Toddler Advice Thread #2

[Jellybean093]

SO.

Just need some encouragement or something I don’t really know what.

Mini A woke up from her disaster night at 9:30am and she had no nappy on and she said mummy wee and she was about to wee, she managed to hold it till I could sit her on the toilet (with her toilet seat on it), and she did a wee. Then after pumpkin picking she didn’t have a nappy on cos I was letting her bum /etc air dry as she’s got bad nappy rash. She sat on her potty (I had it out anyway) and she did a poo, then before she just had knickers on to see and we were in her playroom and she said mummy wee wee and ran to the potty but she couldn’t get there in time.

This is positive and I’m going to keep it up till bedtime, and tomorrow too.. but are these signs she’s ready? Atleast better signs than last time I tried

This is so good! Especially conquering a poo on the potty!! I can’t remember where I heard it (prob the baby thread. Probably @WhatABore ) but don’t ask her if she needs a wee. Tell her she is going to the toilet and put her on. Don’t give her the option and let her think about it

 

[watermelon sugar]

My toddler could eat Cheerios for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday if he could. When I ask him what he wants to eat he’s just like ‘CEREAL’ And legs it to the Cheerios

 

[al255]

How did she get on today with toilet in

So..

They said she had a good concept of why we use a potty but when she’s distracted she wee’s herself, and she does wee a lot

She wanted to go and asked to go, then asked to go with her friends. 5 times on the potty and 5 accidents .. hopefully tomorrow is better! She’s just got to get used to not always having a toilet near her and I’m sure her bladder control will get better

 

[WhatABore]

its like we are the same person?!!!!!

so just to get it out there and I have NO shame in admitting this. I never wanted kids, I was such a selfish person in my 20s and rightly so. It was all about me and going travelling, partying etc and then I got into a relationship and mini A happened and was there any way I was getting rid of “it” .. NO. I didn’t want a child but at the same time I knew it would be good for me. Prior to mini A being born I’d never even held a newborn, hardly played with kids etc and I feel like you - it was a HUGE shock and change.

I hated the newborn stage, I hated being up every hour, I hated the teething, sleep regressions, I hated how demanding a new born/baby is.. I like motherhood hell of a lot more now and I feel like it’s rewarding now she’s nearly 3. She can talk to me, we can play properly together, she can do stuff for herself, it’s not as worrying! Don’t get me wrong I swoon over newborns now but I don’t envy them one bit. One and done for me. I’m enquiring about being sterilised as I do NOT ever ever ever ever want another child.

please don’t think parenthood isn’t for you - some people are (imo) are born to be a mum, and just have it naturally and some people (I’d say like you and I), have to really work at being parents and it doesn’t come as naturally to us. Sending hugs, I find some days when all I’ve done is shout and get pissed off at her I think I’m not cut out for motherhood either.. but then we’ve just had an amazing week away and I’ve heard is “mummy I love you” with endless kisses and cuddles and then suddenly I remember I must be doing something right.

a final note- “how lucky are we to be someone’s everything“

This is what I've always said about newborns. I've always said I hate the newborn stage and people look at me like I'm crazy it's slowly getting better at 18 months. But I prefer the 2+ age

The fear of going through the newborn stage is what stops me from having another.
I've always said that if I went back in time and knew exactly how hard raising kids is, I probably wouldn't have had kids.
Dont get me wrong, I love them and wouldn't change them.
But if I knew before them how lonely, stressful, difficult it all is, to the extent it is. I wouldn't have had any.

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Thanks all xxx going to carry it on. I’ve not got a sticker chart so I’m giving her mini chocolate Santas everytime she goes, I’d say that’s better than a sticker

Me again. After tea I sat her straight on the potty and she did a wee!!!!!!! I’m so proud of her. I feel overwhelmed though I just feel like arfhhhhhhhhhh omg

She sounds ready!
My biggest tips (feel free to ignore though as every child is different!) would be to not confuse her at all so no nappies other than at sleep times, so nothing for car journeys etc, she has to know that if she's awake then wees and poos go in the potty/toilet.
Get her using the toilet from day 1 if you can. We didn't and still can't get ours using it 2 months on (despite the fact she never has accidents and hasn't in a long time).
I'd personally ditch the treats asap and let the intrinsic reward of learning it be the treat but that's more of a personal preference.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Argh do you ever feel like a terrible mother. My little one doesn’t listen to me either. This morning he was just being sooo giddy and wouldn’t listen to me at all … and now I feel awful I’ve been telling him off all morning before he goes to nursery. He doesn’t seem bothered but it makes me feel terrible. And also I feel like do i give him enough attention?? He is behind with speech and I feel like it’s my fault cos I don’t always give him attention if I need to get things done etc

we can’t always be the nice, fun parent, sometimes we have to nag to make them learn! It goes straight over their heads as well so don’t worry. It’s not your fault at all that he’s behind with speech, you’re doing as much as you can! We can’t do everything all at once and it’s good for them to play on their own sometimes and not have our attention 24/7 🤍

