The Chateau Diaries #257 Fanny has gone from vague to shifty, Snorty went from intern to burying bodies

[Jules100]

Billy strikes me as someone who’s beginning to chafe at what they see as restraints. The asides and faux humor don’t bode well. Also, I think Michael might be away in some sort of medical setting for his mental health. No idea why I think that, but it’s just something the Universe is whispering to me.

I’ve heard he’s doing just fine and been working on his cottage.

I’ve decided that I’m done with Stephanie & CD. I just want to watch YouTube videos that make me happy. Although a grudge watch can be fun, this one just isn’t worth it anymore. I’m only here for you tartlets, you’re more entertaining than SJ ever was.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

A little update on Baby Potpourri:
This shot was taken last week. He is three weeks old today and has grown one inch since birth.
We've moved back to our condo, and my parents have been visiting the baby almost every evening.
I asked my dad if he would consider gifting the baby with a plush porcelain dinner set, and my dad was like, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
When I told him that I know of a 26-year-old dude whose grandparents always gave him crockery when he growing up, my dad retorted:
WHY? DID HIS BALLS NOT DESCEND?

Now back to Lalande!

 

[thatsrich]

Patreon video
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So she’s haggling over the budget for the church….and another meeting about the lake. That’s it?

Patrons, dont expect any work to be carried out until at least November.

July $40k
august $40k
September $40k
October $40k
November $40k

Another $200k….but no lake, no chapel, no GS, no terrace, no heating (finished?), no tribute garden for MM, no windows, no new interior shutters or doors, no new apartments, no library, no china pantry, no upstairs bathroom, no capping stones on moat, no new exterior render, no radiator covers, no arrriere kitchen update, no sewing, no repairs, no reupholstery, no Sign of repairs from heating (potts apartment), no new lights hung, no electricity to walled garden, no tennis court or pool, Fanny’s apartment and study still a mess, no framing of artwork and fan wall, no garden fountain, no garden structure (channel 4 exclusive), no start dates, no contractors hired, no supplies ordered, no sign of Amaury,

Only talk, meetings, surveys and haggling over price

one year…half a million…a lick of paint, a roll of wallpaper, one radiator cover.

 

[KyBourbon]

You just know this is going to happen.
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I see PhiPhi as more of a Midge than a Barbie…

 

[Sparrowsfart]

All this talk of Fanny's boobs, I thought I'd share my boob story from today.
Hubby and I went shopping today and I found some nice bras on sale for only $9 each. I need new bras after my recent weight loss. I asked hubby if he was up to helping me in the fitting room (broken arm and all). I picked out a few to try on, but got confused and picked bras in my old size. We had a good laugh in the fitting room as they were so big. He offered to go get smaller ones so I wouldn't have to get dressed again. He had to go out twice as we had started with DD, then tried D and ended up with a C cup!
The poor guy said he did get a few looks going thru the sales rack but he didn't care. We even had a giggle remembering making out in a fitting room when we were dating.

 

[Jules100]

@thatsrich, here is your Steve / Daddy Spode knockoff tile. Ideally, I’d prefer you to have hundreds manufactured and used for your kitchen backsplash, but coasters for your fancy Christmas wine are ok too. This was my 4,999th TL tile creation, it was very hard with hands, a hedgehog and a sweater, I tried my best with my iPhone photo markup tool. If you look closely, I attempted to also recreate a bit of rising damp on the Lalande background.

 

[Abuela]

Todays' vlog was so subliminally brilliant. They boldly introduced themselves as metaphors to Barbie & Ken. Fanny as the aging plastic artificial bleached blonde and Snorts as the no genitalia boyfriend. Brilliant, an honest vlog at long last, if only it had included financial disclosures it would have been perfect!

 

[Jules100]

I hit the -22 pound mark today! I’ve been having a good time going through my old shorts, finding out what fits again and what will get donated to goodwill. I’ve been stuck in my 2020 mostly jean shorts rut, since well… 2020, but my casual fashion world has been opened back up. I’m going through my tops later today. I think someone with a good eye and an iron fist should help everyone at Lalande do the same thing.

