The advice thread for random problems #3

[littlepup]

I have a massive issue which could or could not be costly for me.

The notary I worked with on my dad’s probate sign-off on a tax document where they changed my primary address before signing-off on it.

In the draft document they forwarded, they indicated my current address (in a different country). In the finalized document, they changed my address to an address in my birth country (my mom’s address) without informing me (I wasn’t at the appointment).

The document includes my occupation and whether I’m a tax resident. They correctly indicated I’m not a tax resident there but changed my primary address behind my back. I’m seriously worried the tax man over there is now going to chase me asking why I haven’t paid any taxes there for the last 10 years if I live there.

I asked my siblings whether she asked them any questions before doing this and they said no. If there was an issue with the address, I don’t understand why she didn’t ask me for clarification instead of chasing for an ID or changing it however she pleased.

This might cause me a lot of issues with the tax man there. I’m so stressed out.

If you haven’t earned there, you won’t pay tax there. They can’t tax your earnings in another country.

 

[Kim Mild]

Not really a problem but after some advice if anybody is a coffee aficionado. Btw don't judge! I've realised I spend around £700 a year!! on takeaway coffee. So am looking to buy barista style coffee machine.
Does anybody know of a shop that sells and demonstrates these machines? I'm willing to travel as I realise in the end I'll be quids in
Also is there a coffee specialist, again actual shop, where they can help you find the coffee you like.

Pumphrey's are a big coffee merchant in Newcastle, they sell online and have a huge range. Mocha is my favourite .

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Are there any clubs some of the kids go too? Sometimes it can be a little easier to make friends outside of a school setting an in a more relaxed fun setting, when my parents moved us school they put us into brownies/scouts an it helped us make some friends that were also in our class at school

Does the school have a councillor? I know it's still a limited service but maybe they could help with some confidence boosting

Yes she does some after school clubs and goes to the local stables. I think you're right about counselling I might look into that, thank you.
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Have you spoken to school about it? They could help by encouraging them to play together etc

Yes school are brilliant and try to pair her up with someone or help her into a group. She just says that the the children have bossed her about or been too loud etc. She finds a problem with everyone

 

[HoGi]

I think it is hardwood floors, but they've got rugs from the few times I've been up there. I'm not sure a white noise machine would cover up how loud it is - the other problem is there can be silence for hours, and then all of a sudden SLAM SLAM SLAM. I'll give it a go on my phone and see if I sleep better tonight - they're really at it right now!

Under the terms of the flat are they actually allowed hardwood floors?

My mums flat states in the leasehold not allowed even though she is ground floor. The guy she bought it off said he had hardwood flooring installed the freeholder found out and made them remove it!

So I woukd try and find out if that's the case as if it is the freeholder can make them change to carpet.

 

[CallMeHollywood]

I could do with some advice regarding my 9 year old daughter. She keeps crying because she has no friends at school. Her best friend recently ditched her so she's still hurting from that. There are other children who like my daughter and would be friends with her but she is not interested in them.

I think she has low confidence when it comes to friendships.

Can you invite them all round for a sleepover? Force the friendship a little? She might decide she does like them after spending some more time together

 

[QueenBW]

Still didn’t get a response from my email... I sent seven days ago and a follow up on Thursday.... this was a professional email requesting information I need... spoiler: sent to the guy I mention below so wondering if I’ve done something wrong for clarification!

My depression has reared its ugly head this week again. I can go weeks feeling fine, being OK and then dip. I’m in the down phase, if you saw me on Monday I was manic. I don’t feel like other people. I don’t feel normal. I can’t explain it but I feel like an outsider not fitting in and looking above myself spectating. It’s very odd. I’m my own worst critic and never feel good enough.
I’m not really living life. It’s all such a waste. I wake up and instantly want to go back to bed. I feel my best years are over and there is nothing left for me, nothing to look forward to.

I have a narc mother in my life who controls the narrative, my life, puts me down. Life isn’t fun with her on my shoulder.

I have a crush on a much older man which isn’t appropriate as he’s in a professional position. Hard to explain without giving too much away but I can’t stop thinking about our conversations and interactions and my goodness he’s easy on the eye. (He is single I checked his SM which I’m ashamed of in fact he has quite a open social media presence).

