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I haven’t posted in this topic since January. Hope everyone is doing okay, or as okay as they can be 
I’ll preface this with the warning that I just need to vent, so it might get a bit rambly. I hope it’s okay to vent here. I’ve had a big knock today and I just don’t know where to turn as I’ve no friends to speak to. My partner and I are getting served with a section 13 rent increase notice. April next year it will be going up to £1,000 per month. When I read the email I went into such a spin that I ended up 
. What’s worse is that the flat we live in is in such a horrible, deprived area. The other residents in the flat block are awful. Last year we went through 9 months of hell with a neighbour until they were finally evicted by bailiffs. Now we’re having problems with someone else living below us. I’m back to getting no sleep / having anxiety attacks. Yet they can still charge so much because of the base rental value for the wider area. 
I suppose the ‘saving grace’ is that we’ve got a little while to try and assess our options. I am sensing an extremely stressful 6 or so months ahead and I don’t know how I’m going to cope.
My MH has been so bad that I had to stop working, but I don’t qualify for any financial support so it’s looking like I will have to really push myself to just get any work I can. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. Have been considering going back on Mirtazapine but they turn me into such a zombie, when I was on them in lockdown following a trauma I could barely function until midday. Urgh. I don’t know what to do.
. What’s worse is that the flat we live in is in such a horrible, deprived area. The other residents in the flat block are awful. Last year we went through 9 months of hell with a neighbour until they were finally evicted by bailiffs. Now we’re having problems with someone else living below us. I’m back to getting no sleep / having anxiety attacks. Yet they can still charge so much because of the base rental value for the wider area. I suppose the ‘saving grace’ is that we’ve got a little while to try and assess our options. I am sensing an extremely stressful 6 or so months ahead and I don’t know how I’m going to cope.
My MH has been so bad that I had to stop working, but I don’t qualify for any financial support so it’s looking like I will have to really push myself to just get any work I can. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. Have been considering going back on Mirtazapine but they turn me into such a zombie, when I was on them in lockdown following a trauma I could barely function until midday. Urgh. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been doing really well with my mental health lately (I was in a bad way after covid and somehow managed to turn things around) however recently my nan has been diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread. Surprising atm I’m doing ok, but I do feel like I’m on autopilot. I’m petrified when things start to get tough I’m not going to be able to cope. My nan practically raised me so we are extremely close and I just can’t imagine life without her around. Everything is still in the early stages and her cancer cannot be treated and I just don’t think I’m going to be strong enough as things progress.
I've had this sense of dread or feeling like someone has died and I end up in a flood of tears. There is absolutely no precipitant or trigger for it, it just happens. I am completely fine as I can be one minute and then my mood just plummets and I have to wait it out. This just sucks.
This will potentially be complete waffle. I tried to journal and that was waffle. Friends do not get it. I have tried talking therapy, CBT, hypno, meditation, exercise, medication...everything. Will try to nutshell.
Short back story...Mum (only parent) died and I lost my home due to it. This is a recurring anxiety thought.
I am in a career I hate. But I am trapped. I cannot not earn what I do now. Or I'd lose my home (see above). I have no family I could go to if it went tits up. I changed teams, made no difference. Last year I completely burnt out and on my return there was 0 support.
As Robbie Williams once sung - I dont wanna die, but I'm not keen on living either. That's how I feel. I don't want to die. But I also can't imagine this life until retirement. I search indeed...I can't afford to retrain elsewhere. Careers advice service only give advice if you know what you want to do...if I knew that I could find out access routes myself thanks.
I have tried SO hard to be positive and manifest. But when the black dog and anxiety fire take told there isn't much reasoning. Nobody in my life would have a giraffe this was all in my head. I'm a very good fronter. My job is absorbing trauma every day. Helping people. Supposed to be "Ikigai". Definitely isnt. I haven't even a clue of the purpose of my post but I just needed to blah my head.
Short back story...Mum (only parent) died and I lost my home due to it. This is a recurring anxiety thought.
