The Chateau Diaries #19 How Tattle saved my vlog!

[Princess and the Pea]

Stunning. Look at the detail. Oh, hallmarked Sterling Silver. Suzette from Jackson Hole (snigger) you are SO talented. How could you crochet a tablecloth of Mummy's face!! It is beautiful. Oh, Stanley from Scunthorpe - wow a massive Starship Enterprise Lego set for Antoine - how lovely of you to stop eating for a week to pay for it. Thank you thank you. We will put it aside for him when he next visits on his 21st birthday. Marie, look someone has sent you some pot pourri for you to use in your floral arrangements, how kind. Such lovely colours and oh..(wafting it under Selma's nose) what a lovely scent..beautiful. It reminds me of the care home so much (bit of a sad face). Oh, Nati hand me the special parcel opening scissors what have we here (squeal)..oh my Fortnum & Mason pea & mint tea bags. They will be absolutely paaaaaaarfect to keep me going through the long hours of editing. Oh, Selmar this one is for you. Open it open it. Oh. It is a gold bar (dirty look at Nati)...is it real, ooooh how dahling of someone to have sent that to you. Are you sure there will be a place for it in your van (little moue mouth look)? We can look after it in the main house if you are worried it will be stolen you know. But anyway, think about it - now..what have we here a parcel for ....Philip...go on you open it. I need to have a little drinkie. Oh, what is it...oh how fabulous. A hat in the shape of a hedgehog - squeals with laughter, put it on..put it on..everyone laughs. Philip snorts. Marie chokes on a crisp. Selmar does the heimlich manoeuvre - SJ doesn't notice. Nati passes a massive box to SJ oh what is this I can barely see over the top of it..Ann Summers..I remember that name..Nati is she that lovely lady who sent us the cat paintings last year? Nati grabs box quickly & throws it over the back of the sofa. Selmar walks out looking dazed. Oh, I cannot thank you all enough for sending us these gifts it soooooo cheers us up and makes us feel sooooo jolly loved by all of you.

Goldbar, haha, have to tell you guys a story:
My parents never went on any vacation, since they didn't speak any English or any other language and were scared that they wouldn't find their way in any other country. Also they were scared to fly and feared not to know what to do at the airport.
So the company where my dad worked gifted long-term employees for Xmas a trip to Turkey, 1 week all inclusive (probably Side), 4 star hotel, lift from home and what not.
My parents were so excited, since my dad was about to reach the 30 years anniversary, too. All year long they talked about it, how they would go and would not need to organise anything, just sit into the taxi to the Airport , all carefree since the company organized everything.
I told them all they time they don't need to wait for Xmas and then again for the following summer to go. They could just go to a travel agency and book it. I would help them etc. But no, it had to be the gifted trip from the boss.
So finally Xmas came and Xmas party at work and what did my dad receive? A tiny goldbar in a case! Though even more worth than the usual trip they were so disappointed. I tried to convince them to sell it and then book the trip, but no chance. Or to just pay it themselves, but no. They would have dared to go when booked by the boss but not on their own. And my dad probably throw the goldbar into recycle one day since it is nowhere around anymore! (it is metall, right?) Needless to say they never went someplace else
[/QUOTE]
Such a shame that they didn't get a trip away & now the gold bar is missing too...oh noooooo.

 

[MojoDublin]

That

Sir Trotter is home after a night in Paris. He got a train from Paris. Ryan and the young guy who films were there to greet him

was 2 nights in Paris
Zero quarantine ... oops

 

[Takeaway]

Marie in horror!
What are these "generous" gift-givers" thinking?
They are helping clutter an already severely cluttered shat-ohh?

View attachment 450914

I hope she washes it first & gets it checked with a blue light for dna

 

[NorrisCS]

Don’t worry she had her baps out in the Valentines dinner vlog only to be upstaged by Nati

Still have to watch that. Must gird my loins and do a catch up. Can’t believe once upon a time watching CD vlogs, in the olden days, used to bring me pleasure. I never watched live, I was always weeks behind and by the time I did actually catch up to real time I had turned. Or should I say I had been turned, by SJ herself. Scales slowly fell from eyes...

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

The Chateau Diaries / Cadeaux at the Chateau Live Premiers --- where creeps hang out to chat.

 

[MojoDublin]

MP is a self sabotager....give him a pot of gold and he’d drop it on his foot and break a toe.

on the runway

everything available

 

[Geordieboy71]

BFF?

