Toddler advice thread #4

[al255]

How have mums coped with the change of their child going to school? A few of my friends have kids going to school in September and the thought of it makes me feel urghhh. Despite some Wednesdays and Thursdays feeling like a chore cos my 3.5 year old was in a constant mood.. I’m going to miss all our days out, our routine of just me and her all day 🥲 everything we do together! I’m staying part time at work as 3 days of childcare in school hols is easier than 5 so we will still get lots of time in hols together but I’m just gunna be sooooooo sad next year when it’s over.

I think I’ve been “spoilt” compared to some mums as I’ve been able to take 15 months maternity. I took the 12, then had loads of hols to use and took some unpaid time too due to various things. I’ve been part time since then and I know how lucky I am and fortunate but I also share the weekends with her Dad and the thought of not seeing her much during the week or having fun is shit 🫠 I’ve got a year+ yet but I’m dreading it

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Fingers crossed for you. I’m currently in my bed with my three year old telling me I don’t love her because I made her brush her teeth

 

[Definitelyme]

It just feels like an amazing accomplishment for everyone involved doesn’t it. I heard so many horror stories about it and was dreading it but he managed to get the hang of it pretty quickly so I’m really surprised tbh!
It’s an awesome feeling when things go well in parenting

Enjoy the feeling!
My third was like him, I went to the supermarket one morning and when I got back my husband said “oh she uses the toilet now” and that was that some of the just get it, and want to do it, and it’s great!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I’m just wondering if anyone else has had a bad experience with your friends kids. Please bare with it’s a bit long winded.
In Easter hols I went to my friends with my little boy. They have a child similar age to mine. They were fine playing for a bit but she kept snatching things off him ( I know they are her toys so I understand its hard for them to share at that age they are both 4 few months before them) outside in the Wendy house she wanted him out so he pulled him by is his hood dead roughly as well!

I took him a packed lunch as we were there from 11 and don’t expect my friend to use her food. Anyway my friends kid had an utter meltdown mine had a custard pot and she didn’t have one .. she kicked off really bad. They calmed her down and she was fine then 10 mins later she wanted to get her crafts set out but my friend said no cos their other baby has just started crawling and they didn’t want him to put the things in his mouth etc. omg she had the worst tantrum I’ve ever seen. Mine doesn’t have them , he never has.not like that anyway! But she was kicking her mum and she smacked her dad and so they put her in the kitchen for time out and she was throwing all the cupboards open emptying everything on the floor. Wrecked their clothes airer. Mine was a bit traumatised so I took him home, cos she was screaming and shouting he didn’t like it..

Anyway it’s kind of put me off going to their house again with him . Am I being dramatic/
Soft / unreasonable. Please tell me your thoughts. Thanks

This made me feel really sad as my daughter has been acting like this. Although not with her friends but I find it so hard when she has a meltdown and attacks me in front of her/my friends. Yesterday we had a family meal and she was overwhelmed and pulled her aunts hair. We have a three month old and the behaviour has started since he arrived. Doesn’t help that her nanny made a comment about how good the baby is compared to her right after.

 

[Definitelyme]

Started potty training this morning. Not going well at all. Happy to sit on the potty/toilet but won't do anything on it. Comes off and straight away goes and wees herself or pees on the floor in the playroom.

Try just watching closely and when the pee starts sticking her straight on the potty. It takes a while for them to understand the relationship and how to control it, and at first it’s often easier to catch the wee and show them where it goes until they are able to make the connection themselves. All mine have started that way, and all PT quickly and without issue. It’s undoing a few years of training to just wee whenever and wherever, and so continuing that for a few days is absolutely normal while they get used to things. They have to relearn it all, and get their realisation from oh I’ve peed, to I’m peeing, to I need a pee.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Not to brag but mine is asleep!!! I’ve really tired him out today. We went to the park this morning and it’s quite big. We walked round it for a hour bless him. We’ve had a lovely week I don’t wanna go back to work on Monday 🥲

Mine’s running round pretending to fill his cup up with ice and pretending to throw the ice at us 🫣 dunno where he learnt about the ice bucket challenge from like 2014 from

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

It’s ridiculous. Some people are so hung up on the size of babies and kids. I have kids on the smaller side and people always comment. Like, thanks Jan, I’ll just inject them with growth hormones!