I am in a career I hate. But I am trapped. I cannot not earn what I do now. Or I'd lose my home (see above). I have no family I could go to if it went tits up. I changed teams, made no difference. Last year I completely burnt out and on my return there was 0 support.
As Robbie Williams once sung - I dont wanna die, but I'm not keen on living either. That's how I feel. I don't want to die. But I also can't imagine this life until retirement. I search indeed...I can't afford to retrain elsewhere. Careers advice service only give advice if you know what you want to do...if I knew that I could find out access routes myself thanks.
I have tried SO hard to be positive and manifest. But when the black dog and anxiety fire take told there isn't much reasoning. Nobody in my life would have a giraffe this was all in my head. I'm a very good fronter. My job is absorbing trauma every day. Helping people. Supposed to be "Ikigai". Definitely isnt. I haven't even a clue of the purpose of my post but I just needed to blah my head.
Hi all - I’ve asked about this before, but those of you who have taken time off work for depression, how long did you take? Was it just open ended until you felt better? I know there’s no “right” answer - but I just would like perspective on what is reasonable.
I have depression but also my work situation is a living hell and both of those things are independent but also obviously feed into each other. I took a week off as annual leave last week to try and get my tit together (clean my house for the first time in months etc.) but it didn’t work and I went back to work for the first time yesterday and just feel 10000x worse. Everything seems impossible - even just logging on from home, let alone going in. I fear that the stress of my horrible working environment is making me physically ill other than depressed i.e. migraines and nausea etc. and I just don’t want to let a job do that to me. I’ve only been back at work one day but I wish I could call in sick today because I just feel so awful.
Do you think I should get a note from the doctor and take open ended leave?
I have depression but also my work situation is a living hell and both of those things are independent but also obviously feed into each other. I took a week off as annual leave last week to try and get my tit together (clean my house for the first time in months etc.) but it didn’t work and I went back to work for the first time yesterday and just feel 10000x worse. Everything seems impossible - even just logging on from home, let alone going in. I fear that the stress of my horrible working environment is making me physically ill other than depressed i.e. migraines and nausea etc. and I just don’t want to let a job do that to me. I’ve only been back at work one day but I wish I could call in sick today because I just feel so awful.
Do you think I should get a note from the doctor and take open ended leave?
Hey, hope everyone is doing ok and you’re being kind to yourselves.
I haven’t posted here for ages, I forget it’s here half the time which is a shame because it’s such a safe space that has helped so much.
I wanted to share my recent experience if that’s ok. I’ve struggled with depression for a long time and as a bit of back story, I’ve had a difficult few years, feeling sad and fretting over my son’s autism but for about 10 months, it’s been worse than ever. What in the love of all things holy have women done to deserve the perimenopause?! I’m going to pop the rest under a spoiler just so it can be avoided. Love to you all
I haven’t posted here for ages, I forget it’s here half the time which is a shame because it’s such a safe space that has helped so much.
I wanted to share my recent experience if that’s ok. I’ve struggled with depression for a long time and as a bit of back story, I’ve had a difficult few years, feeling sad and fretting over my son’s autism but for about 10 months, it’s been worse than ever. What in the love of all things holy have women done to deserve the perimenopause?! I’m going to pop the rest under a spoiler just so it can be avoided. Love to you all
I first thought something was going on when I felt a red hot rage spark up from nowhere as it’s not like me. But there was also tears and low lows so I phoned the Dr for advice, because of my history of depression and she said HRT wasn’t the only option when I hadn’t even asked for it. I did get a blood test and no hormone changes were detected (which is apparently common) so I took a vitamin a day and gloried on.
Things got really bad for me, to the point that at least once a day, I would think I and everyone in my life would be better off if I wasn’t here. Sometimes it plagued me for days and I even made a plan to do it. The plan was something I hadn’t experienced before.
