TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

[Sweettutu]

You don’t want to hear this but you need to give it a year. 80-odd% conceive within 1 year and 96%+ or so within 2 years.

If you have regular periods which aren’t weird or excruciatingly painful, you’re probably fine an infertility won’t be an issue. But TBH I think feeling bad after a few weeks is a bit ‘much’ and try to keep a handle on your emotions, for now. By all means if you struggle then lose your shit. I did.

I was one of the 4% so having a baby took 3 years, 2 operations, IVF and about £30k.

 

[Dexy]

Hi sweetie. God can I relate.

So last year husband and I decided to try for second baby. First one was five years previous and pregnant after 8 weeks of trying. Well this time couldn’t have been more different.
We went for the scan only to be told it was a MMC. I’d had no signs of anything wrong and it was blow number one. Horrendous news but ok we can cope with it. Told to go home and miscarry but future scan showed I needed an operation. I was then told I had potentially had what’s known as a partial molar pregnancy. This is where two sperm fertilise an egg so it is far too many cells, never really goes into anything more but produces hcg is a test would say I was pregnant. If this is left undiscovered cells can turn cancerous. Shock number two. They told me I would be contacted a couple of weeks after operation if PMP and I would need urine tests and blood tests for six months afterward and not be allowed to try for another pregnancy. So heard nothing after four weeks, super happy, went on holiday, kept trying for a baby. Then in September I receive a letter saying come to hospital. As soon as I was greeted by a consultant I knew it was bad. For four months I had been thinking I was fine and trying to get my life back on track and it turned out my results had come back PMP meaning I should’ve had strict monitoring and definitely shouldn’t be trying for another baby! Administrative error!! The letter never got sent to me. So shock number three. I then had to go through a specialist hospital who obviously then just wanted to do their job as they should of. Thankfully my blood test came back normal and as I’d gone four months already, I only needed give two months of urine tests.
All this majorly messed me up. I went from being pregnant or so I thought to miscarrying to not having PMP to potentially being left with cancer! I was angry, jealous, frustrated, sick of seeing pregnant women everywhere. I never in a million years thought I’d be here typing this. Probably the most dark time of my life. And worse still was I was desperate to get pregnant again to make it all worth while but absolutely petrified of getting pregnant! Such mixed feelings, just anxiety surrounding the whole thing. Over Christmas I suspected I was pregnant and did a test and we got our wish. There was no jumping for joy. It was bizarre, I’d cried over every period but the news we wanted I felt stunned. We lived in a weird not getting excited bubble for a good few weeks. Then I begged the hospital for an early scan. They said it wasn’t something they’d usually do but I felt they owed it me at least after their major f up! I’m nearly 14 weeks now and I’m not looking forward to that first dating scan. I wanted to tell you my story to give you hope, hang in there but also tell you I can totally relate ( even now ) so those feelings you are experiencing XX
Sending you much love xxx

 

[sorenips]

There isn't a finite amount of babies. Other people conceiving doesn't mean you won't. Be careful, because if you're feeling like this now, you'll be incredibly bitter and jealous if you're still in this situation months from now. How do I know this? It took me 3 years and 2 rounds of IVF to conceive and I learned the hard way. Jealousy is no good for your mental health. I faked it until I made it, pretended to be happy for people until I really was, and eventually I lost the bitterness. I wish you every bit of luck and happiness.

 

[SusanBoobson]

I have 3 children. My youngest is disabled. A family member just lost their 6 month old and my friend has pregnancy complications.
Having children is lovely, but they’re babies for 2 seconds. They spend more time as troublesome teens then as cute little ones.
Being a parent is extremely hard, harder then one could ever imagine. It’s stressful and it brings a life time of worry and uncertainty.
Life is so short, and in my experience you have to get over your fear of death and hardship if you want to have a family.
I have friends with no children, and they are happy and enjoy their lives.
I don’t regret being a mum but I can say hand on heart that if I was childless I would have almost no anxiety or stress.
There’s more to life then having babies and having babies isn’t fun or cute it’s waking up in the middle of the night to make sure they’re still alive, and then when they grow up it’s a pile of other problems. On top of that you could have a baby with a disability or life threatening illness like mine and then your life is literally changed forever.

 

[Tui]

Ok so I should say outright that I’m not asking people to bash pregnant women, or for advice on how to stop feeling a certain way, or anything like that. I suppose I’d just like to know that others have felt this way as I know it’s not rational but it scares me a bit as I know it will get worse.

