The Depression Thread #2

[StillLucilleBluth]

Love to everyone. It’s lovely to know we’re all here rooting for each other.

 

[Sheabutter]

Experiencing anxiety attack at the moment. I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety but this is something different. My stomach is tied in with my anxiety so I sleep to avoid discomfort. I’m fine when I wake up but the second I go to pick up my phone my anxiety kicks in. I’m getting to feel down over the state of my health. I was a ball of worry for a good hour when I decided to take down my acupuncture mat and lay on it. The acupuncture slippers too which left my feet so bruised last time that I couldn’t walk for two days also helped me calm down enough to write this out. I’m listening to Sarah Wilson “First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A Journey Through Anxiety.” I’ve tried lighter books but I end up falling asleep. It’s all very weird. I want things to calm down. I also caved and took a klonopin. Sorry if this is too off subject I just didn’t see an anxiety thread and depression and anxiety seem to be close mates. Best wishes to everyone in here you all are beautiful people.

 

[Pollyanna263]

My father in law has been admitted again - his potassium levels are dangerously high and his GFR (kidney function) is very low. When he was discharged last Thursday it was 36, today it was down to 13.

He did have kidney failure several years ago and had to go on dialysis in the ICU, and thankfully that gave his kidneys a chance to heal. Hopefully it won't come to needing that this time, but we will wait and see.

Feel like I'm on my last nerve and it's shredded to hell.

That must be so hard, especially with your husband’s worries on top of your own.

Remember that there’s nothing more you can do, than what you have done.

He’s in the absolute best place to get the best help, I hope he starts to improve quickly x

 

[Penguin86]

Keep the social side of your life going or you'll end up agoraphobic like me and find it difficult to leave the house

 

[Good Egg]

I’m not sure how much more I can take? I feel such overwhelm. I feel so alone in all my thoughts.
I have so much going on all at once and it all feels to much to near.
So much uncertainty.

I had a bereavement before Christmas that knocked me for six, coming from a dysfunctional family it’s unbelievable how family members act at a time when people, family should come together.

I’m not sleeping particularly well. I’ve had nightmares. Which isn’t helping my mood. I feel so down.

If I could sleep all day I would. I feel stuck and powerless. I feel no future.

I feel like life is so uncertain and I feel scared. Has anybody experienced this before?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I always feel conflicted about celebrities who talk about depression because I get so jealous of them. Ruby Wax, Aaron Gillies, Frankie Bridge etc. I read their descriptions of how they felt and it resonates and then there’s an instant voice saying ‘Well, it’s alright for them’. If I had money or a life I could step out of and get actual help i would. So much of my life being shit is because it will never get any better so I don’t seek any help anymore. I may as well be miserable as life is pointless blah blah blah.

I am literally one half an hour at a time-ing it at the minute. Sorry for just dropping in and being grumpy. Love to all.

I wish you felt better than that Silver. I know that even “one half an hour at a time-ing it“ is an achievement though, it’s not as easy as people realise. You are worth it though x

 

[Alright then]

I just tonight accepted I need help
---

I just tonight accepted I need help

I'm so scared I don't no where to start

 

[Fillyfox]

So I'm more of a lurker on tl but I'm in a rut atm!
I suffer with bpd, I've been okay for a couple of years, I have therapy & was happily working thru my issues.

Until a couple of weeks ago when my horse needed the vet as he's getting on & isn't as comfortable as he was. The vet said in no uncertain term that this will more than 80% be his last summer. I'm more than aware that he's older but the thought of this being our last summer has killed me. It's triggered a huge downward fall in my mood & tbh I just don't want to this anymore. I know this seems petty & I should feel privileged to have shared the past 3 years with him. But this horse has saved my life more than a few. He's the keeper of all my secrets, he's my escape from reality on a daily basis. No matter how shit my day, I know when I arrive at the farm he will be there shouting me & happy to see me. I don't remember life before him.

He's the one solid consistent in my life, he's never left me or let me down. I have no family of my own, I have a partner & my son but that's where my family ends. My mother is an alcoholic, father ducked out when I was 3.

I've lived thru alot of trauma in my 30 years of life. I just don't know if this ticking time bomb of loosing my best friend is the cherry on the cake.
3 times last week I found myself a crying mess, crisis team never answered as was busy & so was the text line for samaritans.
I just don't want to anymore

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Hello, I haven’t been on here in a wee while which is Classic Lenny. I had an increase in my medication and that combined with my son making good developmental progress has me feeling more able to cope, hopeful and able to take things a day at a time. So I’ve stopped writing things down, stopped contributing to it reading this thread (which is so beneficial to me) and stopped reading my Dr Julie Smith book…

I will find my place and go back and read the posts but I wanted to send you all love. I always find Bank Holidays a bit weird, like I ‘should’ be doing something, and in this case, something memorable. But that’s just because other people are doing stuff!

I hope you guys know how amazing you are. To find the strength to post when you’re feeling hopeless, lost, down…anything is beyond strong and if you can’t see that in yourselves then I’m here to tell you!

 

[Hdt1]

Does anyone just get so easily overwhelmed by life? There are so many things I‘ve messed and screwed over for myself, and it may be partly because of being depressed, but I know really it’s my own fault.

Yup! I’m on holiday with my lovely hubby and kids, and I’m fucking miserable. Work and preparing to come on holiday had overwhelmed me so much, combined with stopping my sertraline (150mg down to 25 in a year, finally
Stopped but feel crappy) has ruined it for me.

