Toddler Advice Thread #2

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Not really toddler as she's 4 and I don't know if there's any advice really more so just a small rant.

4yo came out of school yesterday crying, saying a certain child hit her.
This is the 3rd time in a few weeks now that she's said he's hit her. Same exact child.

When she came out crying yesterday, her teacher said she'd deal with it tomorrow as he'd already gone home.

I've spoke to the teacher this morning saying she was a bit worried to come today as it's the 3rd time she's come home and said he's hit her.

The teacher basically said my 4yo is very anxious and any time anyone bops into her if they're being a bit over excited, she cries and he doesn't sit near her on the mat when waiting to come home.
Now, she is quite anxious and she is quite emotional.
However, she's saying it happens when any kid knocks into her. But my 4yo is saying it's the same child every time that's hit her.
She hasn't mentioned anyone else.

I don't know. I know I don't see what goes on in the classroom but she's only ever mentioned this 1 child hitting her.
It felt a little bit like she was just dismissing it because she's emotional.

I’d go above the teacher and speak to the head. Is that something you’d want to do. I’m certainly tell them your daughter is saying it’s just 1 boy and that the teacher is dismissing jt

 

[ChattyMammy]

I’m glad it’s not just me. I like to do things as a family too. I have my own time in the evenings and when I get my hair / nails done etc. plus I work full time so I feel like I barely see them as well as it is

yeah I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, when we’re in the thick of motherhood we crave alone time but when we get it or when we’re working we get the mum guilt it’s a vicious cycle sometimes!

 

[Jellybean093]

So she has a uti that has spread to her kidneys, ear infection and tonsillitis.
They're still concerned about her knee so they're doing an mri tomorrow and sedating her

They were a bit concerned that her oxygen dropped to 80 and heart rate up to 185 though

Oh baby I still can’t believe they’ve just called you an anxious mum all while she is going through the worst pain. It’s bad enough being an adult and just having a UTI, but to throw all of this into the mix

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

My son goes to nursery three mornings a week, one of those I do boring housework, chores and errands etc. The other two mornings I do whatever I want to, exercise, go for a coffee, read my book in peace and quiet! It makes me a better, more present mum when I am with him. I know it’s not always possible but I really recommend at least a few hours a week for yourself. It really helps.

 

[OIM]

@OIM So much love lady. September is SO HARD. The first weeks of September are just such a difficult few weeks for little people. My kids just struggle so much with the exhaustion of being back at school. The structure of having to do what they are told to do, and when, rather than just pleasing themselves in play. At nursery if she is tired she maybe does a quieter activity for a while. At school, if she is tired she still has to do XYZ when they have it laid out.
And it is so hard for adults dealing with that. I really struggle to keep my cool when they are just losing their damn mind all the time. But remember YOU are just back to work again, and YOU are tired as well. And (as I so often say on here) we are only human. We can only do our best, and sometimes we just run out of energy to be wonderful mummy. And yes, we do feel bad about it, because it’s not ideal. But we are all doing our best, and we only have so much to give x

Thank you. You’re right. I do forget that my whole routine has just changed too. Instead of one pick up I’m now managing one in nursery and one in school. I’m building up to next week when she’s in full time and I also have to feed her! It’s ridiculously intense and I just feel so lost when she’s like that because it’s not the girl I’ve known for the past 4 years. It’s good to hear we aren’t alone x

 

[Octopies]

I am being tested today
Been on my own with my little one since Thursday as daddy is away… it’s been ok so far, keeping busy. Went to the garden centre today and every plant I put in the trolley she’s pulling the heads off I then buy some plants with the thought that I can plant them in the garden while she runs around, how naive of me, she wants to be involved in everything I’m doing of course which I don’t mind but she then starts ripping all the heads off the new plants and when I turn my back for two minutes she’s yeeted them across the garden
I know it’s not her fault I just feel like I can’t have anything nice and I also can’t do any jobs until she’s in bed lol

 

[WhatABore]

It’s getting so difficult that I just dread him going and I’m just generally exhausted so I know when he goes he’ll have far more fun than he does at home. I just don’t have the energy to play with him all the time which is major mum guilt.

