The Depression Thread

[gingerteacup]

I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right place but I’m just feeling so down. I hate where I am in my life at the moment. I feel as if I’m going no where and everything is stationery? I just want to trap myself away from everyone in a bubble because I find myself getting incredibly agitated by everything and everyone at the moment. Nothing I used to do brings me any joy anymore and I just want to be left alone to sleep. I don’t know if I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious or what. I’m just not really coping very well and needed to vent. I can’t really vocalise this anywhere else.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’m struggling a lot. I guess I have for a while but tonight is the first night I’ve been alone and it’s hit me how unhappy I am and I cried and couldn’t stop

 

[Penguin86]

I’ve never had that but it sounds annoying. I was thinking about things that help with anxiety, your post reminded me about the physical symptoms of it. It’s worth speaking to your doctor about it (if you’ve not already, sorry this is so obvious). I used to take Propranolol which helps with the physical effects of anxiety. Keeping my fingers crossed you, I know it’s a nightmare but it can get better x

My other thing is scratching. I scratch myself a lot when I'm anxious/stressed. I did go through a period of picking my skin until I bleed

 

[flutternutter]

Sending positive thoughts to everyone struggling today. Just remember its one day! Think about something nice at the end of the tunnel if it helps.

For me that will be tonight once my pjs are on and im back in my own house

This year's been awful for me but thankfully im in a position (albeit medicated) to recognise how hard its been and give myself a pat on the back for being here today! Things change, dont give up the best is coming I promise

 

[Libbylulu]

I’m in a place atm where I’m managing within a routine. I don’t push the boundaries as I know it will set me back but I do try and get out on my own to see or visit something different regularly just to change the scenery and open my mind. Otherwise I’m a creature of habit. I’ve come a long way and I don’t want to go back there if I can help it.
I do wake every morning with the worst anxiety though. It makes me feel as though I’m suffocating and it takes me a while to get it under control. Any idea what this can be? It wakes me usually extremely early, which isn’t really the problem, just the horrible feeling.

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

I hope everyone has an okay day. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so anxious and sad. Cant concentrate on any tv. I’m just willing the day to finish. Might go for a walk later

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

Anyone else find Christmas lights and music really jarring with how they feel? So much happiness and I can't understand how people can be happy.

This is the first year I am not going to spend any part of Xmas with the person who sexually abused me. That's the only good bit. I am completely ignoring Xmas rather than trying...trying would make me feel worse.

I'm increasing Sertraline to 150 from 100 tomorrow.

Sending love to all. You aren't alone. This mind virus is affecting our ability to see the good. There is good. I've seen good before. I have to believe I will see good again.

 

[JellyWobbles]

I’m really struggling today.
What doesn’t help is everyone reflecting on their amazing past year, mine was shit and mostly wishing to die.
I have this raging emptiness and void in me this evening, I can’t shake it. I don’t know.

I think we’ll, I’m almost sure that I’m heading back to how I was before I started this medication, it isn’t great by all means but it seems to placate it a small bit but it’s efficiency doesn’t seem to be as ‘good’.
Psychotherapist assessment isn’t until Feb, sick of contacting my (clueless) GP to be given a generic pill to try, the weaning is the worst too. I hate this. I wish I was normal.x

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

You know, the other day I was doing okay and thinking, we are understanding and supportive of other people with chronic illnesses, why don’t we try to be understanding and supportive of ourselves? While it does not always have physical symptoms, depression is pretty much a chronic illness and can be debilitating. At first it was difficult to think of myself as ill, but it helped me on my way to being at peace with myself. It does not define me, but it is part of who I am.

I just wish I could follow my own advice sometimes, today nothing seems to help much and I’m so sad. It’s my birthday soon, I hate it with a passion as I feel like I only grow older and watch my life go by when my peers have successful careers, money and satisfying love lives.

 

[under the ivy]

Thank you for all your kind words of support. It just took over me last night and I’m slowly feeling OK as today goes on x

 

[jawidjanqndn]

the thing is that i tried to take my own life a couple of years back and instead of looking back and being happy it didn’t work i’m still wishing it did. i fucking hate depression.

i have absolutely no friends (when i say that i mean none) so it’s so easy for me to slip back into depression. i just feel so alone and as if no one would miss me if i was gone, because theres no one in my life that would even realise. how are you meant to be happy when you know not a single person in this world wants to be your friend

 

[newaccount2022]

I love to see the community on this thread but to be honest it is hard for me to post here, when I pictured my life and what it would be like I never imagined that I would struggle like this and would need to turn to strangers on the internet.

