cleaning with mario : Most liked Posts

I picture this scene this morning…

*Marion walking intae the RAH in his nike gym leggings and full length puffer jacket, Deek by his side for moral support carrying a B&M bag, walks to the receptionist*

“What’s your name?”

“MARIO. McKnight. Aye Mario hen, DEFINITELY no Martin. I’m Italian by the way.”

“What would be your emergency?”

“Av got this 4 inch deep cut on the side a ma hand, LOOK *shows cat scratch* it’s obviously needing stitches Ma luvlie.”

*Receptionist is baffled*

“The wait time for a doctor is 6 hours.”

*Maz scrunches his beak*

“Wit hen? Do you know who a am? and wit a day? I’m an influencer hen, but it’s no ma joab. I’ve actually got a another joab that am meanty be gawn tae the noo but I’m stuck in here, bleeding tae death hen. I demand tae see a doctor.”

“I’m sorry but your cut isn’t classified as an emergency.”

*Marion storms oot the doors, raging.*

“Derek check those fucking bus times we’re gawn up the road tae get aw cozy, they stupid doctors have just made a brassneck a me on this app.”

Derek replies, “Wit about your work?”

“I CANNY go tae work lit this. I’ll no be posting on that app the day.”

So aye hens that’s why he’s no posted I imagine

I'm so confused...

M O N D A Y MARTIN:
I'll absolutely no be dain ANY autumn hauls. Nae decorating. Nain. This isnae ma joab. This app isnae ma life. Al no be dain it. Its fur arseholes. Nut.

W E D N E S D A Y Marion:
Set yer timers ma lovelies for an autumn haul like yev never seen afore! Just waiting on parcel 75 to arrive before I make the world's shitiest reel to higher love and tag all the small business I've put on the map (amazon, home bargains, the range, poundland, Facebook marketplace). Cannae wait fur it this bastard heats too much. Am done! No ma quote.

F R I D A Y Martin:
Listen ma lovelies I went totally pure overboard at Christmas. Let this app get tae me. Let it bother me. Went daft. Al no be dain it this year. Same theme. Same tacky shite. Nae change. Aw the same. Staying in ma lane. Spine bright lovelies and let's mop kick this week in the arse!

S U N D A Y Marion:
Right ma lovelies this bastard heats just too much int it? So av cooled maself down by ordering some new gorgeous Christmas baubles fur ma tree. Few mare bits tae come so get it in yer diaries...Beirut Christmas overhaul incoming! Candy Cane? A don't know her. We move!


This bastard has lost his mind. I'm almost questioning my own sanity at this point. Getting back in my lane. No ma quote guys.

His face when he'd just had an attack of the shits and Hannah from Avamay turned up at his door.

What was I thinking, I blame that vile app tictic.


A gem from @hopethishelpsallthebest
And a post when Hinch was within a mile of the flat and didn't go and see him. But he wasn't bitter. Snakes everywhere.


Birthday gem from @Cagayu

Recap of last thread: Marion still hasn’t been anywhere or done anything.
Had some budget lip fillers and hasn’t stopped pouting & posing, just ‘cos he can!’ (No ma quote)
Treatit himself to a manicure but just looked like greasy strangler fingers after.
Had his eyelashes permed - looks like he had an allergic reaction or could just be the bulbous boggle eyes, who knows?!
Complained constantly about the heatwave and is wishing fae Autumn already.
Bought a White Company candle with his cost of living payout.
Very active on Tattle catching up every night as Chicken Little.
Sent himself fake messages about how inspiring and beautiful he is (?!)
Still daes nae cleaning.
He’s still fine, totally fine.

Eeyore147 said:

Why the hell is that light always on? Is it that dark & dismal in Beruit

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The light is oan but no one’s home ma lovelie

Well good morning to youse aw. Hope youse aw love ma absolootley beautifuw blonzer, this is absolootley amazing for men especially, and women (not ma quote) it's absolootley stunning, ma absolootle stapul, honestly you buy what you get, so aye. If youse aw find spores and mould in your wee compacts, that's fine, absolootley fucking fine, they keep for years, absolootle years. So aye, follow me for more make up advice, then youse can aw get tae know.

You know what would make the wee Cunt look bronzed? Getting on a fucking plane with the £200 he just wasted!

Saffron08 said:

Is Derek a lot younger than mario? He looks it. I mean is he even gay? How did they meet? Someone on her must have some tea on the whole situation?

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Derek is younger but only by 3/4 years. They met online - Derek made the first move on Maz apparently Mario promptly moved into Derek’s place and Derek still doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.

I’d be HERE fae the holiday jurnee.
Criss & joos fae the plane, new kids tracksuits fae the airport, matching his & his luggage full of wax melts. Cutted grapes and motivational yoghurt from the breakfast buffet every morning, a quick walk round the tat shops supporting the foreign small businesses, then back to the hotel awww cosy at 6pm fae an evening on the laptops and an early night.
Then months of ‘Take me back’ when they return to Paisley Towers

Alansbigplate said:

Did his best pal no actually pass away tho so aye savage that hens

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Yeah so soon after a bereavement that made him revaluate living his best life and he shared the order of service but a week ago, here he is making coffin/death jokes.
A bit distasteful in my opinion Mario!

@notanothergrammer that bespoke brush is definitely a dead ringer for oor marion after he’s blasted what is left of his hairline with the pointless dyson

menopausalmargrit said:

Imagine him watching Sticky Vicky fire ping pong balls oot her chuff?

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Ah imagine their reactions tae be the same as this

I feel I should start this post by saying I have had zero lethal drinks….but is this dog crossed with a llama?? Is the black bit it’s collar and it’s got a really long neck? It makes as much sense having onion rings with your pie. I’ve been staring at for ages

Big cat Rayn

Hello ma lovelies, fresh sheets the night, sore stomach, cannae think why.. only had cheesy chips, wee greasy kebab, nippy bum bum sauce, hot chocolate and cream cakes so aye... Absolootley nothing to do with it triggering ma bespoke ibs. To settle my stomach its gonna have to be some wee salty soup...but we plod on. Stay cosy ma lovelies

the balloons! Whyyyy you can barely open the door and get in the room
Best bit was Mario majestically floating around the room in his wee hooousecoat

Only one thread suggestion on the last thread ma lovelies, by aw very aine hen @Doodlebug71



Not really much of a catch up to report.

He’s still buying Christmas shite using Derek’s Vanquis credit card (APR 908%)

He’s over his autumn decor now. Probably because he put it up in March!

They’ve been onto their cooncillor aboot the mould and damp behind the bespoke MDF panelling

He had another little midweek strop and disappeared for a few days

Had a “saarrre” neck, but he’s fihhhnnnneee. Absolutely fihhhhnne

He’s still a whopping great cunt

So aye

Cleaning with Mario #43: A seasonal new thread bespokely ordered to make