Toddler advice thread #3

[Definitelyme]

Had to jump on this thread as I’m having a difficult time with my toddler. He will be 3 in March and he had started playgroup after the summer where I leave him to get him ready for being left when he starts school nursery (after the summer). He was upset the first couple of weeks but settled in by the third week and has made friends which he talks about and can’t wait to go and play with. The last few weeks when I have been going to pick him up I have been getting negative feedback from one of the teachers about his behaviour be it him throwing a tantrum or not sharing. I spoke to him at home and explained this behaviour isn’t good and he must listen to his teachers who look after him (one of them he’s more fond of than the other). His behaviour for a bit had got better and when I picked him up Monday I was told he was absolutely fine by the teacher he likes all class but today the one teacher he clicks with was off and it was the other one and I was told how he had misbehaved again. I’m at my wits end with how to deal with it if anyone has any tips/experience (I’m in no way blaming the teacher)

I would actually be blaming the teacher. He isn’t even 3, that is all totally normal behaviour (albeit not the most desirable). Working with that age group they should have LOADS of strategies to put in place for kids with hitting. Not sharing is totally normal at that age as well.
Seems to me he and one teacher don’t click and the teacher isn’t handling it well, causing him to feel frustrated and act out.
Have you asked what they are doing to work with him? You can’t solve the issue from the outside, they need to take the lead.

ETA: I misread throwing a tantrum as hitting somehow! Toddlers throw tantrums because they are frustrated, and that is so very normal. Your son is displaying 100% normal behaviour and his teacher isn’t handling it well. I would be saying “we are working on these things at home - what procedures have you put in place here?”

 

[Higuyswelcometomychannel]

Just had an almighty row with my husband. We never argue, I get heated and he’s very stoic normally. Basically our toddler has had a very clumsy day, he fell off a chair and then off a bed - both in a highly dramatic manner. Both times my husband was in ‘lead parent’ mode and I always feel like he doesn’t watch for these things as much as I do. I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve been having loads of intrusive thoughts, so I’m very over cautious and feel like these kinds of things happen way less when I’m there and in active parent mode.

Anyway, I slammed a door after the kid fell off the bed and I had a semi breakdown and basically said I felt like I couldn’t leave the room and had to be lead parent all the time. Husband took the offensive as if I’d said he was purposefully being neglectful/intentionally hurting him, which I can understand why he might have taken it that way, but I didn’t mean it that way (just that he needed to be a bit more on it) and would never EVER accuse him of doing that, he’s a great hands-on dad. It was obviously all going on at bed time, kid was screaming because I was crying, I told husband to leave the room and take the baby downstairs. He did. I did bedtime and assured the kid that we were just angry but everyone loved each other but we were just scared he was going to hurt himself.

Came down to an apology from husband saying he took it too far. I think he realised what he’d said to me was basically putting words in my mouth that I thought he was negligent. I tearfully explained to him in a short sentence that he had no idea of the daily anxiety I have around the kids’ safety, and that intrusive thoughts were happening all the time. Haven’t spoken much since. He’s gone to pick up a takeaway.

What a mess, eh?

 

[watermelon sugar]

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Mini pillows screams blue murder if I try to change her bum or get her dressed. It's so weird, like do you want to sit in a dirty nappy? Do you want to be freezing cold naked?

She'll be 3 next week and the last few weeks have been HELL. She's developed such an attitude. Hits me when I tell her no. It is HARD.

 

[daffydaffyp]

Hello all can I join you? Baby Daffy is nearly 2 and a wonderfully exhausting whirlwind

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Do you give her vitamins? Mine has the liquid ones. That way you might not worry about her being malnourished. It’s so hard isn’t it. I don’t know many 3 year olds that aren’t fussy. It just happens. My niece us 6 and she used to eat absolutely everything. And now she’s so fussy. I’d just keep at it with different things. Will she eat pasta? You can get those sauces with hidden veg. Or make them yourself. Asda do carrot and something else waffles as well. Even beans on toast is better than nothing . I know the feeling about constantly being unwell. It’s a shitter

I don't, but perhaps I should! I did buy some chewable multivits from Tesco, she tried one and didn't really like it, perhaps I should have forked our more on the jelly type ones, she's probably have eaten it
Annoyingly she won't eat pasta any more. Beans on toast used to be fave, but in the last couple of weeks she's stopped eating beans? Hoping it's just a phase!

