Toddler advice thread #4

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

@Definitelyme @strawberrysunshine_x thank you both. I appreciate your replies and reassurance. Made me a bit teary earlier but it’s been a bit of a day anyway and doesn’t take much

 

[Definitelyme]

Useful for the flight but also on the other side if you’ve got a bit of a wait going through passport control

Everyone heed this advice. We only ever travel with a sling, never a buggy, and it’s amazingly simple in the airports. Last week a poor woman on her own with a 2yo and an approx 11/12mo had them both screaming and crying. I offered her help off the plane but she said she would be fine. She didn’t get her buggy back so had to manage her two little ones and their stuff through passport control.I said to my husband afterwards if she had had a sling her life would have been 100x easier.

And for toddler headphones I recommend the ones which are like a big headband as they are much comfier for them than big headphones.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I always give him a snack at 2/3 and he sometimes has something else at 4 as well. He’s got a good appetite. I think he’s just got loads of energy cos he’s been a bit stuck in we went a walk Sunday and he couldn’t wait to run off but he was very cautious with his arm he can’t run the same. But he’s going on a nice trip with nursery this aft. He was up 3-5 I feel dead groggy today but I’m hoping things will get better now he’s back at nursery

Have you spoken with him about what’s happened? He might still be figuring it all out in his head. The accident, the hospital stay and treatment, having the cast on. In the book “The Wholebrained Child” it says to keep talking over the traumatic incident to allow them to process it and file it away. Just thinking from a different angle.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

So his key worker brought him to the door when I got there and I mentioned it and she said they will start checking. But I wasn’t really impressed with her response. She said well he doesn’t come to tell us. Well obviously not cos he can’t and he isn’t potty trained. Jesus wept
But she said they will start checking more and have a word with everyone else to do so as well

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you, I’m aware of that. I struggle to get out the house some days if I don’t have a plan or if the weather isn’t great. She’s growing out of he playgroups I take her to so just planning ahead. The school readiness groups are just pe activities or stories and crafts with a focus on phonics, maths etc so quite similar to what they do at preschool. I just want to keep her stimulated and having fun. We start school so early in the UK, even preschool they’re expected so much of!

My 5yo didn't go to nursery/pre school.
She's also a very nervous person and struggles with change, but she absolutely adores school and didn't struggle with it at all!
She couldn't read a single word when she started and she's now in year 2 for her phonics/reading!

We have never really gone out much either or been to any playgroups so don't put too much pressure on yourself as she will be fine!

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi everyone, after a bit of advice. Just turned 4yo has been potty trained for about a year. The odd regression here and there and will still sometimes not quite get to the toilet in time but I’d say 99% of the time she’s fine, and she always notices and tells us when she has had a little accident. We still have her in pull ups on a night because I know being dry on a night is a hormonal change rather than a behavioural thing that can be taught. Question is, how many dry pull ups would you give it before trying without one? We’ve had two mornings in a row now where she’s woken up completely dry and goes to the toilet. She will also sometimes get up at 9-10pm and go for a wee by herself then take herself back to bed

I would give it a go if she gets herself up to the toilet. Sometimes I think knowing they have the pull up on can make them a bit lazier. My 4yo has just stopped wearing pull ups a night (despite being potty trained for over 2yrs). They were still heavy each morning but one day she asked if she could not wear them and she’s been dry ever since.

 

[al255]

My little one has just gone to sleep no arguments or anything. I started bed time at 655. He had a bath at 6 and we’ve been in bed he had the iPad for a bit and then a book then nothing and just gone to sleep in 15 mins bless him. It’s SO much better when he doesn’t fight me 🥹

I’m glad it went well. Ours has been dreadful. 6:30pm told her bathtime in 15 mins. Set a timer on my phone and once it went off she knew it was bathtime, she gave me the iPad no problems and refused to walk or be carried upstairs. I then told her to think about what she wants to do whilst I go and run her the bath.. came back down and she refused to get undressed, managed to get her undressed and carried her upstairs.