Pity she didn't take it

 

[frenchessence]

Stunning. Look at the detail. Oh, hallmarked Sterling Silver. Suzette from Jackson Hole (snigger) you are SO talented. How could you crochet a tablecloth of Mummy's face!! It is beautiful. Oh, Stanley from Scunthorpe - wow a massive Starship Enterprise Lego set for Antoine - how lovely of you to stop eating for a week to pay for it. Thank you thank you. We will put it aside for him when he next visits on his 21st birthday. Marie, look someone has sent you some pot pourri for you to use in your floral arrangements, how kind. Such lovely colours and oh..(wafting it under Selma's nose) what a lovely scent..beautiful. It reminds me of the care home so much (bit of a sad face). Oh, Nati hand me the special parcel opening scissors what have we here (squeal)..oh my Fortnum & Mason pea & mint tea bags. They will be absolutely paaaaaaarfect to keep me going through the long hours of editing. Oh, Selmar this one is for you. Open it open it. Oh. It is a gold bar (dirty look at Nati)...is it real, ooooh how dahling of someone to have sent that to you. Are you sure there will be a place for it in your van (little moue mouth look)? We can look after it in the main house if you are worried it will be stolen you know. But anyway, think about it - now..what have we here a parcel for ....Philip...go on you open it. I need to have a little drinkie. Oh, what is it...oh how fabulous. A hat in the shape of a hedgehog - squeals with laughter, put it on..put it on..everyone laughs. Philip snorts. Marie chokes on a crisp. Selmar does the heimlich manoeuvre - SJ doesn't notice. Nati passes a massive box to SJ oh what is this I can barely see over the top of it..Ann Summers..I remember that name..Nati is she that lovely lady who sent us the cat paintings last year? Nati grabs box quickly & throws it over the back of the sofa. Selmar walks out looking dazed. Oh, I cannot thank you all enough for sending us these gifts it soooooo cheers us up and makes us feel sooooo jolly loved by all of you.

Are you writing her script ? If not - you should be ! Hilarious

 

[Lululime]

on the runway

everything available

Love you to pieces but never have a clue what you’re saying.......

 

[MojoDublin]

Same. I honestly cannot say when I watched a Cadeaux blog either. Horrendous. It’s the epitome of all that is greedy and avaricious about SJ. Vom... I can’t even watch in full the regular CD vlogs - ever - today I scanned for a few minutes her Sundays one as it was right there when I went to search some other video on YT. Can’t help but think she’s churning out lots of junk about how hard she did work. How much renovation they’ve done. Copious amounts of photos of a gutted eau. How hard she worked (then shoots herself in the foot posting a photo of her amongst all the debris and she vainly captioned it “I look about 12 but I was 32”) - so actually broadcasting she’s done F*#K ALL in 14 years! Then goes on to let us all know how prudent she is financially by pointing out the dress she shoehorned herself into with the help of some olive oil, an actual shoe horn and a full body Spanx body sleeve (lube her up and shove her in) that the dress is old and she shows a photo of herself screeching at some eau workshop recital wearing the same dress and then coyly quips “waste not want not”. Vlog in honour of the Grawn Sawlawn.... Jesus Wept... ... spare me!

sorry
@NorrisCS.... but how does it truly make you feel ....

I don’t think I have a thouragh understanding in the complexities of how ... she makes you feel

go on !!!
U love her
Norris has a crush
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Green Fairy]

thanks for reading and re quoting all I said

Aaah it was you was it? Just couldn't remember. Well done, I think you were absolutely correct The signs are all there when you look closely. Bare-faced grifting.

 

[Princess and the Pea]

Are you writing her script ? If not - you should be ! Hilarious

Well seriously when you've watched a couple of those god awful Cadeaux nauseating vlogs I can see it like a bad film in my head. I haven't watched one for months but I know what drivel she is going to come out with & what tat she gets sent. Easy peasy!!

 

[MojoDublin]

In s

Love you to pieces but never have a clue what you’re saying.......

In sign language

your prose ... was awesome

 

[frenchessence]

Yikes!!

Seconded. She can’t keep a few blooms alive for longer than 5 minutes. I don’t hold out much hope for her foster kids

 

[Milre]

Wow can you imagine winning the vote for helping your community the most during Covid. You won a trip to a rodent infested tit show where the cook spreads raw pig juice all over the kitchen. Covid didn't kill you let's see if you survive the tit show. Ugh .

I nominate Clara!

 

[Lululime]

Seconded. She can’t keep a few blooms alive for longer than 5 minutes. I don’t hold out much hope for her foster kids

Do you remember her “marking” the meals? Homework time would be fun!

 

[TheTaxInspector]

The Château de la Fleur Fanée School of Scrounging

This exclusive school for aspiring scroungers will be opening this summer at Château de la Fleur Fanée. Students will be able to choose from a variety of tailor-made courses that will teach them how to become professional scroungers and launch them on the path to YT fame and fortune. Fees will vary depending on the number of courses followed and the period of training required to qualify as a professional scrounger. Students who show promise (they must have a YT channel with videos showing that they have some aptitude for scrounging, such as asking for Christmas presents in a large shato while keeping a straight face) but who can’t afford the fees may apply for a scholarship – applications must be submitted no later than the end of May. The selection process will take place in the ‘Grand Salon’ and the winning applications (only two a year) will be selected by the school’s staff: Itsnotbelle Jarvis, Scrounger Jarvis, the High Priestess of Greed, Fanny Fanée, ‘Cameltoe’ Philip, and the very gentle and softly spoken Selmar (‘He of the Woods’).

