The advice thread for random problems #4

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Hi again all, update here. Sorry if I forget to answer any questions

@Phil Anne Throw Pee - she's moving from non-profit into a company, so the salary increase is partly due to that and partly due to it being a promotion. In terms of the references, she had to complete quite a technical test as part of the interview process and they were pleased with it. She had been honest with HR about offering the extended notice period but that her boss might react quite negatively to her resignation, so they knew from the beginning she was leaving due to management. When she offered a reference they said they understand her current situation re: boss, so they won't ask for that and also know that you never give bad contacts for former references, so it isn't needed. They have a very firm induction plan and all seems green there I believe. Or at least I'm hoping so!

@dinosaursideways she retracted her offer to work an extended notice period after consulting her colleagues, telling them the situation, and them telling her to put herself first and tell boss to bugger off. Her new job are taking her three weeks earlier now.

Unfortunately the situation has soured in the meantime. Despite her boss still being on annual leave, he then emailed most of what he said to her over the phone - and CC'd in the entire board and all management. He has threatened to dismiss her for gross misconduct if she continues to 'complain'.

She then found out that her boss wrote an email to everyone in the organisation apart from her, saying that he's glad such a toxic person is leaving, that he knows everyone in the office hates her and feels she's a burden and if anyone feels their mental health has been ruined by her, they can come to him. Colleagues have scheduled a meeting with HR to complain about this and are devastated on her behalf, and have made it clear to her they don't feel that way at all.

She's just so young - I feel when you're old like me you know yourself and your work and can see these idiots for what they are, but this is really impacting not only her self-perception but now her anxiety levels. As a mum I just want to shield her from it.

Thanks for that. They should still have tried to source other references though, I have never known an employer not to run reference checks on staff - it's very important.

 

[Maid22]

Would you move to NI to self build if it meant leaving the house and area you love but you would be mortgage and debt free. Live in the countryside with no neighbours. Your husband could work less hours and you'll have a better quality of life?

My husband has decided that's what he wants to do, he just needs to convince me and our kids.

We'd have about 200k in the bank after selling our house.

He's a builder and thinks he could buy land and build a house for 150k

His uncle is selling 3 acres with planning permission within a 12 acre field

To add, I've never been to NI, never shown any interest in visiting. I've been with my husband 18 years and he's only been over a few times in those years for funerals.

Not particularly close to family. Take my mum shopping a couple of times a week. No proper close friends.

Would you?

I would!! To me it sounds like paradise! But I understand your doubts, pity we can't dm on here, I'd be so interested in a plot !

 

[Moth]

Thanks, I know it is hard to stay calm in all this an he is doing better than I am cause I just want to go in there, we are going get him to citizens advice this week as well an see what they can do for us, right now we have to wait on the notes from the meeting coming back to us, he wasn't handed the notes on the day as they said it needed typed up then given which I didn't think was fair as we don't know if they will change anything, it will probably be monday now before we get the notes an it was Thursday his meeting

I don't believe it is a requirement for the investigation meeting notes to be provided at the end of the interview. The ACAS guide on investigation meetings says that at the end of the interview the interviewer should "explain that the interviewee will be provided shortly with a copy of their witness statement for them to check and confirm that it is accurate".

By all means contact Citizens Advice for support. What I can say is that I work for Citizens Advice and if your Dad was coming to me at this stage I'd say that he needs to wait for the outcome of the investigation. There's nothing more that he needs to do at this stage. I'd also be suggesting he reads the information on our website and the ACAS website (there is a lot!).

This link is to the first page of the CAB advice, notice the following pages are linked on the right-hand side:

Dealing with disciplinary action at work

Find out what to do if your employer takes disciplinary action against you.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk

Some of the ACAS advice is written from the point of view of advising the employer what they should do:

Discipline and grievance | Acas

How workers and employers can use formal procedures. Disciplinary. Grievance. Investigation.

www.acas.org.uk

 

[Snippysnips]

How do I stop the scammers and chances from hassling me on Facebook market place. I’ve had about 25 messages in 30 mins since listing various electrical items including iPhones. They all say I will send you money if my uncle can pick it up. NOPE

It's a nightmare, I just keep it on the local pages now an don't share it to the FB market, I was forever blocking them

