Sending you so much love right now<3I've been quiet recently because I've had a small crisis recently. I knew things were getting worse and I was struggling to get through Christmas but I thought that with the right mental exercises I could get better.
I was hearing voices, like people calling my name from behind me but when you turn around there's no-one there. I saw movement in the corner of my eye but no-one was in the room. I started to get visions of my parents telling me to go and join them.
I got to the end of February and then made an attempt.
I spoke to my doctor and they've changed my medication from Sertraline to Mirtazapine. I've also been referred to my local authority mental health authorities.Ran my arm under hot water to raise a vein and then tried to open it from elbow to wrist. Luckily the tip of the vegetable knife was blunt so it didn't puncture the skin and the pain of the pressure snapped me out of the moment.
So there you are. Under all the tit jokes and the bullshit stories, there's just me at the end. I don't know what's going to happen. My plans don't extend much more than getting to the end of the week. I'm hoping that things will get better but I'm not optimistic to be honest.
That's all so hard to deal with, hopefully the mirtazapine will be more helpful for you and being referred to your cmht is a step in the right direction. Just focus on getting through each day, you don't need to plan ahead right now you just need to focus on your recovery - whatever that may look like.
I'm still dealing with awful depression and attempted in February as well. You're not alone in struggling, and you've made the right steps in seeing your doctor. Keep in touch with them as regularly as you can, try helplines if you need to talk things through with someone and just remember this darkness won't last forever. I really hope you'll be okay.