The Chateau Diaries #92 Yucka yucka, snort, snort.

[Marty McFly 9]

Pardon me for a second ... having a moment ....
This is my dad. He was 26 in this photo. I'm thinking of him extra today as he passed away a year ago today from COVID at 83 years old. He was a tall strong kind man. The opposite of my narc mother. As he got older in life and brought up dying, he would tell us "I'm not scared of dying, I've just never done it before." His little sneaky humor and truth combine. He said these words to my sister at the end. He wasn't scared to die, but he worried that it would be painful. In the end he chose not to go on a vent and was kept comfortable while he went from this life to the next. I miss him. I'm also so glad that at the very end he wasn't in pain and that he got to make the decision himself about how things ended (well, other than the COVID). So yeah, my dad was/is my VIP today.

 

[Lady of the Lake]

I think it was @Beau Monde 's suggestion that if we are brand new, we tell you what finally made us come here? I found SJ's channel this year and it made me so happy at a crappy time. I watched from the very beginning (before SJ knew she should hold her phone horizontally not vertically ). Charm, warmth, fun, SJ walking around in pyjamas and messy hair or looking super-glamourous, sharing with us little quirky things of her beautiful life, parties, places, Potty, peacocks... a kind of effortless, enchanting charm at Lalande which felt authentic and real. I considered becoming a Patreon too, so as an almost-Patreon, something happened that I found a Big red flag. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it Patreons who have enabled LOTTL to realise her dream of the last sixteen years to restore her chateau - and yet! Despite having just had a long Barbados holiday, when in New York, SJ did not make the time to meet Patreons? How could she go all that way to America and not set aside just a couple of hours for some generous people who pay to make her dreams possible? I just found it flabbergasting, and downright rude. That was a Major Red Flag. Next, young BJJ’s omnipresence absolutely everywhere with his impassive face and steady-gazing eyes that scarcely change expression (and who I suspect would not be quite so omnipresent if SJ had been able to spend more time with her oldest friends, next to whom BJJ seems like a little boy). But the final straw? Money! As an almost-Patreon (but now a never-Patreon) the lack of the accountability of how the Patreon money is spent does not sit well, and lastly, SJ promoting Selmar and Tatty's appalling money grab with absolutely no financial due diligence, no details, just expecting loyal viewers to cough up half a million for their self-indulgent fantasy where they can play dress-ups and call each other by grandiose titles while most of the world is enduring the pandemic’s consequences. Next-level tone-deaf, greedy, and just plain disgusting. Sorry, long post! had to get it off my chest.

 

[Jikki2]

It has taken me half the day to slowly crawl through where I left off yesterday and I was not prepared for a recap but...

The last thread started only on Day 2 of Tartvent. Or is it Vlogmess? What ever it is, it feels like Christmas is vomited upon us.
Bodily fluids featured heavily on the videos and a Tartlet even asked for semen. I can't decide if that sounds so wrong that it's right.

To cover the smell, Tartlets started spraying perfumes on every other post.

Let's see what we have so far
Day 1 - Christmas vomit
Day 2 - Christmas poo
Day 3 - How to create a fire hazard in your kitchen
Day 4 - Drunken Pee-Cock tree

Squirrel boy isn't even featured that heavily on the vids and they still stink like a woodland creature.

Talking about messy looking furry creatures, Snorts' own channel has just proven that he's about as useful as a box of broken hammers. Snorty didn't even get the dig from nasty Teabag about the silver plated cutlery. Oh Snorty, you'll never have sterling silver if you're sugar mommy's Patreons don't gift it to you.

Did something else happen in the chateuverse? Biffy probably got another huge, cold and damp property to look after and to fill with useless old junk. Fix Begmania first, you kept man!

Do I even need to mention the delusions of Tatty & Silly? After one video, they've done nothing to promote their begging bowl. They claim to be business savvy but he seems as sharp as a bowling ball.

