Toddler advice thread

[JulesC]

What @Definitelyme said! Try a big bed. Pick out some new bedding, get her to pick out some special bits. Does she have a night light? Maybe get one that she has picked out. Does she sleep through the night? You probably have already tried it, but have you laid her down awake and if she cries, don’t talk, just lay her back down? Not sure if that’s the cry out method though, and I know people don’t like that? Does she still nap during the day? She maybe be overtired?

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

Maybe you could try sitting in the bed with her in your arms as a half way point? So she still has that same cuddled up position she’s used to, you can rock her a bit, and then when she’s asleep an easier transfer for you?

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

The bed guard definitely keeps them in.
You could always get 2 so it's the full length.
My 4 year old still doesn't stay still.
For the first year of her being in the bed, she'd often wake up upside down or length ways across the bed

 

[peachhes]

My little boy is starting nursery next month and I’m so worried for him he’s speech delayed and possible ASD also. He’s not used to being around other children and I’m worried he’ll just melt down I want him to have the best time ever but I’m so nervous about leaving him !!! Any tips on how to get a grip

 

[Definitelyme]

My little boy is starting nursery next month and I’m so worried for him he’s speech delayed and possible ASD also. He’s not used to being around other children and I’m worried he’ll just melt down I want him to have the best time ever but I’m so nervous about leaving him !!! Any tips on how to get a grip

I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. How old is he? My daughter is 3.5 and will be starting preschool in September. She is fab, but extremely unsure around strangers and I and absolutely terrified at the thought of her going (and I’ve done it twice before!). I think it’s natural to worry how they will settle, and especially since you have other concerns as well which could make the settling more difficult.
I have no advice, but just that it will come and you will deal with whatever it throws at you

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

Bed guards will keep her in bed and after a few nights she will learn where the bed ends - all kids do! Bed guards are brilliant. Unfortunately you are probably going to have to grit your teeth on this one and go cold Turkey on rocking her to sleep - as you say, she’s outgrown this now and you can’t keep doing it forever. Yes, she will probably kick off, there will be tears, tantrums, a few long evenings trying to
Get her to sleep BUT it won’t last long - a few days/maybe a week and then the pay off will be that you can pop her in bed and sit or lay beside her until she drops off.

 

[peachhes]

I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. How old is he? My daughter is 3.5 and will be starting preschool in September. She is fab, but extremely unsure around strangers and I and absolutely terrified at the thought of her going (and I’ve done it twice before!). I think it’s natural to worry how they will settle, and especially since you have other concerns as well which could make the settling more difficult.
I have no advice, but just that it will come and you will deal with whatever it throws at you

He’s not long turned 3. He’s never really experienced social interaction with children - we have no family or friends with children and a lot of groups in our area are still closed due to covid. I have told the nursery our concerns and that he may just seem like he’s being difficult but he just won’t understand the setting in the beginning, he’s only ever been looked after by family who have just let him do whatever (no structure I mean) the nursery have been lovely about it and I’m sure he’ll blossom there but it’s just that initial concern!!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

To put your mind at ease my 2yo throws himself around a lot (literally I’ve never seen anything like it) and has only ever fallen out of bed once and he’s been in a big bed since he was about 16 months (long story ). We have one of the extendable ikea ones which have enough of a side on them to deter any falling out I feel. She might be fighting sleep because of the cot you never know xx

 

[GlennCoco]

We noticed the same after our little one went into a big bed. She used to roll around her cot so I was really worried but she has been fine and doesn't move half as much. She has fallen out a couple of times but she is always fine and just gets back in

 

[Be kond]

Hi,

I’ve put off posting this for a while but I feel like I’ve tried everything and don’t know what else to do. My little one is 2.5 and the terrible twos are in full swing. I know it’s just a phase, I know he’s just testing the boundaries etc, but we feel like we are constantly treading on eggshells around him.The tantrums are unbearable, will last anywhere from 30 seconds to over an hour. He’s very strong willed and will only do what he wants to do, regardless of if we are telling him no because it’s dangerous. He will scream, hit, scram and bite us, throw things, pull draws out. He doesn’t sleep at night. Never has. He wakes at least 2 times everynight. We try to do nice things with him and take him to places we know he’ll enjoy, but he will push the boundary further and further and then tantrum and lash out and scram or hit one of us. He’s had us both in tears today. We’ve tried time out, distracting him from what’s set him off, ask him if he wants a cuddle, everything we could think of. He really is ruling the house at the minute. I feel like such a crap mum that I don’t know what else to do, I feel constantly judged by family members. I don’t have any friends to speak to or anything about it. I’m really stuck