Today she's had a couple of spoonfuls of cereal, a chocolate mini roll, a dairylea dunker, a babybel, a pot of Hartleys jelly, some hula hoops and an ice lolly. Oh and some pizza from my plate, despite claiming to hate pizza! I know there's no fruit or veg (I did offer but was rejected) but she's got a stinking cold so I'm just trying to keep her hydrated (hence the jelly and lolly) and just try and get some food in her. Also loads of milk as it's what I'm hiding the amoxicillin in for her ear infection

Cute little story: she asked me this morning where the cat was, so I told her: up on my bed asleep. She toddles off upstairs. I go to find her ten minutes later or so (I'm fairly relaxed about letting her do what she wants around the house as it's only small and I can hear her from pretty much every room) and she's on my bed next to the cat. She's brought her Tonie box through with Fireman Sam and is wrapping the cat in a tea towel and 'putting him to bed Mummy'

 

[Megatron1298]

Seriously why are toddlers little satans. I honestly am so over the constant screaming and whinging and hitting and just general disrespect I know they don’t understand how to express themselves but my god it doesn’t matter how much 1:1 attention to activities we do in a day, he woke up in a mood and the day was just that. Finishing off with some standard bedtime tantrums that we had avoided for a good while but he’s back with a vengeance

 

[Megatron1298]

everyone goes on about terrible 2’s but NO ONE mentions threenager years!!

3 without a doubt was the hardest age for me, i spent many evenings crying for thr exact same reason.

I found once she went to preschool (part time) it really helped, and happy to report 4 has been SOO much easier! ( there are still tough days because they have such attitudes at this age and answer back but actually have more understanding if you ask something of them )

Guys your killing me, I just made a post about my unruly 2 year old and you’re all like just wait till you have a three year old

 

[Definitelyme]

All toddlers have their bad days,

I think this is so important to remember! Not just toddlers, we all have our bad days. But it’s sometimes hard for us as adults as their bad day gets shoved on to us, and we end up taking the brunt of it.
Trying to remember they are allowed bad days, and being kind and supportive through that - as we would want someone to be to us on our bad day - is always the best way to deal I think. But they do make that so bloody hard sometimes!

The other day I had to pin ToddlerMe down 6 times to get him in his car seat. I get it - he hates the car, it was a car heavy day, he was pissed. But jeeeez I struggled to stay calm (spoiler: I didn’t) because when they go berserk with something that has absolutely no other choice… what else can you do?!

 

[PillowsofFluff]

We have been discharged and are home

With horrid antibiotics we have to pin her down and force feed her 4 times a day but still! We are home.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Spent 3 hours at out of hours gp in the hospital today despite having an appointment. Turns out my daughter has an upper respiratory infection, tonsillitis, an ear infection and conjunctivitis. The eye drops have been hell getting them in but she’s done so well waiting and being checked over by the doctor. Honestly to look at her you’d never know she’s unwell until she randomly spikes a fever and needs to rest. Her eye only started getting gunky when we were in the doctors room but had been weepy yesterday.

