The Depression Thread #2

[Woolmercardington]

Oh absolutely possible.. I think you’ll find a lot of us here function ‘as normal’, go to work, get stuff done around the house, visit family… depression can be such a secret illness. I could be in the deepest pit when I wake up in the morning and not see the point in living at all but as soon as someone speaks to me in the office I’m all smiles. It’s a switch I can’t help.

Hope you are looking after yourself

Thank you for the reply. Yes, I'm tying to figure out why I might be feeling the way I do and I wonder if it's because I've kind of had this low-grade depression for a while but not even realised it as such, despite knowing full well why.

@Agent Cooper Thank you, very much. It's a bit confusing for me because I don't feel as if I'm struggling in silence, as such, I just plod on, but I do think it could account for my general day-today feelings, and wondered if many people have an undiagnosed mild depression that they might not have even realised.

Tbh, abit like most of us on here, sometimes you have to muddle through, interesting post on here earlier, how do you function with everyday life, we just do, unless we hit that low where you don't give a fuck anymore, that's why I didn't like that comment on here, that attitude of 'just getting on with it, or pull your socks up (that's such an old saying, but one I've had alot!) All I can I say is come and live in my head for a week, then maybe you'll get it!

I do hope that wasn't the post I made as I was just looking for a bit of insight to help with my understanding.

 

[Maid22]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your loved one

Thank you, it was a few years ago now, but I think of him everyday, such a waste, and will never know why he did it, but I've also been in that place where I've tried it, sometimes you just feel so worthless, so what's the point of being here. Haven't felt that low for ages now, I struggle alot though, but am on ads, which have helped.

 

[Maid22]

Sorry to post guys but I'm having a really bad day
I had a date yesterday which was disappointing and had to text the guy this morning to say I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it.
Its my mums birthday and with it being the jubilee I've found the pressure to be jolly and happy when I'm having a relapse with my depression so hard.
I feel hopeless and like a total failure for my continued singleness. I feel like the days all stretch out in front of me
I'm not enjoying my job after loving it for thr last 2 years, im just getting no support or lee way considering I had to call the samaritans and breaking down whilst working in February
I miss the guy I was seeing still and I just feel tired and rubbish.
Sorry for all the woe is me talk on what should be a lovely weekend x

You post away on here.we all understand, I'm the total opposite of you're situation, been with my oh for many years, but if he died tomorrow, god forbid, I wouldn't bother with another partner, maybe that's just me, but I've been lucky to have my soul partner.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I'm trying to get an appointment with my gp in regards to finding out of there's currently any funding for counselling.

I'm trying to find joy in the little things, like my favourite TV show, or a sunny day, but it's getting harder.

I have a chronic illness and disability that causes me a great deal of pain and fatigue. Plus there's a lot of stuff going on that is just draining me. I actually pretty much had a breakdown last year but I managed to claw myself back with the help of new antidepressants. There were a lot of reasons for it, including covid meaning a cancelled 20th anniversary trip to LA, my beloved dog of 17 years passing away (and again because of covid I couldn't be at the vet when he passed, only my husband, which I can't forgive myself for) etc. So this year my husband booked for us to go to NYC for our anniversary (and due to my health it takes a lot of planning) but now his dad, who lives with us, is in the hospital with an infection and has told my husband he doesn't want us to go and leave him home alone, in case he gets sick while we're away. He literally said "you've got lots of time to travel when I'm gone". Except I don't know if I do because of my illness and disability, I don't know how my body will hold up and if I'll physically be able to travel. But I'm being made to feel selfish for being upset that the trip has been cancelled and we're never going to go anywhere else for who knows how long.

We never had the chance to travel when we first got married either as my husband was a full time carer for his late mum who had MND. So we didn't even get a honeymoon. Or a wedding, actually, as my husband didn't think it was fair to have a big day that his mum and dad couldn't attend. So we went to the registrary office and came straight home again, no reception or anything.

I love my husband but I just feel like I'm always missing out on things.

I’ve just read your post just now and I hope the last couple of days have been better for you.

I think how you feel is totally understandable. Your FIL has put your husband in a very difficult position. It’s not for me to criticise but it sounds like your husband has done a lot of caring in his life and you both need and deserve a break.

It’s easy for me to say but please be kind yourself about your dog. You were his mum, his pal, his world for 17 wonderful years and that doesn’t change because you weren’t able to be there at the end. You would have if you could and it was completely out of your control. Sending you love

One thing I’ve noticed about here is we are all so incredibly hard on ourselves. It’s always easier to spot these things in others and I get defensive of other people - like @StillLucilleBluth in that short paragraph you’ve described yourself as childish and a weirdo and I straight away think “you’re neither of those things!”…but when it comes to me, that’s totally different! And I’m thinking that’s quite common here.

@Pollyanna263 I’m going to try that - replacing me in the scenario with a friend and treating myself as I would others.

