The Depression Thread #2

[candyland_]

I’m starting to wonder if I need to speak to a doctor or if it would be worth it as I don’t want to take medication for it.

I have developed what I think is anxiety, it gives me a heavy feeling in my chest and I struggle to function, it almost feels like it pins me down. I force myself through it as best as I can but some days even sorting the washing feels like a struggle. Other times I get it and go into flight mode where I need to get out and walk until it feels calmer.
Sometimes I snap out of it and then I’ll feel super happy but it’s short lived. Today I’ve woken up and I’m riddled with it.

 

[E.T]

What a shitty weekend started on a high and ending on why do I fucking Bother I actually give up I just don't want to be here anymore.... Im just sick of feeling shat on and alone

I know exactly how you feel. Life is so tough. Even tougher when you have children. If there’s anything you want to talk about or get off your chest, I’m here to listen and help if I can. From what I’ve read on here, I feel like our stories are very similar. I’ve had to pick up the pieces, for my children, so many times. I really do hope you’re ok

 

[Lilu22]

I’ve found myself struggling more than normal recently. It all started with me experiencing pains in my hips and periods being irregular or not coming at all. Doctors thought it was PCOS, turned out it was just stress induced. This increased my anxiety so much. I then found myself thinking that I have an inward tremor, as I could feel myself physically shaking but if you were to look at me, you wouldn’t see it, and of course as you do with everything, you Google and this led to me becoming increasing worried to the point I was giving myself panic attacks.

Aswell as all this happening, a close friend invited me to a small housewarming party however I declined as my social anxiety was sky high. I told them I would explain fully why I couldn’t come but they brushed me off saying “you could’ve just denied, rather than make up some story”. Now I feel even more crap. I let down my friend, my anxiety is higher than ever and I can feel my ED creeping back in. Honestly, I have no idea where to go from here.

 

[Agent Cooper]

I hope everyone on here has had a peaceful weekend 🤍 I have a question to you all: does anyone else get totally overwhelmed when going out? I went out with my best friends yesterday and didn’t enjoy myself much as I was too emotional. Technically, we had a lovely time, but by the end of the day the only thing I wanted was get home, crawl into my bed and cry. I love my friends to pieces and I used to love going out too, but these days even the smallest things can trigger me big time.

So I'm more of a lurker on tl but I'm in a rut atm!
I suffer with bpd, I've been okay for a couple of years, I have therapy & was happily working thru my issues.

Until a couple of weeks ago when my horse needed the vet as he's getting on & isn't as comfortable as he was. The vet said in no uncertain term that this will more than 80% be his last summer. I'm more than aware that he's older but the thought of this being our last summer has killed me. It's triggered a huge downward fall in my mood & tbh I just don't want to this anymore. I know this seems petty & I should feel privileged to have shared the past 3 years with him. But this horse has saved my life more than a few. He's the keeper of all my secrets, he's my escape from reality on a daily basis. No matter how shit my day, I know when I arrive at the farm he will be there shouting me & happy to see me. I don't remember life before him.

He's the one solid consistent in my life, he's never left me or let me down. I have no family of my own, I have a partner & my son but that's where my family ends. My mother is an alcoholic, father ducked out when I was 3.

I've lived thru alot of trauma in my 30 years of life. I just don't know if this ticking time bomb of loosing my best friend is the cherry on the cake.
3 times last week I found myself a crying mess, crisis team never answered as was busy & so was the text line for samaritans.
I just don't want to anymore

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling! The idea of losing a loved one is always so stressful and terrifying no matter if it’s a person or an animal. Your feelings are 100% valid so please don’t add to the existing stress by calling them ‘petty’.

Have you tried emailing the Samaritans? I’ve never tried their text line but I’ve emailed and they would always reply within 2-3 days. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down can help you clear your head and gain back control over your emotions.

 

[Leelah]

Life is honestly so hard. Hugs to you all

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi all! I used to post here a lot before creating a new account (as Raymond), just found this new thread. I was wondering whether anyone on here also has body image issues. I’ve been thinking of creating a support thread for people with such issues but not sure if anyone would participate. I do have depression too but I don’t really want to derail this thread with body image talk.

Hey there Agent C, I remember you from your old account, it’s good to see you.

I do have body image issues, and I’m sorry you do too, it’s hard.

I think it’s a great idea to make a separate thread. Sadly I think there’s a lot of people that can relate. I know we can’t control these things, but I think the safest way for a thread like that to work is if no-one mentions numbers or specifics. Which might be easier said than done, but I think it is possible, and it‘s such an important conversation to have.

I hope you’re doing ok x

 

[Pollyanna263]

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow, yeah I'm ticking at the mo, I just really hate being shit on and folks get away with it!
How's your doggy xx

She’s doing well, thank you for asking!
Post-op check tomorrow, and then hopefully stitches out Thursday. Not sure when we’ll get biopsy results but I’m trying not to worry (ha ha)

Right now she wants to go to bed

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Been feeling utterly miserable, for many reasons, and I said to my husband today that I was looking forward to feeling a bit stronger so I could put the Christmas tree up and cheer myself up.

Then I see a post by a friend on Facebook:

"Its been a LONG time since I felt like bricking someones windows....but a fukking XMAS TREE on the 9th of November!! Some people are C**TS"

Made me feel like utter shite for even thinking about it.

