Toddler advice thread #3

[strawberrysunshine_x]

it could be worse i guess. But just feels one thing after another !!

 

[PillowsofFluff]

We're having an awful time of it lately, with everything - sleep has gone to pot, she's wild and hyper at bedtime, bites and scratches me during the day if I do something she doesn't like ie, turn the tv off, make her get dressed etc. I've shouted at her a lot, and I'm not proud of it. Then I spend the evening in floods of tears feeling guilty. God, 3 is an AWFUL age.

 

[Definitelyme]

I made a really nice cottage pie as well

Oh my gosh nothing grinds my gears more than when I’ve actually made something edible and they act like I’m poisoning them. They love pasta (obvs) with pesto. I am SICK of pesto and just want something else on my pasta. But when I make a nice pasta dish they act like I am trying to actually murder them. My life is too short so fucking pesto pasta it is mateys.

 

[watermelon sugar]

i just googled it out of sheer interest but apparently Blippi earns 25k a day just from youtube ads. i’m looking at my nearly 3 year old thinking we need to set up a youtube account to earn that coin

 

[PillowsofFluff]

I have absolutely decided we are one and done, because I have just found motherhood too difficult to consider another
I would love for mini P to have a sibling, but my mental health is shot to pieces, and I find the lack of sleep too much to deal with.

It's been 3/4 weeks now of bedtime trouble. Putting her back in the cot hasn't really improved things much, she just seems to have awful separation anxiety at the moment, she screams the house down the minute you leave her room and she's waking in the night. We end up sleeping in with her, which I know isn't helping but we are too tired to do anything else.

We have a king sized bed being delivered at the weekend, as if all else fails, I will admit defeat and co-sleep

 

[Jellybean093]

3yo came home with a sticker for eating all of his lunch today

 

[Jellybean093]

He won’t though. He will say “it’s raining” or “I can’t get there” etc etc, he’s near enough always skint too. He’s meant to be coming with us for her bday day out and it’ll cost him £30 for his ticket and he hasn’t got it yet, I really don’t think he will come.

My eldest was 1 when I split up with her dad, but I’ve blanked about 3 years following of that out because it was the worst time of my life, and I can’t really remember what she was like going to her dads, but I really resonate with needing a break, because having a child 24/7 on your own is a lot. And yes, he is massively going to miss out on her growing up, which is a shame.
One day, he will regret it all. My ex is a bit of a useless dad. Will go on holidays with the lads, but never with our daughter. A few months ago, he said he didn’t want her every other Friday because it takes up every weekend. She’s 13 now, and I’m hoping she realises that he actually isn’t massively bothered with her x

 

[Meg78]

Anyone any tips on handling the toddler tantrums? She either throws herself on the floor crying or goes all limp like a noodle so you can’t even grab her under the arms to lift her or anything, it gives me anxiety when we are out in public cause I feel like everyone’s staring at me thinking I don’t know how to control my child I also feel myself getting annoyed and frustrated with her and I feel like the worse mum.

Best thing I ever read is: children are born knowing only one thing…. that we will show them what love is

So if we show them cruelty, or violence, or indifference to their suffering, they will think that that’s love

But likewise if we show them kindness, and empathy, and acceptance during their darkest moments, they will think that that’s love instead

A tantrum needs rebranding to the word overwhelmed, it’s basically a toddler panic attack that something wasn’t as expected or they felt something they’re not used to, it’s hard to not feel pressured by society to shush them and make them compliant in public because we feel the weight of judgement from others, but tell me, if you had a panic attack in public, how would you want your loved ones to react? Would you want your partner to walk away and say he’s leaving you, or would you rather a big bear hug and moving somewhere quieter until you feel safe again?