 

[chickhicks86]

Soooo my son is approaching 2 yrs old. He had a nap around lunch time for up to 90 mins then he’s awake until quite late sometimes 9.30pm as he just doesn’t seem tired. I’ve tried putting him to bed early and he just won’t go to sleep (myself & husband have tried everything and it just doesn’t work) so I’m not quite sure what to do. Do I wake him earlier from his nap? Just admit defeat and keep putting him to bed late? Anyone had experience with a low sleep needs child

Afraid to say, my son dropped his naps at just turned 2. The transition to no naps was a bit hellish though

 

[littlepup]

I mean now she can climb out it then yeah we will just convert her crib into a bed, we only left the bars cause we needed to keep her in the bed, at her own home she's a bed now cause it's an apartment she's in so no stairs an also their guinea pigs are outside

Had a look online an can't find the yano gates so am assuming those are US, the only ones I can find that have no gaps in them have a lock that looks like she could probably open, I really don't want to pay money on a gate with spaces only to realise she can still climb up the gaps but unfortunately I really can't have her wandering the house, my pets are only in pens as they free roam during the day (when I can watch them) plus she gets to feed them so knows to go into the fridge to get food out, an there's times like tonight where I had to take her so not taking her isn't a option as well

Urgh why does this age need to be so hard

Argos does extra tall regular ones. Or there are those pull across ones which fix on the outside so if you’ve got enough door trim she shouldn’t be able to reach around for.

Could you put a lock or even a door wedge on your door to keep her out of your bit at least so you’re not locking her in but rather locking her out?

 

[Warpaint]

My V6 box has been stuck on reboot for over 24 hours. It goes to the welcome bit, then starting up, then just resets the cycle again. Also it sometimes show a little arrow download on the screen but then just resets again. Anyone had this issue and know how to solve it? I've got a technician coming out next week but would rather sort it myself if I can as I'll lose all my recordings.

 

[Snippysnips]

I can't see the price!

Sorry, it's £1,699 not sure if that's good or not, I expect it to be a bit more than building because the shop will add on its own profits it wants, but is that way over priced? Or not bad considering it's coming from a store?

 

[littlepup]

I have salt and pepper hair that is very short and bleached white. but I have to bleach it twice to get it white (it has a yellow tinge after the first bleach


What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)

If I put a toner on it goes blue or purple and I don't want that.

What am I doing wrong?

You probably can’t lift the colour in one, a stronger bleach could just disintegrate the hair.
Perhaps a visit to a salon and see how they do it then use the process yourself in the future.
Also, you don’t want to be conning the solution through, just thoroughly cover and let sit.

 

[becca7721]

You're very welcome. Sorry I couldn't find anything more helpful.

I don't usually deal with Welsh law but the CAB website ays that if your landlord did not give you a 'written statement' to replace your tenancy agreement after December 2022 (when the law changed) they can't give you a 'no fault eviction'.

Check how the Welsh renting rules have changed

The rules about renting changed in Wales on 1 December 2022. You can check how these rules affect you and what rights you have.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk

Please don’t apologise! I really appreciate being given facts as it’s so complicated. They have given me nothing at all. At the time it needed to be done by I was in the office weekly complaining about my neighbour (who was arrested for hate crime against me on disability grounds) so not like they didn’t have the chance to sort it.

This is so complex.

I will mention it tomorrow.

THANK YOU!!

ETA no electrical check been done since 2004 (not a typo!) and they faked the EPC check.

 

[MolliMoo]

First time poster and I literally don't know where else to ask.
Married my first boyfriend age 19. Together over 20 years but the relationship was quite abusive mentally and emotionally. He's changing etc and hasn't been treating me badly in about 3 years.
In the last year this guy started in work and we just clicked. He makes me feel so good about myself, will compliment my hair, we can chat and have a laugh, takes a genuine interest in me. We can chat and joke for ages but this is where is gets complicated.
He's extra nice to me, there has been some innuendo jokes from time to time. He knows of the abuse I have been through with my husband etc and he was supportive making sure I was OK.
I have no experience in this and I have never felt the way I do about this guy.
I am not a looker and have been told for years I am an embarrassment. There is no way he could be attracted to me and I assume its just banter and him being friendly.
Leaving my husband isn't an option for various reasons I can't explain but if I thought I would get a chance with this guy I would take it which isn't me at all .
Do I ask this guy to stop being so nice to me and giving me compliments as it's giving me the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm going insane with these feelings and need them to go away.
Really appreciate any advice x