Adults come in different shapes and sizes so why is it a shock when kids do too

 

[Definitelyme]

Having major issues with potty training.
I can always rely on you guys for some support and wise words so here goes.

My son potty trained around his 2nd birthday (yes I know it’s early, but he was giving me the signs so I just went with it)
It took some time to get it right and not have accidents but he soon got the hang out & I felt confident he managing well! He was having one or two accidents a week max.
Fast forward to now.
He is wetting himself every single time he needs a wee. He tells me he’s wee’d and then finishes on the potty.
I try to explain to him he needs to do it on the potty but he just doesn’t listen. He talks over me and acts like he’s not interested.

l have taken him to the doctors Incase it was an infection but he’s been given the all clear & is on movicol to make sure he has regular poo’s.
I thought maybe because he has poo’s every 3rd day, and really struggles (I have to sit and hold his hand while he’s on the potty) it was constipation causing his wetting.
This morning he had a poo easily, no struggle, and he took himself to the potty. But then proceeded to do a wee on my bed.
(New duvet needed )

I’m at my wits end, I just don’t know what else to do.
I thought I was winning at being a mum & now this has completely knocked my confidence!
I had a shit start to conception, birth & also I’ve really had a tough time adjusting to motherhood and this was the first thing I managed to help him with and he did so well.
I just want the best for him always and I don’t like knowing he’s wetting himself in front of everyone as I’m worried he’s getting embarrassed
Please help!

Regressions are really normal for potty trained kids. Has anything changed recently for him? Is he drinking a lot more in the warmer weather?
You’ve done the right thing taking him to be checked out, that was my first thought too.
I recommend the book oh crap potty training to everyone, it has a section on regressions in it (I’ve never read it though so can’t say much really!)

If it were me I would go back to basics, as though you’re starting again. Keeping a close eye, when he starts to wee moving him straight to the potty/toilet and reminding him this is where wee and poo goes. Keeping things calm and not worrying because this will end.

This says nothing at all about your parenting. You are doing everything right, we have no control over someone else’s bladder and how and when they choose to use it. Your responsibility here is what you’re already doing - seeking out a potential cause, asking for help.
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Is it 3 years and 4 months they get their next jabs?

Yes, 3y 4 months for their preschool injections.

 

[al255]

So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

 

[Jellybean093]

I know but when she’s already overtired from shit sleeps since Saturday i just lost it just hate getting annoyed and it’s so rare I even raise my voice at her. Tomorrow is a new day

Don’t get me wrong, if my kids wake up before 7, I’m like ‘whhhhy’ but then I remember some of my friends kids get up at 5, so, I’m quite lucky
Shit sleeps are hard when you’re used to kids sleeping through and going to bed.
Also, don’t forget, she feeds off your stress and anger. If you keep calm, she will be calm. Easier said than done, I know. Been there, done that and now have a teen who hates me 🫠

 

[elderflowerrose]

Mine is 2 years 4 months and isn’t ready yet. I’m trying to be chilled about it as it’s far better to do it successfully when he’s older than get stressed and upset about it, but parenting can be awfully competitive, even if you personally aren’t it’s hard not to get sucked into other kids’ amazing achievements and wondering if you have gone somehow terribly wrong! I’ve been feeling this a lot lately, been concerned about my little boys speech.

 

[al255]

I agree with above that the iPad actually sounds like it’s all part of the same problem of her demanding her own way (like all little ones!!) and not having the tools or experience to deal with being told no.
That 15 mins could be quiet play time instead in her room, just because there is extra time it doesn’t need to be filled by you. She is plenty old enough to amuse herself for 15 mins before bed. Or alternatively if you really don’t like that, move her bath back by 15 mins so you don’t have the spare time afterwards.