I really wish I had said something about the boy but we’ve left that nursery now so I can’t do anything about it anymore. He still brings it up now though so I think it must have effected him, I feel guilty about that too

He takes his comfort toy in with him but they don’t let them bring just normal toys in because it can cause upset between the kids, which I get because my boy would be so protective of his toys that if anyone looked at it he’d shout at them.

I think because we have to walk in it sort of elongates the kick off. Like if we were in the car he’s strapped in and can’t run off or stop walking and we’d be there in minutes but because we walk he knows he can play up a bit more and it takes longer to get there so I suppose he has more time to build up his upset about it idk. It’s so hard because I’m trying to validate how he feels and get to the bottom of it all but at the same time I have to keep him and his brother safe next to a busy road x

I've posted many times about it before but please don't feel guilty for not being able to play with him all the time. It's so good for them to learn to play by themselves and in no way is it bad that you can't play with him constantly.
Independent play is so important.

I think it's so hard to find the fine line with nursery because I think a lot of the time it's the attention they get from making a big deal of it. So the more response you give him, the more he'll carry on.
But at the same time, you don't want there to be an actual reason for it.
The fact that he's fine once you've left tough, I'd say it's maybe an attention thing

 

[Megatron1298]

@strawberrysunshine_x @Okgolightly

Thanks so much
So my friend seems to work quite a lot she's always working and doing over time. Which is why I'm always shocked at how much she does with her little one. Because she does sooooo much with her!
I'm also trying to save money as I want to move nearer to my mum and my family and friends so I haven't got as much money as I'd like to take my little boy to places.
It's so hard to compare though, as me and my friend were pregnant the same time and there's 2 weeks difference in age. And she always tells me when her child has met each milestone and my little boy has always been behind her, and I suppose it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, as she seems to have it all together. Xx

My friend had her girl 5 days after my boy, and it really is hard not to compare but it really is the thief of joy. Every child is going to have their own timeline, and even though my boy was slower to walk and talk - already at 2y4m you wouldn’t be able to tell. I know so much that it’s hard not to compare, I definitely did and I definitely got down about it - but it does no one any good. Enjoy your son at the stage he is at
There is no better mum for your boy than you!

 

[al255]

So one thing I learnt with my 2.7 year old is keep the reasons why they have to stay in their room short and sweet. “You’re staying in YOUR bed cos it’s bedtime and time to go to sleep”.. often my daugher will want another drink etc but I don’t let her leave her bedroom. No means no.
Brushing teeth again? You don’t need to do that.

If they wants to say goodnight to X Y Z get them to come upstairs, start making them realise they’re not leaving their bedroom unless they need a wee (if potty trained). I was just so firm and said it’s bedtime goodnight and when it hit X time I’d say goodnight, close the door and that was that. Think logically- they want ANOTHER drink after the 7th time? No. They’re just delaying bedtime. Be firm, say no and once it’s time for you to leave stick to it and close the door and don’t go back in unless it’s life or death. They’re all at the age where they know what they’re doing. My daughter used to scream (fake scream and cry) for me to go back in and I wouldn’t, she soon got the message and doesn’t even bother now.

Stick with it those who are finding bedtime rough xx once you’ve given into an excuse as to why they can leave their bedroom it’s never ending. Take some control back!

 

[Okgolightly]

@strawberrysunshine_x @Okgolightly

Thanks so much
So my friend seems to work quite a lot she's always working and doing over time. Which is why I'm always shocked at how much she does with her little one. Because she does sooooo much with her!
I'm also trying to save money as I want to move nearer to my mum and my family and friends so I haven't got as much money as I'd like to take my little boy to places.
It's so hard to compare though, as me and my friend were pregnant the same time and there's 2 weeks difference in age. And she always tells me when her child has met each milestone and my little boy has always been behind her, and I suppose it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, as she seems to have it all together. Xx

Sometimes people over share because things in reality aren’t as good as they want them to seem…maybe just have this in the back of your mind when listening to your friend? Every child develops different, milestones are useful to be aware of but ultimately how many people ask us now what age we started walking and talking?! Being a mum is hard and it’s made harder when some make it into a competition or even when you see on social media what looks like everyone doing more than you. I myself get so fixated sometimes on what Mums with more money do/the toys their kids have that mine doesn’t/the food they eat etc. At the end of the day you’re doing your best and sound like a great mum- just remember that

My daughter is 19 months old- only child, walking, somewhat talking etc. But over the last few days she’s been really quiet and not her usual self; she’s also been sleeping more than she would usually do. There’s no temperature or anything when I’ve checked. I suppose I’m just checking in to see if anyone’s had similar? I think it’s her teeth as she’s had a few coming through at once but I have quite bad anxiety and now I’ve got the thought in my head there’s something wrong with her I can’t get it out!

