Toddler advice thread #3

[WeHadFunRight]

I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to fuck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.

You’re not a terrible mum.

if you read your post and think about someone telling you this about their current situation think about what you would say to them. Would you tell them to stay?

you don’t deserve being put under all that pressure by someone who sounds a lot like he doesn’t enrich your life. It is difficult especially as you have a child involved but if you can take steps to get him to leave I think ultimately you’ll look back and realise it was the right thing.

And being totally honest without holding back it sounds like you should get a restraining order out on him because his behaviour is abusive.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

So sick of the power struggles between my three year old and her dad. Apparently I’m not firm enough with her. But all he does is threaten to take her things away. We had a baby 10 days ago, now is not the time to be forcing her to eat “one more bite” for a bit of jelly. We’ve never done that! I think he’s finding it hard now he’s doing a lot more of the parenting but we’ve had so many conversations and time to practice setting boundaries. No point to this post just doing my head in

 

[watermelon sugar]

My mums friend got my son and my niece and nephew a bag of treats. He’s got three selection boxes, 2 big choc Santa’s, a big of small ones, milkybar festive friends, Malteser reindeer, jelly babies , Freddos selection box and can’t remember what else. One child can’t eat all that

one child may not be able to eat that but one adult definitely can help

 

[Hairraiser]

God my LO is being a right pain today. Don’t know what’s up with him. We went a walk today after being stuck in the house since last week from hand foot and mouth. He just wanted to run in all the mud. He got filthy His wellies (2 pairs ) are at nursery cos we missed the last day!! He doesn’t wanna eat anything. Keeps gagging when the dog comes near him ( he doesn’t like his breath) he’s so sensitive to smells. Keeps whinging and crying. I think he’s tired. He’s wrecked my Christmas tree. I thought we’d have a nice day finally getting out and about properly but no

My little boy has been the same today. We were in Tesco grabbing one or two things and as you can imagine it was absolute carnage due to Christmas shoppers, and I think he just got overstimulated. Wouldn’t listen to me, kept throwing himself on the floor and crying. There were no trolleys so I couldn’t even put him in the trolley to keep him contained while I nipped round. It was just so so stressful for us both and he was in such a state when he came out that he didn’t wanna go in his car seat and I got so cross with him and lost it. I literally had to tackle him for about 5 minutes before he was in a safe position to strap him in I felt so bad after shouting at him but genuinely I was so stressed out! In hindsight I really picked a bad day to go and if he didn’t have free rein of the shop and me telling him off every 2 minutes to ‘come this way please’ I think it wouldn’t have been so bad.

All toddlers have their bad days, I find if I deal with it the correct way he’s much better at snapping out of it but I think our energy matched and we were both getting frustrated with each other.
I just feel so bad for being cross 3 days before Christmas he’s absolutely fine now, playing and having a great time in the bath. Where as I’ve cried twice today & dreading work tomorrow so im in a bad mood
I think my New Year’s resolution will be to be less stressy & chill out abit also, go shopping alone too if I can help it.

 

[Megatron1298]

My toddler could have spent about 15 minutes just watching chimpanzees lol. He also saw a sleeping lion and was chatting to him about how we had just seen the chimpanzee but we hadn’t seen the giraffes yet. So damn cute

 

[Kit123]

Just found this thread! Haven't read all the comments but my daughter turned two a couple of months ago. At the moment we are going through the tantrum stage, it comes in waves. When we have them though it's quite a lot and they are exhausting.
It will just be the smallest thing eg I said no to something, I took the plug out the bath, I put her back in the pram after walking.
I get so frustrated and admittedly shout sometimes. I feel bad afterwards but I'm really struggling.
I'm in constant pain with RA and can't walk well so when she's in the midst of it I can't pick her up.
She's also started hitting at times and just being so demanding.
What can I do
Myself and her dad have literally separated and even though she goes to his a couple of nights every week I wonder if it's affected her?
Like we have stayed in the house and she will often ask for dad.
Just want to know that I'm not alone

 

[Jellybean093]

Ah, I’m the odd one out. Even though he is frustrating me with the constant ‘mum, mum, look at me mum’ he is the most loveliest 3 yo I have ever come across. He is adored by all the ladies at his preschool. He has been a fairly easy going child though. The 1 year old is a completely different story, and I KNOW he will be a handful at 3

 

[WhatABore]

I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to fuck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.

It's easier said than done, but you need to get out of that situation. He's manipulating you and it is emotional abuse.
That situation isn't good for you or your daughter.
When she gets older, she will pick up on it and maybe even pick up on some of the things he says.
You're not a terrible Mum at all. You need to put yourself first for a minute and get out of there for your own good. Your daughters too

 

[al255]

Happy new year everyone xx

Just wondering if anyone has any advice..

My daughter is 3 soon so she’s becoming more aware of everything. My issue is when I drop her off at her Dads on a Saturday morning she REALLY doesn’t want to go. I tell her she’s going and she gets like the routine of her weeks (she can tell me what day she goes to grandads and what days I’m at work etc) .. she screams and says “come back home with you Mummy” and she will cry, my heart breaks! I know she’s fine there, she’s looked after but she doesn’t want to go.

She was meant to be staying there tonight (as well as last night) and I ended up getting her tonight cos she was literally sobbing and saying “back home mummy”, now, I spend a lot of time with her and it’s usually just us two. I do a lot with her and I wonder if it’s cos she’s bored there and since she only goes once a week it’s not the best for her?? I’m not sure.. she goes to my dads once a week whilst I work and she loves it there and I never have any issues dropping her off

Is it seperation from me going to her dads that she finds hard? I’m just not sure, it breaks my heart leaving her when she clearly doesn’t want to go but I have no choice but to keep sending her..!