 

[barmcake]

I'm in the same position as Pollyanna; my worst nightmare is having people in to fix things in the house and the worry of having to clean everything and make conversation. I feel like Miss Havisham with a crumbling old house and cobwebs on the cobwebs. The only answer is to get cleaning and bite the bullet. I'm sure we can tackle it Pollyanna and if you've got kids and a dog he'll understand.

 

[StopsayingHandsnomes]

First time poster on this thread.
I’m on the brink!
About to be made homeless……with 2 kids, my hubby and dog…..landlord has sold our house and is now starting to harass me! I cannot get a rental!!! It’s so hard. I work full time as does my husband. Life is not fair! I need a break! Docs have upped my meds……like that’s gonna make my problems disappear! Having EMDR and CBT therapy, navigating through PTSD! I need a fucking break! I honestly don’t know what to do, where to turn! I’m living on a knifes edge! Sorry for all the moaning I’m just exhausted. I never knew it would be this hard. I’m not looking for sympathy I’m looking for someone who gets how I feel. For almost a decade I’ve told myself “if it weren’t for my boys I wouldn’t be here”
I need, fuck knows!! I need help!

 

[Maid22]

Am having a blip, I think it's probably because I haven't had a decent sleep for ages, lovely day outside, and I'm still in bed, I hate myself feeling like this, just need some sleeps.

 

[Loveitme]

feeling absolutley terrible atm.Ive been on anti d's about two years but suffered with poor MH since childhood.I feel so depressed at the moment.Going to try and get around to making a drs appointment to try fluoxetine instead of sertraline and see if it helps .Sertraline seems to be doing naff all atm.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

So an update to my previous post - my father in law now claims that he never told us he didn't want us to go on holiday, he said 'it's not my place to tell you whether or not to go away'. So is this gaslightling? He doesn't have memory issues or dementia or anything like that, so it's not like he has 'forgotten' that he told my husband he didn't want us to go away.

Regardless, my husband still doesn't want to leave him, so we're still not going.

My husband suggested that I take my best friend away to London for the weekend later in the year instead - so I asked my BFF and she was super exited, as was I. And then last night he got into a fight with me because I 'get to go to London' while he 'never gets anywhere'. I said to him that it was HIS idea, and that I was only going along with what he said, and he shot back at me 'You should have said no'. So now I'm totally confused. I'm the bad guy for agreeing to his suggestion, because apparently I should have declined and sat at home with him. It was his decision to cancel our trips.

Been suffering from migraines and have been comfort eating.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I washed my hair yay! I still don’t think it should be easy for anyone else though.

Can you come and do mine??

Seriously - well done xx

 

[Maid22]

I'm sorry if my last post was like look at me, I'm in a long term relationship, it's been hard for both of us, I could write a book about my life, has been a struggle and everyday is hard for me x

 

[Catnmouse]

I've had a break up, a failed fertility procedure, poor health and multiple long term conditions.... I was doing ok until I wasn't anymore. Now I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Doing everything right in terms of getting support etc, but life feels so relentless right now.

 

[Maid22]

That’s a good point. I’m lucky enough to be able to work at the moment, and there’s times when I’m crying, then literally “switch“ and smile.

Ugh I know. I was just talking about this on another thread. People don’t understand. They think that what helps you if you’re feeling a bit down will help with depression. But we try, and it doesn’t.

That's the trouble nowadays, folks are using depression and anxiety as an excuse for everything! I watched a programme where a couple claimed benefits cos they couldn't work due to depression and anxiety, they were given a flat, they were out everyday, I was like fuck, Ive hardly left my house for months, sometimes couldn't even get out of bed, but hey ho, some folks get away with it, so wrong

 

[Evie10]

Does anyone else just completely shut off from others when they’re really low? I wish I could be one of those that gets out there and does things to try to lift their mood. I just don’t want to speak to anyone, friends, family, or colleagues. It’s a downward spiral that’s really hard to get out of.

Yep! All conversations are hard because I don't care about anything. Faking small talk is exhausting.

 

[bitterntwisted]

@Maid22, I'm okay. I'm glad my musings are entertaining.

As it pertains to the topic of this thread, I'm in the ditch again. I'm in overwhelmed mode. I had problems getting my thyroid meds renewed back in August and it was just one of life's little hurdles that I could usually clear, but was stymied by this time round. To put the cherry on the shit sundae, I get attitude from my GP's receptionist like it is all my fault. Five days without the meds and it is my doing apparently. I had 2 days last week where I didn't want to get out of bed, which was scary. I absolutely HATE it when I retreat. I have my therapist suggesting Wellbutrin as a adjunct and well did that, not doing it again. Depression/anxiety + family + financial issues + usual crap =. Depression is such a time thief.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Struggling here. Too many things going on and I can’t cope with anything else.

I cried at the vet yesterday. Not my finest moment. My beautiful dog has to have further surgery on Tuesday and I’m so scared This is after the emergency one 3 weeks ago.

Feel like I’m shouting at my kids constantly and wish they would just bloody listen. I have no patience and am struggling with rage.

Ugh Polly that’s too much for anyone to cope with at once. Like @Maid22 I‘m keeping my fingers crossed for your dog for Tuesday. I don’t know if it helps, but you’ve got us internet strangers really rooting for you x