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hi,

I’ve put off posting this for a while but I feel like I’ve tried everything and don’t know what else to do. My little one is 2.5 and the terrible twos are in full swing. I know it’s just a phase, I know he’s just testing the boundaries etc, but we feel like we are constantly treading on eggshells around him.The tantrums are unbearable, will last anywhere from 30 seconds to over an hour. He’s very strong willed and will only do what he wants to do, regardless of if we are telling him no because it’s dangerous. He will scream, hit, scram and bite us, throw things, pull draws out. He doesn’t sleep at night. Never has. He wakes at least 2 times everynight. We try to do nice things with him and take him to places we know he’ll enjoy, but he will push the boundary further and further and then tantrum and lash out and scram or hit one of us. He’s had us both in tears today. We’ve tried time out, distracting him from what’s set him off, ask him if he wants a cuddle, everything we could think of. He really is ruling the house at the minute. I feel like such a crap mum that I don’t know what else to do, I feel constantly judged by family members. I don’t have any friends to speak to or anything about it. I’m really stuck

Have you tried just not reacting at all to him? When he has a tantrum, if he’s safe - just leave him to it. I honestly think at this kind of level, there must be an element of attention seeking involved - irrational as it may seem.
The caveat to that - Have you had any medical advice? The lashing out/physical nature of it particularly if he doesn’t seem to care if he gets hurt or hurts others would be concerning me.

 

[Be kond]

We have tried the ignoring him, but he’ll go on for hours, or do something to get our attention. If he hurt himself in a tantrum, it would never be intentional, he’d then come to us for a cuddle, but if we pick him up mid tantrum he will smack or scram.
We’ve spoken to the health visitor and she is sure it’s just a phase. His nursery said he’s an absolute delight there and have never seen him tantrum once.
He has limited speech, says a few words but understands everything we say, if we ask him to put shoes on etc he will go get them, again doctors, nursery HV and speech therapists aren’t concerned because he understands everything.
I’m sure it’s a phase, just hoping we’re over the hill and one day something will work to nip them in the bud before he starts

 

[Definitelyme]

We have tried the ignoring him, but he’ll go on for hours, or do something to get our attention. If he hurt himself in a tantrum, it would never be intentional, he’d then come to us for a cuddle, but if we pick him up mid tantrum he will smack or scram.
We’ve spoken to the health visitor and she is sure it’s just a phase. His nursery said he’s an absolute delight there and have never seen him tantrum once.
He has limited speech, says a few words but understands everything we say, if we ask him to put shoes on etc he will go get them, again doctors, nursery HV and speech therapists aren’t concerned because he understands everything.
I’m sure it’s a phase, just hoping we’re over the hill and one day something will work to nip them in the bud before he starts

Maybe part of it is him being unable to express himself. Have you been able to identify any triggers for him, anything that consistently sets him off?
It is miserable when you try and go out and do fun things and you feel the time is ruined, but I’m sure there are plenty of those times he’s really enjoying too.
I would stay close when he does it, but be firm and say "I can’t let you hurt me, I will sit here and I’m here if you need me".
When you sense a tantrum coming try giving him some choices eg if you’re at the park say "do you want to go on the swing or the slide now?" To see if part of his upset is not being able to be in control. They get so little control over their lives that giving them choices within boundaries can help them regain some of that.

It sounds absolutely exhausting for all 3 of you Knowing it’s just a phase is great, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with when it’s happening every day. It’s great he’s not doing it at nursery, so part of it is you guys being his safe space where he can let all his emotions out knowing you are there for him.

 

[Be kond]

We definitely think part of it is frustration towards not being able to say what he wants, which is equally as frustrating for us, especially when we’re getting discharged by professionals and we can’t afford to go private to get him the help to speak.

It just seems to be if he doesn’t get his own way is what sets him off. I’ll hold my hands up and say we have spoilt him and he’s an only grandchild on both sides, so he’s very spoilt by them too, which doesn’t help. We have said to stop treats or giving into him but they don’t always listen. I feel awful for having to come to tattle to vent, when usually I’m just here for the gossip. I’ll specifically take him somewhere tomorrow and see if giving him the options help the situation. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

 

[Definitelyme]

We definitely think part of it is frustration towards not being able to say what he wants, which is equally as frustrating for us, especially when we’re getting discharged by professionals and we can’t afford to go private to get him the help to speak.