@Into_the_tunnel I think you always say the right thing
@xoxoxo13 how are you feeling now? It may not feel like it but mid-20s is still really young. When I was mid-20s I had my job and depression but the other stuff didn’t come until later. The job market seems to be incredibly difficult at the moment. Would volunteering somewhere be an option? These things look great on a CV and in competency-based applications. My job is often my lifeline because it keeps my mind busy and even though I think I’m not that great, my boss thinks my work is good and I believe he wouldn’t lie to me.

 

[Maid22]

Listen to your body. If it needs rest, then rest.

Open the window if you can manage it, let some air in. But don’t worry if you can’t.

It will be sunny again outside another day, and you will feel more able to be outside xx

Thank you, I think I need a drs appointment, anyways, how's your day going, you ok?

 

[Sheabutter]

I’ve decided to bite the bullet and schedule a therapy session. Plucked my courage and called but I can’t get through. So frustrating considering I have an exam today and I’m already a little anxious. I will call again later though, I hope I will be able to figure it out. Sending love to all of you 🤍

I’m sorry to hear about your anxiety You say you have been diagnosed with general anxiety, do you get any treatment for it? A good therapist should be able to help you find coping mechanisms for situations like this.

I’m on medication for anxiety. This sort of episode doesn’t happen all of the time. I’m a big day dreamer and I’ve been trying to break the habit to be more present. Have more conversations in real life and less of them in my head. My breath catched in my chest even as I was writing it out and it’s like someone sounded the alarm bells I just came back from a peaceful walk outside and was feeling zen if a little sweaty. I did try a homeopathic medicine almost 24 hours ago at a half dose. It could be giving me this attack but it shouldn’t - it was not a delayed release tablet. If the feeling passes in the next couple of days I’ll know to steer clear of that cure. Otherwise, I might have to find someone to speak with. and thank you for your thoughtful response

 

[Maid22]

Struggling here. Too many things going on and I can’t cope with anything else.

I cried at the vet yesterday. Not my finest moment. My beautiful dog has to have further surgery on Tuesday and I’m so scared This is after the emergency one 3 weeks ago.

Feel like I’m shouting at my kids constantly and wish they would just bloody listen. I have no patience and am struggling with rage.

I get that rage thing too, I feel like my head is about to explode, Ive been known to go outside and scream alot, am sorry to hear about your dog, fingers crossed for you the surgery will go well x

 

[Dianne]

Hi all I haven’t posted for a bit, but I hope everyone is as okay as can be and has a calm, relaxing weekend!

I used to suffer horribly from panic attacks when I was younger and I eventually started using the counting method.

View attachment 1813620


You can adapt it to your liking, e.g. look for 5 white things or 5 things that start with an A and so on. Deep breathing and a drink of water are a must, going out for a walk if you can manage it also helps (it never worked for me though as I’d usually have my attacks at night). Hope you find this helpful x

Love that there’s two Twin Peaks profiles on this thread . Thanks for the tips. x

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

oh that's a good idea! Or at least I can get my head straight .

I think I just want some help. I'm sick of just nothing being enjoyable and having no appetite. I want to be able to actually like things again. Medication freaks me out a bit but I don't know what else to do. I already having talking therapy and it does work but I think I just need a little bit of help in the short term. Does that make sense?

Makes total sense. Write that down.
They will happily read it, or you can use it as a prompt.

Write it in the notes on your phone or as a draft email so there’s no chance of forgetting to take it.

 

[StatusWoe]

Just wanted to do a quick update. 6 weeks after restarting Citalopram and my mood has improved quite a bit. I wouldn't say it's back to normal, but it's the best it's been since early September. Anxiety is still a real struggle. I'll feel fine and then a panic attack will come out of nowhere. It's so debilitating. I'm on a waiting list for therapy but don't know when that'll happen. I doubt it'll be before Christmas.

How's everyone managing with the darker nights? I know lots of people are affected by that. x

 

[mochibean]

Depression is kicking my arse at the moment and I have an assignment due Thursday that I haven't even started yet because I've been too demotivated. Tomorrow is gonna be fun.

As I’ve said, I don’t have to go anywhere until after lunch as I work and study in the evening.

I'm exactly the same at the moment. I work and study afternoons and evenings too and end up sleeping for around 12-14 hours and I could sleep a lot more if I didn't have to get up.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I know you mean the wallowing in a good sense, but sometimes tis hard, a few years ago, I spent nearly 2 months in bed, I still have days like it now,

@Maid22 I missed this somehow and only just saw it. Just wanted to say I wasn’t ignoring you!
I absolutely have those days myself, I haven’t got dressed since Thursday (when I had to)

I wouldn’t ever tell anyone to ‘stop wallowing’ usually, I said it with kindness as AC said I wish I had someone to tell me to stop x

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

ITT, I obviously can’t speak for everyone but I have no objection to your post being here. I think it should be a safe space for as many as possible, and mental health is such a complex thing that means different things to everyone.