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

I always wanted two; then my son was born and I was like, no, we’re one and done! He was actually a really good baby and slept so well - part of the reason I didn’t want another is because I thought we’d never get so lucky twice! Now he’s almost 3 and I must admit I am tempted to have another… somebody talk me out of it.

 

[Definitelyme]

Does anyone have any advice to help pronounce words correctly? My 2.5yo is a great talker and never shuts up but he pronounces things so wrong so for “bus” he will say “jus” and and “nn” sounds in words he will say as an eff. There’s plenty more I just can’t think of the top of my head! Will this just improve in time? It doesn’t worry me in the slightest except a family member commented on his speech and said he’s behind and it’s really bothered me!

It all comes in time just makes sure your own pronunciation is OTT at times (eg if he says “look there is a jus”, you say “yes a bus, you’re right!” The chart below shows b and n come typically between 2 and 3, so sounds like he is right on track

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don’t need to ask. I get ‘do they need a bath tonight?’ I mean, you’re the parent too? Can you not decide whether they need a bath? the 2 younger boys have baths every school night. My 6yo has a shower every night. Yet, he still questions bath time?
He also doesn’t ask so he will do it. He asks so he runs a bath and leaves me to deal with them 🫠
I’ve said it in the baby thread, but I had a few nights away with the girls in August and had to write him a list. And he got his mum over to stay the whole time I was gone. Yet, when he went away a couple of months before, I literally done everything on my own?!
I just don’t get their mentality?

Omg this !!! Mine would defo set up camp at his mothers ! He was saying his mate who has a baby and his wife ( who were hard core drinkers ) are always taking their bub to the pub & that one of them is always going out or away and he said we haven’t had a night away from ours. I was like erm you mean I haven’t ?!! He’s been on golf trips etc.
and he said you can go no one is stopping you. I said no way am I leaving our son with you for a week
He will sometimes say I’ll run the bath or start bath time without me prompting but that’s hardly ever !!

Does anyone have a fella who does things off their own initiative??!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

blaming covid rather than admitting shes overfeeding him Mcds! she sounds like a nightmare MIL!

She friggin is !!!!l she’s now claiming he didn’t eat FF and only had chips but I’m pretty certain before she said he ate it . I can’t be doing with her tbh I HATE him going to her house

these are the types of things she does. I have 3 sis in laws.
1 asks her not to give her daughter strawberries with sugar. Four finger kitkats and hot dogs. When her dadcame to pick her up once she was eating Kit Kat and she shoved her in the garden and said quick eat that before your dad sees.
she actually has a problem
My 2nd sis in law asked her not to give their kids certain things and she does.

 

[al255]

Update- soon as she woke up at 5.45 she came into my bedroom and the potty was there from last night so she sat on it and said wee wee, and then when we came down for breakfast she did a wee herself on the potty and I didn’t have to ask her or even sit her on it What should I do about nursery Monday and Tuesday? I won’t take her with a nappy on cos nappies are only for bedtime now but she’s staying with no bottom half on here just for ease cos she/we can’t get her knickers down fast enough

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I’ve said on a thread somewhere, either this or the baby thread, but my eldest used to strangle me when she was at nursery school, which was really odd and not like her at all (now, at 13 is a completely different story 🫠) anyway, turns out someone was doing it to her and the teachers were well aware of it happening, but for some reason, I wasn’t told
Can you find out if the same thing is happening at preschool? I always take my children out of that situation, whether they had the toy first or not. Which I know isn’t fair, but it’s always my kids who gets seen smacking/snatching the toy back. For instance, at football at the weekend, boy was pushing my 6yo. He was trying to run away from it because he’s not like that, the manager saw and they both got told off. I pulled the manager up and said, ‘no! He was being pushed, so was getting away from the situation’ I’ve told him if it happens again while training to push him back. This kids a right little shit (soz, went a bit of tangent )

I did think this as it’s so not like her, she used to be so passive. I have messaged the preschool today asking to keep an eye on her and I’ll see how it goes today and then will probably ask to go in and talk to them.
After I posted I did think no I need to remove her from the situation until she learns to regulate herself a bit more. I feel like it’s the same with my daughter, I dread picking her up now!