She’s just NONE STOP screaming, horrible whining cry that make my ears wanna burst. Got in the bath and she won’t even sit down, she’s that worked up over me carrying her upstairs ??!! Quick wash and told her she’s not getting the iPad after bathtime it’s dressed, teeth and bed. She needed a wash as she was all sweaty and dirty from nursery, if she wasn’t dirty I wouldn’t have bothered tbh.

Brushed her teeth no issues, happily walks to her bedroom and we read a few books that she’s picked. Then she wants one more and the drama/screaming begins. I just told her no and cuddled her to sleep.

WHY do we need the drama!!!

I wouldn’t mind but it’s not even over the iPad, she gives that to me no problem.

Sick of horrible ear piercing screaming that’s not needed!!!! 🫠🫠🫠🫠
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I don’t know if this is the right thread.
Should I be concerned that my 15 month old only has 4 teeth?

No I don’t think so. My 3 year old had all her teeth near enough by 2 but I know some kids who haven’t got all their baby teeth yet at 3!

 

[Hairraiser]

@PillowsofFluff @Jellybean093 @WhatABore
Thank you for your lovely replies.
I really have no idea what to say as I’m struggling to find any words at the moment.
But your kind words and support haven’t gone unnoticed.
it was nice to vent so thank you for listening.

 

[LilyRose1234]

I am lucky I can keep her home. I have enquired at a forest school for my son and they have a space for him for when he starts but I need to do the registration. I wish I could have sent her there but I wasn’t driving when I could have got a space for her.
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Thank you that really means a lot. I’ve been really hard on myself recently.

For what it’s worth, I think it’s better for her to be at home with you than in the wrong setting for her, and that room at least doesn’t sound like the place for her. Imagine calling a toddler spiteful ffs, breaks my heart for you! If you’re lucky enough to be in a position to keep her off with you until she starts school that might be a good way to go rather than her associating leaving you with going somewhere she hates, better to wait until she can associate it with something positive!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

So glad to hear it’s not just her. (I do realise how awful that sounds but I’ve been thinking what an awful parent I am). I’ve been so down the last week as every night it’s just awful. Miserable is the word.
She definitely was hangry today as she didn’t have her afternoon snack at preschool and then dinner was later due to her dad working late but it’s not just today she’s been like it. Like you say it’s probably just a phase but god I’m so tired.
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Ah, I feel you. 3yo is normally a mummy’s boy and I told him I loved him earlier and he told me he doesn’t love me, he loves daddy 🫠
Also, I’m really struggling with everyone’s bed time. We have crappy blinds, which keeps them awake. This has proper thrown them

Oh don’t I went back into her after I’d calmed down and she said I love you so much mummy and it broke my heart. But I’d be fuming if she said that Yeah I agree the later nights seem to coincide with the sudden bedtime battle. I mean it wasn’t always easy or quick but it wasn’t so draining.

What do you all do in the lead up to bedtime. We have dinner then free play usually with her dad, then bedtime snack pyjamas teeth wee and get into bed. Either me or her dad tell her a quick story then put a sleep story on theYoto player and cuddle her til she’s asleep. Which is taking forever atm and I have started to threaten her that I’ll sit at the end of the bed instead of cuddling which just feels really awful to me.
When they’re hyper do you do rough play or try and do calm activities?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Had a little parents meeting with nursery yesterday, expected to be in and out in 15 minutes, that it just would be a general update as all parents are getting them. Ended up being an hour and the headteacher saying that though they love having my little boy, he’s very bright and has lovely manners, they have concerns about his ability to concentrate and follow instructions and to regulate and manage his emotions. They’re putting a support plan in place to hopefully help him and she mentioned getting my HV involved to do a learning assessment??

