The Chateau Diaries #82 The Tale of Philip, the châteausexual Hedgehog

[T Rex]

When she said how supportive she's of him pursuing his acting career, wouldn't it be actually better to set him free, in the name of love, rather than keep him by her side away from the auditions and networking opportunities? TBH I don't have much belief in his talent, but she's stunting his professional growth keeping him in Lalande

Charlatan cares about no one but herself. As @Clara Burnett has pointed out before, everything with her is all smoke and mirrors- she'll plaster on a bright smile and claim to adore and support everyone. She keeps him there because he is of use to her and fawns over her- but, she'll eventually tire of him when something new, bright and shiny comes along.

 

[OneMoonbeam]

Just flying by....via broomstick....to see if the Patreons/subscribers are losing their collective sh*t over the bonus Patreon confessional. Yes. Yes they are and I am delighted because they can be far more annoying than the subjects of the vlogs themselves.

 

[Ann G.]

Nooooooooooo! (Even worse would be a felted one in the shape of a brooch)

As an extra revenue, I wonder if they would consider planning permissions for Shepherds huts in the woods? A cheaper alternative, hidden from the main site and could be ecological. Revenue from those would soon pay for themselves.

Just me thinking out loud.

If they still have them at Aldi I'll have to take a snap and post it this week for you so you can steer your other half clear away from them.

Shepherds huts would be a great alternative, good thinking! I would still like to see them profiting from the talents they both have as well.

 

[Subzero]

Philip has had it made up until now. He's been able to travel all around France, visit Tuscany, NYC, London, and Barbados, enjoy really good food and wine , and stay in chateaux for over a year now. In terms of the good life, not bad for someone who's just turned 25.

I also feel he will have his heart broken. He is in love with Stephanie and is too young to be cynical about what future potential the relationship has . He's all hedgehogs, rainbows and porcelain .

 

[lolander]

Trust me, he is probably enjoying his growth ,professionally and personally. He never had it so good.
He gets to practice dressing up every day and he adopts a persona to fool many alongside his acting coach. Best money he spent on getting his train fare there. It's paid dividends.

He's ditched all his long term goals to setting tables and arranging vignettes being the perfect Stepford wife Stephanie truly deserves

 

[JuiceyLoo]

I was really hoping Dan’s vlogs would spend less time at Château Hookup but that doesn’t appear to be the case. Watching him and Amaury fix the water heater was actually super sexy but then watching Amaury fawn over Nati burst my bubble and not in a good way. I already knew they were a thing per The Versailles compilation but I still like to pretend he isn’t so caught up in that nonsense. I’m pretty much done with the whole chateauverse at this point, I’m only hanging in here to see what other shite will hit the fan.

 

[Arfarf]

The threads are running faster than French dogs! How can only fifteen internet idiot hater yentas produce so much prose?

Let's try to recap a little.

The previous thread started light-hearted with some fun over the Viagra blue room. Tattlers were not impressed. I personally don't really care how she decorates her pile of rocks but a table in front of a door is plain weird and a flower vase balanced over a door is just a concussion waiting to happen.

Another Channel 4 project got some comments, too. How does she drain a lake, create a shitshow about the hoops she needs to jump to get it back and then goes on to drain a pond without permits?

Falling ceilings have become so common place in the Shatoo at this point that the owners just open a bottle of wine and not many even care to comment. At least no one has died. Yet.

Most debate still took place over the outing of the Douche Dutch Boyfriend. Was it all planned? Is Snorty behind the leak? Stefanny says it was a misunderstanding. Probably because she doesn't want to get kicked out of the show like the Methricks. People have different theories but Stefanny looked like she got prick by a hedgehog. I would say she got caught with her knickers around her ankles but she doesn't wear any.

After using the extremely scientific method of this-is-how-it-looked-to-me, I can say that few Tattlers thought the age difference makes the relationship icky and eww but most don't really care. I think Snorty should finish his education and Stefanny, as the one with more life experience, should push the hobosexual back to school. Seems like she might just do that if not only to get rid of him in the future. I'm only thinking what's best for Snorty and not my snort-free viewing experience.