 

[Jules100]

I bought this shirt last week. I thought it would look cute with white shorts and it does, but for some reason, I might be having second thoughts now…

 

[graciemckitten]

Few thoughts on today’s video:

Is Khillip anatomically built like a plastic Ken doll in his nether regions “and that is why he can wear his mother’s tight trousers? Not much to tuck?

Stephanie getting rid of decades of old dresses that no longer fit, she is such a humanitarian. The ones gifted to Marie were generally not flattering. I believe that was an intentional move on F4F’s behalf. They really need to gift Marie some structured undergarments.

Why is Marie, who is paying rent, blasting shit off the walls in the pizza oven room while the Douche Lorde online shops and Stephanfraudie complains that she doesn’t have time for a nice, long, warm bath and book, while filming a paid advertisement for a facial device? Adding insult to injury, Marie has to perform for the camera to provide content for Stephanie Jarvis to make more money?

Stephanie seems rather dismissive or snobbish towards Pavlina’s tea making project. I bet F4F won’t touch a cup of Pavlina’s teas unless it is filmed for the grift videos. Stephanie won’t drink the tea, but sInce it is free, she will serve it to the 3 Patrons that show up next week for the extravaganza.

Why would any sponsor want to pay Stephanie Jarvis, who has told literally hundreds of lies, to gush about how wonderful and transformative their products are? She has 0 credibility. If she opens her mouth, 99% of what she spews are lies? She has also clearly undergone chemical peels, Botox, and has fillers injected in her face. The “ facial” isn’t responsible for any of her embalmed facial look she loves sporting.

F4F could not look more bored when Davy was explaining the pond. I love how she still insists on verbally upgrading the “pond” to a “lake.”

She seemed repulsed by the yellow “ alien” flowers planted in her English garden. Does she ever review any plans before they are implemented? Idiot.

She has now dumped the entire pond project on Davy. She truly is a useless, lazy piece of shit ( as are the other 2 co-owners of the Dump.)

Marie, do not come back to the Dump next year. It is not worth dealing with all the crazy LieLande drama, cheapness, being “monitored” by the Douche Lorde, and being chased around by the little orphan princess and her little pink camera grasped in her man hand paw. You deserve better in life and your friend Amaury probably will be gone by next spring.

Marie is at the point where she has to visibly try to restrain her feelings of disgust, aggravation, and impatience with the gruesome twosome.

Has Amaury fallen in the moat? Where is he?

I love how Nutty is trying to be so low key. Spotting her in a video is like solving a “ Where’s Waldo” puzzle.

F4F is spending tens of thousands of dollars on new dresses, etc. It will be great in a couple more years, when hormones cause her weight to shift and none of the clothes will fit. I guess Khillip or Emmaus will be the beneficiary of the designer clothing at that time. Maybe that is why PhiPhi is so interested in selecting the clothes Fanny purchases.

Stephanie has become so fraudulent and lazy that she doesn’t even bother to pretend they are doing restoration projects at the Dump. She just half asses it through video after video to waste time until her 4 month Christmas/winter vacations begin.

Why does Marie purchase the majority of flowers used in the Dump decorating schemes? Fanny has the most expensive vegetable and flower gardens in rural France but they spend hundreds of dollars a month purchasing flowers from outside the Dump.

 

[Patriciarella]

SJ, things you should’ve filmed:
*harvesting grape leaves & making of that food since it sounds like everyone pitched in to make it. Well not you or your fake kaboom.
*decluttering your clothes to see the look on your face now that they no longer fit. Snorty chucking your stuff to make room for his new clothes.
*Snorty shaving off that weird curl that is so annoying. But why did he stop there & not shave his neck?
*FRK giving Snorty shirt tuck lessons. Those two have such chemistry! FRK has chemistry with Davey also. Remember when you were young and you didn’t have to be so desperate to get a man’s attention?
* The refugee making jam from last week’s raspberries. The refugee making & bagging tea (hint it has lavender in it) for all the patrons.
*MariA rolling her eyes when Snorty said he wants to dress up like Barbie & have a party.
*The sexting call from Mason or the dick pick from Potty you hide while Snorty is at Emmause buying more broken items.
*The accounts included Snorty’s line items.
*You doing your MATHS program.

 

[TorontoGWM]

Sorry but I have just had it with this grifter. Please excuse the swearing.