 

[Espe]

SJ needs to tell her SS to slow down his speed of speaking if he intends to do any more daft vlogs. He speaks so fast that, I,as a native English speaker who spent a large part of my life working with non-native speakers, cannot distinguish each word he is saying. No actor worth his salt would speak like that, nor would any presenter of information. I can only assume he's so nervous that he's quaking in his boots. You would think SJ would advise him to slow down. We know she speaks quickly when she in a manic state, but she's not as fast as that. His knowledge about cutlery does not extend very far as he thinks a dessert spoon is a soup spoon. He'll need to buy some soup spoons next time he visits Emmaus. What a load of rubbish. He is like a precocious child and although he has scraped all his hair under the beanie, it does not work; it makes him look even more like a little boy as it makes his face look rounder. He needs to ditch the beanie and ask Annalise to give him a substantial haircut. What a patronising little puppet!

 

[ComtesseRose]

Gotta love that shade:

Phyllis: That's actually my favourite playing card (2 of clubs).
La Jarvis: Your favourite playing card?!
Phyllis: I don't know why.
Pathetick: 2 of spades? or is it 2 of clubs?
Phyllis: Clubs *being ignored by both of them*
La Jarvis: What is it?
Phyllis: Clubs *still being ignored by both of them*
La Jarvis: 2 of clubs.
Phyllis: Yeah *finally being acknowledged*
La Jarvis: 2 of clubs is your favourite playing card?
Phyllis: Yes.
La Jarvis: Well I learn something new about you every day.
Pathetick: Who would have thoght he had a favourite playing card. I always saw him as more of the Joker.
La Jarvis: You should be the Joker, shouldn't he?
Phyllis: No, but.. s... I used to play a lot s of games and cards with my grandfather.
Pathetick *interrupting Phyllis*: The one he used to keep up his sleeve...

Both La Jarvis and Pathetick have no time for him. I guess it's only a matter of time before he is given his playing card walking papers.

 

[Marty McFly 9]

Post 1001 on this 6th Day of Tatvent

I have to thank:

Teabag Cry Me A River 1.0 for introducing me to Tattle. I came and read a bit and thought you were all awful meanies.
Teabag Cry Me A River 2.0 brought me back, I was disgusted with him at that point, and I knew there would be interesting conversation here about his video. I only joined because I wanted to be able to read the links in your posts! I never intended to post or stick around for long.
KABOOM gate 1.0 Dutch Baby Boyfriend Reveal (Can you believe this is already 12 threads ago?)
KABOOM gate 2.0 Dulmar & Tatty Chateau Reveal (aka biggest gift grab we have ever seen)
both for giving me a lot to post about!


And to the Yentas and Gossip Idiots and those who are willing to own the name Tartlet (I could only find a pie, but it seemed appropriate!) , you have been a lot of fun and great company and your sleuthing powers and story telling skills and wit are without a doubt the best around!

I look forward to more time here spitting soup and snorting tea out of my nose.

I will await my turn to name a thread when Mother @MojoDublin calls me to action

Have a glass of red wine with me!

 

[Trengilly]

What I'm not able to get my head around is these flogs, so far, were filmed primarily when Metherdick was at the farmhouse, so what was this whole summer of special advent flogs around Europe about? It makes no sense to put out your most recent content when you could be buying time by posting your pre-recorded footage. I think they must have a secret OF account they've been filming and profiteering from (I daren't google "hag and squirrel porn" though) - it's the only possible explanation... Seriously though, Clara has to be right - something has happened in the background for this to nose dive the way it has, everything feels extremely last minute and very ad hoc, particularly so after the build up to advent. To give SJ credit she does usually imbue previous advents with sentimental ideas and stories of importance around Christmas, but this year it's mostly about her recent shopping hauls. SJ spend your money on replacing the heating you lunatic - everyone is getting frostbite and MPK's turned to drink again to numb the pain.

And yes that mincemeat looked atrocious, Diesel's parting gift?

Also pleased to see everyone looking so cosy wrapped up in their jackets in the winter salon with the electric heater on blast. So comforting.

 

[Jikki2]

Just this morning I watched an older video (re the ghost at Lalande) and she was so much calmer and serene. She managed to weave a compelling story and capture one's attention. She really did 'used to' have some charisma! Life was easier for her then -- no PJ and no patrons to answer to!

I so agree. The CD vids used to be light hearted fun and she would even spend some time creating the story on her videos. Now she runs around showing the phone on people's face and churning out as many videos as she can. Money really has changed the feel on the videos.