Show your child what love is in these moments in spite of your own uncomfortableness, because at the end of the day they won’t remember that their parents were embarrassed, they’ll only remember how you made them feel, and their coping techniques will start to mirror yours over time, and they’ll start to self regulate. It’s hard but absolutely worth it

 

[al255]

I think it’s shocking parents have to fork out for a costume!! Its not your issue if they want to hold a nativity especially with the rising cost of living and bills.. the last thing you wanna be pissing around for is a costume

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

So 3yo has hit somebody with some wooden train track at nursery today and generally been ignoring what the staff are asking her to do, I knew she'd been a horror at home this week but I'm really upset by this, she's never hurt another child and she's normally excellent at sharing.
I know it's pretty normal developmentally but ugh, this sucks.
She must be going through something, her behaviour has been off the charts horrible this week.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

3yo's are such arseholes, honestly. Well, I think it actually started when she was about 2 and three quarters.
But she tries to make a fight out of everything, she told me this morning when she was refusing to brush her teeth "I get to choose what I do, I can do whatever I want all the time". I was like I have no idea where this attitude has come from!

It's exhausting though when you feel like every moment is a battle and all you do is nag.

My friend has a daughter who is a month younger than mine. And she said they sent her to her room the other day & she said oh stop being so dramatic . Where do they get this stuff from

 

[PillowsofFluff]

All my kids have stopped napping by 18 months.
My 2nd stopped napping the week she turned 1.
But all of them have gone to bed at 6 quite nicely

We've always been incredibly spoilt by how much she's napped, so it's a really hard thing to give up haha.

But fingers crossed, guys, no nap today and she went out within 15 mins while I read her a book. She was horribly grumpy by 6.30 though, and I suspect she may be a bit restless, but I have a Chinese being delivered in 15 mins so I am praying she stays asleep

 

[Higuyswelcometomychannel]

I’ve had to deal with *so much* of my own food hang ups when they leave perfectly good food. A lot of it comes from my parents and ‘clean your plate’ stuff. I’ve caught my dad trying to force my toddler to eat food in a certain order (meat first), and had to have a word with him.

Here’s what we tend to do:
* always serve a safe food that we know they’ll eat: bread, a veg they eat, fruit
* new food in small quantities for my own sanity & not to overwhelm them
* chill the fuck out about what they’re actually eating
* we’ve just introduced stricter snack times, they were going rogue with snacks and I think ruining their meal time appetite. We’re now following the same snack timings as nursery.
* what we serve for meals is what we’re having, nothing else.

We have good days and bad days, learning to trust that they know when & what they want to eat is a challenge for me, but they need autonomy & food is one of their biggest cards to play.

 

[Jellybean093]

Just had an almighty row with my husband. We never argue, I get heated and he’s very stoic normally. Basically our toddler has had a very clumsy day, he fell off a chair and then off a bed - both in a highly dramatic manner. Both times my husband was in ‘lead parent’ mode and I always feel like he doesn’t watch for these things as much as I do. I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve been having loads of intrusive thoughts, so I’m very over cautious and feel like these kinds of things happen way less when I’m there and in active parent mode.

Anyway, I slammed a door after the kid fell off the bed and I had a semi breakdown and basically said I felt like I couldn’t leave the room and had to be lead parent all the time. Husband took the offensive as if I’d said he was purposefully being neglectful/intentionally hurting him, which I can understand why he might have taken it that way, but I didn’t mean it that way (just that he needed to be a bit more on it) and would never EVER accuse him of doing that, he’s a great hands-on dad. It was obviously all going on at bed time, kid was screaming because I was crying, I told husband to leave the room and take the baby downstairs. He did. I did bedtime and assured the kid that we were just angry but everyone loved each other but we were just scared he was going to hurt himself.

Came down to an apology from husband saying he took it too far. I think he realised what he’d said to me was basically putting words in my mouth that I thought he was negligent. I tearfully explained to him in a short sentence that he had no idea of the daily anxiety I have around the kids’ safety, and that intrusive thoughts were happening all the time. Haven’t spoken much since. He’s gone to pick up a takeaway.

What a mess, eh?

Please don’t feel bad. And no one take this the wrong way, please, but men can’t do it like we do. When my 6yo was a baby, I was at work, the KW (knobwaffle from the baby thread!) was looking after him, he was only 1 at the time, and he left the baby gate open and he fell down a whole flight of stairs. Me, I’d be up A&E, him, ‘argh, he’s fine’ etc.
Mr B is always the ‘fun parent’ I’m the strict one

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

You know what sucks. When you don’t like the version of yourself you were today. I was a shouty short tempered tired mum toddlers who don’t understand that if they just shut the fuck up until I get the baby get to sleep they’ll finally get some undivided attention. Repeat that scenario x4 today. Tomorrow will be better

Oh mama I feel you, the rage I get when the 3yo won't let me settle the baby is ridiculous, like you say if they'd just let you do it they could have some lovely one on one time!
It's bloody hard work, you're doing the best you can, don't be too hard on yourself. Like you say, tomorrow is a new day.