They should definitely be wiping her nose and cleaning her up properly whether she’s had an accident or not. Their arms are too little and they’re too young to be able to properly wipe their bums, I would go nuts if my boy came home like that and they told me they’d given him a wipe to clean himself up. She could get sore if she’s left dirty, plus she’s a girl so more likely to get utis

I was furious when I realised when I got her home and they did deal with it properly once I went in and spoke to them about it. She’s not had an accident since but they’ve assured me it won’t happen again. Maybe that’s why they feel they need to tell me every little thing that happens now.

 

[Y0H0]

Aw im glad I've found this thread. Not a mumnet kinda gal. Well my 3 y/o is a fucking tornado. No shits given kinda kid. They still doesn't sleep though. Comes in our bed anytime from 12-3. Currently chatting and refusing to go to sleep. Honestly I'm knackered 24/7. I work shifts so someday I'm up at 5am with a small amount of broken sleep. Or the other hand I could be working till 11 and never managed to get to sleep until 1am with a 6am wake up.

Thank god they starts full time nursery in TWO WEEKS!! See ya

Edit: that sounds horrible but I've not hed a break in years. As soon as my eldest was at nursery I got pregant with the toddler. My mum has them whilst I'm at work (drop off on they way and pick up as soon as I've finished) but I'm massively over due some "me time". They are the most loving, funny child but they never ever stop

 

[Kim Mild]

Yesterday my little 2.5 year old cried the whole time we were in town cos my 4.5 year old kept upsetting them . They were screaming when we left a shop saying their thing was still there.
Later on , they tell me their sticker from when we went somewhere a few weeks ago ( that we won't go again due to cost/ distance) was found in their jacket pocket and they had been holding it in their hand and dropped it in the shop. I didn't know they had it and they were screaming too much to understand what they were saying. I feel so guilty I didn't understand and couldn't help, like I let them down

Not after advice but I feel so bad I couldn't/ didn't make it better.

 

[al255]

8.30 tonight, been an absolute cow bag to me today too. All she’s done is cry or shout at me and she followed me into the toilet and slapped me in the face. Don’t know if it’s school holidays, she’s poorly or it’s a phase but this week has been really hard.

Sorry it’s been shit! All week my daughter was like that, to put it bluntly I was SO glad to ship her off to her dads Thursday night and not have to see her until today. Honestly I’d had enough, it was one thing after another,meltdowns over literally NOTHING! Pouring water over herself in the car on the way to her Dads, I was honestly done. I got her out and said good luck got her back today and wow, different child. She said please and thank you to me for so much and she was just lovely. Her attitude and general demeanour this week was horrendous! But she’s 2.5 and doesn’t really understand how to deal with her emotions and tied down with being abit tired too..!! I always feel guilty when I shout and get pissed off at her but the final straw for me was when she got grapes out the fridge and led down with them trying to eat them, she knows FULL well they needed cutting and she wasn’t listening to me at all. Let alone anything else I’ve had to deal with this week. I just thought WHERE THE HELL has my nice child gone?? It’s very rare we have a whole week where she’s awful.

 

[Definitelyme]

Has anyone gotten their toddler toys above the age limit? My neice is obsessed with unicorns an I've seen one from vtech, says its for age 5 plus an she's only going be 2 in January, was thinking of it for her xmas

I think it might be because it has hair clips but she wouldn't be getting those anyway, just the wand an unicorn

Pretty much exclusively! A lot of the age limits on toys which are 3+ are to do with the fact companies have to pay more to get stricter tests for under 3, so they don’t bother and put 3+ on it.
My toddler is 1, and plays with toys from older siblings, none of them are aimed at a 1yo.