 

[Clara Burnett]

He does appear to have been struck with cupids arrow, and hit over the head with his bow. He was quite emotional when Tatty eventually tracked him down to Morrisons car park (I must say I was quite impressed for someone who doesn't drive on the left hand side of the road to actualy find his way into the car park was an achievement) I struggle with my own Morrisons as motorists do not follow the rules of the road in private car parking, they come at you from all angles... anyway I digress (thats a good word for a Monday Morning). Even Tatty sounded as if she was genuinely pleased to see him but then again he has promised to use his life savings to fund her fantasy, so guess she would be happy he turned up. I think he's going to end up with his heart broken and that saddens me... yes he's a numpty but I think he's a vunerable numpty and he has a dog, Diesal who by all accounts has been his companion for more years than any physical relationship. I won't hold my breath for a good outcome.. I hope I'm wrong.

Here’s why I think Sillymar is clueless in just about all that he’s gotten himself involved with and everyone who is worried about him indeed should be. It has been two weeks since SJ revealed their disastrous plans, including a link to their kickstarter page, where nothing has changed since, no updates, no answers to faq, no comments from the ones who are already backing them. Sillymar and his Tootsie have been silent online about it ever since too, yet Sillymar seems to think it is only just starting now that he has reached the UK. In the description of his last vlog he says: “Yeahhhhhh! We are online”, and still no answer to pressing doubts. Too little, too late, you fool, but I still personally blame SJ for his misfortune. She’s the one who declared to keep an eye on him when he was about to first meet Tootsie and did so online, for all of us to hear, because "he is family and has done so much for us". Instead she has thrown him to the wolves and could not care less what happens to him.

 

[Jikki2]

@Jikki2 you are fabulous! You are recap royalty. Do you prefer the title Queen or King of Summaries?

Off-topic
Thank you everybody for liking my hastily thrown together recap but the real Queen of Summaries was @Mummy Dearest. My English skills will never reach the level of wit on her posts and if I miss anyone here, it's definitely her. Her posts still rank among some of the most liked of all the 91K+ posts on Chateau Diarrhea threads.

 

[oooLaLande]

10 pages behind… but I wanted to mention this…

During the past few weeks that I was gone, I went through a phase of watching SJ’s old videos…
In the video that Ruthie comes and talks about her book, she keeps talking about how the protagonist of her book is a 40 something year old woman, falling for a young gardener or whatever, and she kept metaphorically poking at SJ and giving her side glances… and SJ finally broke down and said with hysterical laughter that Ruthie “is hinting at the fact that my last boyfriend was 29”

now, I checked the wiki…but I couldn’t tell which one of that entourage was the 29 year old she was dating at the time…

this also struck me funny… she really isnt Into mature men… she wants a man child who plays around with her and at her whims… and someone she can control… and she has dumped each and every boyfriend she had when they got older! The good thing about this is that she will eventually dump PhiPhi… the bad thing is PhiPhi isn’t showing any signs of maturity and it may take a while…

I have now made myself sad
Time for a drink

 

[Jeeves]

He’s going to look like Mick before long. To tell them apart, Mick is the one working.

He calls her “Mom”. Wtf. I noticed how her jaw was set on the way to the village they visited…she looked peeved. Get it together dude.

He calls her "Mum" not "Mom". "Mom" isn't commonly used in the UK.
I sometimes wonder if I am watching the same episode as some of you! He says that he's sure Mum will reorganise the tree that the boys decorated over the next few days. How many of us do exactly the same thing? It sounds as though this is something most Mums would do, so not sure how this reflects badly on Dan? As soon as our children were in bed, I'd start the tree again.
The Christmas tree lights and the "wrong" tree seemed to be an"in joke " between Dan and Annalise. God knows, we have had similar issues with the bloody tree lights in the past!
I thought the family seemed to have a lovely time together.

 

[MojoDublin]

View attachment 911446
Paaaaarfect... Goes well with the jumper.
View attachment 911448

Id Not of had you over if I knew YOU WERE GONNA POST MY TREE

OHH FF SAKE

Sometimes ya gotta laugh

 

[LaFrancaise123]

Cocktail Christmas vlog...

What do we have here...

How to bring your artificial Christmas tree from your attic to your cocktail room... Don't forget to ask your favorite carpenter to fix (!) the top of it since you and your male friends are unable to do it on your own (!!).