Depression has screwed shit up for you, it’s not your fault x

 

[Pollyanna263]

Struggling here. Too many things going on and I can’t cope with anything else.

I cried at the vet yesterday. Not my finest moment. My beautiful dog has to have further surgery on Tuesday and I’m so scared This is after the emergency one 3 weeks ago.

Feel like I’m shouting at my kids constantly and wish they would just bloody listen. I have no patience and am struggling with rage.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Took one for the team and had a shower.

Don’t feel any better! Just feel more knackered.

Save yourselves the energy and don’t bother xx

Edit to add I didn’t even contemplate washing my hair. It just got shoved up high out the way.

 

[boomska]

I’m in a depression/anxiety session. It’s similar to my breakdown 2 years ago but Borderline on the edge of having it/not having it.

everything is overwhelming and finding life soooo hard at the moment. And feeling like I have no friends, going to be single forever and I’m wasting my life!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Anxiety
It’s is the worst feeling... along with intrusive thoughts
I never feel normal. My brain is my own worst enemy. Some days are good others are bad. Sometimes I want to lie in bed all day. Sometimes I don’t even wash or get dressed for the day.

I feel suffocated, I feel unloved, I feel as if I disappeared nobody would notice or care.

I grew up being scared of the world and now I can’t make sense of the world around me? Everything is scary. I cannot trust anyone - not really. I have so much love to give yet none in return.

Has anybody found meds has helped them or not really? I had CBT and talking therapy which didn’t really help and I’ve been on sertraline and citalipram in the past. I just don’t want to rely on meds to keep me afloat. They do help but the side effects are awful. I wonder if a action plan would help me?

I need to lose weight. I comfort eat a lot - I’ve put on I’d say about three stone since my last break down. Eating cannot tell me I’m no good, Eating makes me feel better, like a security blanket, eat gives me pleasure and satisfaction. I’d think nothing of driving to McDonald’s and ordering three or four breakfast meals and stuffing my face back at home.
I think my overeating may be a way to self harm? Like it’s secret, nobody sees me eat ever, it’s all done behind closed doors...

I’m not sure how to overcome all this to be honest.

Anybody unfortunately in a similar situation?

So sorry you are feeling this waybut firstly, the way that you are talking so negatively about yourself hints that you may need to go to the dr to see what can be done in the ST.

The AD may help your mood, allow you to get up and shower, the things that will make each day seem just that little bit brighter.

Secondly, do not worry about the eating and the weight. That is adding more anxiety to your mind needlessly. This may be an unpopular opinion, but when things are calmer then those behaviours (which are secondary) will ease. You trying to sort everything at once (stopping overeating, trying to be less anxious, losing weight, trying to get through each day) is not going to happen. The most important thing is for you to get yourself so that those negative thoughts are not so prominent.

I hope you can get to see a dr and set up a plan. Thinking of you .

Spoiler: Minor me-rail

Two and half years ago , I went into a period of depression after many years of restriction. This started a stage of excessive overeating. I threw food in a student bin to stop myself from eating it and then went and retrieved it to eat it again. I have put washing up liquid in food to stop myself and then eaten that. If you think you are alone, please take comfort in that you aren’t. The shame adds to the anxiety. Please never be ashamed xxx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Brain is mush after therapy. That means it’s working, right?

Psych this afternoon. So nervous.

Meds weaning is going okay so far.


Hope everyone is okay

 

[pusheencat00]

I’m not particularly active on TL - I lurk and read rather than post (I’m shy even on the internet ). But this thread seems so supportive and like a safe space, I thought I’d dip my toes in.
I’ve struggled with depression (and other MH issues) for years, but it’s got so much worse since the pandemic. My living situation is less than ideal (understatement of the century) and that’s a massive contributing factor, but I’m stuck here for now.

Currently reducing my dose of venlafaxine to go back on to sertraline. It reduced my appetite loads and I didn’t feel myself when I was on the higher dose. I was on sertraline for 3 years and felt like it had stopped working, but I’d pick that over how I’ve been feeling on venlafaxine any day.

i might do a more detailed post later. This is just to say hi and try to get over my anxiety about posting but I hope Monday is kind to you all. Take it as easy as you can

 

[Maid22]

I'm so down tonight, feel like a failure, we got a pup 7 weeks ago, thought our other dog would accept him, tbh, it's been 7 weeks of hell my other dog really doesn't like him, just mentioned to my oh, he's gone off on in strop, but the best thing is to re-home pup, I'm really struggling tonight.

 

[Phil McCrackin]

Thank you so so much everyone it really means a lot. I’ve spent the last couple of days reaching out to family and I feel a lot better just talking and being honest about my feelings. You’ve made me realise that I’m not alone and I’m so grateful. I’ve spoken with my doctor and wrote a plan down on how to move forward. Again thank you all so much. We will get through it all together. Sending love

 

[xoxoxo13]

First time posting in this thread, I'm struggling.

I've been depressed for at least ten years. The new medication was working so well, but now it just makes things worse. I've been job hunting for the past six months and only got one interview and didn't get it. I'm in my mid 20s, I've never worked a real job, my friends have jobs and driving licenses, some are even married.

It feels like everyone grew up and im stuck in my 14 year old depression. And anxiety. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I don't enjoy anything. All I do is sleep. I've been wearing the same clothes since Tuesday.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I saw this yesterday, it’s so true in different ways for all of us