The Chateau Diaries #307 Stephanie Jarvis, how do other châteaux progress but yours does not?!

[Gertrude Maud]

View attachment 2953910
Snorty when he’s 30

He says, you've been my ray of sunshine today. You betcha. She's bought him a ticket into the CFS, a jumper and two pairs of trousers. No wonder he's feeling the sunshine.

 

[C'est moi]

It's either the decanter or the box on the table. Classy! I do wonder if any guest has ever asked what wine they are drinking or is that not allowed?

OK. In summer I keep a rosé wine box in the bottom of my fridge. Sometimes I just squirt straight into the wine glass. But that's a dangerous game! So my lovely friend (who came yesterday for our annual sheep shearing fiesta) is a potter. She made me a lovely rustic pottery carafe which holds 2 glasses. Par-fect. But I still go and top up 3 or 4 times after! So when we were on one of our cross border, away day raids the other week we went to a pottery town near Girona and I found a pottery 1 litre carafe. I'm set for summer!
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It's either the decanter or the box on the table. Classy! I do wonder if any guest has ever asked what wine they are drinking or is that not allowed?

OK. In summer I keep a rosé wine box in the bottom of my fridge. Sometimes I just squirt straight into the wine glass. But that's a dangerous game! So my lovely friend (who came yesterday for our annual sheep shearing fiesta) is a potter. She made me a lovely rustic pottery carafe which holds 2 glasses. Par-fect. But I still go and top up 3 or 4 times after! So when we were on one of our cross border, away day raids the other week we went to a pottery town near Girona and I found a pottery 1 litre carafe. I'm set for summer!

Internet fucking about. Posted twice. Sorry.

 

[Hedda Hopper]

Fanny's "costume" regency coat was a huge waste of money. She'll probably never wear it again. She looked ridiculous parading around the show in it. She really does see herself as a celebrity, pretending to be an official presenter. What makes her such a fool is her entourage of unattractive nobodies following her around with their shit eating grins!

 

[Pekey]

@mb280sl7
1 day ago
Isn't it truly amazing what can be done with $9000.00 of other people's money! Will these whittles donors share in you equity?? You must truly be Miss. Jarvis's best student yet.

Oh Gracie....... I am loving that @mb280s17 .

Needs to be a Hell Hound and a Hag here at Tattle !!!

 

[Lady Pinkadella]

After months of rehearsals, the long-awaited premiere of “Chicken Massacre in the Land of Lies,” a fictional drama in two acts, finally took place. Act one was Roostergate. There were obviously no monetary expressions of condolence, so marketing strategy adjustments had to be made for the second act.

The building materials for the sexy flower guy's flower stand have already been delivered. In the future, mourning pilgrims will be able to purchase bouquets of Foxgloves in rainbow colors to lay at the battlefield.

After Kirsty and the invisible handyman laid a concrete foundation for the future chicken castle months ago, the "Adopt a Cinder Block" campaign is finally starting. As soon as the chapel is completely restored, workers will immediately begin building the high-security chicken wing.

The following is planned for the grand opening:

* 1000Stars will launch a kimono with an exquisite Indian chicken curry print and for every shred sold, 5 euros goes to the chicken foundation.
* Lilysilk offers the mourning community the unique opportunity to unlock a 20% discount with the code “silkiechicken”.
* Superfans who are overwhelmed by their grief and need help can take advantage of a free trial month from Betterhelp
* additional a wine subscription is also recommended.
* To prevent worry lines about Ratso's security, every visitor receives a discount code for the new Foreo Chicken 1.0
* Since foxes don't like the smell of human sweat, Wild developed a human sweat deodorant especially for the Land of Lies (all attempts to produce this smell naturally failed due to a lack of motivated Lalanders).
* Bally offers a shoe in the design of the strawberry-eating chicken. Pls write the card yourself.

At the souvenir stand next to the high-security chicken wing, the super-deluded superfans can purchase numerous fan items: napkins embroidered with chicken motifs, felt chickens made by Wendygrinch, tiles with pornographic chickens, scraps of wallpaper painted with watercolors with a chicken of their choice, limited prints from the wildlife camera (unfortunately no fox was spotted).

And if you still have money left, you can have your photo taken at Pottsy's kissing booth, either with Ratso in a fox costume, shirtless Amauroy (be aware Natty is around the corner) or with a hairpiece of your choice.

 

[Lochness Monster]

The daft duo were so busy rushing/ running/ dashing off to London they forgot to place pillows on Snorts pretend bed.