Her Dad doesn’t do a great deal with her, she’s got toys and colouring books at his house but I often get the impression she gets bored and that’s why she starts playing up. She never gets taken out anywhere as he doesn’t drive and cba to really go anywhere else on a bus etc..

 

[squatternutbosh]

Those who stay with your little ones until they're asleep, what do you then do if they wake and scream every time they realise you're not there. It's constant with mini Pillows at the moment, and I mean proper full on hysteria

I co slept with my child from birth to around 3.5.
Yes, she was one of them children who woke up atleast 5 times a night and I tried everything and exhausted all avenues and before I lost my will to live I literally gave up in the end.
When I was asleep next to her she slept better, I slept better, she had the comfort & support & security she needed from me and this over time developed her confidence & created a positive association with bedtime. Eventually she started sleeping alone without me.
i appreciate this approach might not be everyone’s cup of tea but worked for us.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Had a really rough day today. Took me all morning to convince my daughter to get ready and go t preschool. Took 10 minutes in the rain to convince her to go in. Crashed my car while parking (it’s fine was just a scuff but seriously). Picked my daughter up to be told shes not had a wee for the three hours she was there. She proceeds to have a wee accident in the car. Had an ok evening then she had a 45 minute meltdown over various things but the main issues atm is there is spit in her mouth?!

My partner is out for the football and still not home and I need him to come back to get the car seat up the three flights of stairs so I can clean it as I need it in the morning to drop her off at her nan’s so I can have my midwife appt. She’s meant to go to preschool tomorrow afternoon but I’ll be away from her all morning so can’t see that going well.

Her preschool want to have a meeting with us on Friday, because shes not wanting to go in and is struggling there. I’m thinking of pulling her out and trying again when the baby is a few months old or possibly sept next year. She won’t be going to school until sept 2024. So hard to know what to do. I’ve been worrying about her for weeks and only now that the preschool have suggested a meeting is my partner now saying oh it must be bad. Like yeh what have I been saying can’t believe he wanted her to do 5 afternoons a week in jan. She can’t even cope with the two she does.

 

[Definitelyme]

You're far nicer than me, I just made our tea, 3yo didn't want it... Tough, that's all that's on offer

This is me as well!

 

[Higuyswelcometomychannel]

No room at all here either! Grandparents (in laws) went fucking mental, like ridiculous. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I don’t want my kids to be spoilt and it doesn’t help! They don’t need all this stuff! Also no where to put it, our house is busting at the seams as it is, and they *always* pass comment about it being ‘cluttered’ - while buying us more stuff and taking up a house that’s way too big for them when families struggle to climb the ladder because there are few houses available for families 🫠

 

[Okgolightly]

I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to fuck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.

 

[Definitelyme]

@Okgolightly Some great words above from other ladies. But in my experience - sadly have lost one family member to suicide and another has attempted suicide on multiple occasions- people who genuinely feel suicidal do not use it as a threat to other people, because it isn’t about other people. He is manipulating you by doing so. People who are genuinely suicidal wouldn’t say to someone “I’ll do this if you don’t do xyz”. That’s blackmail. He isn’t genuinely suicidal given what you e said, he is an abusive piece of shit and my advice would be to leave and hope he never wants to see your little one and she has a life free from his emotional abuse and manipulation x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

No room at all here either! Grandparents (in laws) went fucking mental, like ridiculous. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I don’t want my kids to be spoilt and it doesn’t help! They don’t need all this stuff! Also no where to put it, our house is busting at the seams as it is, and they *always* pass comment about it being ‘cluttered’ - while buying us more stuff and taking up a house that’s way too big for them when families struggle to climb the ladder because there are few houses available for families 🫠

Yes - find it so incredibly irritating when people buy massive toys for my child without consulting me first. It’s just so weird and presumptive. Like, have I wronged you in some way? Why are you doing this to me?

 

[Kit123]

So glad for this because I felt like the worst parent recently. I have my daughter more than her dad plus I work four days out of the five and have chronic pain through RA. It makes me constantly exhausted and drained.
My 2 year old is just so whiny right now and I was having a really bad day (like sat crying through pain bad) and she just started having a tantrum for the smallest thing. I was so angry that I shouted at her to stop crying because I couldn't take it anymore.
It made me feel so awful for acting like that, I cried to my mum on the phone about it.
It's a daily struggle for me.
I also go shopping without her now (when she is at her dads) because it's so much easier. I'd find that she wouldn't want to sit in the trolley and I can't push the trolley and watch her at the same time!

 

[Definitelyme]

So glad to see you all saying this. We are not snuggle up and watch a film type of people either (kids are 9,7,4 & 20 months) Films are just so long! My friend took her 5&3yo to see Matilda at the cinema last week and I was amazed, I wouldn’t ever attempt that with them at that age!
@shoppingismycardio remember as well just because someone shares a pic of everyone watching a film doesn’t mean they actually sat nicely and watched the whole thing! Highlights reel!

 

[watermelon sugar]

I would guess that’s what it is!!! Mine is devastated when he wakes up and I’m not there. He pushes my fella out of the way and sits on the stairs in a mood for a bit when I’m already at work before he’s up . He cried this morning when I put my work top on as well and cried when I left. I bet that’s what it is. He’s missing his mummy.

Omg that makes me feel so guilty i was ironing my work top this morning and he went ‘i miss you mummy’ and i was like omg i’ll quit my job and stay home i miss you too

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

3yo's are such arseholes, honestly. Well, I think it actually started when she was about 2 and three quarters.
But she tries to make a fight out of everything, she told me this morning when she was refusing to brush her teeth "I get to choose what I do, I can do whatever I want all the time". I was like I have no idea where this attitude has come from!

It's exhausting though when you feel like every moment is a battle and all you do is nag.