The employer-employee aspect bothered a lot of people, especially on the other side of the pond but not as much on this side. It's just not such a taboo in Europe though it is a bit more complicated matter. We'll see how her largely American audience reacts to hiring a personal rentboy. And is his job title now an escort? Or a toy boy? What exactly he gets paid for? Does she only pay for his time and everything else that happens is between consenting adults? (If you get that reference, you need to clean your browser history.)

Most cringe entertainment was offered by the live Q&A (thank you @MojoDublin).
Snorty was desperate to talk about their relationship while Stefanny looked embarrassed and tried to deflect. Best part was when Snorty talked about marriage. He has clearly thought about it. Stefanny has a very distinctive fake laughter which she uses a lot so it was very refreshing to hear her genuine laughter to Snorty's ridiculous idea of a marriage. I want that scene on replay. Other than that, the Q&A was a typical train wreck with no updates on anything important. Where's the money going?!

If I may comment on the debate about being deceived (and I may because this is Tattle and all opinions are welcome and that's something the haters on Patreon don't get), I understand wanting to keep a fresh relationship out of the public eye but as time went on, they employed clear tactics to dupe the viewers. For example, Snorty's move to another room was all about smoke and mirrors. The word is out and spreading fast so they need to come clean on YouTube and carry on. But Stefanny is blowing it out of proportion, making herself the victim and raking in the money. It's all about deceiving, duping and defrauding.

From defrauding we get to the employment issues at the Shatoo. I gave her the benefit of the doubt of possibly employing Nutty and Snorty legally but that possibility has been put to the test. She may be hiring them as self-employed contractors in order to avoid her responsibilities as an employer. Well, she's in for a surprise when Inspection du travail finds out what's going on (report her, please). I wonder what her co-owners, Potty and Baggy, think of being partly responsible and coincidentally each being liable for up to a 45000 euro fine and three years' imprisonment. Or, with aggravating circumstances like multiple breaches over several years, it's up to 100000 euros in fines and ten years in prison. I'm expecting a vlog from Potty and Baggy on their life as prison witches.

Oh my, I might be a little hungover and horny but I'm trying to catch up on Chateau DIY. What is my life?

Nevertheless, I wish all the best to the Queen of Lalande and his Sugar Mummy.

Gosh, I had a busy day so I am already 6 pages behind!!!
But @Jikki2 that was a wonderful way to start off this thread!
Super thread title too, Comtesse!
You all are on FIRE!

 

[Ann G.]

The lady of the farmhouse said they'd need to go up near Brussels for wood to finish the pergola. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did they not take down a ton of trees on their own property? The lumber from those trees would be just about seasoned by spring. Could they not mill their own planks rather than spend elsewhere?

 

[Arfarf]

You beat me to it...but yeah, here it is.... mwah mwah mwah

View attachment 852712 View attachment 852713

Nutti got the golden goose! So, so, so, so, much better than the lame duck SJ picked.

I’m not sure if anyone has already posted this. The threads are moving so fast it’s possible I’m missing pages.

A song for Philip





View attachment 852716

Omg!!!! That is the duo in a nut shell!!!

 

[Marty McFly 9]

They are hard-working, level headed and have a great sense of humour. Sure, they have a weekly sponsor, but that generates an additional revenue source for them. If one had two choices for a B&B- stay at LaLande or stay at Honfleur, most would probably choose Honfleur, as one can be assured the ceiling is not going to cave in, the bedding is clean, the heating system is operational, and a proper breakfast would be served at a set time.) Neither Philip nor Anna make extravagant purchases- they are frugal, and the money they do spend is for the betterment of their chateau. They embrace French life, and are passionate about the area they live in.

Philipp is quite the chef! His scallop started looked delicious! I loved seeing Honfleur too.

