TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

[Dexy]

I would be keen to try for another, but not sure I can take the months, or longer, of uncertainty again. Got to weigh it up carefully as, like you say, it becomes all I can think about, all consuming. Even though I know I’m so lucky to have the kids I have, very thankful for them

I never want to go through it again. It’s so stressful. Number 2 is my last. I suffered with horrendous morning, noon and night sickness with my son and now this one for the last 10 weeks ( 15weeks pregnant) and guess what we have barely had sex. Oh the irony!

 

[Definitelyme]

I never want to go through it again. It’s so stressful. Number 2 is my last. I suffered with horrendous morning, noon and night sickness with my son and now this one for the last 10 weeks ( 15weeks pregnant) and guess what we have barely had sex. Oh the irony!

Oh no, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so sick. I was sick day and daily with no3, but neither of the others. Very strange. I hope your pregnancy goes well x

 

[Tui]

Feeling nervous now. I’m a front line NHS worker. I also have a health condition and have to stop my meds when I get pregnant. Stopping meds mean I can’t work, at least temporarily but potentially for whole of pregnancy if I am not well enough. If I get pregnant I’m going to be racked with guilt. But I desperately want a baby and don’t want to put it off any longer, don’t know how long Covid19 is going to be putting NHS under the extreme pressure that I expect it to, could be many months. I could be pregnant already, it’s too early to tell.

 

[Rlaw1978]

Came off the pill late December, been ttc since. No luck as yet, the disappointment every month is the hardest thing. With my first child it took approx 4 months, my second was 1 month.
I’m worried because I’m older now - 38, that I will have problems conceiving. Anyone else “older”?

 

[Dexy]

Came off the pill late December, been ttc since. No luck as yet, the disappointment every month is the hardest thing. With my first child it took approx 4 months, my second was 1 month.
I’m worried because I’m older now - 38, that I will have problems conceiving. Anyone else “older”?

Yes me. Got pregnant last year at 39. My first was conceived on the second cycle. Second time three months later but I had a MMC. Guess what happened then? Absolutely nothing for six months. I got obsessed with ovulation tests and doing the deed every other day. My husband was stressed and exhausted! I was worrying it wouldn’t happen again/things could go wrong etc etc. My periods had gone from being regular as clockwork to all over the show. When I asked the nurse at my regular smear she said it was almost certainly down to stress. As soon as I ‘gave up’ thinking about getting pregnant I got pregnant. Honestly, it’s cliche but so true. Relax and it will happen xx
I’m now 21 weeks.

 

[Tui]

Thought I'd reactivate this thread. I found out I was pregnant on 24 March. Went off work, stopped my meds, was thrilled. Guilty not to be helping out at work, so many colleagues off sick with COVID. Then my worst fears realised and I had a miscarriage last week and it was bleeping awful. I'm doing better that I was earlier in the week, physically things are calming down and I am thinking of going back to work next week. Dreading people asking me how I am feeling and 'glad to see you are better' and all the stuff people say to be nice. No meds + lockdown have made me gain half a stone I could have done without. Good thing about COVID is any visibly pregnant staff won't be on the wards so at least I don't have to deal with that yet...

 

[ScorpioMoon]

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage look after yourself.

I am clinically infertile, and was due to have IVF this year but understandably that's been put on the backburner in the NHS. I honestly feel like I'll never have a child of my own and it's all I've ever wanted since I was 16 ha. However I would not be feeling jealous of pregnant women in the current situation, they must be terrified about potentially giving birth alone and then bringing a newborn into the current world (although I can see the thread was started before this all kicked off).

 

[Tui]

Unfortunately I was a pregnant woman in the current situation so I can empathise

 

[anything at all]

So sorry to hear that @Tui
Miscarriages are tough, make sure you feel 100% ready to go back?
take care x


3 years ago we finally got pregnant (after 4 years trying and 2 failed ivfs), I miscarried at 7 weeks. And 3 years later we are still ttc. 7years of torture.


I had been wondering, are others still trying to get pregnant with covid being around still? I know sadly lots of Ivfs/treatments got cancelled but for anyone that could get pregnant naturally are you still trying anyway? (Hope this isn’t insensitive or offends anyone)

we haven’t stopped preventing but it’s been 3 years since miscarriage anyway so I don’t have exactly have high hopes but not going to lose out on chances..

 

[Tui]

So sorry to hear that @Tui
Miscarriages are tough, make sure you feel 100% ready to go back?
take care x


3 years ago we finally got pregnant (after 4 years trying and 2 failed ivfs), I miscarried at 7 weeks. And 3 years later we are still ttc. 7years of torture.


I had been wondering, are others still trying to get pregnant with covid being around still? I know sadly lots of Ivfs/treatments got cancelled but for anyone that could get pregnant naturally are you still trying anyway? (Hope this isn’t insensitive or offends anyone)

we haven’t stopped preventing but it’s been 3 years since miscarriage anyway so I don’t have exactly have high hopes but not going to lose out on chances..

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Life can be so unfair.


