I would start by brainstorming small things that make you smile or make your day better. Or maybe there is something you always wanted to do that got cast aside for one reason or another?
I know you said you don’t want to look for other meds but maybe you could reconsider this decision. I’m speaking from personal experience as I was in a very, very dark place just several days ago before I went on Prozac. I’m surprised (and even in mild disbelief) at how much better I feel. I certainly did not think it was possible anymore, and no amount of exercise or willpower could bring me to where I am now.
The worst thing about depression is how empty and hopeless it makes us feel. You might think that’s what you are like now, but it’s not you, your emotions or your new reality. It’s an illness, and a serious one at that. It’s difficult to treat, but difficult does not mean impossible. Please don’t give up, I know we all have days when we feel like this, but they won’t last forever. I believe in you and a brighter, happier future for you so you can live out your dreams. Sending you a hug