Fuck the lake. Fuck the chapel. Just fix the fucking grand salon before the whole chateau falls the fuck down, you fucking stupid idiot of a chatelaine !!!!!!!!!

 

[KyBourbon]

Fanny's tits have grown because she is now a portly middle aged woman with chicken legs and a very thick middle. If she had had a boob job they would be perky rather than looking like two swollen spaniels ears. The dress is so unflattering gaping at the front, tight round her beer belly and she is so white and untoned really like a block of lard in a blonde wig.
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More cry me a river. I thought Mr Ed knows everything??? A ruse to keep it after all. What a twat.



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Yet ANOTHER planning meeting for the lake. And now SJ’s worried about mosquitoes? And they haven’t even had contractors come to give estimates on the work…she’s saying September! It’s just one gaslighting video after the next. She talks everything to death.

 

[T Rex]

Question: If you had a choice to eat lunch/ have a beer with one or some of the Dump crew and wanted to have a pleasant experience, who would you choose to dine with? I think Nick the tree guy would be cool and interesting, Maria could be fun, she is witty, intelligent, and can hold a conversation, Davy would be pleasant and wouldn’t say anything offensive, Pavlina wouldn’t be offensive, Annalise would be nice, Amaury’s parent seem like they would be pleasant lunch companions, Potts could fake his way through a pleasant lunch, Dana would be friendly Kirsty would be nice ( but only without her partner), etc.

I would invite the 2 puffs because they would bring a generous lunch to eat so you wouldn’t have to rely on the Dump prison rations. Of course, dining with Vivienne and her husband would be a no brainer. They are gracious hosts. Ollie can behave himself for a lunch so I think he would be pleasant company. I would be a little hesitant to invite Camille only because she may only allow you to smell the food and send it back without eating it so you wouldn’t become fat.

I’m on the fence as to whether Dan or Amaury would be pleasant lunch company, what do you think?
Would I invite Tess or just her baby doll? I don’t know.
I would eat lunch with Mrs. Shrek as long as she didn’t invite her Steph obsessed hubby to the lunch.
No lunch with Percy because it would be too Weekend at Bernie’s and he shouldn’t be driving anywhere anyways.

If I wanted a pleasant lunch, I would avoid the gruesome twosome, Nuttty ( she would be sullen, uptight, nd make you “broom” the floor fter lunch), Marie, Mummy, Gerry, and Baghead.

I would bring some high quality cat food and feed Ruby and keep him company while he dines. I think he would be a fabulous lunch
companion.

Who would be on your list?
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I think she does outsource them but lies about it and claims she does it herself.
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All she has to do is ask Potts, the tech wiz or her specially assigned YouTube consultant. Fanny is lying her ass off as usual. She is so full of shit.

I would definitely have lunch with Tess and Dana (without the others), feed them copious amounts of good champers, and get the dirt. (Those two know where the bodies are buried, and suspect they have quite some tales to tell!)

For a regular non-booze soaked luncheon, Two Puffs (because that Andrew can sniff out a good restaurant like no one's business), Tatinette & TonTon Steven (Chantal can actually cook, and she looks like my mum), Sarah/Viv/Simon (they are all friends, seem lovely, and there would be cheese!), The Puy Vidals (I am fascinated by their organization and business plan), Daphne & Ian (they are history buffs), Amanda & Lincoln (the most normal people in the Chateauverse), Pavlina and Maria (they need a great meal out for a change, and I'd actually drink Pavlina's tea!), Camilla (because lunch with her would be someplace healthy and organic), the Fleuries (because I love them, despite Candlegate, and Anna and I have a few matching jumpers), Bordeaux Life Anna (sans Edd), and of course, Kathy (I love Kathy! And @Jules100 is invited because she is also loves Kathy, owns The Southernmost Chateau, and we'll be wearing our matching shirts.) Of course, Doctor Dishy (yes, @LurkingMeg, you can tag along so we can stare into his eyes while he talks about gates for hours!)

