Thank you, it was a few years ago now, but I think of him everyday, such a waste, and will never know why he did it, but I've also been in that place where I've tried it, sometimes you just feel so worthless, so what's the point of being here. Haven't felt that low for ages now, I struggle alot though, but am on ads, which have helped.I’m so sorry for the loss of your loved one
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Sometimes it feels like it would just be easier to not be here, doesn’t it.
Recently I’ve heard of a handful of people - friends of friends, not people I directly know - and I’ve found myself thinking ‘I understand how they got to that point’ which in itself scared me, because a few years ago I wouldn’t have had that thought or that understanding.
With me, I've always had that feeling, it's taken me years and a very understanding oh to realise it.
I hope you get help, don't let your dr fob you off, and you end up falling through the cracks, that's what has happened to me, but I get my ads, they help, but to have counselling etc, I have to pay!! I can't afford it, and tbh, I have soo much baggage, it would take hours! So I just get on with it, tis hard though.
I'm so down tonight, feel like a failure, we got a pup 7 weeks ago, thought our other dog would accept him, tbh, it's been 7 weeks of hell my other dog really doesn't like him, just mentioned to my oh, he's gone off on in strop, but the best thing is to re-home pup, I'm really struggling tonight.
I’ve seen a lot of your posts on various threads and I always enjoy reading them.That's good! I'm really crap at trying to write stuff down, I know what I want to say, but it never comes out right, that's why sometimes on this thread, I just
I have a notebook that I write stuff down, which I think helps. And it doesn’t matter what it reads like because it’s just for me. But if I’m not having a bad day then I don’t write anything, whereas it would benefit me to go back and read the more positive stuff too.
I've been journalling since 2019 and I personally found it really helpful to write down my positive thoughts. I've saved myself multiple times from spiralling or catastrophizing by going back to previous entries when I was happy. I use a journalling/mood tracking app that makes this really convenient for me.
I know you from cc thread, your posts make me laugh! I enjoy coming on here, it's like an escapism from rl crap
I tried to write my thoughts down before, but when I looked back on them, I think god, I was in a really bad place and try hard not to go back there
I struggled a lot yesterday and ended up talking to a hotline psychologist. It was not an easy talk, I managed to get things off my chest but it did not help much. She said she was pretty sure I need therapy long-term. I’m so conflicted about my options. I know I need help, but I am not ready to dig deep and work on my past traumas. I’ve been looking into CBT but could not find a reputable AND affordable CBT therapist near me. I thought I could start with a self-help book, yet I don’t think a book would help me much at this points. Any thoughts?
This sounds really difficult, I’m so sorry! Please know it’s not your fault and you are doing your best. Hope you find a solution soon 🤍
@Agent Cooper no advice as such (I’m sorry) but just want to say I understand and am going through similar so you’re not alone. It’s so hard to find the time and energy to commit to proper counselling, let alone find the money. I know if I started counselling now all of my relationships and my work would suffer for at LEAST a year and I just don’t have the strength to go through that right now. All I’ve done so far is try to ‘confront’ my feelings more by writing them down instead of trying to ignore them. It’s not therapy but it’s helped a little in understanding myself. Thinking of you 🤍
My therapist suggested to me The Worry Cure, I found it helpful but it's mostly for dealing with anxiety. He also had me do exercises for Mind Over Mood by Greenberger and the Feeling Good Handbook by Burns. They can be pretty lengthy but they have helpful sections about depression.
Thank you so much, that’s really helpful. I’ve actually already bought the Burns one, it looks good!
Thank you so much for this. Just knowing I’m not alone is a huge thing for me because that’s how I feel - alone. All of the time. Friends, family, colleagues, they just don’t understand. They will tell you everyone is ‘a little depressed’ nowadays. They will tell you to stop whining and get yourself together. They will ask you how you’re doing and say you are ruining their mood when you are honest. They’ll tell you you need to distract yourself. And God knows I’ve tried. duck it. duck sports, duck eating healthily, duck putting on good movies and going on long walks. Nothing works when a big black hole is sucking in everything that’s good.
I’m coming to the conclusion that I need to try counselling. I don’t know how yet, but I cannot manage it myself anymore. I tried going to bed early today and had what looks like one of my biggest breakdowns instead. It was weird and loud but nobody came to check on me because I’m by myself. I feel like all the progress has been destroyed. I don’t even know why I keep on going to be honest. I feel like I deserve a happy patch after everything I’ve been through. Wouldn’t it just be fair?
I’m going to put on some rain sounds and try to get some sleep anyway. I hope everyone on here is okay and doing better than me
I will be thinking of you all.
