TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

[Tui]

Ok so I should say outright that I’m not asking people to bash pregnant women, or for advice on how to stop feeling a certain way, or anything like that. I suppose I’d just like to know that others have felt this way as I know it’s not rational but it scares me a bit as I know it will get worse.

Husband and I are trying for a baby. Haven’t been trying very long, only a few weeks. Prior to this I had to wait some time before trying due to medical reasons, otherwise I would have started trying a year ago or more. So I’ve been deeply wanting a baby for a while now but couldn’t just chuck out the contraception and start trying.

I feel like everywhere I look I see pregnant women. On posters, patients I see at work, on Instagram, friends on Facebook, adverts probably targeted to me as a 30 year old woman. Don’t get me wrong, several of my friends have had babies in the past year and I’m absolutely thrilled for them. I’ve loved choosing gifts for them and visiting them for baby cuddles. I’m not bitter at all.

I’m just a bit nervous and worried that I already feel so strongly about wanting a baby and I’m not even through the first cycle of trying. It could take me months and months to get pregnant, who knows what will happen if it even does. My poor SIL is currently facing down starting fertility treatment after a year of trying with no luck. I know my lot could be a lot worse.

I suppose I just want some reassurance that other people feel like this, and it’s ok to be jealous and a bit fed up?

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling and I hope you get your baby really soon I definitely experienced these kinds of emotions. My husband and I tried for 13 months before getting pregnant. I remember within days of deciding I wanted a baby I was in tears about some celeb or other announcing their pregnancy. I constantly checked my ovulation tracker, made Amazon wish lists of baby stuff, read parenting books. The worst is when people get pregnant without trying. For me it made me feel so... cheated. It's so hard when you're trying. But keep at it. Give it a year at least. If you are really worried about your chances or of this is all taking a huge toll on your mental health, then speak to a doctor. Hope this helps and best of luck to you

 

[Dexy]

Hi sweetie. God can I relate.

So last year husband and I decided to try for second baby. First one was five years previous and pregnant after 8 weeks of trying. Well this time couldn’t have been more different.
We went for the scan only to be told it was a MMC. I’d had no signs of anything wrong and it was blow number one. Horrendous news but ok we can cope with it. Told to go home and miscarry but future scan showed I needed an operation. I was then told I had potentially had what’s known as a partial molar pregnancy. This is where two sperm fertilise an egg so it is far too many cells, never really goes into anything more but produces hcg is a test would say I was pregnant. If this is left undiscovered cells can turn cancerous. Shock number two. They told me I would be contacted a couple of weeks after operation if PMP and I would need urine tests and blood tests for six months afterward and not be allowed to try for another pregnancy. So heard nothing after four weeks, super happy, went on holiday, kept trying for a baby. Then in September I receive a letter saying come to hospital. As soon as I was greeted by a consultant I knew it was bad. For four months I had been thinking I was fine and trying to get my life back on track and it turned out my results had come back PMP meaning I should’ve had strict monitoring and definitely shouldn’t be trying for another baby! Administrative error!! The letter never got sent to me. So shock number three. I then had to go through a specialist hospital who obviously then just wanted to do their job as they should of. Thankfully my blood test came back normal and as I’d gone four months already, I only needed give two months of urine tests.
All this majorly messed me up. I went from being pregnant or so I thought to miscarrying to not having PMP to potentially being left with cancer! I was angry, jealous, frustrated, sick of seeing pregnant women everywhere. I never in a million years thought I’d be here typing this. Probably the most dark time of my life. And worse still was I was desperate to get pregnant again to make it all worth while but absolutely petrified of getting pregnant! Such mixed feelings, just anxiety surrounding the whole thing. Over Christmas I suspected I was pregnant and did a test and we got our wish. There was no jumping for joy. It was bizarre, I’d cried over every period but the news we wanted I felt stunned. We lived in a weird not getting excited bubble for a good few weeks. Then I begged the hospital for an early scan. They said it wasn’t something they’d usually do but I felt they owed it me at least after their major f up! I’m nearly 14 weeks now and I’m not looking forward to that first dating scan. I wanted to tell you my story to give you hope, hang in there but also tell you I can totally relate ( even now ) so those feelings you are experiencing XX
Sending you much love xxx

 

[Jg182]

Ttc a year now. I 100% know how you feel. It’s so hard some days, everyone else seems to have it easy. But I try and remind myself I don’t know what struggles they have faced. I try my best to stay positive but I have really down days where it just feels like it will never happen for us.
I think it’s totally normal to feel they way you are. It’s a real rollercoaster ttc. The emotional side is something I never really thought of before starting.
always here for a chat

 

[Tree_]

I'm sorry for the stressful situation you're going through. I had a friend completely ghost me delete me out of her life as she found it hard to cope with the fact I conceived when it was taking her time, which I get. So it's more common than you think as it's such an emotive feeling

 

[Orange Creme]

I'm not ttc but when I was every fucker was getting pregnant and i was very angry. I was adamant that I was infertile after one month of trying (and failing). I know exactly how you feel! I used to spend a lot of time googling, I could probably be a fertility expert from what I've learned

 

[Jg182]

I'm not ttc but when I was every fucker was getting pregnant and i was very angry. I was adamant that I was infertile after one month of trying (and failing). I know exactly how you feel! I used to spend a lot of time googling, I could probably be a fertility expert from what I've learned

love the honesty!!! It does sooo feel like everyone else just gets pregnant!!
and yes queen of Googling what every little twinge means!!!!

 

[Orange Creme]

love the honesty!!! It does sooo feel like everyone else just gets pregnant!!
and yes queen of Googling what every little twinge means!!!!

Do you have a bbt thermometer?

 

[Jg182]

Do you have a bbt thermometer?