I’m going to try tonight - no iPad, more books and see if that helps! Thanks all for your advice xxx

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Has anyone got any experience of dyspraxia in their children?

My 3yo daughter is so clumsy can literally trip over thin air and I know it’s somewhat normal with toddlers but I got the thought in my head, looked it up and she ticks off so many of the symptoms. I see the nhs site says it can’t be diagnosed until past 5 so nothing I can do for now but wondering if anyone else had experience of it.

I'd speak to the gp as it may not be dyspraxia. It could be glue ear which affects hearing and also affects balance and coordination.
Her hearing could be fine, but glue ear can present with no hearing difficulties but lots of other symptoms, poor speech, balance walking etc.
I had glue ear as a child and was constantly falling over & was considered a "clumsy child"
I am now completely deaf & without my hearing aids I regress back to my former clumsy self.
Not many people seem to be aware that middle ear issues can have an impact on balance/co ordination. So I'd definitely make the appointment discuss your issues and ask for her ears to be looked into.

 

[al255]

It’s about what they do when they’re not watching tv that matters so if they lead a fulfilling engaging day where they are stimulated and socialising all that good stuff, tv doesn’t not kill all that learning their brains are doing

that’s very true! She likes to play CBeebies land and numher games on her iPad too so not all YouTube and Diana and whatever he’s called!
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I saw this meme the other day and it made me laugh..

 

[Borntorun]

my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

You clearly have more patience than me then, as if a man said this about my child they’d be going straight in the bin. How bloody rude, especially when him being there is probably what unsettled her in the first place

but yes. As you say, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully tomorrows bedtime is better for you

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Another cough/cold for little miss. When the fuck does it end

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Standards for everything seem to be higher for babies and children than adult - sleeping, eating, behaviour, weight - there are people who genuinely seem to expect them to be tiny robots that eat/sleep/behave better than adults. They’re kids ffs have a day off

Couldn’t agree more with this!!! We aren’t robots and neither are they!!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I hope things are better now. Your poor little girl. Then getting cross with her just hurts my heart I can’t imagine how that felt for her.

Thank you, it broke my heart too. We’ve moved her to another setting now and whilst she never appeared to be unhappy at the old one she’s really happy at the new one and I completely trust them

 

[al255]

I’m so shocked at the fees you’re all paying for your children to go to nursery.
my son goes 4 hours on a Tuesday morning, we pay £100 a month. We are waiting until he has his free 30 hours before we increase to a full day. I’m so confused by it all.
So what does supplements mean? Is that like lunch and dinner etc?

I got a letter yesterday and it says full days are now going to cost £52 from £48 which is an extra £8 a week / £32 a month .. I get the increase as everything is going up including their wages/cost of food etc

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Oh really. What happened with you if you don’t mind me asking. This is all new to me. Should I email them outplaying my concerns and ask for a meeting or is a WhatsApp message ok? We usually use WhatsApp to talk.

We had quite a few issues with my daughters care, like them letting her spend the day in soiled trousers after an accident when she had spares, using the words ‘naughty’ to her when she had an accident, she told me some of the workers were ‘cross with her’ and when I asked what she meant she said they got cross when she had an accident. Lots of these little incidents and we’d mention it to the staff at the door and they’d always promise to address it. But then there was a day where there was a ‘final straw’ incident so I contacted the manager via email and basically she wasn’t aware of any of our previous complaints, which was a massive red flag to me (as the staff weren’t following proper reporting procedures but instead covering for each other which is a huge safeguarding issue). Once it was in writing, the manager had to address it officially whereas when we had just spoken at the door, they’d been able to dismiss it/not address it. So I’d just make sure any issues you’ve spoken about are also written down in some way so you have a record of it and they’re accountable for it