Husband and I are trying for a baby. Haven’t been trying very long, only a few weeks. Prior to this I had to wait some time before trying due to medical reasons, otherwise I would have started trying a year ago or more. So I’ve been deeply wanting a baby for a while now but couldn’t just chuck out the contraception and start trying.

I feel like everywhere I look I see pregnant women. On posters, patients I see at work, on Instagram, friends on Facebook, adverts probably targeted to me as a 30 year old woman. Don’t get me wrong, several of my friends have had babies in the past year and I’m absolutely thrilled for them. I’ve loved choosing gifts for them and visiting them for baby cuddles. I’m not bitter at all.

I’m just a bit nervous and worried that I already feel so strongly about wanting a baby and I’m not even through the first cycle of trying. It could take me months and months to get pregnant, who knows what will happen if it even does. My poor SIL is currently facing down starting fertility treatment after a year of trying with no luck. I know my lot could be a lot worse.

I suppose I just want some reassurance that other people feel like this, and it’s ok to be jealous and a bit fed up?

 

[Dipstick]

We tried to conceive for 3 years, and never had any explanation for our medical diagnosis of "undiagnosed fertility". In that time, I worked on a daily basis with parents who were at risk of having their children removed from their care due to allegations of neglect, and all types of abuse. The mothers who had baby after baby after baby removed, were the hardest ones to be around. As were drug using parents with new borns; all I could ask was how could an anorexic heroin addict get pregnant, with all the abuse she had done to her body, when I couldn't? My friends seemed to sneeze and fall pregnant. Every gathering with friends was bitter sweet while they talked about their little ones, and celebrated their news. I was happy for them, but distraught for me. I left one gathering, and cried the whole 6 hour journey home on the train. My friends knew I was sad but they didn't know how to help me and, in truth, they couldnt.
I now have a two year old child after successfully conceiving through IVF. Conceiving, and now having a child, still feels like a total miracle. I still struggle now to think about the pain that we went through to have our child. TTC was so emotionally traumatic that we decided we weren't going to try for a second. I couldn't take the heartbreak each month. I simply couldn't go through that trauma again.
We have recently discovered we are expecting another child. Conceived entirely naturally, entirely accidentally, and it still doesn't really seem real.
I guess I'm posting this long ramble, because it always helped me to read that IVF did work for people, that babies do arrive after years of heartbreak, that miracles do happen. I know how bleak it can all feel but there are some amazing stories of people conceiving after many years, and I think it helped me to hold on to those. My friend recently had her daughter after 3 years of TTC and a third and final attempt at IVF.
Good luck to anyone who this rings a bell with. And one last thing I will say....it hurt me more when I refused to tell my friends what was going on with me. The minute I opened up to them, everything hurt that little bit less and became that little bit more bearable.

 

[Swipeuplikeandshare]

hi all
This might be a long post

so we were ttc over 7y for number one.i read every book, took every supplement, done everything you’re advised... and the environment I conceived in was
- just after I lost a close friend
- was extremely drunk and upset
- only done it once that month (and maybe first in about five months)
- had a lot anti depressants and sleeping tablets
- hadn’t ate properly in weeks
- was the most unhealthiest and fattest in my life


Before that we had multiple IVF/ICSI - one one embryo transferred rest either didn’t fertilise or didn’t make it,
went abroad for treatment
done reflexology and accupture
had procedures for endometrosis and polyps

what I’m trying to say is don’t let the bitterness and trying to follow the pineapple eating rules dictate your life! Even fertility experts aren’t sure why it works and doesn’t for some
be kind to yourself - we only have one life and don’t waste years like I did feeling hatred or anger towards someone that has what you want.

xx

 

[Orange Creme]

I'm not ttc but when I was every fucker was getting pregnant and i was very angry. I was adamant that I was infertile after one month of trying (and failing). I know exactly how you feel! I used to spend a lot of time googling, I could probably be a fertility expert from what I've learned

 

[MancMum]

The amount of times I spent work lunch breaks going for a walk and crying because my period had arrived. I remember I felt comfort in knowing other people were going through it so this thread is a lovely idea

 

[Jg182]

Ttc a year now. I 100% know how you feel. It’s so hard some days, everyone else seems to have it easy. But I try and remind myself I don’t know what struggles they have faced. I try my best to stay positive but I have really down days where it just feels like it will never happen for us.
I think it’s totally normal to feel they way you are. It’s a real rollercoaster ttc. The emotional side is something I never really thought of before starting.
always here for a chat

