Summary for those of you who just can't:
Tiffany says GOOD MORNING in that little-girl way. She has put oil on her face (isn't it supposed to go in the air-fryer?). She's wearing a green We Gonk, sorry, Got This t-shirt. And she is opening an advent calendar while Amma tries to sneak into the kitchen unseen. 'MMMMM' T says as she opens one of the naff candles from the advent calendar. She says she might as well open window 8 to be 'on track' (yes, we all know you're not doing things in real time). Apparently loads of us have asked her where this advent calendar comes from (have we? Do we have amnesia now too?). More hair-tossing and hair-flicking. Can we guess what Amma is doing? OK, I'll have a guess: escaping on a one-way ticket to Brazil? Muttering and cursing under her breath? Joining a secret underground organisation for harassed mothers of strange daughters? No, she's making another one of her smoothies. THANK GOD FOR A HEALTHY THING IN THAT HOUSEHOLD. Amma explains oranges, beetroots, lemons etc to the viewers. 'An apple!' says Tiffany. 'Very yummy!' I try not to die of boredom watching the smoothie-machine in action. Darling is called in to admire the smoothie. What colour is it, she asks? It is bright red. 'Cheers' they all go with their smoothies, like they're sitting in some smoky down-town bar and not in a soulless white-painted kitchen full of adverts, I mean, gadgets. How much would they pay for this? Five quid. Personally I'd pay not to drink something the same colour as vampire's blood but there you go. They continue to admire the smoothies, holding them up to the light and going 'mmmmmm'. Oh God, she's asked Alexa to play Abba. Mercifully we miss that bit of the film. They move in to admire the American-diner-style breakfast all mostly made in the air-fryer. 'MMM. Hash browns in the air-fryer are a game-changer.' Are they? Don't think so, unless the 'game' is 'how many hash browns can you cram into an air-fryer?' Matt is going to ESCAPE THE HOUSE, I mean, go to football. He's a bit late, probably because he's been forced to admire smoothies and hash browns all morning. Tiffany says she is taking her Xmas presents round to her family as she will probably not be at home over Christmas. No shit, Sherlock. Amma is driving. She looks flustered, as usual. Tiffany is going to take Astin to the toy shop. Cut to Tiffany and Astin in the lego store, both in matching Xmas jumpers. Astin picks a game about sharks. Maybe he's trying to make a point. Maybe he's training up to join Tattle in later life. Back in the car, Astin is in a seatbelt, hold the front page. They do the 'Christmas Song' game and all spontaneously burst into Wham's 'Last Christmas' in a way that makes my ear canals bleed and which might resurrect the wrathful ghost of George Michael. At Aunty's house now, lots of shrieking and giggling about the Christmas tree. Tiffany eats a pig-in-blanket - not literally, just a frozen one. Loads of hugging and festive mingling, just like you do when you're about to have surgery. Tiffany announces 'Tree Decoration Time' and then that godawful soppy background track comes on while we 'enjoy' watching. Tiffany shows us the dessert, which is various stuff from the freezer. Appropriately, she points out the 'Profit-eroles.' They do 'cheers' whilst holding a profiterole each. Wtf. Back home, Darling has got her in one of those from-behind hugs, aka World Wrestling. Tiffany tells us it's half-past twelve 'in the night'. She can't go to bed because she HAS to edit. Tomorrow she's resting up. The end. Can I have a drink now?