Toddler advice thread #3

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I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to duck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.
It's easier said than done, but you need to get out of that situation. He's manipulating you and it is emotional abuse.
That situation isn't good for you or your daughter.
When she gets older, she will pick up on it and maybe even pick up on some of the things he says.
You're not a terrible Mum at all. You need to put yourself first for a minute and get out of there for your own good. Your daughters too ❤
 
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Thank you both ❤ I know what you are saying is right and if a friend was in my position I’d be horrified at what she was going through. I’m going to plan my next moves and how I will cope financially over the next couple of days then ask him to leave, if he doesn’t decide to go today. Thanks again.
 
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I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to duck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.
So sorry to read this. I don’t want to sound heartless but most ppl who kill themselves don’t go on about it all the time. Sounds like he’s just emotionally abusing you. You and your baby sound better off without him. Why does he stay in bed all day? I think at the very least you need to have some space. Hope you’re ok. Is it only recently he’s been like this. In what way does he think your aggressive
 
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So sorry to read this. I don’t want to sound heartless but most ppl who kill themselves don’t go on about it all the time. Sounds like he’s just emotionally abusing you. You and your baby sound better off without him. Why does he stay in bed all day? I think at the very least you need to have some space. Hope you’re ok. Is it only recently he’s been like this. In what way does he think your aggressive
He’s got depression. Take his tablets and is ok then stops taking them and is vile. He says he can do what he wants when he wants. He says im aggressive in that I have a go at him for staying in bed all day and not doing anything around the house. He’s always been a bit snappy but this is probably a last few months thing.
 
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Thank you both ❤ I know what you are saying is right and if a friend was in my position I’d be horrified at what she was going through. I’m going to plan my next moves and how I will cope financially over the next couple of days then ask him to leave, if he doesn’t decide to go today. Thanks again.
Speak to the police. If you explain he’s abusing you (financially, emotionally) and you’re worried he will go mental when you ask him to leave they’ll be able to help. You aren’t a bad Mum, you’re an amazing Mum for knowing the situation you’re in is nothing less than dreadful and wanting it to change. Xx
 
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Speak to the police. If you explain he’s abusing you (financially, emotionally) and you’re worried he will go mental when you ask him to leave they’ll be able to help. You aren’t a bad Mum, you’re an amazing Mum for knowing the situation you’re in is nothing less than dreadful and wanting it to change. Xx
Thank you ❤ I will speak to his mum first then have the police in mind too x
 
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Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
 
Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
I don't, personally 😂
If they don't eat it, they go hungry.
I'm the mean one haha.
If they get up at 4am complaining they're hungry, they're also sent back to bed and told that's what happens when they don't eat their dinner 🤣
 
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Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
This is difficult cos I kinda do keep offering mine different things if he doesn’t eat. If she asked for it why doesn’t she wanna eat it. If mine doesn’t eat the first I’ll make him something Small like cheese sandwich. egg on toast or even just toast and a yoghurt. Or cereal. Occasionally I’ll make another hot meal but it’s rare I do that. If she’s hungry she’ll eat it. Does she like ham and usually eat it?
 
This is difficult cos I kinda do keep offering mine different things if he doesn’t eat. If she asked for it why doesn’t she wanna eat it. If mine doesn’t eat the first I’ll make him something Small like cheese sandwich. egg on toast or even just toast and a yoghurt. Or cereal. Occasionally I’ll make another hot meal but it’s rare I do that. If she’s hungry she’ll eat it. Does she like ham and usually eat it?
I’ve not a clue! It annoys me🙈 She’s eating her tea now.. I think I also need to stop her snacking during the day as I don’t think she’s ever that hungry either lol. Yeah she loves ham usually. I’m just too soft 😂
 
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Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
I do, but if I have to make a second meal it’s going to be very low maintenance like toast and some thing quick I can put on the plate like fruit/cheese/pickles/yoghurt. I’m a total soft touch and I can’t snap myself out of it. Mine is really fussy and I like you can’t abide the idea of her going to be hungry and I can’t deal with tears at meal time so we just muddle through.
 
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Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
Nope no way, unless I’ve buggered up the meal and it actually tastes awful he has the choice to eat it or leave it. Solid starts have some good info on this as it can lead to picky eating. We decide what gets served, they decide whether to eat it (or not)
 
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@Okgolightly ❤❤ Some great words above from other ladies. But in my experience - sadly have lost one family member to suicide and another has attempted suicide on multiple occasions- people who genuinely feel suicidal do not use it as a threat to other people, because it isn’t about other people. He is manipulating you by doing so. People who are genuinely suicidal wouldn’t say to someone “I’ll do this if you don’t do xyz”. That’s blackmail. He isn’t genuinely suicidal given what you e said, he is an abusive piece of tit and my advice would be to leave and hope he never wants to see your little one and she has a life free from his emotional abuse and manipulation x
 
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Nope no way, unless I’ve buggered up the meal and it actually tastes awful he has the choice to eat it or leave it. Solid starts have some good info on this as it can lead to picky eating. We decide what gets served, they decide whether to eat it (or not)
100% this, the only exception I'll make is if I've made a whole all-in-one kind of meal that she's never had before, for example a new flavour of soup. Because you can't just pick out the bits you want I would offer something else to go with the toast to give some protein and nutrition but basically I never offer an alternative, just try to offer a safe food and not pressure to eat anything.
Mine has missed dinner several times and has never woken up hungry.
 