I do track bbt yeah. Just like it to confirm ovulation really. I secretly love opk testing, love seeing them positive tests!!

 

[Orange Creme]

I do track bbt yeah. Just like it to confirm ovulation really. I secretly love opk testing, love seeing them positive tests!!

I never had a positive ovulation test! That why i started tracking bbt.

 

[Jg182]

I never had a positive ovulation test! That why i started tracking bbt.

which sort have you tried. I never got on with the clear blue digitals. Tried the cheaper easy@home strip ones and I had success.

I never had a positive ovulation test! That why i started tracking bbt.

I have heard of other women never seeing a positive opk and getting pregnant. I don’t think they work for everyone. Think if your bbt is showing ovulation it’s a more reliable sign

 

[Sweettutu]

You don’t want to hear this but you need to give it a year. 80-odd% conceive within 1 year and 96%+ or so within 2 years.

If you have regular periods which aren’t weird or excruciatingly painful, you’re probably fine an infertility won’t be an issue. But TBH I think feeling bad after a few weeks is a bit ‘much’ and try to keep a handle on your emotions, for now. By all means if you struggle then lose your tit. I did.

I was one of the 4% so having a baby took 3 years, 2 operations, IVF and about £30k.

 

[Carrie2019]

Totally feel ok to feel like this.

we needed pgd and had our first ivf cycle in 2015.
5 years later were 6 failed transfers down the line, £30,000 lighter and currently 27w pregnant with my friend as a surrogate.

I sadly cut out a lot of my friends as our journey got harder and longer. I started ivf before any of them started trying to have kids and now they all have 2.
I didn’t go to baby showers, I missed catch up days out because all they’d talk about was kids.
I even started getting jealous and so sad for me of ivf ladies it worked first time for which is horrible Cos obviously they’d tried for ages to get to ivf but I felt how I felt.
You feel how you feel and protect yourself, always.
I’m slowly starting to re build friendships with people but it’s going to take time, infertility absolutely changed me as a person and I know I’ll never be the same again xx

 

[sorenips]

There isn't a finite amount of babies. Other people conceiving doesn't mean you won't. Be careful, because if you're feeling like this now, you'll be incredibly bitter and jealous if you're still in this situation months from now. How do I know this? It took me 3 years and 2 rounds of IVF to conceive and I learned the hard way. Jealousy is no good for your mental health. I faked it until I made it, pretended to be happy for people until I really was, and eventually I lost the bitterness. I wish you every bit of luck and happiness.

 

[anything at all]

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s a normal feeling. I go through phases of feeling the same but we’ve been ttc for 7 yearsI just have to try distract myself and try hard to shut those feelings out. Doesn’t always work.

I hope that you don’t have to wait to long to fall pregnant. x

 

[CheekyCrackerLover]

Took us 8 years and I remember the feelings well my best friend got pregnant by accident and had 3 children during those 8 years. I never thought I would become a mum but last year we had our little miracle arrive so don’t give up hope but also try not to our pressure on yourself and if you think you might have a problem with TTC start getting things looked in to as it might be a really simple fix wishing you luck and know the feelings are normal I deleted several friends from Facebook after seeing their pregnancy announcements.

 

[Belleboo]

It took me 14 years to get my baby, this was after several rounds if IVF, a miscarriage and the break up of my marriage. Try not to let it consume you and be genuinely happy for any loved ones that may conceive in the time you’re trying. TTC is hard and having a baby is hard, either way you will need your friends and families support. I wish you every luck on your journey, I hope it’s a short one and you have your baby soon.

 

[Rosie878]

I have nearly written this post soo many times. I have a 4 year old, had a missed miscarriage late last year and started trying again in January. Trying to conceive sends most women a little bit crazy I think, especially if it’s something you desperately want.

Two things I would recommend are keeping a diary, writing down your feelings at the end of the day can be really therapeutic. If you have a bit of expendable income try an alternative therapy that might have a positive impact on your conception chances eg reflexology or acupuncture. Might give you a bit more of a sense of control. Also, try to get out in nature as much as possible

it’s hard when other people announce they are pregnant. I’ve been avoiding a friend of mine for a while but I think she understands. You have to strike a balance between recognising that this stage of life is very short and when you are much older it might be a source of regret if you lose/alienate good friends over it, HOWEVER, you have to prioritise your mental health I think, especially if you have experienced loss/es. it’s ok to take a step back from a friendship for a little while, a good friend will understand (and probably be so wrapped up in their pregnancy they won’t notice!)
The anxiety doesn’t stop when you get pregnant so while you’re ttc it’s a really good opportunity to develop coping skills.

 

[Tui]

Thanks for all the responses. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy. I know it’s very early days and being pregnant/a mother is a huge emotional rollercoaster of its own. I suppose that’s part of why I’m quite nervous of how I feel now.
I haven’t had a period for 7 years..... I had a mirena coil removed 3 weeks ago so no periods during coil or since. Im told that doesn’t affect fertility. I think I’d feel a lot better to have a period and know where I am in terms of cycle length etc. I don’t use BBT/OPK at present - I find it a bit intimidating...

 

[Carrie2019]

Thanks for all the responses. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy. I know it’s very early days and being pregnant/a mother is a huge emotional rollercoaster of its own. I suppose that’s part of why I’m quite nervous of how I feel now.
I haven’t had a period for 7 years..... I had a mirena coil removed 3 weeks ago so no periods during coil or since. Im told that doesn’t affect fertility. I think I’d feel a lot better to have a period and know where I am in terms of cycle length etc. I don’t use BBT/OPK at present - I find it a bit intimidating...

that sounds like anovulation to me.
if you don’t have periods can you ovulate? You defo need to use the OPK. They’re a ball ache but it will highlight if you’re ovulating or if there’s a problem.