I joined a couple of online groups and made the decision to pay to speak to a specialist Doctor about the symptoms. She asked me a load of questions and the score was high for the perimenopause so she said she’d recommend HRT patches (less risk than tablets apparently) and said if I wanted her to, she could write me a private prescription that she’d send to me or I could wait for her to write to my GP and they’d prescribe it. I could have came out the other end of the menopause in the time the GP took so I got it from her. The prescription was £18 and it was money well spent.
I have a half a patch of one kind on a Monday then change to the other half on a Thursday for two weeks then a second patch following the same pattern. It’s made such a huge difference!
I have been being looked after by a Psychiatrist and I made a decision to stop having ‘check in’ appointments with him. He kept ramping up my anti-depressants (Amitriptylene) but when I said I thought I’d feel better about things outwith my control and he said he wouldn’t expect me to…I struggle with my mum experience being solely around autism and I admitted that while I have a good support network of mums in the same boat, they all have children who are neurotypical too so I feel different. His advice? Have another baby! I’m in my early 40s and that’s quite a radical approach…
I have a stressful job and he told me I have to learn to be resilient and if I can’t deal with the autism and my job, I should quit my job. I am not adverse a dose of reality or home truths but I found the lead up to the appointments stressful wondering what he was going to say. So while I feel a bit vulnerable (without a medical professional to speak to), I don’t feel totally worse off.
I know HRT isn’t for everyone and it has its risks, but for me it’s helping so much. My son is changing all the time and it’s allowing me to see him clearly and not focus on what he can’t do or worry about the future - just see him for the amazing wee boy he is. It’s a day at a time (like everything in life is for me. Well no, that’s a lie actually! I strive for that but I’m wayyyy off the mark a lot of the time
)
Things got really bad for me, to the point that at least once a day, I would think I and everyone in my life would be better off if I wasn’t here. Sometimes it plagued me for days and I even made a plan to do it. The plan was something I hadn’t experienced before.
I joined a couple of online groups and made the decision to pay to speak to a specialist Doctor about the symptoms. She asked me a load of questions and the score was high for the perimenopause so she said she’d recommend HRT patches (less risk than tablets apparently) and said if I wanted her to, she could write me a private prescription that she’d send to me or I could wait for her to write to my GP and they’d prescribe it. I could have came out the other end of the menopause in the time the GP took so I got it from her. The prescription was £18 and it was money well spent.
I have a half a patch of one kind on a Monday then change to the other half on a Thursday for two weeks then a second patch following the same pattern. It’s made such a huge difference!
I have been being looked after by a Psychiatrist and I made a decision to stop having ‘check in’ appointments with him. He kept ramping up my anti-depressants (Amitriptylene) but when I said I thought I’d feel better about things outwith my control and he said he wouldn’t expect me to…I struggle with my mum experience being solely around autism and I admitted that while I have a good support network of mums in the same boat, they all have children who are neurotypical too so I feel different. His advice? Have another baby! I’m in my early 40s and that’s quite a radical approach…
I have a stressful job and he told me I have to learn to be resilient and if I can’t deal with the autism and my job, I should quit my job. I am not adverse a dose of reality or home truths but I found the lead up to the appointments stressful wondering what he was going to say. So while I feel a bit vulnerable (without a medical professional to speak to), I don’t feel totally worse off.
I know HRT isn’t for everyone and it has its risks, but for me it’s helping so much. My son is changing all the time and it’s allowing me to see him clearly and not focus on what he can’t do or worry about the future - just see him for the amazing wee boy he is. It’s a day at a time (like everything in life is for me. Well no, that’s a lie actually! I strive for that but I’m wayyyy off the mark a lot of the time
) Hi all,
apologies to blurt this all out but I’m completely done and I don’t know where to turn
I joined a new job 4 months ago after being bullied and isolated by my last employer. At first it was great but there are 2 people on my team who actually refuse to talk to me and dislike me for reasons I am unable to fathom.
I have depression and this turn in events has caused me to spiral again to the point that I just don’t want to be here anymore.