Sending youThank you so much, that’s really helpful. I’ve actually already bought the Burns one, it looks good!
Thank you so much for this. Just knowing I’m not alone is a huge thing for me because that’s how I feel - alone. All of the time. Friends, family, colleagues, they just don’t understand. They will tell you everyone is ‘a little depressed’ nowadays. They will tell you to stop whining and get yourself together. They will ask you how you’re doing and say you are ruining their mood when you are honest. They’ll tell you you need to distract yourself. And God knows I’ve tried. duck it. duck sports, duck eating healthily, duck putting on good movies and going on long walks. Nothing works when a big black hole is sucking in everything that’s good.
I’m coming to the conclusion that I need to try counselling. I don’t know how yet, but I cannot manage it myself anymore. I tried going to bed early today and had what looks like one of my biggest breakdowns instead. It was weird and loud but nobody came to check on me because I’m by myself. I feel like all the progress has been destroyed. I don’t even know why I keep on going to be honest. I feel like I deserve a happy patch after everything I’ve been through. Wouldn’t it just be fair?
I’m going to put on some rain sounds and try to get some sleep anyway. I hope everyone on here is okay and doing better than me
. The last two days have been awful. I have got back into bad behaviours, like you, the things that “should” make a difference feel tit and I want to sit on the sofa in my joggers and watch breaking bad in its entirety.
When I feel like this, it is like 2 1/2 years ago is rearing its head. Those feelings are knocking at the door and it is taking every single ounce of my strength not to let them in. I have to not eat everything, not restrict, not curl in a ball and want to hide from the world. The pressure in my chest is huge. Even writing this is causing pain.
Sorry to be a misery. Particularly on a long weekend when we are all meant to be having the most fun ever.
To those that are struggling,
. To those that are having time with family or friends, . Xxx
No problem! I also attended a group therapy session a few years ago on self-hate and anxiety, and at the end of the session our therapist gave us a list of future resources to turn to that included books and websites. I haven't tried them out myself but if I do and they're effective I might share them as well.
And I totally agree with feeling a little better just through knowing I'm not alone. I only recently discovered this thread but it seems like a very heartwarming community and I'm grateful I discovered this. I'm wishing everyone reading this a great week and month.
I totally agree with this. 2019 had been the worst year of my life (though 2022 is giving it a run for its money) and I'm really scared that I'm going through a mental health relapse. All I can do is convince myself that this is part of the process and that I've conquered bad days in the past.
Polly this is how exactly how I feel. I'm low very low and some people who I have spoken too will often say stop thinking negative think positive and it's such a gut wrenching feeling. I wish I could be positive more then anything I started to when i feel for a guy after being so hurt by my ex now looking in I realise it was years and years of domestic abuse and not really physical but part of me wishes it was because the emotional and mental abuse is far worse to deal with. But turned out the guy manipulated me just like my ex and was si clever with it and i never saw it and was with his wife pretty much the whole time (of course she has taken him back). From as young as I can remember I've be abused all started at school when I was sexually assulted it. Over this last week I've realised how alone I am and when my kids are grown up it be even worse. All I really want it life is too feel loved & wanted and I truly believe I will never ever get that. Honestly tattle is only the thing keeping me going at the moment
Ugh, people who say “there’s always a positive!” can get in the bin! Maybe there is for them but just because things work for me, I wouldn’t foist my views on them!Polly this is how exactly how I feel. I'm low very low and some people who I have spoken too will often say stop thinking negative think positive and it's such a gut wrenching feeling. I wish I could be positive more then anything I started to when i feel for a guy after being so hurt by my ex now looking in I realise it was years and years of domestic abuse and not really physical but part of me wishes it was because the emotional and mental abuse is far worse to deal with. But turned out the guy manipulated me just like my ex and was si clever with it and i never saw it and was with his wife pretty much the whole time (of course she has taken him back). From as young as I can remember I've be abused all started at school when I was sexually assulted it. Over this last week I've realised how alone I am and when my kids are grown up it be even worse. All I really want it life is too feel loved & wanted and I truly believe I will never ever get that. Honestly tattle is only the thing keeping me going at the moment
I’m sorry you’ve had such a rubbish time. You’ve been through so much. I don’t have any advice really but there are a few of us who have said the same thing about Tattle - considering we’re all meant to be nasty, I find this a safe, honest space. You don’t know what’s round the corner but I totally understand that feeling that it’s not going to be any better. It might be worth speaking to someone and taking time to work on you - I’m wondering if you feel responsible for things that others have done to you in some way and carry other people’s shame around with you (apologies if I’ve got that wrong).