That portion of fish Fanny was just about to gobble up was what she would serve divided between six of her guests!
And yes the cutlery, must have been from her first flat like the semi circle table she showed us. I was very surprised she did not use the opportunity to pronounce Demi lune exaggeratedly, even Snorts said half moon.

 

[TorontoGWM]

 

[Just Grift Wood]

And why is the fountain green and not on?
Fanny tells us the gardener is working in the courtyard. I think he just flung his high viz jacket on a bush and has gone home. Her eyesight is not good enough to tell if he is there!

I love gardening but am not knowledgeable like you @Lochness Monster but at my home renovation the garden was also derelict with brambles, ground elder galore. I kept trees and the few shrubs that survived. I am still in the process of evolving the garden but I went with an aesthetic that suits my home and also one that I will be able to manage. Stephanie has never bothered about her garden there was no planting pre flog the court yard was a disgrace. I am not a gardener but I love plants and I like the softness it can bring my garden is already looking lovely, but Fanny's despite vast investment looks wrong for the setting. If the money stops rolling in she will not spend her own money on gardeners and she will certainly never venture out herself to do any work, it will be wild in no time. I truly think she has no soul, she doesn't really appreciate anything without a label. Look what Rebecca has achieved at Chateau La Ruche without full time gardening staff. I bet Monty Don doesn't have as many staff at Long Meadow.

Stephanie and her disgusting pube never even cook for themselves and they are not foodies as they are not travellers. Fanny is always on the move because she is empty inside and always searching for contentment.

 

[T Rex]

I’m admitted to hospital, but I’m Emergency overnight until bed becomes available. Don’t expect a very peaceful night so fingers crossed. I may be online a lot!

Many hugs and much love for a speedy diagnosis and recovery @Lady Avonlea ! This "hateful lot of 15 menopausal hags" are praying for you!

 

[C'est moi]

I knew I would wake up to a shiny new thread this morning. Thank you @ComtesseRose for making it all possible. Bravo @Tartuffe for name/nom. A special call out to Lucie... pretty sure you read here, come on in and join us. The waters lovely!

It is a bank holiday in France today - Pentecôte, and I have a bit of a day ahead of me... it's sheep shearing day. My girls may not be happy while the deed is being done but, apparently, summer will be arriving next week. So, we'll go from damp humid can't decide if it's hot or cold to the inferno of Hades! Oh goody.

It's me and my friend, with our 6 sheep, and the sheep shearing team. Everyone else has decided they absolutely must work this bank holiday! My girls are pretty docile, generally, and I already have last years experience under my belt but... wish me luck.

If the day goes well I may suffer Despicable fanny's tour of the villa in Agde later. Just to say it was not an exclusive visit and it's been open to the public a good year now.

Liar, liar pants on fire.

 

[Frenchie0810]

Michael chose this lovely green color for the kitchen they are renovating basement of the chateau. Can you imagine the color that Fanny and Phi Phi would have chosen? They have the absolute worst taste in color choices. The weed bedroom, case in point.

 

[C'est moi]

LaReynedEpee
18 minutes ago
I said way back, Lance reminds me of Piglet


@johnbatterbee2257
21 minutes ago
I saw you both at Chelsea on wednesday and would have liked to say hi,,, but raining and you both looking to be having a serious conversation. Did not disturb….

paulinelee9483
37 minutes ago
Very expensive shopping what about the budget?

@jpfloru8669
1 hour ago
I went once; never again. More hard surface than plants; unbelievably overcrowded; huge amounts of tat for sale; and if you have no access to the tiny number of show gardens (which are each minute), it is simply not worth it.
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@kfordmartinez
2 hours ago
That jacket cost 845 pounds!!!

@LA-jf1zn
2 hours ago
It was really nice to see Pavlina, and she looked beautiful. I liked her Keroppi umbrella. It would've been nice if you had taken Marie along to the show. I love the basket/bag you bought her.

elizabethtierney2233
2 hours ago
Errrmmm, no seat belt in the taxi? You’re risking the drivers licence tut tut Steph

Thank @kfordmartinez for the heads up on the price of the jacket. That she can drop the best part of a grand because it's raining/she wants to be seen/she just can/she doesn't pack smart... leaves me speechless with anger! I take it she bought at least one scarf in the fucking hardmore shop

 

[Lady Pinkadella]

This vlog was another laugh track from the first to the last minute. The self-proclaimed highly skilled interior designer can try on all the furniture in the universe, but unless the wallpaper is changed, it will continue to cause eye cancer. I thought the room was a staff room? Why two beds? Throw one out and make a small seating area and then there's room for a wardrobe. The two jumping jacks not only lack taste but also logical thinking. I'm sure now all sorts of furnishings will be bought for the room and in three months it will be redecorated again and everything will end up in the container. But anyway, it's all just for content.

