The advice thread for random problems

[BettyCrockerr]

I love that it’s wound you up so much

I’m not wound up. Just think it’s pathetic that the pair of you lied about something so stupid and that you felt it was so important that you posted on here about it….

 

[Mamacita]

I agree, £75 is not tight at all. Just had my wedding and we generally got £50 couple. My oldest friend gave me £50 plus a gift and I wasn’t expect it all, and they are well off too!

Interesting, I've seen in some other threads a while ago people saying 100-200 is what they go with per couple seems ridiculous, especially when just attending the wedding can cost a lot...

 

[HoGi]

First time poster in advice!

It’s my best friends wedding in a few months (best friend of 20+ years) and I wondered what people thought about how much I should give them as a wedding present cash wise?

I’m a bridesmaid so it’s costing me a bit more then a normal guest as I have to pay for hotel stay etc the night before and night of the wedding and there’s other bits I’ve had to pay for as well.

We’re not in the best place financially at the moment and I’ve had to miss one of her two hens as I couldn’t afford them both (which she was fine about) but I can’t afford to give them loads as a wedding present - what do people think is acceptable?

They’ve asked for cash as they have a house anyway and are going on honeymoon I just don’t know what’s ‘acceptable.’ - if it helps my best friend is a very chill person and isn’t expecting me to pay her the world as she’s been in a similar position to me money wise before, I just don’t want to go too low if you know what I mean?

If it is you and your partner going then I would say £50. If it is just you then maybe £25?

As you're best friend's the bride presumably knows roughly your financial situation so isn't expecting hundreds off you?

It is really tough deciding. But don't feel like you can't buy a gift just because they have asked for money.

Also it isn't like the US where you are expected to gift what your meal would have cost so hundreds. I think in the UK we understand that a wedding is an all in cost that the bride and groom are paying

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Oh that seems like a lot of pressure to be kind. I think you were deprived the chance to feel angry which segues into sadness.

Sorry for your loss.
I hope this numbness passes quickly.

Oh gosh @Purrrrrrr that sounds horrendous. Bless you for being there for the dog owners too. Maybe you are feeling a bit detached from it as you weren't witness to what actually happened? At the same time, there's not need to feel guilty about not being absolutely full of grief yourself - maybe it will come, or maybe the grieving had already started when you were talking to the dog's owners. Maybe get back in touch with them (if you want to) in a few days just to talk it through again if you think it would help.

Thank you both. I welled up reading your replies so I know its just under the surface.

 

[Mamacita]

but she isn't you and you don't have that right to make the decision for her. I would say differently if you knew her and knew what her reactions would be etc.

Nah she has the right to know. I definitely think telling her is the right thing to do

 

[Piff paff puff]

When they get stuck indoors they tend to die after a couple of days anyway.

I once had 1 housefly that lasted a whole season indoors should have phoned the Guinness book of records.

 

[shadowcat5]

Wow. Thank you for being kind. Sat here in tears.

GP won’t support, they won’t even allow me meds’ I need told me to buy them; I’m on a daily collection as so severely depressed and they demanded that stopped as the risk didn’t matter however, the pharmacy refused to give me enough. The gp said they’re wasting £17000 on giving me daily scripts. I’ve only been seen once since March 2020. I’m not allowed to change or see another gp as ‘too needy and refuse to respect boundaries’ (the needy stuff was when I was conned into asking for help with depression and associated issues, the boundaries was complaining about a gp who went on holiday start of lockdown which they showed off about as it’s just a silly cold, week later my care was all ended as everyone was going to die!!).

CAB spoke to mental health team who say I’m fine, no needs and need to work (still sheilding and all services cab/gp/mental health team still all via phone so they’ve no clue how things are, I ‘sound’ great so am). I’ve several physical and mental health conditions but can access nothing in terms of help because people phone social services safeguarding or mental health team and told ive no needs. I’m not better just had everything abandoned in March 2020. I won’t get more than basic £70.80 a week as I’m classed as refusing to work; eventually I’ll lose that too.