People who can manipulate people with ease are normally quite good at sussing when someone is vulnerable - that’s not your fault.
You haven’t said how old your kids are but it sounds far enough away that if you take one day at a time, things will look different to you by then
I love it here too, I can chat tit about TV programmes, but I can also spill my guts on how I'm feeling, which I can't do in rl life. Been a tough weekend, we've rehomed pup, fate stepped in and he's gone to a really lovely home, but I feel like a failure, I miss him loads, but my other dog is so much happier, he's lying next to me in bed now, it wasn't meant to be 
I've tried meds they made me worse, counselling was the same and I tried a couple.Ugh, people who say “there’s always a positive!” can get in the bin! Maybe there is for them but just because things work for me, I wouldn’t foist my views on them!
I’m sorry you’ve had such a rubbish time. You’ve been through so much. I don’t have any advice really but there are a few of us who have said the same thing about Tattle - considering we’re all meant to be nasty, I find this a safe, honest space. You don’t know what’s round the corner but I totally understand that feeling that it’s not going to be any better. It might be worth speaking to someone and taking time to work on you - I’m wondering if you feel responsible for things that others have done to you in some way and carry other people’s shame around with you (apologies if I’ve got that wrong).
People who can manipulate people with ease are normally quite good at sussing when someone is vulnerable - that’s not your fault.
You haven’t said how old your kids are but it sounds far enough away that if you take one day at a time, things will look different to you by then
Gym does help me and that's the only thing I find that does but it does take me a lot to get thier somedays. I do blame myself for everything I've been though 100% my ex is a narcissist and unfortunately I still have to deal with him due to having kids with him but it's very limited.
Thankyou for your kind words
I’m so glad you’ve come over herePolly this is how exactly how I feel. I'm low very low and some people who I have spoken too will often say stop thinking negative think positive and it's such a gut wrenching feeling. I wish I could be positive more then anything I started to when i feel for a guy after being so hurt by my ex now looking in I realise it was years and years of domestic abuse and not really physical but part of me wishes it was because the emotional and mental abuse is far worse to deal with. But turned out the guy manipulated me just like my ex and was si clever with it and i never saw it and was with his wife pretty much the whole time (of course she has taken him back). From as young as I can remember I've be abused all started at school when I was sexually assulted it. Over this last week I've realised how alone I am and when my kids are grown up it be even worse. All I really want it life is too feel loved & wanted and I truly believe I will never ever get that. Honestly tattle is only the thing keeping me going at the moment
I have found - 4 years in to being single, for the first time since I was 18 (I’m now 37) - that I finally feel happy being alone.
I always felt that I needed a partner, needed someone there as I couldn’t be alone. But that was actually my massive insecurities about myself lying to me.
I’m capable of being alone.
I’ve raised my children alone, the eldest since he was 2 1/2 and the youngest since before he was born 3 1/2 years ago.
I don’t need a man to ‘complete’ me or help me or whatever it was that I thought I needed.
From the bits I know of you from the other thread (which keeps me going too, why do you think I don’t mind doing the recaps!) you are so much stronger than you realise.
You are raising your children while being mindful of their individual needs
You are co-parenting with your ex which is hard and you deserve huge credit for
You are getting up and doing each day, even if you don’t feel able
You are a badass x
Honestly your words always get to me. You are amazing too PollyI’m so glad you’ve come over here
I have found - 4 years in to being single, for the first time since I was 18 (I’m now 37) - that I finally feel happy being alone.
I always felt that I needed a partner, needed someone there as I couldn’t be alone. But that was actually my massive insecurities about myself lying to me.
I’m capable of being alone.
I’ve raised my children alone, the eldest since he was 2 1/2 and the youngest since before he was born 3 1/2 years ago.
I don’t need a man to ‘complete’ me or help me or whatever it was that I thought I needed.
From the bits I know of you from the other thread (which keeps me going too, why do you think I don’t mind doing the recaps!) you are so much stronger than you realise.
You are raising your children while being mindful of their individual needs
You are co-parenting with your ex which is hard and you deserve huge credit for
You are getting up and doing each day, even if you don’t feel able
You are a badass x
xx@ilovepizza21 it took me ages to find a med that would 'balance' me, I know I'll be on them for the rest of my life, I had councelling years ago, but it really didn't help, I'd have to pay for it now, and tbh, I wouldn't know where to start from. I keep alot of issues inside me,as I'm sure alot of you on this thread do, but it's nice this thread is a safe place for us x
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