 

[lolander]

I was really hoping Dan’s vlogs would spend less time at Château Hookup but that doesn’t appear to be the case. Watching him and Amaury fix the water heater was actually super sexy but then watching Amaury fawn over Nati burst my bubble and not in a good way. I already knew they were a thing per The Versailles compilation but I still like to pretend he isn’t so caught up in that nonsense. I’m pretty much done with the whole chateauverse at this point, I’m only hanging in here to see what other shite will hit the fan.

I have nothing against Nutty&Amore's romance. Maybe the inbred chateau environment pushed them towards each other but if it doesn't last, at least we can be sure both of them will be alright.

 

[T Rex]

Selmar has a new vlog out. I skipped through, not bad for a Selmar.

He's working on making a more solid spot for the campervan to sit on, building it up with rocks and rubble.
He installs the hedgehog bell from cadeaux, but I think it puts it way too low, it's going to give someone a head or eye injury.
They go on a walk through the forest and over a stone bridge I've never seen before.
He does a gift opening in the van.
And he shares some night sounds at the end of the video.

His videos are getting better- Tatty might have something to do with it. That bridge was pretty sweet- has no one from the Chateau actually seen it before, as it appears to be on their property? The filming of the opening of gifts in the camper van was calm- he always has seemed far more grateful than the inhabitants at the Cadeauxs, so it was nice to see him open a gift bag alone. He seems more genuine without the others around, as it always feels "Okay, hurry up, say thank you- what's next?!?" He was glad for the notebooks, pencil, bookmark and chocolates, but didn't seem very impressed with the shampoo or skin care products (he's a straight male)! Tatty remarked how very kind and generous the sender was, and filmed the products, making certain to say something positive about each item. (As much as I am on the fence with Tatty, her good manners did receive a plus!) I did find it quite sad that Sillymar's camper van has been excommunicated to the forest where it is in danger of trees falling on it, and he was forced to stabilise the land on his own.

 

[Arfarf]

*** VIE DE CHÂTEAU EXCESSES: HER LAZINESS AND DILIP THE HUMAN HEDGEHOG ***


Her Laziness woke up feeling extremely tired after a long and difficult night. The dark circles around her eyes were growing ever larger and she was running out of concealer. Concealing things came naturally to her, as there was much to conceal in her life – her romance with Dilip the Human Hedgehog was the latest embarrassment. After being accused by some of her fans of being a cradle snatcher, she had spent many hours trying to stimulate Dilip’s hedgehog - unsuccessfully. So, she switched out her bedside light and was just about to pop off when she heard a terrible commotion downstairs in the farmhouse.

Everyone was running around shouting and screaming. She quickly got out of bed and ran downstairs in her nightdress, followed by Dilip in his pink pyjamas covered with hedgehog motifs. She ran in a panic down one corridor and then another, and then - to her horror - she discovered what all the commotion had been about … a large hole had appeared in one of the ceilings and there was debris, bits of plasterboard, and wet pieces of insulation all over the floor. She was absolutely devastated … her dreams of owning the perfect farmhouse had been shattered. It soon became apparent that Ian the Builder - who had a habit of bodging the jobs he was entrusted with – was responsible for the catastrophe, as water could be seen dripping from one of the pipes he had recently installed. The occupants quickly cleared up the mess, while Her Laziness filmed their valiant efforts – just in case there were any doubts as to the sheer extent of the incompetence in the place. Once the floor had been sufficiently cleaned and various objects, including two Venetian mirrors, had been placed out of harm’s way, Her Laziness returned to her boudoir, followed by Dilip, who seemed to have wet his pants.

They both woke up at around 1 p.m. the next day, feeling absolutely exhausted. The first thing Her Laziness did was to check her Patreon page to make sure it was still there. There was a light knock at the door. ‘Come in, come in’, she said … the door opened tentatively and one of the servants appeared, holding a silver tray with scones and two large mugs of sugary tea, and a pile of letters from her adoring fans. The hot scones were abnormally large, dripping with butter, cream, and jam. Dilip was busy on his laptop, researching the meaning of the word ‘camel toe’, which he had discovered whilst reading his favourite hate site – Tattle. Her Laziness jumped out of bed and drew back the curtains, with such enthusiasm that one of them came off the rail and landed on the floor – the afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the window panes, which hadn’t been cleaned for as long as she could remember. Outside were the empty fields and roads and not a person in sight … a poignant reminder of the fact that she literally lived in the middle of nowhere. She was dying to get away and travel again, but Covid had obliged her to abandon all her plans. She turned to Dilip and said: ‘Shall we go down for breakfast?’


