the poor guy had to nod along to hundreds of thousands of viewers for so long is bizarre.

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Was sooo tempted to reply to charlottes comment of ‘Onwards and Upwards’ and say “But not Woodwards”

Happy Valentine's Day! Is your engagement over?

The way Niomi manipulates her partners re food is really sinister tbh. She always starts off her relationships pretending she's really relaxed around food or has recently become really relaxed around it. If you look at Joe for example, their first date was a steakhouse. By the end of the relationship, all food at home was vegan, she was telling him off for having toast with his smoothie, he was bending behind a cabinet to hide the fact he was eating a snack, she was hiding his peanut butter, and she was dragging him into health cafes ON HOLIDAY because she couldn't bear eating 'non clean' vegan food. The trajectory is very deceptive and seems like the 'frog boiling in the pot' method.

The only reason Forky didn’t fall foul to this IMO is because he is a PT and while he is dumb in most other aspects he knows he needs a) a lot of calories, which would be hard to get on Niomi’s very limited version of a vegan diet, and b) high protein, which IS easier to get while eating meat, and while it is absolutely possible to eat high protein while being vegan it is not possible on the 'Niomi vegan diet' of mostly smoothies and vegetables. Being with Forky is when Niomi started to relax her diet, although she was also seen eating a lot of meals that contained more animal proteins but no carbs, so Forky had probably told her she would get even thinner if she started eating meat protein. I also think a big factor was the fact Joe moved on with Anna, someone who regularly talked about loving pasta and was being photographed eating pasta, albeit she was also tiny and probably giving it the Tanya Burr treatment.

If she's realising now that her eating is disordered then I'm glad for her but she's subjected several men to this horrible controlling behaviour that flies under the radar because it's performed by a woman. Joe was seen looking a lot healthier after they split so he is probably okay but Marcus said after they split that he had experienced disordered eating, wouldn't be surprised if Lordon was the same, I think we can safely assume Forky has no thoughts in that head of his and is probably fine

Niomi sheltering from the rain in a graffiti covered and piss-stained bus stop, telling anybody that will listen that despite two failed engagements she is absolutely where she wants to be!

NO RING AGAIN, THIS IS NOT A DRILL

If they indeed broke up, then the “feeling so light and free” is extra juicy

I’m going to join the believers-clown squad for now

Me reading all your messages about the sex retreat:


Guys, I can’t do this anymore please join me in my prayer circle

OFF TOPIC
Cassie is 15 today