I’m single too have been for years and desperately want a relationship but cannot handle the pain and rejection to put myself out there right now
I’m just so deeply unhappy and don’t want to be here anymore. I’m on my 6th choice of antidepressant and have been referred to a well-being service to be on the waiting list for a well-being practitioner but i just don’t think I can carry on that long.
I don’t know what to do
Sorry to rant Xx
apologies to blurt this all out but I’m completely done and I don’t know where to turn
I joined a new job 4 months ago after being bullied and isolated by my last employer. At first it was great but there are 2 people on my team who actually refuse to talk to me and dislike me for reasons I am unable to fathom.
I have depression and this turn in events has caused me to spiral again to the point that I just don’t want to be here anymore.
I’m single too have been for years and desperately want a relationship but cannot handle the pain and rejection to put myself out there right now
I’m just so deeply unhappy and don’t want to be here anymore. I’m on my 6th choice of antidepressant and have been referred to a well-being service to be on the waiting list for a well-being practitioner but i just don’t think I can carry on that long.
I don’t know what to do
Sorry to rant Xx
@ATV2021 I get where you are coming from. Society tells you to do a job you love and you will never work a day in your life. It's such bullshit. Most people don't like what they do for a living; it is a means to an end. I'm not happy with what I am dong for a living, if you can call it that. I've been doing a job working from home before it was thing with COVID. It worked for me because I needed the money. I wasn't finding any work outside of home after I was laid off (and other crap that happened at the same time, when it rains it pours) and was going into my umpteenth bout of depression as a result. Some days I can get on with it, but if I am left to think about things, I feel like I am just existing. I hate living in a world that doesn't allow people to check out when they want, without going broke.
@tadhg is he taking his meds? I can only imagine as someone with depression how it affects the partner/family member. You have to make sure you don't unconsciously absorb what's ailing him and let it consume you in the process. What is he doing to help himself? Has his personal hygiene fallen off the cliff? I don't like hearing about someone not being able to go to work and spending ages in bed; that is not a good sign. If he is taking his meds without fail, there needs to be an adjustment or another medication. Bear in mind I am not a shrink, using my personal experience, but he sounds really bad. I'm talking needing a stint in hospital bad. Have you discussed this with him, or does he just hole himself up in bed and you give him a wide berth? First and foremost, take care of yourself so you can help him.
@tadhg is he taking his meds? I can only imagine as someone with depression how it affects the partner/family member. You have to make sure you don't unconsciously absorb what's ailing him and let it consume you in the process. What is he doing to help himself? Has his personal hygiene fallen off the cliff? I don't like hearing about someone not being able to go to work and spending ages in bed; that is not a good sign. If he is taking his meds without fail, there needs to be an adjustment or another medication. Bear in mind I am not a shrink, using my personal experience, but he sounds really bad. I'm talking needing a stint in hospital bad. Have you discussed this with him, or does he just hole himself up in bed and you give him a wide berth? First and foremost, take care of yourself so you can help him.
There are so many "manifesting" and "coaches" around now who say decide what you want to do and take action. What if you don't know (like I don't?) It adds pressure, and what I want to do, is take about a year out to do absolutely nothing and repair my MH but as you said, the world doesn't allow checking out without going broke. "Money is just energy, there is unlimited amounts", great but where is it then? All I see is me, solo, one salary, and bills flying up (including my tax doubling this month thanks to a "bonus" pushing me upwards). Applied for a very different job in a different sector - one I have more than enough skills for but the title is different so I got a "impressed with your qualifications but going with experience". Well find out what I actually do and you'll see I'm probably more experienced than those who've held the actual title. Just feel trapped as can't take a paycut to retrain anywhere else. And so the spiral continues
He missed a few days but thank god since that post he back up and taking meds and promise he go to a meeting next week.... it so hard knowing what to do for the best, and I got no one I can talk to about it as well . Thank you for the reply.