We're having an awful time of it lately, with everything - sleep has gone to pot, she's wild and hyper at bedtime, bites and scratches me during the day if I do something she doesn't like ie, turn the tv off, make her get dressed etc. I've shouted at her a lot, and I'm not proud of it. Then I spend the evening in floods of tears feeling guilty. God, 3 is an AWFUL age.

I've said it several times before, I've found 3 to be a total horror, it's like psychological warfare every single day. Sending love and solidarity

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Feeling a bit sad tonight. Well, more than just a bit.
Feel like the shittest mum in the world, with mini P still in a cot and still not toilet trained and she'll be 3 in a few weeks. Just really beating myself up about it. She's bright as a button, recognises numbers and letters, speaks full sentences but just can't quite get the big stuff. And I feel it's my fault
And I proper shouted at her tonight when she asked to go in her bed for her sleep, then just kept getting out a million times, and I got really frustrated.
Feel like she would be better off without me.

I totally get it, I had such a hang up about the potty training because all my friends kids were potty trained between 2.5-2.75 years old. My daughter is probably the most advanced of her friends in terms of speech, number and letter recognition etc and yet she was the last to potty train. We tried a few times and it was awful.

Then we tried again about 6 weeks after she was 3 and she just got it so fast! Like barely any accidents at all after 2 days.

I think they will just do it in their own time, when we tried at that point we'd decided if she didn't get it then we would leave it until she was 3.5 (obviously if she'd asked before 3.5 to use it we would have followed her lead) and if it still didn't work at 3.5 then we would worry a bit more.
Maybe try setting a further in the future goal? I found that really helped take the pressure off me and in turn I was probably more relaxed when it did come to potty training.

You're not a shit mum, you just want the best for your child but she will be fine, she's just doing it in her own time.

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

My 3 year old is amazing, he’s really hit his stride since he turned 3 and his communication (he has a speech delay) has come on leaps and bounds, although still behind his peers. But he was so difficult from 18-30 months - multiple tantrums a day, every day(!) so I’m hoping this is our reward for getting through that tough bit!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Why do we have kids. Why do we do it to ourselves. When you’re pregnant no one warns you about the school drop off

we were having a lovely morning. I got him dressed shoes and socks on fine. Wouldn’t let me get his coat on. Turned into a demon. Was kicking and crying. Shouting. Wouldn’t get in the car. Eventually strapped him in. Got to nursery. Wouldn’t go in the door.Had to grab him twice after he tried legging it. Got him in coat Off. He’s fine !!!
How people go through this Multiple times is beyond me .

 

[WhatABore]

what’s been said? Is he ok.. are you ok?? Sending hugs xxxx

So Mini As sleep is still shit - bed at 8pm and up slightly later at 6:20am, moody and tired all day, crying, whining, everything wasn’t going her way! She told me at half 4 she was tired she lasted until 7:30pm and she just couldn’t keep her eyes open for the other half of her book…! She’s at her Dads tomorrow night then I’ve got a lovely child free break to Italy from Wednesday to Saturday so I can’t wait! She’s spending some much needed quality time with her Dad for once

I’ll miss her of course but I just can’t wait to catch up on sleep and not have to worry about a 3 year old with me away. We are on hol in April for a week to Haven, May for 2 weeks to Spain and July again at Haven together so she’s got plenty of time with me away🥹

I'd say that was decent sleep tbh

 

[Jellybean093]

Hope everyone is having a lovely Xmas
Anyone else's child having massive tantrums though and getting completely overwhelmed?

Merry Christmas

No massive tantrums, but disappointed he couldn’t open everyone’s presents, and got the hump with the baby because he wanted to play with the baby’s presents 🫠

He has had a temperature the last 3 nights as well and was looking really ill today. You can always tell when my kids are ill by their eyes