Student accommodation: students shall be accommodated in a series of small poky bedrooms (which haven’t been decorated for years) with ensuite shower facilities. Room service - provided by expert waiter ‘Cameltoe’ Philip - will be available for those who pay an extra fee.

Parking: students will be able to park their cars in the large courtyard, which looks like the entrance to a scrap metal yard.

Course modules:

Hairdressing and make-up – learn how to plaster so much make-up on your face that you become almost unrecognisable and bear a strong resemblance to a dummy in a shop window.

Elocution courses - learn how to speak like the Queen and mispronounce words. Learn to look, act, and behave like the Queen. This is especially important if you wish to attract Americans to your channel and want to make big bucks.

Editing – learn how to spend 70 hours a week knitting together bits of film to create a short vlog that’s so boring no one will want to watch it.

Filming – learn how to follow someone about with a phone all day and film them doing mundane things without laughing (because you’re thinking about the poor schmucks watching the tosh) and ruining the video. Learn how to film and navigate your way around a shato and outside while filming – how to avoid banging into furniture, street furniture, looking like a plonker, etc. Learn how to use a drone without getting it shot down because it’s strayed onto someone else’s property.

Asking for money - lessons in how to ask for money without actually asking for it (the fine art of dropping hints for advanced students). Learn how to master Patreon, GoFundMyLife, BuyMeaCar, Instagrab, and all the other wonderful sources of free tax-free dosh. Learn how to dodge tax -foreign accounts, setting up non-profit associations on false pretences.

Acting classes - how to put on airs and graces, how to look desperate when you’ve got tons of dosh in the bank and property in London.

Lessons on how to mispronounce simple words in French

Those who qualify will receive a special certificate in scrounging signed by Scrounger Jarvis, the High Priestess of Greed. Lectures from famous professional scroungers such as ‘Teabag’ Petherdick and Bodger Billy will be given in the conference room (the low-ceiling Grand Salon). There will be a gift shop containing cakes in the shape of the shato and life-size effigies of Scrounger Jarvis (from Madame Tussauds) complete with faux blonde hair and pushed-up boobs. Deluxe models will have a button on the left boob, which, when pressed, will play The Who’s ‘Eyesite to the Blind’. Students may apply to join the Shato Greed Sect or the Greed Cult, during which they may be required to worship an effigy of SJ at least once a week.

 

[JustCommonSense]

Stunning. Look at the detail. Oh, hallmarked Sterling Silver. Suzette from Jackson Hole (snigger) you are SO talented. How could you crochet a tablecloth of Mummy's face!! It is beautiful. Oh, Stanley from Scunthorpe - wow a massive Starship Enterprise Lego set for Antoine - how lovely of you to stop eating for a week to pay for it. Thank you thank you. We will put it aside for him when he next visits on his 21st birthday. Marie, look someone has sent you some pot pourri for you to use in your floral arrangements, how kind. Such lovely colours and oh..(wafting it under Selma's nose) what a lovely scent..beautiful. It reminds me of the care home so much (bit of a sad face). Oh, Nati hand me the special parcel opening scissors what have we here (squeal)..oh my Fortnum & Mason pea & mint tea bags. They will be absolutely paaaaaaarfect to keep me going through the long hours of editing. Oh, Selmar this one is for you. Open it open it. Oh. It is a gold bar (dirty look at Nati)...is it real, ooooh how dahling of someone to have sent that to you. Are you sure there will be a place for it in your van (little moue mouth look)? We can look after it in the main house if you are worried it will be stolen you know. But anyway, think about it - now..what have we here a parcel for ....Philip...go on you open it. I need to have a little drinkie. Oh, what is it...oh how fabulous. A hat in the shape of a hedgehog - squeals with laughter, put it on..put it on..everyone laughs. Philip snorts. Marie chokes on a crisp. Selmar does the heimlich manoeuvre - SJ doesn't notice. Nati passes a massive box to SJ oh what is this I can barely see over the top of it..Ann Summers..I remember that name..Nati is she that lovely lady who sent us the cat paintings last year? Nati grabs box quickly & throws it over the back of the sofa. Selmar walks out looking dazed. Oh, I cannot thank you all enough for sending us these gifts it soooooo cheers us up and makes us feel sooooo jolly loved by all of you.

Does anyone else remember a spring vlog where the Lalanders answered the ‘love language’ questionnaire? SJ was ‘ashamed to say that hers [love language] was gifts‘.
I am sure that this admission greatly contributed to the creation of the Frankenstein that Cadeaux has become. Even I found it endearing at the time and considered sending her something. Thankfully I saw what the unwrapping was turning into before being so foolish (as to send family heirlooms of sorts, not the silver, mind you... but still).

 

[NorrisCS]

sorry
@NorrisCS.... but how does it truly make you feel ....

I don’t think I have a thouragh understanding in the complexities of how ... she makes you feel

go on !!!
U love her
Norris has a crush
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

Busted. You’ve busted me. I’ve been outed. Hello .... my real name is Jill Scott and I love Stephanie. I’m also available for off the record book-keeping and tax returns.

 

[Lululime]

@TheTaxInspector In the “words” of @MojoDublin