Definitely would have lunch with you beloved Tattlers- after all, you are part of the Chateauverse as well! (Although, it would be odd to discover none of you, other @mrsp67 (who I was only surprised was tiny- she seems taller for some reason) and Jules, looks anything like what my imagination has created. @Karma baby! looks like Emma Watson, @KyBourbon is a younger version of the Dos Equis guy, @Pekey is Rose Byrne, @HalcyonOrganic is George Clooney, @C'est moi looks like Cinderella, @Comtesse Rose looks like Cat Woman in a leather dominatrix suit, @Frenchie looks like my cousin Trish (who is gorgeous), @ScooterMaGoo is Tom Selleck, @Albee is Rachel Evan Wood, @M&MsMom is Morena Baccarin, @Jeeves is Julie Walters, @Iolair is Samantha Weaving, @billybudd is Zendaya, @JackSpratt is Emily Blunt, @graciemckitten is Jane Russell, @MRShavershamsdress is Sophia Loren, @suthern_lurker is Reese Witherspoon... The list is endless. Seems legit.)

Pub crawl with Dan the Man, Amaury and Nick the Tree Surgeon. No, Kat is NOT invited, as she'd pound back beers and shots, and we all know "sauced Kat" is annoying AF.

 

[JackSpratt]

She has a fucking nerve:

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@maryjanekolesar8325
18 minutes ago
So forgive me as I don't want to be insulting but because of the authorities wrongfully making you change the "lake" which has now turned into a wetland that you have to protect, the reinstated lake appears to be a pond!? The main reason I became a Patron was to help reinstate the lake. Galling, sorry.




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@TheChateauDiaries

11 minutes ago
It will still be over an acre in size, I think. But yes, there’s a lot about this situation that I find very galling…








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@carolinegooder7091
10 minutes ago
Pond is defined by depth. There will also be a natural pond, wetland where the fishery was. Stephanie wanted the island. Wait until it is done, the lake will be beautiful. Have a little faith. View attachment 2338201




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Don't these pratts realise it's their damsel in distresses fault, she drained it herself no one forced her to!
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So is MariA slowly trying to poison that pretentious arsehole. An odd knob of butter here and there in the food to keep him on his toes. I say carry on the good work.

 

[Patriciarella]

MariA that was not my mildly allergic food list. SJ can you fire her like you did Ian the builder? Sorry Darling, I can’t hear you I’m on the phone face timing with Mason.

Oh you started the Barbie party without me? Oh it’s not a Barbie party? Oh you’re celebrating that the refugee’s tea is now on my allergy list?

I am Chatelaine Barbie! Women love me & men want to be me. Is this pink dye suppose to burn? My tiny hands are itchy and I feel faint. Help! My vision is gone! Call Bubblegirl she is my emergency contact!

 

[T Rex]

Does anyone know what went down with Clara no longer posting?

 

[T Rex]

I'm with you, @Le Baiseur. Watching the grift appeal right now, and it will be the last Queen's Escape vlog I ever watch.

I am with you, @Tartuffe !
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Dear Sarah and Shrek- I applaud you for putting together a successful business with your artist retreats, showcasing the artists (which is really nice of you to do, as it helps them), Shrek raising money for the barn roof with his prints (and Andi's, which was very kind of her to do), and for not taking the "easy" way out by just slapping up a Patreon account. But, while I know you jokers lurve the heck out of your chateau and its many original features, since your business revolves around the art community, it may be time to let the wallpaper go and paint the walls in a nice, neutral color. The wallpaper is NOT at all original anyway, so it might be time to do a "refresh" and "let it go." Or, if you are hell bent on wallpaper (as it is good at covering wall defects and such), go with something really neutral and light- it would better bring out the beautiful woodwork and brighten up the rooms. A creamy colour in the grand salon with a subdued pattern would be really lovely. And whatever you do, don't listen to Fanny nor Snorts for renovation advice!

 

[KyBourbon]

Sorry but I have just had it with this grifter. Please excuse the swearing.

Fuck the lake. Fuck the chapel. Just fix the fucking grand salon before the whole chateau falls the fuck down, you fucking stupid idiot of a chatelaine !!!!!!!!!

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It really has surpassed way beyond the point of ridiculous. Giving an update on everything that’s not happening…and doing it away from the farmhouse. Has the tits out to distract from the non-work. Unbelievable.

 

[MRShavershamsdress]

Sweet Fanny Adams, I go to bed early and everything goes sideways! I shan’t comment other than to say the mods really need to give us more emoji options!