Anyways We had a connection when we first met I felt it, I never really feel anything when talking to a man but this guy was different. He’s a very interesting person. After our first meeting I felt a connection - I’m not sure what it is or was but I felt something. It was so odd. I brushed it aside until we met again last week...

Not that I’d act on it because why would someone be interested in me? I’m not attractive, I’ve not done much with life. It’s made me question a lot of deep thoughts, like what is wrong with me? Why a much older man? Because I want to feel safe? To be looked after? Why am I feeling this way. Because I’m lonely and sad about life? I loved that the conversation bounced really well. I can’t explain it.

In all honesty I just want someone on the same page as me who wants to go to a art gallery, go out for breakfast and coffee, expand our mind have interesting conversation and this guy seems like a perfect fit. I have never had a ‘crush’ before but yeah even at forty i was shocked and blew over by him. What is it? Why does it happen? Without sounding like a bell end to me he is perfect (I bet he pees on the loo seat and doesn’t flush has smelly feet and leaves wet towels on the floor but it all honesty I would care if he did!!!

So yeah I feel stupid for feeling this way. Now I’m back in the spiral of depression... feeling not worthy of love, life and all those things I yearn. Questioning this ‘crush’ I feel like a teenager. Thoughts?

Hadn't seen this thread in a few days @Good Egg , sending you virtual hugs. Our brains are so good at lying to us sometimes, telling us we're not worthy of love (the one requisite for being worthy of love as a human? Being human. That's it), telling us we're not attractive (if Pete whatever his last name is is proof of anything it's that different people find different things attractive, everyone is attractive in some way), telling us we're weird and alone and no one else feels like we do. It's part of what makes depression so dangerous. It isolates us as it lies to us.

I assure you, it's all lies. I'm sure that as it's coming from some stranger on the internet your brain will be like "pfft what does SHE know?" But I promise you. You are worthy of love. You're interesting. And most important of all: you're not alone.

So, if it's in your financial possibilities, go to a licensed therapist to help you get out of this episode. It's super hard to do anything at all, to give anyone or anything a chance when in the midst of a mental health crisis. So first things is getting you out of that state

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Sorry this is a long and weird one…

I had a message from someone last night. We were best friends as teenagers until she upped sticks and moved counties with a random guy she met. It was very weird. We got back in touch in our mid twenties and stayed good friends for about ten years. In 2020 or 2021 she started an instagram profile - I think she wanted a lot of followers and validation. Initially it was landscape photography - nice enough, some photos were quite good but she would upload about 10 photos a day so it was intense. I don’t know if she used a bot site or something but her other followers kept trying to send me follow requests which I didn’t like, given I was getting a shed load a day, so I messaged and said I’m sorry but I need to unfollow this profile you have, she said she understood and that other friends had done the same. A few months later I found that she had unfollowed me - which hurt and felt spiteful/petty because mine is a private profile for friends and family, not a follower-generating machine - I was still popping on her profile and liking some photos. I also only found out when I did a dedicated post to her, so it was very awkward. Anyway, she became really distant on WhatsApp too (I think she was talking a lot to men that she’d met via the profile) and i didn’t feel like we were friends anymore, so I just made my peace with it and left the relationship where it was. I kept an eye on her profile and what was landscape photography spiralled into her posting provocative photos and asking followers for money via various means (cash app, only fans, just giving). She is married and has 5 children. All her children followed her on this profile. She’d also post family photos (not of her husband though). I know it’s judgemental but the whole thing seemed really icky to me and I wasn’t sure how her husband feltabout the situation either.

so last night she messaged me and said she knows it’s been a long time but she’d like to get together soon. In the time we’ve been apart I’ve had close to a mental breakdown, moved house and had a surprise baby… she only found out about the baby through her brother as we are still friends on Instagram - which is why she contacted me for the first time in over a year.

between the unfollowing and not talking to me on WhatsApp and the asking people for money my feelings towards her have really altered and I don’t think I am interested in trying to resurrect a friendship with her. I think for her there were benefits to having me as her friend as I provided a lot of stability for her and was always her reference for jobs/rentals, provided advice etc. not that I think she used me but in some friendships often one person is more useful than the other and I was that person to her.