... to be continued

Laughing and laughing more! Delicious!

 

[lolander]

The lady of the farmhouse said they'd need to go up near Brussels for wood to finish the pergola. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did they not take down a ton of trees on their own property? The lumber from those trees would be just about seasoned by spring. Could they not mill their own planks rather than spend elsewhere?

Yes, and also there's nothing abnormal these days that the lumber comes far away. Brussels is one day drive away. It's just one of her poor deflections trying to hide her own ineptitude.
EDIT: Amaury managed to get lumber for his workshop, why she didn't order at the same time?

 

[T Rex]

Philipp is quite the chef! His scallop started looked delicious! I loved seeing Honfleur too.

Agreed! It looked incredible! (Who would have thought- boil parsley? Beetroot with chorizo and croutons? It looked fabulous!) It was so lovely to see Honfleur and get a glimpse into the town they fell in love with, a bit of its history and why they chose to buy a chateau in this area. The chapel is stunning, and the filming was done so well. One can tell- they are definitely passionate about the area and their community.

 

[Arfarf]

When she said how supportive she's of him pursuing his acting career, wouldn't it be actually better to set him free, in the name of love, rather than keep him by her side away from the auditions and networking opportunities? TBH I don't have much belief in his talent, but she's stunting his professional growth keeping him in Lalande

He won't leave or stay away. He is like a boomerang.

 

[Jules100]

…She keeps him there because he is of use to her and fawns over her- but, she'll eventually tire of him when something new, bright and shiny comes along.

Oooh, what if Amaury has a brother?
-Just kidding…

 

[MsPitstop]

Look out @Clara Burnett you've been busted! I have to laugh at the 'queens' comment.

But Goat Boy, there are definitely rats in the farmhouse. And bonus points for calling it a farmhouse!

From the Chateau DIY comments.


Goat Boy
46 minutes ago (edited)
My guess is Clara Burnett from Tattle Life is getting her information from Dana the cook . Its obvious there's a mole at the farmhouse. No wonder the queens hide upstairs.

 

[Arfarf]

His videos are getting better- Tatty might have something to do with it. That bridge was pretty sweet- has no one from the Chateau actually seen it before, as it appears to be on their property? The filming of the opening of gifts in the camper van was calm- he always has seemed far more grateful than the inhabitants at the Cadeauxs, so it was nice to see him open a gift bag alone. He seems more genuine without the others around, as it always feels "Okay, hurry up, say thank you- what's next?!?" He was glad for the notebooks, pencil, bookmark and chocolates, but didn't seem very impressed with the shampoo or skin care products (he's a straight male)! Tatty remarked how very kind and generous the sender was, and filmed the products, making certain to say something positive about each item. (As much as I am on the fence with Tatty, her good manners did receive a plus!) I did find it quite sad that Sillymar's camper van has been excommunicated to the forest where it is in danger of trees falling on it, and he was forced to stabilise the land on his own.

I don't know why he is bothering doing all that. Aren't they gone already ? Or soon leaving for the UK??
And IF they do buy? Or rent their OWN place ( how the hell?????) they will HOPEFULLY get away from Crazy town sooner rather than later.

O.k. I am all cozy in bed. Just had the time change and it feels like bedtime.
So @Taxinspector I am ready for my bedtime story....chapter 2.
Please continue....

 

[lolander]

Philipp is quite the chef! His scallop started looked delicious! I loved seeing Honfleur too.

They also eat with the seasons which is very chic and French. I'm intrigued what Dan prepared for the fancy dinner.