Finally hoarding isn’t recognised as a mental health condition where I live in the uk. The quote ‘filthy and lazy’ came from mental health team. I was told I sort it or I’ll be put back on the street again and no one will ever rent to me again, not even hostels. The fire brigade lied I’d get full support for years (because that’s what it takes) but all that’s on offer (not to me, as I’ve no needs) is two students with bin liners one hour for two weeks and EVERYTHING will be binned like the last time and it was so devastating I can’t put it in words. I lost my passport, birth certificate, every single thing I owned (photos of dead loved ones, things I can never replace) and was forced to start again (ended up with even more). It doesn’t help that my bin was stolen Jan 2020 and landlord couldn’t replace due to council being closed since March 2020 so couldn’t get rid of things even if I wanted to for months on end.

Have you contacted HoardingUK? They are a charity that specifically deal with hoarding. I can't say I have ever used them but you might find someone helpful and supportive at the end of the phone? Places like that also sometimes have professionals who can advocate for you too.

Here is the link just in case you haven't

Hoarding UK | Promoting Choice & Control since 2008

Proud of promoting choice and control. Established in 2008, as a not-for profit organisation, HoardingUK is the only UK National Charity solely focused on supporting people impacted by hoarding behaviour.

hoardinguk.org

I can't answer your original question about the cooker but please, please get yourself some help.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Not sure why you’ve quoted me on this cause I wasn’t asking?

Because it follows the conversation...

 

[Piff paff puff]

Going to give myself some hair layers later with the kitchen scissors
Envisaging it may not go to plan. Anyone got any thoughts?

 

[Noseyparker86]

Please don't feel bad. . Cats are pretty good at adapting. I have had a a few cats that needed rehoming due to owner circumstances and they always settle very nicely in my home. One of my cats has decided he doesn't like my kitten and has left home and moved to a house up the road I thought he loved me dearly but it was just surface love.
Cats are pretty odd things.

You have been lucky to find a place that accepted your dog.

Have you been to the police about your mum?

Thank you so much I’m going to speak with the lady from the charity tonight and hopefully we can find a new home for him to go to straight from ours rather going into foster first as we have 5 weeks before our move date.
I haven’t been to the police it’s not a great deal of money and it just wouldn’t be worth the stress she would bring. I really should have known better though, I would never have got our animals if I didn’t think it was going to be a forever home for us all

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Abreviated version

A delivery driver nearly drove into me this morning. I had to stop to prevent it. I was in the right but he started berating me really badly and filming me. The business he delivered to had to make him move his vehicle so I could move mine. I am so embarrased about the whole situation.

Do I complain to his company or write a negative review? Or just leave it alone.
I don’t think a business would really care anout their drivers behaviour imo they might pretend but then do nothing.
Is writing a negative review overkill.
I actually just want some justice for my ego Can’t tell you guys how embarrassed I am by it. I work on this estate and it caused quite the commotion

 

[Piff paff puff]

I just posted this in another thread, but feel maybe I should post it in an advice thread


I lost my( just over a yo ) cat,, Friday morning to a tragic accident due to a dog lead breaking. The D link snapped from the lead and the dog chased and caught my cat probably killing him instantly by breaking his neck as he was unmarked.

I feel very strange about it as feel I spent so much time comforting the dog owners that I neglected myself and my own grief and now that grief isn't coming out.

I feel absolutely no ill will towards the dog or its owners it was just one of those things. I'm just sad that I'm not feeling the sadness I normally would at a time like this. I'm not someone who beats my chest over my pets dying even though I love them dearly, but also I'm not blase about them dying either. . Or could it shock at how the little fella died?

I hope any dog owners reading this have strong dog leads. Sorry for the loss of your dear pussy cat

 

[Purrrrrrr]

.
.

I think it’s very sensible not to want to meet up with a random person who you only know through a FB page and have only interacted with once or twice a good while ago?

Just one or two posts on a thread together over a year ago.

I wonder if she pm others as well? maybe a grifter

 

[Orphan_Black]

The post comes at all different times of the day around here, at least the junk mail shows they've been if you've been waiting for something!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

This is dumb, but how do you carry your smartphone in your purse without cracking the screen protector to bits??