I totally identify with the money side of things. I feel annoyed that there’s no talk therapy available - even if I got six sessions, I know it would help.

Someone recommended a book to me and I’m waiting for it to arrive. “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before” by Dr Julie Smith. My husband is listening to the audiobook and he thinks I’ll get a lot from it. I’ll post a bit more once I get into it.

Sending you lots of love

Thank you .

I think I saw her referenced by someone else I follow as that name vaguely rings a bell. It will be really useful to have your opinions-I would take anything at this point to try and make a difference.

Will that internal dialogue ever end though? I know therapy helps. I have seen it. But in the worst moments, I just cannot see my brain ever playing ball.

 

[Hattieliz]

Shake your life up. You are 32, single with no dependents. So get out into the world and start living your life. Apply for jobs abroad - not jobs that are high paying “career” type jobs but just something to cover your living expenses. Go teach English to kids in China, go work on super yachts in St Tropez, go do a ski season in Canada. Whatever.

… but please know you are young and there is a whole entire exiting world out there for you to discover full of new people, places and life experiences.

I did do that, I went to university and I lived in Australia for 3 years. This is why I have little friendship groups nearby as everyone at home moved on and I met some amazing friends, just around the world.

I have considered going abroad again but the problem is, that doesn’t stop the problem. I’d just come home in a few years potentially in the same place but older! I’ve seen it happen before and it’s not always as simple as to just go abroad once you get over 30.

I am trying to get a new job and I believe this would be the start of big changes in my world but I just needed to get those feelings out of my head and down on (virtual) paper.

 

[puddleduck]

Hi, I don't know about gummies, but it is possible to get some meds as liquids if you ask your GP.

Does anyone have any panic attack tips? I know this is a depression thread, but I've been having panic attacks nearly every day for months now and it's so hard to calm down. I got a referral for support, but it's not until February. My heart beats so fast I get scared it's a heart attack. I feel like I can't breathe, I get a weird hot/cold flush sensation, start shaking, go lightheaded, get muscle pains from the tensing. It takes nothing to set the adrenaline off and it's not a pleasant adrenaline rush. Usually I listen to music, go online for distraction, or if I'm at home I sometimes lie down in bed with a hot water bottle. Those things can help but not always and I wish it was easier. I get breathing problems a lot with anxiety but I'm no good at breathing exercises.

I agree with what has been said about closing your eyes and deep breathing, I also try to hum something in my head.
People think it's a joke but it is really debilitating isn't it?
Last month I had an attack inside an MRI scanner - chaos.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Part of the reason I’ve struggled so much to work through my birth trauma is because I’ve been in such a detached, dissociative state that I’ve been so far removed from myself that I haven’t been able to feel any emotion.

The only way I can explain it is that I’ve been on auto-pilot, just going through the motions day to day. I feel like my head and my body aren’t joined, like I’m not in control of either, that I’m basically just keeping going.

I can’t connect with my trauma because I can’t connect with myself.
I can’t cry. Genuinely can’t tell you the last time I cried. It just will not come.

Before, I was the girl who would sob when a character died in a TV series.

So here I am watching all the news coverage (like, glued to it obsessively) but I haven’t yet felt a single emotion.

What the hell is wrong with me.

 

[Maid22]

Totally understand

Can I ask, how do I post a vid from you tube into that thread?

 

[Some People!]

Is it normal to need space from people you love when you’re having a tough time?

It is for me.

And when I'm doing ok as well tbh, my MH really benefits from time on my own (and takes a dive when that's not possible).

What's tricky (for me) is telling those people that I need some time alone. Some people won't take that well and be offended, some people just cant/won't understand, and I personally find it hard to bring up.

I hope you can get a break x

 

[Pollyanna263]

Am having a blip, I think it's probably because I haven't had a decent sleep for ages, lovely day outside, and I'm still in bed, I hate myself feeling like this, just need some sleeps.

Listen to your body. If it needs rest, then rest.

Open the window if you can manage it, let some air in. But don’t worry if you can’t.

It will be sunny again outside another day, and you will feel more able to be outside xx

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I keep getting waves of low level depression. I have worked so hard to get through the worst periods of my life and awful mental health, even the low level episodes scare me.

I have so much on my plate, I feel like im living by distraction atm. The down time, rare that it is, is spent thinking about all the things I should be doing but having no energy or motivation to do them. Then comes the guilt.

I just want to sleep.

I know being in the middle of a BH weekend is really tough, but is there anyone (even 111, the Samaritans) you can call if you are feeling this low? Talking through the things you feel you have on your shoulders may help somewhat in the immediate term and get you through until Tuesday when you could arrange to see the doctor?

We are all geographically separated on here and all have very different battles to face, but you are not alone. You have people here that can listen, maybe not be of direct practical help but can be here if it feels too much.


ETA- if you want to put your “things” behind a spoiler please do, just to unload. It might help. It might show you that you do have a lot to deal with and you are doing amazingly just coping as you are. Do whatever helps