I don’t know whether to respond or not, I don’t know what I would respond if I did respond… I asked my mum and she said just ignore the messages… I do think that’s the best way to leave it as I don’t want to cause unnecessary hurt feelings and I guess silence will also give her her answer?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Could do with a bit of advice:

There's a woman I know as we used to work and socialise together like eleven years ago. This was in another country. Anyway life moved on for both of us but we kept in touch sporadically. We are both back living in the UK / Ireland now.

I'm really terrible at friendships and boundaries and over the years have got myself involved in friendships that I don't enjoy and struggle to get out of. This is one of those now. I had hoped it would fade away as I never initiated contact and reply very briefly to messages however this hasn't worked. She is keen on long long phone catch ups, like hours long, and I have avoided those for about 3 years.

I have nothing against her but it was a friendship that had a purpose at the time and I know this sounds harsh but I don't really get any reward from it, or particularly enjoy our conversations. She is very guarded and doesn't share much and I end up doing most of the talking which is why I tried to fade away. I don't want to hurt her at all as I know she struggles significantly with mental health.

So my issue is that she has recently started back up with the long messages asking for a phone catch up which I am trying to avoid. However I will be visiting her city next weekend.

She would be very happy if I told her this and arranged to meet. But then it's like all my efforts to fade away will be for nothing.

I'm aware I sound like a complete twat. I'm a major people pleaser and in the last couple of years have just had less interest in people pleasing everyone under the sun.

However this still niggles at me. Should I arrange to meet her for a quick coffee or similar? She is a lovely person just don't feel like we've that much in common anymore.

Edit: I should have said I am visiting her city to meet up with relatives so not just a random city break.

Personally I would sacrifice and hour a month to talk on the phone. Make that your community service. Always have an excuse to get off the phone after the hour is up

 

[havee]

Please try not to worry. Make sure you go there and don’t bury your head in the sand. It’s really unlikely they will evict you if you make an offer to pay the arrears. Even if they say no to your payment plan, it’s up to the court so make sure you go to any court hearing and explain how much you can afford to the Judge. It helps to write down your income and outgoings to show what you can afford

going to court sounds so daunting, but ive been given a date to leave so im really worried this is it.

 

[MissTeddy]

Hi all,

Has anyone here experience of long hospital stays? It’s looking like I will soon be admitted for an estimated two month stay and want to be as prepared as possible going in. I’ll have a private room but shared toilet/ shower facilities.

I’ll have no control over food/diet so that’s at least one less consideration

any hints/tips/advice as to what might make the stay as comfortable as possible?

Noise cancelling ear buds or something to help you sleep through noise. Although you have a private room you’ll have nurses coming in numerous times to do your obs whether you’re napping or not.

Echo the point about the extra long charging cable - or get a good power bank.

 

[chickhicks86]

Anyone know if a&e will remove a toenail? I’ve had a really bad ingrown nail for over three months now and all the docs keep doing is giving me antibiotics. The nail is past the point of me getting it out myself, else I would have done so already.

Struggling to even put on a pair of shoes now, and I keep getting a tingly feeling in my foot/leg.

I’m really worried about it turning septic as my cousin died of sepsis four months ago not sure if that’s making it worse subconsciously.

Absolutely not an A&E job! Although I do think it's pretty unfair if the only option is to pay if the GP won't sort it.

 

[Snippysnips]

I heard good things about micro needling if you're up for that? Then any moisturiser would do. I've tried it on my arms, might just be my imagination but they seem more toned.

I've never heard of that but looked it up an I don't think it's something I'd want to do, I don't fear needles but I'd prefer to stay away from them

 

[no-no]

Agree with crest though the place I used to order it from (haven’t used in ages cause I keep forgetting or are too busy) closed down

I used them, too! Never had an issue with them but will have to research before trying another place, thankfully I’ve not long finished a box.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

How do you know if you have been blocked by someone on WhatsApp? The person’s privacy was such that it has never said if they are online/last seen etc.

I read that if you’re blocked, you would not be able to add the person to a new group. I have tried this this morning and I am able to set up a new group with them, but my message to them from last night is still showing one grey tick.

Have they blocked me?

