The Depression Thread

[PumpkinKing]

Hello, I wanted to come back and send you all love. I did a real hit and run on this thread when I was struck with a feeling of panic at how low I was and I didn’t stop to read what other people are going through.

@Sideboard Bob I tried to message you yesterday - I thought because I still see the envelope I maybe could still DM but it wouldn’t let me. The in-between of changing or re-starting is really tough, I hope you’re feeling the benefit soon.

I hope this doesn’t come across as flippant - I know when you’re depressed it’s not a case of “do X and that’ll cheer you up”. But I do get lost in here sometimes and there are a couple of threads that I actually belly laugh at - one is the memes threads (I’m jealous of anyone who hasn’t been before and gets to see them all for the first time ) and the other is Cleaning with Mario. Do any of you have any ones you find funny? There’s been a lot of serious stuff in threads I normally dip in and out of a it can get a bit close to home sometimes.

I hope you all have a peaceful week

I just popped on here to say practically the same thing. These past 2 years tattle has been a god send for me, it's made me laugh through my hardest days, taken my mind slightly off things and been a place to dump my feelings. And people say it's a toxic place full of trolls
Hope everyone has the best week they can

 

[Whataday20]

Help me please! Only signed up to Tattle for this thread.
Has anyone been anti anti-depressants and therapy but given it a go and it's worked? I think I have depression, PTSD and now moderate anxiety.
Up until 2015 I would say my mental health was good but my daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks and that's where my problems started.
I don't know if I'm depressed or it's just grief/sadness. I've never asked for help and no one has offered. I don't want to waste anyones time so very reluctant to ask for help. I feel like no amount of therapy or drugs will help as it will (obviously) not bring my daughter back so nothing will change and I just need to accept this is how I will feel forever.
I feel like I'm very good at acting happy and normal but inside my head it can feel like torture. I just want some peace and don't think I can live the next 40 plus years of my life this way.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Hello, I wanted to come back and send you all love. I did a real hit and run on this thread when I was struck with a feeling of panic at how low I was and I didn’t stop to read what other people are going through.

@Sideboard Bob I tried to message you yesterday - I thought because I still see the envelope I maybe could still DM but it wouldn’t let me. The in-between of changing or re-starting is really tough, I hope you’re feeling the benefit soon.

I hope this doesn’t come across as flippant - I know when you’re depressed it’s not a case of “do X and that’ll cheer you up”. But I do get lost in here sometimes and there are a couple of threads that I actually belly laugh at - one is the memes threads (I’m jealous of anyone who hasn’t been before and gets to see them all for the first time ) and the other is Cleaning with Mario. Do any of you have any ones you find funny? There’s been a lot of serious stuff in threads I normally dip in and out of a it can get a bit close to home sometimes.

I hope you all have a peaceful week

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

I am not even doing a Christmas dinner don’t have the want or energy. Hoping a local takeaway will be open. I know it’s only one day but it makes me terribly depressed thinking back to happier times when Christmas was fun and enjoyable. A lot has changed in my family and also my mental health and it will never be the same as it was. Sending love to all of you struggling.

 

[JellyWobbles]

My kid slept three hours so it’s been a slog but thank fuck it’s over; I hope she calms down into sleeping a little more now.. she’s never been great but Christmas excitement has made it almost unbearable.. sleep deprivation, sensory meltdowns urgh not fun.

stayed away from alcohol as I know I’d be walking to the nearest bridge if I went down that route. I’m glad I got through it today, I cooked dinner I cleaned up.. I had a shower. I feel like I’ve achieved more than Ithought
Opening gifts made me feel worse, how ungrateful do I sound? There was just no thought behind anything, god I sound awful don’t I.. it just exacerbated that stupid voice in my head - you’re not worthy bla bla.
Then for feeling that way I just thought next year I am not buying extended family and friends anything but donating to charity and I’ll ask of them not to buy anything for me either. That way that ungrateful niggling voice can be gone.
Hope everyone else got through today xxx

 

[bamboo98]

Is it ok for me to join in?
I’ve suffered with depression for years, I start feeling better for a while and them bam, back to square one. I’ve just admitted defeat and sent off a self referral to a therapist to see if that will help. I’m not much of a talker, I avoid it due to anxiety so I’m not sure if it’ll even help but at this point it’s worth a shot.

 

[Silverplume]

Sending my support and best wishes for each of you today.
When I first found this site a while ago, there was a hilarious poster, think her screen name was Freda, and she used the dancing mushroom frequently. Just seeing them always made me laugh, so here’s some for all of you:

 

[Gullri]

I try to look at Christmas for what it is. Just a day society and it’s made up rules forces us to take part of
It is just silly, all made up bull.
Take care all! You made it through!

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

After thinking I mostly had my depression under control the last few weeks have been so up and down. Highs from enjoying the sunshine then just huge lows and exhaustion. I guess my meds aren’t working for me anymore, I can’t stop my head from having shit thoughts either. Fuck my brain. Being unhappy and pretending you are fine is super draining too

 

[F the dust.]

It's coming up to the 12 month anniversary of losing my mam. She died suddenly on mothers day and to be honest I feel so low/lonely everyday is a struggle. I have no real friends. I have a great husband and kids but she was my best friend my kids are old enough to have their in life pretty much, my youngest has asd and because it's profound I don't work. I feel I have little purpose In life other than cleaning/cooking. We can't afford a holiday or anything. I feel guilty especially with the awful situation in the Ukraine. But I just don't really enjoy life. I have always been a worrier but above and beyond what's normal a pathetic people pleaser and I'm overweight and disgusting! Nowhere else to say this so I wanted to say it here.

