I've never really said any of this to someone but I thought it might be cathartic to put it down here. I have never been diagnosed or properly spoken to a professional about it but I'm pretty sure I've been suffering with depression since I was a teenager, I'm now 30. Objectively, I've had a really good life and shouldn't feel like this, but I've also always hated my life and myself. I think it's actually a mix of depression/ anxiety/ body dysmorphia which is self diagnosed so I'm sorry if that offends anyone.
I'm not going to kill myself (I don't want to hurt the people I love) but I don't want to be alive as I'm apathetic about life and would rather not be here. I fantasise about dying sometimes...(never admitted that before). Saying that, I've kept up with full time jobs, a lovely relationship, hobbies and a social life but I feel like I'm pretending to be happy most of the time. It definitely plays a part in me not wanting to do normal life things like get married and have children. I don't seem to view life the way most people do, I overthink and I'm just a nihilist.
A way of coping with my depression is- I kind of made peace with it a few years ago and just accepted that it's the way I am.
I'm not going to kill myself (I don't want to hurt the people I love) but I don't want to be alive as I'm apathetic about life and would rather not be here. I fantasise about dying sometimes...(never admitted that before). Saying that, I've kept up with full time jobs, a lovely relationship, hobbies and a social life but I feel like I'm pretending to be happy most of the time. It definitely plays a part in me not wanting to do normal life things like get married and have children. I don't seem to view life the way most people do, I overthink and I'm just a nihilist.
A way of coping with my depression is- I kind of made peace with it a few years ago and just accepted that it's the way I am.
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