You have both been so kind, and I appreciate your replies. I dont think I have the courage to tell anyone. Its so silly I know. Work has been hard for the both of us with covid and I don't know if that's caused all this. I don't want to lose him, I dont know if I could face being without him.I’m so sorry you are going through this. You need to tell someone. Don’t go through with the house, it’s so much easier to get out of it now than it will be if you are tied to him by a house. Please tell someone
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Take it from me. I am 60 and have just realized that my partner of 20yrs has been gaslighting me for all our relationship. I came out of a bad marriage and went straight into what I thought was a loving relationship. I now know he was on a power trip and feel so stupid that I fell for this tit. He abused my son now 28 who has huge mental health problems because of him. The guilt because I didn't see it is enormous. If I could go back and tell my younger self something it would be, respect and believe in your own ability to survive. I am in a situation where I don't know where to go, we own a house and he certainly ain't moving. I am currently living in a room when he's at home and trying to decide how I can move out and get my own place. It's absolute tit and I don't know what will happen, but I now know that I have to stand up and be there for my poor son.
Last edited:
@Rainbow sprinkles i know it is so hard to see it now but it's not safe for you to be with someone who physically hurts you. It always happens again no matter what is said afterwards. You may be able to contact a domestic violence service near you, you may be able to get out of this without needing to go via the police. Please think about it.
@Tiktok (I hope I tagged you?) I'm so sorry to hear this and I hope you manage to resolve the living situation. Your words "respect and believe in your own ability to survive" have brought me to tears. Much love to you 
I will, I promise. We have a wellbeing person at work or even the chaplaincy I could speak to. Everything was so good before covid
Please do sweetheart, it really won't get any better@Tiktok (I hope I tagged you?) I'm so sorry to hear this and I hope you manage to resolve the living situation. Your words "respect and believe in your own ability to survive" have brought me to tears. Much love to you
I will, I promise. We have a wellbeing person at work or even the chaplaincy I could speak to. Everything was so good before covid
@Rainbow sprinkles Get out now before you buy a home together, you will meet someone else in the future who wouldn't dream of physically assaulting you and lying to you constantly . No matter what has happened it is not justifiable or excuseble, you are living in fear but scared of what will happen if you leave him. You will be free , no longer scared , not tired to an abuser financially. I don't know if you have any kids but please get out to protect your future children from growing up in an environment where their mother is assaulted by their father. You are worth so much more than that. I left an abusive relationship and bought my own flat when I was younger via a shared equity as I couldn't afford a full mortgage on my own and it's the best thing I ever did and being financially independent and having my own space was worth it. It also gave me equity on a property that I was able to use as a deposit on a home with my current partner when we settled down and started a family together.
I'm sat in bed reading all of your replies and crying. I'd lost a lot of faith in people but the kindness and words of support and encouragement from complete strangers, I cant even put in to words. Thank you for listening to me when I thought I had noone
Always someone here to listen xx
I'm just sat here reflecting on my job and the demands I place on myself.
I don't know why in each job I've ever undertaken I feel like I have to go above and beyond, to become someone who can tackle anything with a smile and a "no problem attitude", which ends up being a detriment to my mental health.
I've now become the person that gets the complex cases, with loads of work, stress and responsibility attached. I'm no better thought of and find myself feeling frustrated when I find out that colleagues just shrink into the background and get asked nothing more of them apart from the bare minimum.
I get that I'm doing this to myself, but no matter how hard I try I can't not put the extra pressure on myself. I feel like I always need to go the extra mile to prove something even though I know it counts for nothing.
I'm going to go and scream into a pillow for a while.
I don't know why in each job I've ever undertaken I feel like I have to go above and beyond, to become someone who can tackle anything with a smile and a "no problem attitude", which ends up being a detriment to my mental health.
I've now become the person that gets the complex cases, with loads of work, stress and responsibility attached. I'm no better thought of and find myself feeling frustrated when I find out that colleagues just shrink into the background and get asked nothing more of them apart from the bare minimum.
I get that I'm doing this to myself, but no matter how hard I try I can't not put the extra pressure on myself. I feel like I always need to go the extra mile to prove something even though I know it counts for nothing.
I'm going to go and scream into a pillow for a while.
Im struggling. Waiting for mental health to call me back but itll be sometime in the next 24 hours. Apprently feeling like youll be better dead rather than wanting to kill yourself is 2 different things.
Ive lost my best friend to a rebound relationship. I've tried to speak to her but I just get a mouthful in return. Im hurting, Im incredibly low and I don't really know where else to turn.
Ive lost my best friend to a rebound relationship. I've tried to speak to her but I just get a mouthful in return. Im hurting, Im incredibly low and I don't really know where else to turn.
I don't wish to sound condescending but in the interim have you considered speaking to The Samaritans or texting SHOUT to 85258 to access immediate mental health support?