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I think we are going to ease in to toilet training for my 2.5 year old, he’ll be 3 in May and I’m unsure if he’s ready yet but I’m honestly sick of the tantrums to do his nappy so maybe he’ll like this independence? Did anyone go straight to the toilet seat rather than using a potty? I can’t be bothered with the faff of another thing to clean but don’t want to set us up to fail! Was going to buy him a wee seat attachment for the regular toilet instead
 
I think we are going to ease in to toilet training for my 2.5 year old, he’ll be 3 in May and I’m unsure if he’s ready yet but I’m honestly sick of the tantrums to do his nappy so maybe he’ll like this independence? Did anyone go straight to the toilet seat rather than using a potty? I can’t be bothered with the faff of another thing to clean but don’t want to set us up to fail! Was going to buy him a wee seat attachment for the regular toilet instead
I would totally try going straight to toilet (with a kiddy toilet seat), we didn't and we now have a 3.5 year old who has been potty trained for 6 months, almost no accidents since the beginning and utterly refuses to use the toilet so we're still cleaning the bloody potty.
She also battled nappy changes from age 2 but wasn't ready for potty training until she was 3 so we had a few failed attempts.

The best advice I can give is just to try it, stick at it for at least 1-2 days, be really consistent but also if it's really hard and he's just not getting it at all/is getting really upset by it then wait a few more months. When she was ready it was honestly so easy (aside from the whole toilet thing which is impossible!).
 
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I think we are going to ease in to toilet training for my 2.5 year old, he’ll be 3 in May and I’m unsure if he’s ready yet but I’m honestly sick of the tantrums to do his nappy so maybe he’ll like this independence? Did anyone go straight to the toilet seat rather than using a potty? I can’t be bothered with the faff of another thing to clean but don’t want to set us up to fail! Was going to buy him a wee seat attachment for the regular toilet instead
I ended up buying a potty purely as we don’t have a downstairs loo. If we are upstairs though she will use the toilet with a seat on and if we are downstairs it’s the potty. At nursery they use a kids toilet so she’s not missing out a toilet in that aspect, also when we are out and about she uses a normal toilet ☺ it’s just convenience with the potty being downstairs and we don’t have a toilet there x
 
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I think we are going to ease in to toilet training for my 2.5 year old, he’ll be 3 in May and I’m unsure if he’s ready yet but I’m honestly sick of the tantrums to do his nappy so maybe he’ll like this independence? Did anyone go straight to the toilet seat rather than using a potty? I can’t be bothered with the faff of another thing to clean but don’t want to set us up to fail! Was going to buy him a wee seat attachment for the regular toilet instead
We have always used the toilet in the house, but we do also have a potty for use in the car. In my experience it’s not necessary to use a potty at all.

Does anyone else make meal after meal if their child doesn’t eat much of the one they’ve had for tea? My daughters asked for a picky tea, ham, grapes, crackers and garlic bread. She ate 2 slices of garlic bread and spat the ham out 🥴 so I’ve just made her sausages, veg and eggs .. i really hate the thought of her going hungry and if she wakes up at 4am wanting food im the only one up with her. I know I shouldn’t and im not teaching her anything by making her more food if she doesn’t eat the first lot but she really is so fussy 🙈
No way, literally never. I make dinner for us all, they eat it or they don’t. If I started making new meals for everyone that’d be New dinner x4, and when am I supposed to eat mine?
I would never expect them to eat something they really hate, they always have safe foods on the plate to eat so always have something. There have been times when my kids haven’t eaten more than two bites at dinner, and never have they woken up hungry for food during the night. Sometimes my eldest son (my fussiest) will eat eg two bits of garlic bread and that’s it, and he is hungry when he wakes, but is never woken by hunger.
 
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We have always used the toilet in the house, but we do also have a potty for use in the car. In my experience it’s not necessary to use a potty at all.



No way, literally never. I make dinner for us all, they eat it or they don’t. If I started making new meals for everyone that’d be New dinner x4, and when am I supposed to eat mine?
I would never expect them to eat something they really hate, they always have safe foods on the plate to eat so always have something. There have been times when my kids haven’t eaten more than two bites at dinner, and never have they woken up hungry for food during the night. Sometimes my eldest son (my fussiest) will eat eg two bits of garlic bread and that’s it, and he is hungry when he wakes, but is never woken by hunger.
It’s just us two so I have time and unfortunately, I’m full of patience to make sure she eats something before bathtime/bedtime 🥴 it’s my own fault..!!😂😂
 
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