cleaning with mario : Most liked Posts

As 2021 draws to a close I’d just like to thank every single tattler who has commented on Marions thread this year. It was the joy I never knew I needed!
i especially want to thank whoever came up with ‘bumming fort’ as it makes me howl everytime I read it!
Happy New Year ma loveliees, I’ll see you on the other side

laynelo_ said:

I dae love the fact that the majority of our profile pictures on here are just the most absolutely howling pics a Marion. He must be fewwwmin everytime he sees them

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Does anywun else recall when a member of the Hinch army invaded the Mrs Hinch thread and had a go at one of youse lovelies but they thought the profile pic was of the Tattler? They said something like 'Look at the state of you in your pic' and it was oor Mario I cannae remember which lovelie it was otherwise I would @ them but I was clutching ma beak Pyoor hilarity!

Loving all your song suggestions Will be a double CD at this rate

Under_The_Influencer said:

Trying to think of a bespoke made to order Christmas playlist for Candy Cane tenement

1. Hooverin’ Around The Christmas Tree
2. (McGills Bus) Home For Christmas
3. Do They Know It’s Autumn?
4. Fairytale of Paisley
5. All I Want For Christmas Is Jo Malone
6. Baby, It’s Warum Outside
7. Ave Maria (Aromas)

and for Boxing Day…
8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Easter



any more?

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Laaaaast Christmas, Debenhams gave you statutory redundancy
And the very next day, you spunked the fucking lot on Charlotte Tilbury makeup you’ve never even opened, let alone used

The one where Mario thought he was going up in the world

One day Maz and Derek got a letter through their door
And when they both had read it tears started to pour
'Oh no 'wailed Maz in anguish 'Ah love ma boujie flat
We've just done all the panelling and got ourselves a cat'
But then he had a thought, a thought that stopped his whining
This might be a good thing a cloud with silver lining
His single brain cell stirred and his heart began to soar
'This might be a chance for my very own front door!
I'll cover it in roses and build a picket fence
Ooh im so excited let the journey now commence
We might even have two bedrooms, how lovely that will be
I may even try to squeeze in another Xmas tree'
That night he lay in bed too excited for to sleep
His very own two-bedroom council house to keep!
But when dawn broke through the curtains and the sun began to rise
Derek was beside him when Maz opened his eyes
He had a look of sorrow on his funny little face
And took a confused Mario into his embrace
'I've got something to tell you that's going to cause you pain'
'Oh no' said poor Mario 'It's those Tattle Trolls again'
But as Derek softly held his hand and started to explain
Marios face crumpled and the tears flowed again
He let out such a scream, threw a punch at Dereks jaw
Poor little Derek was spark out on the floor
His dreams came crashing down, turning into dust
'Oh woe 'is me he moaned 'My life is so unjust
I'm doomed to spend my life in this pokey little flat
With a pygmy for a boyfriend and a psychopathic cat'

*phones in sick, cos busy now*

Hello ma lovelies haven't been on here in a couple of weeks, been in intensive care due to covid and getting pneumonia on my lungs. I shouldn't even be here ma lovelies but a am!! Finally found the strength to come on to say hi to ma tattle sisters anyways what have I missed? Is it Marzipans birthday? Is Deek still alive? How's Rainstorm has she not jumped out the window yet?
Oh ma lovelies I'm to tired to go through the threads but here I am clutching ma beak greatful to be alive. Canny wait to catch up. Much love to ye awl

Faye needs a Mario in her life to sort her lips out.. he types, with one hand, the other hand scratching the itchy, dry skin from his lips, flakes of skin snowing onto his hoosecoat. He flicks it onto the carpet. “I’ll get that with the shark tomorrow”.

From the couch, he presses the screen on his personal phone on the table, with his long strangler finger.

No notifications.
No messages.

Not even from Bernadette.

His instagram phone pings. 143k down to 142k followers. The glow from the phone stings his Kerry Katonas.

‘Fuck!’

He thought frantically.

‘I know!’ He races two steps into the kitchen, instagram phone in hand.

New Story: Meter needing boxed in.

As he sits back on the couch he waits…

Ping, ping, ping..

‘You are an inspiration Mario”
“I’m a joiner, I can do your meter box for free for publicity”
“You’re a begging cunt” *blocked*
”I love you Mario”

He inhales deeply, as the cosy state of mind is restored. For now.

It's a bespoke Italian dish ma lovelies, it's called 'Spaghetti Boil-an-nae-debates'

Today's 'Defuser' has been brought to you in the colour 'Crome' and the shape 'Anal Douche'
You're welcome

Looks like he's popped out of a hole!



PS Stupid bed jacket

He’s such a horrible, bitter little arsehole isn’t he. We went to Disneyland Paris in the Easter holidays, it was expensive but we afforded it because we saved. It was hectic, I absolutely hate other people’s kids which it was full of (no offence ) but to see the joy on my 3 year olds face when she saw her favourite Disney characters made me cry. It was worth every penny & every bit of stress. I am a parent, I rent my home from the bank () and work hard to give them everything they want/ need now & when they are older.
What I will never understand is a 40 year old man child, with no ambition, no drive, no prospects & no friends who’s only joy in life is to buy cleaning products, wax melts & to wank over Christmas & shit all over things that normal people (with & without kids) enjoy.

Fuck off you badly little cunt. You have the hairline & face you deserve.

Also .

If he did get a Birkin would that mean his Savers bag fae life would finally be retired?

What back door is he on about?

My favourite Manioism was him helping the lady with public transport issues. For a couple of reasons. Firstly as he's such an ally (nooo ma spelling) of all women except for us, the 99% but secondly and far more importantly because of the reason she struggled. English wasn't her first language and this clown described her as being 'hard of English'. Ever since, we 99% have called him hard of everything from being hard of grammar to hard of fashion sense etc.

Rayne said:

Was oan aboot holidays tae mae friend and said I wanna go somewhere extremely adults only

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Before youse book anything, please speak tae oor travel expert Martin McKnight.
He's full of useless useful tips. Such as:
Dinnae drink the aqua fae the tap.
Each restaurant charges a different price.
Those wit disabilities can ask for a ground room floor. Also

I bet he claps when the plane lands.