I can't find a phone case like the old PDA cases that had hard plastic flip lids to protect the screen. The only cases with anything over the screen are those big wallet cases that are too hard to hold.

Does everyone else know something I don't, or is it normal to have to replace your screen protector every few months?

What on earth have you got in your bag that’s causing your phone screen to crack?!!!!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

But what I am saying is you don’t HAVE to pay for the garden bin, if you don’t want to pay don’t have it. It isn’t forced upon you as a bill, it’s optional, you can opt out.

Too add, I wasn’t actually talking about my council specifically. I deal with a large number of different councils in my job, generally bins are only now free if for recycling. Waste replacements are charged even for new builds.

I don’t even understand why this junk Mail thing is even an issue…..! Surely we all get random crap pushed through the letter box - don’t we all just throw it in the bin? Job done. Or collect a pile along with old bank statements, doctors letters, catalogs, etc and just burn it. I’ve never known anyone to have such an issue with a few takeaway menus coming through the letter box!!

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

Just made a mistake in work - nothing major and it was easily fixed. I work hard and take pride in my work and I like my job. My boss looked disappointed in me.

I burst into tears in front of the office.

I am mortified and feel pathetic.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Keys, pens, planner, palmtop computer, etc.

Get a bag that has compartments so your phone isn’t directly knocking against everything else.

 

[rainbowlemon]

So I’ve looked for a work relayed thread and can’t find one and I can’t create one. But I need some advice on the following issue!

I’ve worked for a marketing for several years and the current account manager has been there for just under a year.

She was reported for bullying by another colleague because she refused to give her any work and any work she did do she criticised and refused to use it and both her and our comms manager started to isolate her and make no effort to speak to her.

I sit next to the current account manager and saw a message she had sent to our studio manager saying ‘we are both s**t and know f**k all about what we do and that we are scared to answer the phones which isn’t true since she asks me to show her how to transfer calls several times. She also spends her times applying for jobs and shopping whilst moaning about everyone else. The environment has become highly toxic and b***chy the point I’m ready to leave.

I don’t know whether to bite the bullet and report her for what she’s been saying and what she does only a daily basis which isn’t work but then at the same time I don’t want to look like a tell tale to the other colleagues but it would be her second complaint within a few months.

The comments about you are unprofessional. I go with what your gut feeling is telling you to do.

We go walking for around an hour four or five times a week. He works at a desk job but works weekends in the family business. I don’t think it’s his actual meals that are the problem. It’s more a combination of a number of things. His portion sizes are very big and often finishes mine if I don’t finish it. He might have four or five pints or more on a Friday and Saturday night and have a takeaway aswell. I made healthy granola bars and prepared fruit and salad for the fridge in April and while he ate them and seemed to enjoy them, the problem was when he went home everything went out the window.
I have no problem supporting him in any way I can as he has mentioned for a while he would like to lose weight but he needs to take ownership of the situation too and I’m unsure how to broach it with him without upsetting him.

The truth may hurt but start with that you care about him and want to help support him.

——
Cat update: My cat was sunbathing. My brother noticed from the upstairs window that the other cat had come into our garden. I didn’t spray water on her just picked her up and put her back on the wall then watched her which might have creeped her out until she left back into her garden. I left. Less then 15 mins later she came back and I did the exact same thing.

So it feels like a small win. My cat got to stay outside until she wanted to come back in.

 

[no-no]

Someone crashed into me today and they’ve cracked my front bumper. I spoke to the insurers and have old damage at the side from a driver who didn’t stop and I think this driver also went over that damage because there were fresher looking scratches and those white scrape marks you get when a car scrapes your paintwork. The garage intermediary was basically accusing me of trying to get the old repair fixed when I kept emphasising that it’s primarily old but I think there’s additional damage and my main focus was the bumper anyway. I’m going to send over pictures but want to note that I expect an expert to examine the area with the old damage just in case.

Has anyone dealt with this? Feel like I’m being treated as in the wrong Sorry if a paint job hasn’t been top of my expense list the past two years.