How does everyone find their partner dealing with your depression? I’m just sitting and waiting for the day he ups and leaves because he’s had enough. He’s supportive so far, pushing for me to try and get help, but I constantly have the fear that he’ll leave because he can’t deal with me anymore
I hate having my behaviour witnessed by somebody (my partner) every day and feel so much more guilty and ashamed if I'm depressed and in bed for most of the day. I also feel pressure to cook "normal" meals for both of us because I do the cooking, and struggle with that expectation every day when sometimes I just feel like eating instant noodles or plain pasta on my own, or just not cooking.
I'm really struggling right now (I've had life-long anxiety and depression due to being autistic) and it's made worse by the fact that Winter is usually the best time of year for me; I become suicidal every Summer because everything is too hot, bright and humans/dogs are so noisy, so I just feel so frustrated that even my favourite time of year is hard to cope with now.
I've done various counselling/therapy for about 10 years and am on Sertraline but I usually end up coming off it after a year or so because I still feel like
tit and end up gaining weight on it. The doctor gave me Diazepam for extremely anxious moments but it doesn't seem to do anything for me, at least not at a low dose.
Does anyone else feel like they are constantly fighting to do everything right to "beat" the depression and it just doesn't work? Constantly forcing myself to eat healthy things I don't want to eat, go for walks I don't want to go on, go to the gym, brush my teeth, have showers I don't want to have, go on medication I don't want to be on. It's so much bloody effort.