 

[Rlaw1978]

I have 4 and definitely want more. With night feeds/wakings you just have to remember they are not forever. And it may sound strange but try to enjoy them, there’s nothing like feeding and cuddling a small baby in the dark quiet of the night. Babies are pure love

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Does he sleep ok at night if he naps? My 3 year old daughter would be up til midnight if she had a nap now so I would absolutely put a stop to that. It’s not being pushy, and at 3 I think it’s pretty normal for them to not nap.

 

[al255]

She’s cracked it! She woke up and even though she had a nappy on (which was bone dry when she woke up, it’s usually been full up) she said mummy wee wee, potty, I didn’t even have to put her on it and she picked the potty over wee’ing in her nappy. YAYY!! I’ll shut up now about potty training thanks for everyone’s support and reassurance xx

 

[Jellybean093]

@WhatABore that teacher sounds like a dick. If my kid is crying because people are banging in to her, that’s still NOT HER FAULT! The teacher obvs can’t stop them being rambunctious little sausages, but should be more aware of Ivy’s personal space and make other kids aware of it. And not be such a dismissive twat.

Rambunctious little sausages is now what I am calling my children

Thank you mama me

 

[Definitelyme]

@bottombanana ugh it just feels so difficult at times to meet everyone’s emotional needs, doesn’t it? Like if you manage to do a good job meeting one, it’s at the expense of someone else, or else everyone gets a bad deal all at once.

One thing I’ve been saying a lot lately is that ToddlerMe isn’t playing wrongly, he just plays differently because he’s still working out how to use things. My 6yo loves train tracks and of course ToddlerMe just wrecks it all. But when I remind him he isn’t wrecking to be a pain, it’s the only way he knows how to play, it placates my 6yo somewhat (though I know reasoning levels of a 6yo compared to your 3yo are very different)
I also make sure the older kids hear me saying “ToddlerMe, 3Me is playing with that now. You can play with it when she is finished” so they know I am trying my best to preserve their play.
But sometimes the bust ups happen. But it sounds like you’re doing all you can to quash the physical side But yeah, it’s hard to navigate. Sibling issues are some of our biggest on going (low level in general) problems.

My 3 y/o is being an absolute pain going to bed each night- it’s taking us 2 hours to get her down, settled and asleep and we’re even having to lie with her now then sneak out of her room. This has been since transitioning to a bed from a cot. When she was in her cot, we used to put her down, story, kiss, walk out and she was always fine. Now she tries every trick in the book - she’s thirsty, needs to brush her teeth again, if you offer her a story/stories she always wants one more, needs to say night to Daddy again, she wants her baby dolly from downstairs… literally anything she can think of to be awkward! We always try to preempt everything she could ask for but she always finds something new! Even though we’re lying with her to read her a story, she often refuses to lie down and then gets up and walks around her room… it’s almost that we give in to what she wants and she has to do something different just to make a fuss. We’ve tried bribery, sticker charts, her losing a toy the next day, everything! She’s definitely tired each night and she doesn’t nap in the day, and she’s not overtired as we start as early in the evening as possible, knowing how long it’s going to take. We’ve got a groclock and tried saying once she says night to the sun she’s not allowed out of her bed. We desperately not to try to give her too much attention when she’s like this. The next step we’re debating is just locking her baby gate on her room and leaving her, but I feel like she wouldn’t ever climb back in her bed herself and she’d just stand and rattle the gate for hours screaming. Once she’s asleep, she’s usually fine and sleeps in her own bed all night. It’s just ridiculous! We’re always in a rush from finishing work, picking her up from childcare, getting her ready for bed to start the process, and then we’re also missing our own down-time each evening as we’re not getting downstairs until half 8/9!
Does anyone else have similar issues? Please tell me I’m not alone

Flip that sounds rough.

I think in that situation I would sort her for bed, stories etc etc, then say that you’re going downstairs now and she has to stay in her room, and just leave her to it. Let her play, read her books, whatever she wants to - but she must stay in her room. Tell her when she’s ready to go to bed she can call you up again to get tucked in (or to lie with her), but you’ll only be up when she’s ready to sleep. I personally wouldn’t leave her crying, but that’s a decision for each family.

You can not make her go to sleep, but you can remove the pressure on yourself by stepping out of the room and giving yourself a chance to do the things you normally would in the evening, but also giving her the chance to mess round and get it out of her system.

 

[Jellybean093]

Not really toddler as she's 4 and I don't know if there's any advice really more so just a small rant.