 

[watermelon sugar]

toddlers make me laugh. my kid is the fussiest so and so on the planet. he had corn beef hash at nursery today. if i made corn beef hash he would have thrown a bitch fit but at nursery it’s ok

 

[Jellybean093]

I’m so angry with my doctors. The 3yo has an ear infection. In the same ear he complained about on Friday, which prompted my visit on the same day. FOUR days he’s obviously been in pain with his ear. He has been so poorly

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I actually can’t remember a time we went a full month without being unwell!!!!. It’s so draining !!! I’m really sad he’s missing out on his last week at Christmas. It’s their pre school nativity today and he was meant to be a reindeer. He’s missing Christmas jumper day, Christmas dinner and the party on Friday . He would have enjoyed the lot

 

[Definitelyme]

You know what sucks. When you don’t like the version of yourself you were today. I was a shouty short tempered tired mum toddlers who don’t understand that if they just shut the fuck up until I get the baby get to sleep they’ll finally get some undivided attention. Repeat that scenario x4 today. Tomorrow will be better

haven’t read all the replies but ohhh man I feel this in my soul. Some days everything just goes pear shaped and we don’t do the best job. But oh my goodness - we are only human. We cannot be perfect every day, even for our kids. No matter how much we want to be amazing every day, we just can’t. Exhaustion, hormones, feeling touched out, so many things we have to battle against daily to give our best, it’s no wonder that sometimes we don’t manage it. Tomorrow will be better xx

 

[Higuyswelcometomychannel]

There’s nothing quite like the guilt after you’ve blown up at them during a meltdown, and they snap out of it and you’re left feeling like shit because they’re just the best little person & really you should know better but in that moment? It’s breaking point & you just can’t take anymore, then you start shouting. The worst.

I don’t know if it’s the build up to Christmas & they’re starting to be over stimulated, but EVERYONE I know with 3/4 year olds is having a shitter of a time at the moment.

You’re all doing amazingly, even with the shouty breaks.

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

Nothing worse than planning a fun day out, spending your hard earned cash and they complain the whole day/have tantrums and it’s a nightmare. My 3 year old is happy as Larry this afternoon being allowed to watch his fave Pixar films and having a picnic tea. ‘Best day ever’ he just said.

 

[Meg78]

No room at all here either! Grandparents (in laws) went fucking mental, like ridiculous. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I don’t want my kids to be spoilt and it doesn’t help! They don’t need all this stuff! Also no where to put it, our house is busting at the seams as it is, and they *always* pass comment about it being ‘cluttered’ - while buying us more stuff and taking up a house that’s way too big for them when families struggle to climb the ladder because there are few houses available for families 🫠

This year I told my in laws that anything they gifted to our child was living at theirs - and I told them AFTER nana had gone bonkers in the toy aisle….. she looked physically sick it was glorious! They might think twice next year!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Ready to throw my son out the window with his eating just now! He’s always been a good eater but in the past few weeks his eating speed has slowed right down to the point it’s now taking him over an hour to eat a meal. And it’s not like we give him huge portions, lunch yesterday was a ham sandwich, some mango chunks, a satsuma and a yogurt. He will sit with food in his mouth for ages and not even chew it. But it’s not like he’s not hungry or doesn’t like it, he’s not spitting it out and saying he doesn’t want it. If we have an hour and a half spare he’ll eat his full meal, but that’s obviously not an option.

Took him 50 minutes this morning to eat a slice of toast, a few strawberries and a few mouthfuls of boiled egg. In the end I took it away from him and he started crying saying he was hungry?! Really don’t know what to do

I know it’s hard work but pls don’t force him or make him eat it if he doesn’t want to. My parents used to make me sit at the table allll night if I didn’t eat my food and then say I’ll get it back for breakfast. I used to cry every meal time and get really anxious about food and meal times. I’ll never forget what they were like. They used to shout at me and it was really horrible. Once I was crying so much cos I didn’t like what they’d given me and my mum threw a glass of water in my face to get me to stop

I’m not sure what you can do but As long as he is eating something !? Does he tell you what he likes and doesn’t likes ?

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Just back from urgent care. My daughter has tonsillitis. This is after being told she’s completely well by the doctor yesterday. Was prescribed penicillin but they didn’t have any at the chemist so have got erythromycin. We were lucky to get that, the pharmacist said she’s been going home crying every night this week as has no antibiotics to give some days.