 

[littlepup]

The thing is, I know I have REALLY messed up and I just don’t know how to go about the immediate future! I think I’ll give this afternoons party a miss and see if I can speak with him tomorrow. I think it’s me that needs to make the effort going forward but I also think if he needs space I don’t want to be too full on?

Unless you feel very strongly about it, Ask him what he wants you to do. He seems to feel shut out. Ask him if he feels you should go, will he be let down if you don’t or if he needs more space.
If he wants you to go, explain that you will try but if you feel it’s too much you will make your excuses and leave, it will be on you and no reflection on him.

 

[loveanatter]

I don’t think of this as a problem, but maybe more so seeking some advice? I’m looking at buying a new sofa etc and I’ve found one I really like in next. I suppose what I’m asking for is information on the quality of their furniture, what’s their customer service like etc

I really don’t want to make a purchase if they just leave you hanging should something go wrong

I have a house full of next furniture so I do rate it. But, some things you pay a lot for and come flat packed and so depends how capable you are. You also can only pick delivery dates for when they’re in your area (if you live in a town/city not a big deal but if you live more rural I wonder if it’s harder?) but we rate it. My husband is very handy though x

 

[Thank(space)you]

Hi,

*This is going to come across as blunt. I apologise. But... He hasn't. Calm down. Please stop panicking. If you have such photos on your phone (taken with others or alone) and you have never sent them to him and he comes into possession of them and then publishes them, it's all illegal.

He is a liar and he will be found out.

Also, please talk to the police. Log it at least. Honestly, even if you feel it's daft, just humour me (us, because it's not just me saying it).

You're right. I'm just overthinking and panicking.

I'm not sure what the police will do

 

[stargirl23]

Thanks, we've always teetered on the point of just about scraping by - earning too much to receive any support but not enough to really live on!

My sisters in the same position it’s horrible when you get some people doing nothing but getting all the benefits. Then those genuinely working hard trying their best get nothing

 

[Meg78]

ok can someone please help me clarify when a gift card expires it says expiry is 20th November, does that mean today is my last day to use it or tomorrow? Just discovered that Clarks won’t let me use a voucher on the website and it’s Sunday trading so can’t go to a store, nightmare!

 

[Mamacita]

I’ve just booked an appointment on Friday for beauty treatment. I’ve paid in full but stupidly I’ve booked the wrong treatment (the one I meant to book is £50 cheaper too). The T&C’s say no deposits are refunded but appointments can be changed up to 48 hours before. Obviously this is less than 48 hours because I’ve only just booked it. I’ve messaged them but could they refuse to do it? I’m such an idiot

I guess technically they can? Is the treatment you actually want the same price? Cause if it is and is done by the same person then they shouldn't have an issue

 

[TheGlossy]

I wonder if they'd interviewed other candidates that also didn't know?

I’m thinking they probably did because when they opened the call, they asked ‘do you know what’s role you’re interviewing for’ and then proceeded to ask about whether I knew it’s a contact role.

For sure they had a situation before me because I’ve never had these questions come up in any interview before.

I also made it clear I was not provided with a job description, so I only knew the role title and the area covered (in case they’d ask the ‘why are you interested in this role’ question). Honestly, the lack of job spec was red flag number 1.

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone self teach themselves coding? Am thinking of maybe trying it as a hobby but not sure of what programs/apps etc to go for, it would be more on the gaming side like modding

 

[stargirl23]

Aw thank you, we keep repeating the same ones on iPlayer and YouTube because they just love it and I think Disney has them all.
Admittedly, we’re not super strict on screen time but I’m trying to make sure it’s not some of the utter shite that comes up on YouTube - they seem to learn a lot from Bluey.

Ah I wasn’t sure how many were on iplayer. Do you use YouTube kids instead of normal
YouTube? We use that one instead and I find you don’t come up with as much shit on there