It just seems to be if he doesn’t get his own way is what sets him off. I’ll hold my hands up and say we have spoilt him and he’s an only grandchild on both sides, so he’s very spoilt by them too, which doesn’t help. We have said to stop treats or giving into him but they don’t always listen. I feel awful for having to come to tattle to vent, when usually I’m just here for the gossip. I’ll specifically take him somewhere tomorrow and see if giving him the options help the situation. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

Don’t feel awful at all.We all need a vent sometimes, and sometimes that is so much easier to do to faceless strangers. We all need some help and support in motherhood, it’s not an easy thing at all.
It sounds like he is a really loved little boy, who is just going through a bit of a tougher period with his emotions. Which is really draining for everyone involved

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Any advice on stopping a toddler from climbing into bed with us? He goes to bed absolutely fine and no fuss, but every single night without fail he will wake up and cry to get into mummy and daddy’s bed. Sometimes the fight to stop and settle isn’t worth it as we are so knackered so we just give in and let him get straight into our bed but it’s becoming tiresome now getting kicked in the head every night by a 2 y/o

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Any advice on stopping a toddler from climbing into bed with us? He goes to bed absolutely fine and no fuss, but every single night without fail he will wake up and cry to get into mummy and daddy’s bed. Sometimes the fight to stop and settle isn’t worth it as we are so knackered so we just give in and let him get straight into our bed but it’s becoming tiresome now getting kicked in the head every night by a 2 y/o

Grit your teeth and don’t allow him in. Unfortunately it’s just the way you’ve got to do it. Every time he comes in, you take him back to his own bed. Even if that means you are literally walking back and forth from one room to the other. For as many nights as it takes. You have to break the cycle and the only way to do that is by consistently putting him back to his own bed without fault.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Any advice on stopping a toddler from climbing into bed with us? He goes to bed absolutely fine and no fuss, but every single night without fail he will wake up and cry to get into mummy and daddy’s bed. Sometimes the fight to stop and settle isn’t worth it as we are so knackered so we just give in and let him get straight into our bed but it’s becoming tiresome now getting kicked in the head every night by a 2 y/o

I always put my kid back to their own bed when they come through in the night. Unless unwell I will take him in for a cuddle but get up and carry back to his room , usually will lie in his bed for a cuddle too before I leave him. But I guess consistency is key. Tiring but got to stick to it, I don't sleep well if he's in my bed plus his dad as well, if his dad is away working then it's not too bad but think we all sleep better in our own beds. I've always done this even from when he was a baby in his cot , I'd take him in for cuddles but always put back to bed before I could get a decent sleep. Know lots of mums who didn't take kid back to bed and now will end up bed sharing cause that's what the child is used to. Some people are fine with it but I like my own space, when they were little I'd worry about squishing them but now it's me that gets squashed to the side if I let them in

 

[WhatABore]

Any advice on stopping a toddler from climbing into bed with us? He goes to bed absolutely fine and no fuss, but every single night without fail he will wake up and cry to get into mummy and daddy’s bed. Sometimes the fight to stop and settle isn’t worth it as we are so knackered so we just give in and let him get straight into our bed but it’s becoming tiresome now getting kicked in the head every night by a 2 y/o

You just have to be persistent in taking them back unfottunatley.
It'll take a week or so of tired nights, but he'll eventually get the hang of it.
Every time you give in, he knows crying ect will get what he wants so he'll continue to do it.

A gro clock could be a good idea?
Telling him once the clock turns yellow, then he can come and get into your bed

 

[al255]

I’m sharing a bed with my daughter on holiday, it’s 2 big single beds put together and all I’ve ever wanted is to share a bed with her for cuddles, was always so jealous of these that co share.. all she’s ever known is her cot/ now a single bed and won’t even entertain the idea of being in my bed! ANYWAY. I can’t cope sharing a room with her, she moves around so much and cos she knows I’m next to her messes around more

I agree with the advice though - just be tough. I know how hard it is not going in again and again, when I swapped my daughter to a single bed she wants me to lie down with her to read a book, which is fine, some nights she wants me to lie down and cuddle her to sleep and even though I’ve never had to do this.. she just wants me to do it cos it must be comforting to her I guess. But.. she went through a phase of getting out of bed at bedtime and I would go in and in and I’d be more annoyed by the end of it. I’d do bedtime routine as normal then tell her bedtime, I had to say to her it’s time to stay in bed and not get up now. And I would tell her the bear she sleeps with has to stay in bed too as it’s bedtime.. after a week of not going back in (she would do anything, fake crying etc.. trying to get me to go back in) .. it worked! It took me all my willpower not to keep going in but finally she got the message. I still faff though, is that a mum thing?