To be honest I was completely blindsided, they always say at collection each day that’s he’s had a great day, any minor issues are spoken about. I’m in panic mode now and terrified something is wrong. But the boy they describe - can’t concentrate, can’t listen to instructions, struggles to manage his emotions - isn’t the boy I recognise from home. He is well behaved with me, listens to instructions out in public, will stay with me and hold my hand etc. We play together at home, jigsaws, read books, play cars and dinosaurs etc. Ok his attention span is a bit short but he’s only 3 and a half. And he is high energy and likes to be active but not hyperactive. He sometimes can be a bit dramatic with his feelings, but again what toddler isn’t?

I’m just imagining the worst and feel so upset about it all. I know it’s good the nursery is giving him extra support and maybe it won’t come to anything but I’m just heartbroken atm

You really don’t need to be heartbroken. My little boy is similar to this and they took me in for a meeting and told me they think he has additional needs ( not saying yours does btw) but it’s a good thing they are wanting to help and a support plan is also a really good thing to have. It’ll help him a lot. Some kids just need extra support when they are away from home.
Mine is being assessed for things at the min but we’re grateful for the help and want him to get all the help he needs from nursery. Similar to yours mine struggles with adults at nursery and also doesn’t like to sit still.
you really don’t need to be heartbroken. With the plan in place he will be able to get the help he needs and he will enjoy nursery.
I can understand you feeling blind sided as I was the same and I just thought he needed time to catch up so I was caught off guard. But it’s worked out well and he’s getting the help he needs. Absolutely nothing to be heartbroken about honey. He’ll be fine!! Some kids just need a bit of extra help please don’t be upset

remember all kids are different and do things at their own pace

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Started potty training this morning. Not going well at all. Happy to sit on the potty/toilet but won't do anything on it. Comes off and straight away goes and wees herself or pees on the floor in the playroom.

 

[Definitelyme]

I am so so so so fed up. Every Wednesday and Thursday I’m off with my daughter, wednesdays we go swimming lessons in the morning, afternoon we usually chill / go in the garden / go somewhere and every single week I’m left feeling like why the fuck do I even bother. Some weeks are great and she’s wonderful but it’s getting more and more frequent that there’s meltdowns over such a small things.

She went on her scooter to swimming, no issues this morning, on the way home, she got off her scooter and I went to pick it up and she slapped my hand. I said that’s not acceptable, you don’t hurt mummy and that was it. Ww3! She refused to walk or scoot back home (we were at the end of the road).. I dragged her home literally as I can’t carry her she’s far too heavy. She refused to come inside, stood in the front garden screaming, I got her inside and she threw herself on the floor, I tried to take her shoes off and she kicked me several times, I then put her on the naughty step and she’s screaming blue murder, banging her feet against the living room door, screaming still.

I used to love my time off with her during the week but I’ve just had enough with the dramas and I’d rather be at work!!!🫠 I can’t afford to put her in nursery anymore days as she’s going 3 from this week and there isn’t the capacity for me to up my hours at work.. just feel like banging my head at a brick wall when she’s like this

after she’s had the meltdown and calmed down she’s back to being her usual self….until the next one!!!!

It sounds to me like she is frustrated with being told what to do rather than being given options. Every time you say she kinda of sets off again it’s after a choice has been made for her - you picked up the scooter, she had to come in to the house, she had to take her shoes off. Try giving her choices within limits. When they feel they have power and control over their lives they generally are a bit happier.

 

[JulesC]

This is what I thought but when I had the meeting they said it’s not normal. I suppose as part of the bigger picture it points more to neurodivergence than usual meltdowns.

I definitely think my daughter holds it in all day and then lets it all out when I pick her up. It is like us at work and when you get home you can cry/scream/shout whatever you need to do!! Always feel like my daughter has to decompress after a day in pre-school.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

And I bet you’re delighted hopefully the start of lots of chat (maybe not buggar )

Oh I definitely am. It made me laugh I just thought flipping typical I had to say that and he repeat it. I just said yeah BUNNY

 

[PillowsofFluff]