 

[whoareyouu]

I've hit a real low tonight, insomnia doesn't help, really just fed up and lonely I suppose? Do miss having someone to talk to, but then again, after being treated like crap, I'd find it hard to trust anyone again, life can be a struggle.

snap. I feel lonely and I have a partner. A partner that has just told me he’s pulling out of the house purchase that’s solely in my name so that’s always nice.

I’ve felt depressed since my brother died 15 years ago and I honestly feel that with each passing year it gets worse. Over the last year or so I’ve had thoughts of harming myself. I know the NHS is overwhelmed but I feel as though there’s no support out there for people.

it just all feels hopeless but I know deep down that it isn’t.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

To all the lovely people on this thread

 

[Pariszai]

I have booked my first appointment with a counsellor today.
For almost a year I have been crying whenever I'm alone but not wanting to reach out as I don't feel I have any real problems to warrant such sadness. Hoping this is the start of something good.
Any advice on preparing for my first session would be appreciated

 

[jarv]

So I have an initial assessment telephone appointment via IAPT self referral tomorrow afternoon. I have to do the depression and anxiety questionnaire in advance, so I've just had a look and got almost maximum score for both, at least I'm a high achiever at something

Then on Tuesday I've got a counselling session with someone through the service my employer uses. I spoke to her on the phone the other day and she seemed nice but I get the sense she'll be a "what's the problem and how are you going to solve it" type. I've done counselling before and found it so draining, so I've already said to myself that I'll save some good telly to watch and order a takeaway after so I've got something to look forward to.

I really want to try and take better care of myself this week as I'm determined to return to work next Monday. I'm hoping to get myself out for a short run in the morning to get back into the swing of it, I really don't want to fail at completing the half marathon I'm signed up for in September.

Is anyone here on medication? I'm thinking of asking my doctor to prescribe something to try and dull the nasty thoughts and to help me sleep better.

 

[under the ivy]

I've had diagnosed depression/anxiety since I was 13. I've had 2 mental breakdowns - one in my teenage years where I didn't leave the house for 6 months and one a few years ago due to a job. It's something I've learned to live with, after many many attempts of counselling, CBT (made me feel worse!) and medications. About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD as I felt my depression was something 'more' if that makes sense. I usually keep that to myself though because there is still stigma around personality disorders and mental health conditions, no matter what people or charities will portray.

The past year with Covid and other personal events happening to me, my MH has taken a beating. Thankfully I'm in a position that I have something to keep me busy each day (my work) but if I didn't have that, I don't know what I would do. I have good days and not so good days, I just try to take each day as it comes now.

 

[Maid22]

Feeling really fed up, and upset, I miss my little dog, didn't think he wouldn't be with me now, I've no one to talk about how I feel, I'm used to that, but sometimes it's hard.

 

[Maid22]

I am so relieved it's over, it's been hard work trying to keep myself together, but it's done.
Hope everyone else on here are ok.

 

[Fairypop]

My first time on this thread, I can’t reply to everyone individually but I’m so sorry for all of you having to deal with this, it’s so consuming

After 18 months of suffering (mainly with anxiety but probably mild depression too), I finally called my GP this week. I had a telephone consultation where he basically asked if I was suicidal (I'm not) then recommended me some books to read on coping with anxiety and depression. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I know there are many people who are suffering even more, but I was really hoping for a little more than that, it’s taken me SO long to admit to myself that I’m not right, I’m struggling and it’s taking its toll now. For perspective, I rarely see my GP - I think I’ve had maybe 4 appointments (for other things) in about 10 years, so I really had to work myself up to call. I was so pleased I finally managed to call and book an appointment and now I guess I just feel deflated.

 

[Maid22]

I've been thinking of this thread all morning, I resonate with most of what you guys have been and are still going through, I've tried to write it down but don't articulate very well, it comes out like a jumbled mess, like my brain most days. I just wanted to thank you all for sharing, and I am no hugger, but would give you all a huge bear hug, take care each and everyone of you xx

 

[nothanksbabes]

Anyone else feel shit and then just... do ridiculous shit and make bad decisions and ruin their own life?

I've been sabotaging a good career for nearly two years because I can't sort my head out and nobody seems to give a shit, and it's a job at a level where I can't and don't expect hand holding, but also... My brain is mush and I can't concentrate so I just shut down.

I drink way too much at the moment. Always been a drinker but never to blackout/can't stand levels, until now. Always had a good tolerance and been a nice drinker and the life and soul but now I'm just a chaotic crying nuisance.

Same for drugs, need to give my brain a chance and in my head I want a quiet life but I'm just chaotic sometimes. I'm lonely and do stupid shit and risky things with inappropriate men who probably don't even like me.

I'm 36 and should have a life by now. I left an abusive relationship 4 years ago and had some therapy but I still feel like I've never had and will never have a normal life and maybe I'm not really a person and I've done something horrible to just be stuck. I've tried really hard over the last few years to not repeat the same old shut as before and what I'm doing now is no better. It all just seems very pointless. Sorry for the essay, maybe just saying it out loud will help.