The table setting is leaning more and more towards the farmhouse style, which doesn't go well with the porcelain. I don't understand the system with different flower arrangements in different sizes and styles anyway. But how could I, I'm not a florist.

Her lie about the fox will bite her hard in the ass. If she continues to let Ratso roam free, it will bring her a lot of criticism. And none of the lazy asses are willing to take him for a walk on a leash several times a day.

What special building material is needed for a chicken coop that justifies a 5 month delay in delivery? Can't she even think of better lies? I don't appreciate this lack of creativity, it always makes me feel so under-challenged.

As always, this vlog was not informative, not inspiring and certainly not educational.

But the question that really bothered me was: Why did the dessert look like placenta? Disgusting.

 

[TorontoGWM]

 

[KitKat_theNewRat]

Christ, the rehacking of a 'staff' bedroom is beyond boring. Fanny nothing in there matches, it was the only fucking room that actually looked perfect as it was before it was given the LaLande more is more is more treatment. Padding out a dud vlog are we.

Especially since this isn't even a room for B&B guests. In the past it had been volunteers who had been sent up to the tiny staff quarters - does she really think those people care about the trash she puts in that room and don't wanna have space for their own things?

I guess Steph is still hoping to bring back the glory days and fill the house with friends and have big parties. But these days are long gone.

 

[LittleMore Cottage]

Fish and chip and mushy peas. Teriffic. But a bunch of parsley and raw.red onion????? Does she just mow down on the onion and wash it down with parsley???? Her pores must reek of onion.... Not to mention her breath..... I swear she is the strangest person and keeps getting stranger.... And why doesnt she have a table to eat at in the London apartment. All the crap she buys and buys and she eats at a coffee table. Just will never understand
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And Thor is going to take Ratso out, for sure , she is such a jerk for letting him go after him, and laughing all the way about it. RIP Ratso

 

[TorontoGWM]

 

[Hedda Hopper]

It always makes me gag when she says we are running late as usual why are you running late? You have zero job zero responsibilities you take zero care of your home or your personal hygiene. You do not clean nor cook why are you always running late? I run a business and a home and have volunteer things I have to do and I am never late!! I had to make ten of this set up before 11 this morning so, woke up at 5 got ready took care of my dog Cowboy and was in the car by 6. It’s ten and I’m all ready for our shop to open. Because why you ask? Because I am a ADULT!

She's running late to get more attention! I drop people from my life that are consistently late for this reason. They don't respect other people's time. It's more narcissism. She wants people to think she's a VIP with a busy schedule. Busy people are organized, get things done (just like you), and are punctual to stay on schedule.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

@antinuit
1 minute ago
God, that hair on him is so unappealing.



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Look at the gushing shite under her flog. 1 Stephanie is then a we. 2 she is never in the bloody Chateau how many days away this year? 3. Top 400 patron accounts so she can travel and do sod all to the falling down Chateau

The Chateau Diaries Episode 594 Escape to the chateau with ’The Chateau Diaries’ This channel follows the adventures of chatelaine Stephanie in her French 16th century home, the Chateau de Lalande, in the heart of rural France We share our life in this ancient chateau in the heart of the French countryside, and show you the diy, renovations, crafts, cooking and gardening that are needed to bring a home like this to life! A very special thank you to all of you who have become Patrons of the Chateau de Lalande. You have made The Chateau Diaries one of the top 400 Patreon accounts in the world, and have transformed not only our lives here, but the future of this beautiful chateau! I’m overwhelmed by your kindness and generosity. On behalf of this beautiful chateau that will continue to survive and flourish because of you, thank you!!! If you're interested in becoming a Patron of The Chateau Diaries, click here:

/ thechateaudiaries
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I am 76 ,lived in the country all my life. Foxes are nocturnol. They hunt in the evening and early morning but mostly night. If they attract during day they are ill. Repeat ill. Rabid. Call local wildlife authorities and report. Watch Molly,Ruby, and Lancelot plus peacocks closely. I am telling you this as a warning, there is something wrong with this fox!
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1 minute ago
I am 76 ,lived in the country all my life. Foxes are nocturnol. They hunt in the evening and early morning but mostly night. If they attract during day they are ill. Repeat ill. Rabid. Call local wildlife authorities and report. Watch Molly,Ruby, and Lancelot plus peacocks closely. I am telling you this as a warning, there is something wrong with this fox!

 

[Jules100]

@Lady Avonlea, take care of yourself, you’re right where you need to be right now.

Lady A throwback to 7-7-22