I am suffering with extreme loneliness which is causing depression. I am a grown adult, well-groomed, chirpy and happy to everyone I meet.. I would 'know' a lot of people locally to say hello to and would always have a smile for everyone, but I have always kept my actual circle very close and only have a couple of real friends. They are great but they are all in established relationships and living with their partners. In my head I picture myself as being miles away from people, like i'm in a different dimension. I do all the routines, got my masters degree, got a job, I volunteer, I maintain myself well, I love skincare, my home is kept well, I walk, I lift weights, I socialize, I spend time with myself, I read, I try new food. But if anyone were to watch me closely it's just me, moving around on my own, going home on my own, sitting in the living room alone, getting into bed alone. When I do my grocery shop I have to double check stuff can go in the freezer, it's usually too big a pack/portion for a single person. There's always a minimum spend to order a takeaway so I have to order two meals and put one in the fridge.

I'd love to have a partner to go for a walk with, spend a weekend in a hotel, watch stupid TV and laugh about it. I put on such a show every day that sometimes when I get home I will become paralysed with exhaustion and sadness and sit and stare at the wall. It has been years of dating apps, blind dates, meeting people in the pub, meeting people at hobbies, deciding to stop looking for love, giving up. I cannot look my friends in the eye anymore when they insist it will happen for me some day because in reality I know it just doesn't happen for some people. When I have to think of my life living alone for the rest of my life, managing finances in this expensive world, being in my 50s or 60s, retirement.. all alone. It's not what I ever wanted for myself. And I know the deeper I fall into the depression and negativity the less attractive I am but I just feel worthless and hopeless.

 

[Hope96]

I feel super low today. I thought I could snap out of it but I can't. Nothing seems to be bringing me happiness. I feel so hopeless. Sending lots of love to everyone who needs it.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Just wanted to drop in and send you all love, and to say that I hope you’re all being kind to yourselves

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I was in such a good mood yesterday, almost manic, but today I am feeling very low. I want to cry and almost feel like doing something to myself. I just hate how it’s up and down and up and then down again. I would appreciate some good thoughts being sent my way

 

[Sideboard Bob]

this feels like the loneliest time, at stupid-o-clock at night. Sending love and hope to anyone reading this who’s struggling and/or can’t sleep x

 

[under the ivy]

My MH on the whole today hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve forced myself to keep busy by cooking/cleaning/being the glorified taxi driver I’m starting to wind down and the thoughts are creeping in but going to use some of my lovely new toiletries I’ve got and have a pamper bath before bed

 

[Blue Rose]

Happy new year everyone!
I know it can be a very hard time of year with everyone else seemingly having a perfect Christmas and new year but remember it’s not all real!
This time last year I was so depressed. I’d spent the week between Christmas and new year being yelled at by my parents for being so introverted and shy. I remember thinking there was no point in making any resolutions because I wouldn’t keep to any of them. That was the best decision I ever made! Since I hadn’t made any goals there was no pressure and so anything I achieved last year was a bonus. Last year definitely did not get off to a good start for me, I was on really bad terms with my parents and just as things got better my grandma passed. However, now I look back it was probably the best year for me. I may not have made loads of friends and gone out a lot like every other 20 year old seems too, but I fixed my relationship with my parents and now know what I’m doing with my life. I have something to live for!
I don’t have a New Years resolution and I don’t think I’ll ever make one because every day is a new beginning. You shouldn’t feel pressured to start a fresh just because the calendar and society say so. I have some hopes for this year and deadlines to work towards but I’m not going to hold myself to expectations I might meet. Everyone is working at their own pace and you should never feel bad for not seeming to be moving as quickly as those around you.
You’re doing you’re best and are amazing for that! Don’t let anyone (or yourself) tell you otherwise!

 

[ChampagneBox]

This is a good idea, thank you!

I suffer quite badly with depression. I had therapy today and it's wiped me out. All I want to do is lie down to a point where being on Tattle is a productive alternative! That combined with the effort and energy it takes to get up and shower and I'm wondering how other people hold down full time jobs!

I know it doesn’t feel like it but the wiped out feeling after therapy can be a positive thing Means you’re releasing some of the built up emotions x

 

[Maid22]

Hey all, I've had abit of a dip, insomnia has reared its ugly head again, what I'd give for a good night's sleep.
Was expecting it tbh, had my dog pts last month, has affected me really bad, plus falling out with oh, I just feel like screaming fuck you all and running away, but Ive done that before, this time I'm just gonna curl up in bed. Hugs to you all.