I loathe all this idea about manifesting and your thoughts are creating your future. It's a terrible idea for people who no fault if their own that have a brain which "manifests" deep depression. The idea that you can think your way out of mental illness is so damaging. Not only that, the only people who really benefit are the bullshit gurus who say "go within" but pay me first. Who needs that added pressure and crushing guilt on their already stressed brain. Just my opinion obviously.
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Also if you're in a job where your co workers are bullies or create atmospheres then it's impossible to enjoy any job unless you're a bully too.
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Also if you're in a job where your co workers are bullies or create atmospheres then it's impossible to enjoy any job unless you're a bully too.
sorry for posting here as it’s technically about my ocd and not my depression but i cannot find an active ocd thread and just wanted to get this out there somewhere.
i posted here a few times about my contamination ocd and, in particular, how this manifests into a deep obsession with bed bugs (don’t ask). i’ve just seen there’s some kind of infestation in paris right now and have convinced myself that i will inevitably catch them on a trip to london i have at the end of the month.
i’m really looking forward to this trip because it’s with a friend i haven’t seen for a while and who i love hanging out with but i am two seconds away from telling her i want to cancel and covering all of our costs because i now just don’t want to go. for the most ridiculous reason. but i know i will spend the whole time convincing myself that i have caught the bugs from our hotel and so brought them home with me (and all of november will then be spent obsessing over this). i can’t bring myself to cancel but i desperately want to.
ocd, man. fun times!
i posted here a few times about my contamination ocd and, in particular, how this manifests into a deep obsession with bed bugs (don’t ask). i’ve just seen there’s some kind of infestation in paris right now and have convinced myself that i will inevitably catch them on a trip to london i have at the end of the month.
i’m really looking forward to this trip because it’s with a friend i haven’t seen for a while and who i love hanging out with but i am two seconds away from telling her i want to cancel and covering all of our costs because i now just don’t want to go. for the most ridiculous reason. but i know i will spend the whole time convincing myself that i have caught the bugs from our hotel and so brought them home with me (and all of november will then be spent obsessing over this). i can’t bring myself to cancel but i desperately want to.
ocd, man. fun times!
That is so hard. Does it help you at all to have a plan in place? For example, a routine when packing, when you arrive, before you leave, and where you get home. Bed bugs are a thing almost everywhere, so those who travel lots have routines to minimize risk. For example, pack clothing in large ziplock bags. When you arrive, leave clothing in luggage, give the room a quick once-over, for example pulling back a corner of the bedding and looking at seam of mattress. Don’t leave luggage or clothing draped on soft furnishings. When returning home, leave luggage outside if possible, bring baggies of clothing in and straight into a hot wash. Vacuum and wipe down luggage. Most likely, you will be fine, but I know, try telling your ocd that. I’m not minimizing what you’re feeling. Many hotel chains spray regularly for bedbugs as they have people travelling from all over the world. Also, can you have a conversation with your friend? Let her know how much you want to spend time with her but that you’re working with this issue you have? Would she be sympathetic?
It sounds like a fun trip and you may regret missing it.
It sounds like a fun trip and you may regret missing it.
thank you so much for the thoughtfulness of this reply
i really appreciate it.i’ve done my usual ocd coping mechanisms over the last two days and am feeling a little better about it. i have a load of the little ziplock baggies that shein send orders in, so i think (like you say) i will pack my outfits one by one in individual ones of these and keep my suitcase just away from the bed (when i went to vegas in feb i didn’t take my suitcase out of the bathroom
) and do my usual checks - just trying to be logical and rational about the whole thing now. i’m just super embarrassed that we’re sharing a room and she’s going to be full witness to the parts of my ocd that i usually try and hide from people but needs must
@LaBlonde This is a really horrible thing for you to suffer. I have a different but equally embarrassing problem with when I go away and it's shameful to me but really nothing to other people. It really puts me off staying anywhere, so you have my utmost sympathy. I hope you can share this with your friend and alleviate some of your fear.