4yo came out of school yesterday crying, saying a certain child hit her.
This is the 3rd time in a few weeks now that she's said he's hit her. Same exact child.

When she came out crying yesterday, her teacher said she'd deal with it tomorrow as he'd already gone home.

I've spoke to the teacher this morning saying she was a bit worried to come today as it's the 3rd time she's come home and said he's hit her.

The teacher basically said my 4yo is very anxious and any time anyone bops into her if they're being a bit over excited, she cries and he doesn't sit near her on the mat when waiting to come home.
Now, she is quite anxious and she is quite emotional.
However, she's saying it happens when any kid knocks into her. But my 4yo is saying it's the same child every time that's hit her.
She hasn't mentioned anyone else.

I don't know. I know I don't see what goes on in the classroom but she's only ever mentioned this 1 child hitting her.
It felt a little bit like she was just dismissing it because she's emotional.

I’d be gutted if my child was coming home saying someone was hurting them and the teacher was dismissing it. She’s obviously upset that this child is hurting her, whether it’s an accident or on purpose.
I had the same problem with Kid bean in reception, however the teachers were on it, knew it was happening and kept him away from my boy
I would definitely ask them to keep an eye on it, and it it still happens, call a meeting with the teacher and tell them you don’t appreciate them dismissing your worries

 

[Jellybean093]

it’s not a bad thing at all to say you hate it! I also get looked at like I’m crazy sorry but I love my child, I just hate being up all hours of the night.

I’m glad someone agrees with me! Having kids is such a life change and I honestly have no idea how these with 3, 4, 5 kids do it.. do you love night feeds

I have 4 and a stepson, and in half terms we have 5 children. I’m not sure why I carried on, and I think I still would if my husband hadn’t have Had the snip
Love newborns, 4mths+ can get in the bin. Baby is nearly 10 months and a pain to his 3yo brother. 3 yo oh my goodness, he is a handful, but he is such a little delight. I just love him so much 6yo is lovely, but is getting very rude, 12yo (stepson) has his moments, 13yo. Well…. If I knew how tough they’d be I wouldn’t have had 3 more 🫠

 

[CherryBakewell]

I’m definitely one and done here too. I HATED the newborn stage and everything up until around 18 months, my wee boy is nearly two and a half and yeah, he’s a toddler so can be a total twat at times but I’d take this stage over the newborn/baby days any day of the week. Having an evening to myself and a decent sleep is way more important to us than having another

 

[Jellybean093]

Ivy is still using it and she's 4 and a half

Me right now

 

[watermelon sugar]

Mine is up and has done a big wee on the floor. Happy Sunday

mine is awake too shouting down my ear ‘RING NANA’ no I don’t want to ring my MIL at this time on a Sunday morning

 

[Jellybean093]

So I just need to rant about my Daughters Dad.

My daughters dad & I split the weekend - So one of us has her Friday - Saturday and Saturday to Sunday (she stays with me from Sunday afternoon, all week until the weekend). It works well for us both as we get some of the weekend to ourselves.

Now. It’s probably three times a year that she will stay Friday - Sunday. The weekend just gone she did as we had just got back off holiday on the Wednesday and I had plans with my friends.

EVERY time she stays for 2 nights it’s like he can’t cope and everything he’s learn about parenting in the last nearly 3 years goes out the fucking window and he hasn’t got a clue.

She slept badly Friday and Saturday night, apparently she was up quite a lot of the night just unsettled which is understandable given she had just spent 9/10 days& nights solid with me. He told me on the Saturday he wanted her to come here and he would sleep downstairs and I said no. Mainly because it’s my only full weekend to myself, I had loads of washing to do, tidying up and I wanted to enjoy a Sunday in peace. Selfish I know but I didn’t care at that point, I’d just taken us away on holiday and didn’t get a break (my choice I know)

He kept moaning he was tired and he can’t function bla bla bla, I just get on with my day on both Saturday & Sunday. Sunday comes around and I wake up to a text that says “come and get her at 10am” baring in mind I hadn’t done a food shop, I’d only just woke up at 9:30am cos I was having a much needed, well deserved lie in!!!! And I firmly said no I’ll get her after lunch as I needed to get up, have a shower and go to the shops to do a big food shop. I wasn’t rushing round

I pick her up at 12:30pm and we go to my dads, I notice a burn on her wrist and I text him asking
Him what’s happened cos it didn’t happen with me. We came off hol Wednesday and got a takeaway and Thursday we had oven food so there was NO way she did that with me. Anyway. He said she tried to grab something off the stove and burnt her wrist however she didn’t cry (absolute bullshit cos she won’t even let me touch it to but cream on it), anyway. He didn’t tell me she had done it. I had to see it for myself! He didn’t seem to give a shit, the story of what happened didn’t really add up. So then at nursery pick up today I got questioned and I just told them the truth about it. I said I went mad at Dad cos he doesn’t seem to realise it could have been a hot pan she grabbed and there is NO way in my Care that would have happened.