I think with WhatsApp it’s really tricky to know if someone has blocked you.

The grey tick isn’t really indicative because they could just be they’re in a dodgy area for network.

if you’ve been able to add them to a group that sounds like they haven’t blocked you?

 

[Snippysnips]

Laundry question - I have a Habitat cotton throw and the label says ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT WASH ME’ but what is the worst that could happen? I am shit at laundry (and house plants) but I want this clean and fresh. Am I destined to ruin it completely if I give it a cold hand wash cycle in the machine?

View attachment 2232272

I'd probably just put it in a basin of warm water an give it a good soak am hand scrub then dry it, if it's saying that then I'd imagine it's because they might think the little tassels will get caught in the machine an pull apart
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Just put the apple music app on the TV an signed in, but it's not showing me anything in my library apart from the few songs that were recently added, my playlists are empty as well

Is there a way to sync the app on the TV to the one on my phone so all my stuff shows up? I don't really want to be redownloading everything again

 

[Sprezza]

We seem to have quite a few really fat flies lolling about the house today especially upstairs. Does anyone know why this might be? It's not hot at all and we thought maybe something was lying dead somewhere but then surely they'd be buzzing around the dead thing? These aren't buzzing at all they're just sitting/crawling on the walls and windowsills or flying really slowly at about eye level. It's creeping me out!
We do have some fly killer which works but I feel bad spraying them unless I really need to

 

[Mamacita]

My cat was very low maintenance and I probably treated him better than you treat your children.
Geez, I hate that everytime somebody on here shares their experience another tattler has to come on here and say “that’s not true”

Anyway


If your friend doesn’t have money then any pet is a bad idea.

I don't have any children. And sorry but that's an idea of a forum, surely it'd be boring to be on one if everyone agreed on everything. Maybe that's your experience but I disagree that cats, or most pets really, are low maintenance when they could easily have a health problem which could cost thousands to treat. Seen too many people not take their pets to the vet and the poor pets suffering.
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A cat is probably not the best pet to go for if she's being impulsive, tbh no pet is best to get if it's an impulsive buy, but at least a hamster is in its cage an won't cost £20 for a bag of food or cost hundreds to be boarded when she goes on holiday, an although hamsters should be handled daily they are also fine with limited social interactions (the older mines gets the more he gets grumpy about being handled lol he's a proper old dude now an just wants his quiet) but there's A LOT to think about when getting a cat (or any pet for that matter) an boarding can be massively costly, am not sure much on cat prices but our dog was £300 for two weeks

She would also need to think on if she's going be able to handle a kitten, my mate had almost lost her patience with her cat when it was young because it was absolutely mental, not all kittens are going be calm, she loves her cat now but it was a difficult time for her when it was a kitten an she's had cats for years an really struggled with this one, so is she going be able to handle it if it's energetic? Or even if it had health issues? Or has allergies an requires specialised food? Not all cats can just eat whatever as well, you don't know till they are a bit older if they have allergies an specialist food is not cheap, my mate is $50 per bag because her cats has allergies

Exactly. Also a hamster lives a couple years but a cat could be a 10-20 year commitment

 

[stardust1]

Anyone know if a&e will remove a toenail? I’ve had a really bad ingrown nail for over three months now and all the docs keep doing is giving me antibiotics. The nail is past the point of me getting it out myself, else I would have done so already.

Struggling to even put on a pair of shoes now, and I keep getting a tingly feeling in my foot/leg.

I’m really worried about it turning septic as my cousin died of sepsis four months ago not sure if that’s making it worse subconsciously.

i don’t think so as I know two people who had to pay privately for it sorted. Sorry to hear about your cousin

 

[TheGlossy]

My previous manager sent my current manager a small note by email saying how great she thinks I am. I was not in cc’ of this initial email.

My manager responded ‘we were happy to hire her in our team blah blah’. Then she said she ‘encouraged me to reconnect and maintain the relationship‘ with my previous manager.

She cc’ed me. Now, I kinda have to revert to my old manager and say something nice.

What should I say?

 

[Piff paff puff]

from the information you gave i’d stay home and await a call like they said. I hate stuff like that, i’d be up all night worrying about it

Thanks, yeah I probs won't sleep now.