Then, ask one of these friends to prepare a (Spode) pot of tea and get the Christmas decorations from your attic (you forgot to get them the first time you were there for the tree).

Decorate your Christmas tree. In doing so, explain why the red baubble goes there and not here, and why the yellow thing goes here and not there.

And... above all : never forget to laugh like mad, to tell your viewers that what you have "collectively" accomplish is "ab - so - lu - te - ly" fantastic !

And film it !!

That's it. You've got your Advent vlog.

Take the money now !

 

[MagpieSassyPants]

Well well well.....

Fanny has been using Mini Apron's things without permission, and got called out for it today in the chat:


Isabelle JarvisThe chateau diaries hello darling are you wearing my pearls????

The Chateau Diaries @isabelle Jarvis Yes, the wheels have come off here, I’m wearing your pearls and using your gold porcelain

Isabelle JarvisThe chateau diaries I noticed both but can’t recall being asked????

The Chateau Diaries

@isabelle Jarvis Ah, our psychic link must be on the blink. I could swear I checked with you first



....and then Fanny disappeared from the chat and the Emotional Support Squirrel showed up. Methinks Mummy called Steph and tore her a new one.

 

[Lady Avonlea]

I've awoken to start the day and I'm rather speechless..... much like those two mute, volunteers who were forced to sit through Sinterklaas with Snorty.

With coffee now in hand my reflections -
- I honestly thought poor Maria and Sabine (?) were being held hostage or were comatose. The wallpaper had more personality.
- Where has the wonderful helper who dressed like SJ at Dana's 50th gone? Now he would liven up these boring Advent vlogs.
- Squirrelboy is no longer behind the camera, but smack dab center stage in the video - the coup is complete!
- If they can film more effectively (in focus) using a tripod why did they ever need Squirrel boy anyways?
- New drinking game - drink every time Squirrelboy mentions his allergies, grandparents and woodland creatures - all 3 in today's video so 3 swigs of Baileys into my coffee
- I enjoyed the visit to Antoinette Poisson - but of course SJ has 'ALWAYS' wanted to visit - or at least since Anna, who actually know show to decorate a chateau and make wallpaper, told her about the place.
- I call BS on SJ - of course she knew that type of block wallpaper was in the shitoo - now its just another excuse to (re)decorate. How much damn wallpaper can one person use?

I need a nap now because that vlog has put me to sleep, although it may be the Bailey's before 9:00 am.

 

[KyBourbon]

Quote from Ky Bourbon, previous thread: "I can’t believe how patronizing Snorts’ is…how to set a table? His target audience has been setting tables for twice as long as he’s been alive! They can do it better, too…with their eyes closed".

I agree, and isn't this what so many young, so-called influencers do, whatever it is they are talking about? They jump on the bandwagon and teach their grandmothers to suck eggs. From doing this, they make thousands. I find it infuriating when so many others work hard to gain qualifications and skills and earn their living by doing a proper job. I suppose I am too out-dated thinking like this. Apparently, loads of teenagers now aspire to become YT influencers because all they need to do is pick a topic and sit in their bedroom talking a lot of rubbish into their phones. Surely, this can't go on for much longer. Their supporters must be absolutely gullible and brainless! Nichloas Fairford is better at it than BJJ and has more taste but is just as patronising in thinking that he is teaching all his adult followers something!

Absolutely agree. For example, so many times we’ve seen Teabag say things or give advice on his vlog that’s incorrect. What’s Teabeg’s credentials? He was a party boy. I don’t think he has a higher education (university?). He doesn’t have experience in construction. His artwork is amateur…he’s not a juried artist. He has no professional training as a chef or cook (but he owns that AGA!). He doesn’t have expertise in antiques from years of experience working in that field. He doesn’t have business acumen, can’t seem to handle finances. His most valuable asset is a stove. No sane bank would ever give him a loan. Can’t or won’t obtain a drivers license, so is dependent on others for transportation. And yet so many comments from viewers saying “how amazing you are!” and “how talented!” Yes, his supporters are gullible. The only talent MPK’s got is con artist.

 

[LaFrancaise123]

Ouch... !!

I know that there are cultural differences in setting a table between UK / US / France and other countries but I had never seen a table set this way (Afternoon tea vlog).