Ive tried shout in the past and they are helpful I guess I didnt even consider them this time
It's not too late, sometimes reaching out is the hardest stepIve tried shout in the past and they are helpful I guess I didnt even consider them this time
I hope you get the support you need
My best friend dropped me last summer for a relationship. We would talk morning until night and I supported him through his struggle during lockdown and then one day he met a girl at his temporary furlough job and that was that. We tried to reconnect a few months ago but it wasn’t the same, he even tried to say I had used him. Luckily by this point I had learnt to walk away from people.
Its tit isnt it? Feels like a break up (that sounds dramaticI hope you get the support you need
My best friend dropped me last summer for a relationship. We would talk morning until night and I supported him through his struggle during lockdown and then one day he met a girl at his temporary furlough job and that was that. We tried to reconnect a few months ago but it wasn’t the same, he even tried to say I had used him. Luckily by this point I had learnt to walk away from people.
)Just got to think duck them.Its tit isnt it? Feels like a break up (that sounds dramatic
Im trying and it would probably be easier if she didn't have kids that I adore!
I'm not defending your friend and don't obviously know the ins and outs but I "dumped" a really amazing friend about 10 years ago. And it really wasn't her, it was all me.
I was going through some really terrible family stuff and I was programmed to push, rather than pull on those friends I really should have relied on.
We were godparents to each others children, attended really significant life events with each other, she was more like a sister than my actual sisters!!!
About 4 years ago something happened, not major, and she got in touch to send her best wishes. Slowly but surely we have started to communicate and now that I'm older (and can healthily reflect back) I feel sad for the friendship I rejected, we've missed out on so much. It's made me realise how wrong I have been and I'm now trying to start again, I'm hoping to feel strong enough in time to explain to her why I did what I did and apologise.
I guess what I'm saying is that we're only human, and yes, it hurts like hell. But it may be for reasons completely out of your control and may also not be a permanent loss
Thats very big of you to admit it was all you not many would. Im hoping this loss isn't permanent but im also used to being dumped when friends find love.I'm not defending your friend and don't obviously know the ins and outs but I "dumped" a really amazing friend about 10 years ago. And it really wasn't her, it was all me.
I was going through some really terrible family stuff and I was programmed to push, rather than pull on those friends I really should have relied on.
We were godparents to each others children, attended really significant life events with each other, she was more like a sister than my actual sisters!!!
About 4 years ago something happened, not major, and she got in touch to send her best wishes. Slowly but surely we have started to communicate and now that I'm older (and can healthily reflect back) I feel sad for the friendship I rejected, we've missed out on so much. It's made me realise how wrong I have been and I'm now trying to start again, I'm hoping to feel strong enough in time to explain to her why I did what I did and apologise.
I guess what I'm saying is that we're only human, and yes, it hurts like hell. But it may be for reasons completely out of your control and may also not be a permanent loss
I feel like a really tit parent right now. Earlier another parent messaged me to say my child had said something unkind to theirs on Roblox. It wasn’t anything really bad, but it upset another child and that’s not ok. My kids are with their grand parents tonight so I immediately called them up to chat to daughter about it, who denied it. But I still gave her a talk about not saying mean things to people online even if you’re frustrated at the game or what ever, it’s not ok. Just say nothing if you have nothing nice to say etc. I also said that if she did say those things then she is to apologise to said child at school on Monday. I have looked at her roblox account, and cannot find any nasty messages, apparently the incident happened during a game. My daughter doesn’t have in game chat enabled so I’m even more confused now about how this happened. Of course if it happened via message daughter could have deleted the message.
I’m really conscious about becoming ‘that parent’ who always thinks their kid wouldn’t do such a thing but at the same time don’t want to swing completely the other way so my daughter gets blamed for something someone else did. There was an incident at school where my kid hit another a few weeks ago, so I’m really concerned about my daughters behaviour towards others (even though the hitting incident wasn’t black and white and daughter was reacting in self defence I still don’t condone it). I really feel like I’m going wrong somewhere as a mum and as a sad as it sounds I’m worried the other parents will start thinking I’m crap too and won’t want to talk to me.
It’s really set my anxiety off to the point where I’ve had to come to bed to lie down and I keep crying, can’t think properly etc. I feel like I can’t even handle small disputes between my kids and their friends what hope do I have really??? Maybe I am crap or maybe my anxiety is making me look far too much into this
I’m really conscious about becoming ‘that parent’ who always thinks their kid wouldn’t do such a thing but at the same time don’t want to swing completely the other way so my daughter gets blamed for something someone else did. There was an incident at school where my kid hit another a few weeks ago, so I’m really concerned about my daughters behaviour towards others (even though the hitting incident wasn’t black and white and daughter was reacting in self defence I still don’t condone it). I really feel like I’m going wrong somewhere as a mum and as a sad as it sounds I’m worried the other parents will start thinking I’m crap too and won’t want to talk to me.
It’s really set my anxiety off to the point where I’ve had to come to bed to lie down and I keep crying, can’t think properly etc. I feel like I can’t even handle small disputes between my kids and their friends what hope do I have really??? Maybe I am crap or maybe my anxiety is making me look far too much into this
- Status