She knows full well when mummy is cooking to keep away from the cooker and oven and she knows it’s hot cos she goes “ahhh, ahhh” with her hand pretending.

I just feel like I can’t even leave her for a weekend cos something will happen, i feel guilty for having a weekend to myself which I really needed cos I was full of a cold. The last time she went to his for a full weekend she had conjunctivitis and he didn’t do anything about it, gave her to me on Sunday and I had to deal with an unhappy child all week.

I just get so pissed off cos why is it such hard work for him to just look after his child and not moan, or for something to not go wrong or for her to get injured. I’ve said she isn’t going this weekend and he said ok, he’s got a football game on Saturday anyway. I’m just sick of it. All weekend he expected me to come and get her cos he was tired and I just think GET A FUCKING GRIP!!!!!! We are all tired! We all have jobs and other things going on. I just needed to rant cos I’m completely pissed off at his lack of giving a fuck about her burning herself and I feel guilty I left her for a weekend. I don’t expect anyone to reply to my mega rant just led in bed fuming over the weekend and his shitty parenting

Wow. How awful that he hasn’t told you what has happened, and has let you deal with it at nursery as well
Never feel guilty for wanting a bit of time to yourself. It’s bloody tough being a single parent. I used to live for my weekends when my eldest went to her dads, just to sleep and catch up on things I couldn’t do with her around. It was bliss!
My daughters dad still puts things he wants to do before her (she’s 13!!) and even told me a few months ago he no longer wants to have her for one of the days because it’s interfering with his weekends… they’re just shit

 

[Octopies]

I’m abroad for the first time with my toddler (definitely not moaning about being on holiday btw but this was booked and paid for pre covid so a very rare treat!)

And omg it’s so much harder than I expected I thought they would just settle right into being away but poor thing is finding it really hard and just not themselves we take them swimming once a week at home but they won’t step foot in the hotel pool without screaming their head off. Beach wasn’t much better as just kept running off constantly and so hard to keep them out of the hot sun. Don’t get me started on restaurants, high chair refusal is the new thing so it’s meals sat on our knee until they get bored and want to run off. Love them millions but just didn’t anticipate a personality change from going away and now feel guilty for disrupting their life for a holiday!! I’ve honestly considered going home early

 

[OIM]

This seems a pretty normal thing from what I can tell.
It's all to do with them suppressing everything in school and then letting it all out at home.
There's quite a lot of information about it on Instagram and a lot of advice.
As frustrating as it is, it's 100% normal. Unfortunately!

I can't remember the term for it, I'll have to go back on my Instagram!

*edited to say I found it*

Yes I thought it might be this but can’t understand why 3 hours at school is so much worse than 10 hours at nursery. I’ve never seen her so badly behaved. I have reacted badly a couple of times and really shouted but now trying to stay calm but finding it hard. Feel like I’m really failing her.

 

[al255]

How’s things with your daughters dad this week?

Back to normal. He said he feels awful over what happened (even though it took him to Monday and nursery questioning it to make him realise how bad it was)… I said everyone is tired with kids! Just cos you’re tired doesn’t mean you take your eye off the ball and your child burns her wrist. I’m sure the majority of us have looked after our babies with 2 hours sleep before but she has never injured herself like that!! Thanks for asking xx

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can get my 3yo to stop being an utter nightmare when I'm trying to cook?

I give her time warnings ("in ten minutes mummy is going to start cooking") so that me playing with her doesn't end abruptly etc but every day she just nags the whole time I'm trying to cook to play with her, she cries and gets upset that I won't. She seems to sometimes accept it for like 1 minute and then literally the next minute is saying "please come and do Duplo/trains/read" and gets upset when I again have to say no.
Occasionally I manage to get her colouring by herself but she only lasts a few minutes, or I manage to get her playing something like Simon Says or dancing to music. But mostly it's just torture.

Add to that a bonkers 6 month old who is trying to climb everything and is generally a danger to himself every single moment and I just hate the hour or so before dinner, I actually get anxious when it's almost time to start cooking because I know it's going to be awful.

Sorry for the ramble, any help is much appreciated!

I have this issue with mini A, she wants to help ALL the time even when I’m making something simple as toast. I sit her back against the wall on the counter (it’s quite wide) and I give her a plate and her own knife from her cutlery set and she pretends to help. I feel your pain but I try and get her involved, helping me stir or pour things into the pan. Even if I’m making pasta she insists of putting the pasta into the pan before I do the water it is frustrating though when you just want to get on!