I'm not a specialist but the tea spoons don't seem to be at the right place for any of these countries... And why a "normal" fork for this ?


Custard Cream
2 hours ago
Yet another table setting where the china does all the talking, I’m sorry but Antoine could have set this table. I think if you need to vlog then find something that you have a talent for, I’ve not seen enough of your musical ability but if that’s your skill go down that route as this just isn’t your forte, sorry mate

 

[Le Comte de Monte Cristo]

I agree. Having quirky behaviours doesn't mean a disability. Davy & Hanni might be on the spectrum, but they are super super high functioning and I can't see them being disabled by it (they travel on their own, are educated, have jobs, their own homes). Being on the spectrum used to mean (for most, there are the some, like Temple Gradin who are savants, but savants are rare) that you were not developmentally keeping up with your age group, and were never going to hold down a job, or be able to live on your own. I personally feel like the spectrum has become way too broad on the higher end. This might seem like nothing, but it can and has created problems for those on the other end who need help and supports that they have to now work harder to prove they need, because being on the spectrum is no longer enough. My sons both need various supports, and as their advocate I have to work hard to verbalize and communicate their struggles to such a degree that it makes them seems kind of 2 dimensional, and not the whole person they are. I have to accentuate all their "issues" so hard that it is frankly sad and depressing.

An aunt of mine..never married and also very ill at the moment...has asperger...she is very wealthy..always lived her life on the safe side...highly intelligent..had a nice career..but lately , because of her illness..and the things didnt go well before i stepped in.. we now have good conversations...i get the feeling she was her whole life under a huge ammount of stress..to keep up with things..to be able to blend in in some way...actually she never did.. but..she tried to cope...it must have been a huge struggle..it all never went natural..sometimes its a nightmare..i do her affairs..she cannot cope with lawyers , banks , doctors..she completely blacks out...and acts like a person with dementia..which she isnt..when she is at home its all well..but when she has to go to a businessmeeting..and out of her safe bubble...its a nightmare to cope with..

 

[Jeeves]

I completely agree, but all the same do understand the frustration of some (not the obvious Dan-derailers) who think he's not as funny as y'all say he is and can't seem to ventilate that here without their heads being bit off. Let's remember we are no chateauverse-superfans with a need for delete. I personally think, based on what I hear and see, that he is too involved with the charlataine to keep up his creativity to the level he can achieve when he puts his attention to his own work and not hers. Like us, SJ has spotted his talent and is trying to incorporate him in her brand, leaving him without the energy to build something for himself, the boring vlogs lately proving this point. As usual, I blame her, I have nothing against Dan or his wife, they are lovely people. They just had the misfortune of settling in SJ's corner of the world and now they believe they need her to move things forward.

I agree @Clara and I would much prefer to see Dan able to strike out and away from SJ. Let's hope that he is able to move on from the Chateau in time. I think she is contaminating the brand that he is trying hard to create for himself. For someone new to blogging , he has been able to move on at pace. He's overstretched himself with blogging, gardening, catering, his own DIY and everything else that he is expected to take on at the HMN and I think this is because he is trying to create a steady income to support his family. ( Let's start to snark about why he hasn't sorted his garden out now, in between everything else shall we?.) He certainly has a work ethic that few in Chateauland possess.
Someone commented about the fast food the children eat considering that Dan is a chef. Like most mums, I would guess that Annalise cooks at home if her partner is working. I know that she has a few hairdressing clients and seems to keep the social media side of things ticking over. Being a full-time mum to two little boys is hard work but she also has some responsibly to get things done at home. I'm not having a go at her, I think she's great and they clearly adore each other and their little boys but why are some people trying to portray her as a victim? She certainly always seems ready to give Dan a hand when he needs it.
Many of the snipey comments about Dan and Annalise come in overnight here and I assume this is because they just don't read Dan in the same way that his fellow Brits do - a North America /UK divide. There are a few repeat offenders though that seem to have the sole purpose of wanting to try to damage both Dan and his family, with the spiteful insinuations that he has an appropriate relationship with Fanny, Marie (the hairy baker) Kat, etc. Is this to try to give weight to the popular notion of a hateful, malicious gossip site that we hear about, under the guise of this being "purely a gossip site" trotted out ad infinitum. These appear here for a short while and then disappear, only to reappear a few threads later with more of the same.