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling and I hope you get your baby really soon I definitely experienced these kinds of emotions. My husband and I tried for 13 months before getting pregnant. I remember within days of deciding I wanted a baby I was in tears about some celeb or other announcing their pregnancy. I constantly checked my ovulation tracker, made Amazon wish lists of baby stuff, read parenting books. The worst is when people get pregnant without trying. For me it made me feel so... cheated. It's so hard when you're trying. But keep at it. Give it a year at least. If you are really worried about your chances or of this is all taking a huge toll on your mental health, then speak to a doctor. Hope this helps and best of luck to you

 

[Ilando]

I’m about to start IVF. I would go as far as to say that I’ve felt actual hatred towards pregnant women I’ve known. This might sound extreme but I refuse to attend baby showers etc of family and friends because it’s too painful

 

[MancMum]

Sorry I know this doesn’t exactly help but I struggled for a few years, had a smear test and got pregnant straight after. I swear the nurse opened me up or something, I told her when I took my baby for his first jabs and now she thinks she’s his fairy godmother

 

[swimming]

Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "fucking with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

 

[Carrie2019]

Totally feel ok to feel like this.

we needed pgd and had our first ivf cycle in 2015.
5 years later were 6 failed transfers down the line, £30,000 lighter and currently 27w pregnant with my friend as a surrogate.

I sadly cut out a lot of my friends as our journey got harder and longer. I started ivf before any of them started trying to have kids and now they all have 2.
I didn’t go to baby showers, I missed catch up days out because all they’d talk about was kids.
I even started getting jealous and so sad for me of ivf ladies it worked first time for which is horrible Cos obviously they’d tried for ages to get to ivf but I felt how I felt.
You feel how you feel and protect yourself, always.
I’m slowly starting to re build friendships with people but it’s going to take time, infertility absolutely changed me as a person and I know I’ll never be the same again xx

 

[Tui]

Yeah it’s not like an angry jealousy, more like a longing and “I want what she has too” lol feeling very wistful!

I bulk bought 50 pregnancy strip tests on amazon lol as I find the cost of tests in the shops is criminal! Mastering peeing into cup as a new skill.

 

[Lulu Goss]

My gripe is people asking when you’re going to have a baby! Me and my partner have been together for a long time (both under 30) and met at work, so I get it from all angles. People at work constantly ask me when he’s going to propose and whether there’ll be a baby on the way soon!

His family, my family, friends... they all ask too, I get that it’s well meaning and that they’d just love for us to have a baby but it’s something I feel is really private and I don’t really want to discuss any of it at all!

 

[Spencerskates]

Totally relate, currently been TTC for around 15 months and feel so down. One of my friends has only been with her boyfriend a couple of months and is already pregnant and I feel so incredibly jealous. It’s not as though I wish she wasn’t pregnant, because I’m happy for her, I just wish I was too.

 

[MsWitch94]

We have been trying for four years, with no health care professionals taking us seriously because of medical condition. Yesterday we saw a geneticist and discussed the possible passing on of my condition which is 50/50 we then found out our DNA shows we now al have a chance of having a 1 in 4 chance of having a child with cystic fibrosis, we are looking to have IVF with some testing of embryos in the next 6 months where we need to prioritise which condition to test for.

Last night we made the heartbreaking decision to stop TTC Naturally, even though we would love our future child no matter what we just want them to have the best life possible.

however on this same day my friend panics about possibly being pregnant & comes to my house to do tests (unplanned pregnancy scare) all negative tests but then , her sister then announces a pregnancy as does my sister and 2 other people I work with.
im overwhelmed, I am lonely and I’m sad

 

[Likkleone]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling anxious about this. It can be really unsettling to not know what’s happening in your own body. There’s such a misconception that’s drilled into us that all we need to do is have sex and kaboom there’s a baby.

But it’s such a specific set of circumstances that need to be in place for it to happen and when you’ve just had a huge change hormonally (coming off contraception) those factors can be a bit mad and take time to calm or reset.

Of course, once your mind and body are focused on something, you’ll notice things relating to it ALL THE TIME. It happening with me right now - I can’t escape pregnancies. But you really do need to take this time to focus on yourself, your health and reminding yourself that this ‘jealousy’ is quite normal. You don’t need to feel bad about it. But you also don’t know what someone’s gone through to get to that stage. Your journey is just beginning and you never know what’s around the corner. Stay positive and I wish you the BEST of luck