I’m still undecided, it’s too early for me. I had no real support from EPAU when I started bleeding and if it wasn’t for me paying for a private scan I still wouldn’t have definitive confirmation that I had miscarried as I was in denial and didn’t have the copious heavy bleeding and tons of clots that everyone says you will have. I was 7 weeks too.
Apparently the Association of Early Pregnancy Units have advised women to avoid trying to conceiving while their services are so scaled back. This alone wouldn’t stop me as I’m desperate to be pregnant again, but I know that for the time being I’m not mentally strong enough to not have that safety net again if something goes wrong or I am worried.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Came off the pill late December, been ttc since. No luck as yet, the disappointment every month is the hardest thing. With my first child it took approx 4 months, my second was 1 month.
I’m worried because I’m older now - 38, that I will have problems conceiving. Anyone else “older”?

I am so happy I found this group. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone because people don’t really talk about trying for a baby. I’m 35 (36 in a month) and got married last August. We decided to start trying in jan and every month my period starts like clockwork. My friend who is in her 40s got pregnant so quickly and I’m just feeling so jealous. I’ve always wanted children. I feel like a terrible person being jealous and also knowing that other people have been trying for much longer and it’s only coming into my 5 month now.
I started doing ovulation tests last month and it was all fine but this month it seems I’m yet to ovulate (was meant to today). The world tells you it’s all easy and women get pregnant just like that so I’m just feeling all over the place really.

 

[McNuggets]

I remember this feeling very well when we were TTC our second child. Took about 16 months in the end and it was very painful for me.

I found it very hard to be happy for other people I knew that found out they were pregnant (horrible I know). I totally understand how you feel.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

I remember this feeling very well when we were TTC our second child. Took about 16 months in the end and it was very painful for me.

I found it very hard to be happy for other people I knew that found out they were pregnant (horrible I know). I totally understand how you feel.

I am so sorry you experienced all the pain.

it’s just a bit of a relief that I’m not the only one to have felt (feel) this way. It’s more of a tonic than someone just saying ‘just be positive’

 

[Titntat]

I was like this when I was trying to get pregnant with my first.
Took just over a year. I was young, healthy and fit.
Someone at work got pregant by accident and got rid of the baby. I remember sitting and crying. Couldnt speak to her for a while.
I was obsessed with having a baby. For a year it's all I thought about.

My second was unplanned. I wasnt on anything, had sex once and got pregant.

Some people have medical problems which makes it harder/not possible

But I think a massive factor is putting stress on your body. But you cant just forget about it.

Wishing everyone luck on their thread. It's so hard when it's all you want.

 

[Pongoandperdy]

I suppose I just want some reassurance that other people feel like this, and it’s ok to be jealous and a bit fed up?

You poor thing. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal / rational - TTC is hugely frustrating and emotionally draining.

The important things to remind yourself when you are feeling these emotions are:

1) Comparison is the thief of joy - sometimes, when we look at what other people seemingly have, we lose sight of the great (if different) joys in our own life. Unfollow any pregnant women/baby-related things on social media and give yourself a break and;

2) You might feel jealous of pregnant women or their babies, but you don’t want their baby (you want your own). It might help with those feelings of anger or even hatred toward others.
Give yourself permission to feel these ‘negative’ emotions from time to time - you are human - but try not to wallow if you can. Wishing you lots of luck!

 

[Tui]

I’ve changed my mind from only a week ago and we are going to keep trying despite COVID. I went back to work last week after the miscarriage and just felt so down. Work is so different, no training is currently happening, it’s all service (I’m a doctor in a training programme). Felt like I had nothing to look forward to as I had mentally set a block on not trying again at least until I got my period and then if lockdown was lifting. Talked to my husband about it and we have decided to keep going. It’s going to be tricky but I feel so much happier that there’s now a possibility I might get pregnant again as I was feeling so empty and useless before. It’s the only thing I really want right now and it probably sounds trite but at the moment I feel like it’s the only way I’ll feel happy again after the miscarriag, is if I have a baby.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

What’s lovely about all of you here is that you a) understand the struggle so people don’t feel shamed into not talking about it.

b) that you don’t dismiss anyone’s feelings. It’s ok to feel jealous or sad or bit petulant (it’s not fairrrrrr) but offer another way of viewing things.

 

[swimming]

Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "bleeping with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

 

[Tui]

Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "bleeping with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

Sorry to hear about your situation but you sound like you are dealing with it admirably.
I think your partner is right and your friend is probably Incredibly jealous. She might even have been banking on you not having children either and thinking you would have this in common, it may have given her confidence if she had secretly wanted a child and it hadn’t happened. Or she truly does hate children (which is fine) and has secretly harboured these opinions about pregnancy all this time, which is fine but her saying these things at this time is incredibly insensitive. I’m not sure I could be friends with this person. She may come round to the idea if she values your friendship. If not then it sounds like it’s her loss. I wish you all the luck in the world though for your fertility treatments.

 

[Twinmum]

TTC for four years, after two horrendous operations, tubes removed and 4 failed IVF tries, finally healthy twins. Absolutely hated all pregnant people, especially the local druggies that managed to get pregnant every year, oh and the mothers that ditched their kids every weekend to go out! Totally normal for all the feelings, sending love to you all, however it may be, you will get there in the end xx