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my daughter's childminder on a Friday asking me to pick her up as she'd been sick while eating lunch. I did, and as soon as she got in the car she told me it was because they'd given her orange and it made her gag. Fair enough, we no longer give her oranges at home for that very reason, she can be really funny about the pith.
Anyway, the same thing happened when she went back on the Tuesday, except this time it was apple. They didn't make me pick her up as they were confident it wasn't a bug. Then again on the Thursday and Friday they tell me she's gagging on whichever fruit they give her, and she sticks her fingers in her mouth as though she's making herself sick?
Anyway, over the weekend we mentioned several times to her about not making herself sick at the childminder's and she said she wouldn't. First day back today and rather than making herself sick she just burst into tears at lunch and refused to eat a single thing.
Anyone else ever experienced anything like this? She eats fine at home/at restaurants/at nanny's, never stops eating. I'm guessing its psychological but what do I do?

Also she has conjunctivitis right now which is fun

Feel a bit shitty right now with this going on, her waking early in the morning, and my other half losing his job meaning we'll probably lose our house

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m I the only one that doesn’t like pull-ups apart from when they go through that ‘wrestling with an alligator’ phase?

I haven’t ever used them, except at night when we potty train (we call them bed time pants, just shifts from being in a nappy to being in pants). I didn’t realise so many people used them daily!

 

[al255]

Does anyone have any tips for tackling cradle cap in an (almost) 2 year old? She’s got a fair amount of hair, although not loads, so I’m not sure the best way to deal with it. I used the Frieda cradle cap kit when she was a bald baby but not sure if it’ll work as well with hair?

I used the Dentinox cradle cap shampoo and it cleared up in no time!

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

Had a little parents meeting with nursery yesterday, expected to be in and out in 15 minutes, that it just would be a general update as all parents are getting them. Ended up being an hour and the headteacher saying that though they love having my little boy, he’s very bright and has lovely manners, they have concerns about his ability to concentrate and follow instructions and to regulate and manage his emotions. They’re putting a support plan in place to hopefully help him and she mentioned getting my HV involved to do a learning assessment??

To be honest I was completely blindsided, they always say at collection each day that’s he’s had a great day, any minor issues are spoken about. I’m in panic mode now and terrified something is wrong. But the boy they describe - can’t concentrate, can’t listen to instructions, struggles to manage his emotions - isn’t the boy I recognise from home. He is well behaved with me, listens to instructions out in public, will stay with me and hold my hand etc. We play together at home, jigsaws, read books, play cars and dinosaurs etc. Ok his attention span is a bit short but he’s only 3 and a half. And he is high energy and likes to be active but not hyperactive. He sometimes can be a bit dramatic with his feelings, but again what toddler isn’t?

I’m just imagining the worst and feel so upset about it all. I know it’s good the nursery is giving him extra support and maybe it won’t come to anything but I’m just heartbroken atm

What do you mean imagining the worst? It seems like they just want to see if he needs a little extra help and maybe some one-to-one targeted support by the sounds of it.
My son has difficulty concentrating, doesn’t always listen to instructions and struggles to manage his emotions at nursery too. He is also like that at home to a degree, but obviously nursery is more structured and they have to do certain things at certain times which some kids can struggle with. Since my son has been supported by the SEN team at nursery he has made big improvements in all areas. I don’t think it’s the anything to panic about.

 

[al255]

So I just picked mini A up from nursery and they said in her summer assessment they’re writing they don’t think her speech is where it should be and they feel she speaks too fast and doesn’t pronounce words properly. I cried cos I just feel like I’ve tried so hard with everything to make sure she isn’t behind in any way, and I feel like I’ve failed in some way even though it’s out of my control.

They said she will benefit from speech and language therapy potentially - they’re gunna come up with a proper plan tomorrow at nursery on how we proceed.

I feel awful cos at her 2 year review I was concerned about her speech and then 4 months later she just came on leaps and bounds.

I know sometimes she speaks fast and the beginning is all muddled but I just thought it was just part of being a toddler. They mentioned talking tots I could potentially go to them (I think.. maybe need a HV referral).

I had an awful stammer as a child and I’ve grown out of it now but I just don’t want her to have any speech issues in her teenage years as it was awful!